Disclaimer: I do not own Stargate Sg1 or any of it's characters, I post this strictly for entertainment purposes.

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Chapter 5

Daniel sat at the table, stunned by her words. He was mostly shocked to hear it coming from Sam, it was quite out of character for her; he'd never seen her so unglued, but with all that had happened, he couldn't blame her. He understood her anger, he'd felt that way before, but it still hurt nonetheless. However, Sam was right, and as much as her words stung, did he have any place to tell things would be alright again? Obviously, he was mistaken that he could be of any help to her.

He was unsure of what he should do. He hemmed and hawed; maybe it would be best if he just left, but he made a promise to himself to help her, he just didn't know how.

Finally deciding that he should check and make sure she was okay he got up and climbed the stairs, guessing that she had headed for her room.

"Sam?" He called out at the top of the stairs, looking into the ajar door to her bedroom. There was no answer, but the sound of water running convinced him that she was in the bathroom taking a shower. Not wanting to violate the sanctity of her bedroom, he sat down at the top of the stairs and waited. Eventually, she would have to come out and they could talk.

A quarter of an hour and several conversations with himself about what he was going to say to her later, she emerged from her room in fresh clothes and a towel wrapped around her head. She seemed surprised to see him sitting on the landing to the upper floor when he looked up to face her. She probably thought she had scared him away, but he was determined to have it out with her.

"Daniel, what the..." She said startled, but relieved. "I was afraid you would have left."

"Sam..." He pleaded with his eyes, motioning for her to sit down.

She said nothing more, but approached him and sat down next to him on the top step, looking down the stairway into the living room. They were silent for several moments, neither one looking at the other, lost in their own thoughts and reflections until Sam finally spoke.

"Look, Daniel. What I said before, that wasn't me, that was some raving lunatic, you know I didn't mean it...I'm so sorry."

"No, Sam. You don't have to apologize."He shook his head.

"I do. I had no right to throw that in your face. I guess I was angry that you left and haven't been back for so long. I know you miss Vala just as much as I miss Jack and I know you've found some peace out in Atlantis. I had no right to accuse you of running away, God knows that's all I want to do right now. I guess I was just upset that you might leave again. Seeing you just reminded me of how much Jack and I really missed you all of these years and I hoped you would stay awhile, but I wouldn't blame you for wanting to leave again."

This was it, he thought, he needed to tell her the truth. "No, Sam...You're right. I've been thinking and you're absolutely right about everything; I haven't been anywhere near okay in a long time." He drew in a deep breath and drew his arms around his waist in a self-hug. "Truth is, I've hated coming to Earth because it was too hard to be around everything that reminds me of how much I failed everyone that means anything to me. I thought I had found solace there, that I was doing just fine, But I've just been distracting myself for years and as a consequence, I pushed you and Jack out of my life. Maybe I've spent so much time trying to bury my past, that I forgot about the future and that I might not have you guys around forever. Now Jack's gone and I never got to..." Regret filled him to the brim and Daniel choked back the tears, fighting against the lump in his throat so he could continue. "But, I'm here now and I want to be here to be the friend I should have been before. Maybe I won't be able to help much, but whatever you need, even if it's just someone to call at 2 a.m., I'll be here for as long as you need me."

He still couldn't look her in the eye as he said it, uncertain of her reaction and still uncomfortable opening himself up so much to her. Why did it have to take so long for him to finally realize how important his friends were to him? He hated himself for being so selfish, for the years that were wasted.

Finally, he turned his head to see her looking down into her hands, tears falling silently onto the carpet at her feet. He pulled her next to him and rubbed her shoulder. "You'll get through this, Sam."

He held her as she sniffed and nodded, composing herself again.

"Thanks, Daniel. It means a lot to me that you're willing to stay. I really have missed you." She smiled up him, her eyelids still glistening from teardrops near the rims. He smiled back and gave her shoulders another squeeze. Releasing his arm from around her, he stood and helped her up as well.

"Have you eaten yet today? " He asked. She shook her head.

"I guess I haven't been very hungry."

"I know, but you got to eat something. Why don't I call for a pizza and we can catch up a little."

She nodded and they made their way downstairs, sharing the rest of the evening together remembering stories about the things that had happened to them over the years. They reminisced about the times they had spent together as teammates with Jack, Teal'c, Cam and Vala. Daniel even opened up a few times with memories from the two years he spent married to Vala. By 11 pm Sam was exhausted and excused herself to go to bed and he gave her a hug before returning to the mountain.

To his surprise, the next morning he awoke, not in a nightmare induced, drenching sweat, but refreshed and rested. The first time he had done so on Earth in years.

OOOOOOO

Sam woke up still half expecting to find Jack laying next to her. It had been like this everyday for the last six months. Those moments when she first opened her eyes were always the hardest as she had to remind herself that he was still gone. But, it was getting better, bit by bit and day by day. Getting out of bed, she made her way to the bathroom to get ready for her day. Showering and changing, she headed out the door and towards the mountain the held the SGC.

Daniel had been true to his word and he had stayed on earth for nearly six weeks until the Daedalus came in and Sam had to practically strap him into a seat on the ship to convince him that she was doing alright. In truth, she really had been feeling a lot better, the pain of losing Jack was still there, but it was in the background and not as raw.

It had been bittersweet to send Daniel off to Atlantis again, but she knew that his work on the ancients was important to him and the best place to learn more about the ancients was Atlantis. He had been a tremendous help to her those first few weeks, whether he knew it or not. He came over nearly every day, sometimes just to share a cup a coffee or on the bad days to offer a shoulder to cry on. But mostly she was just grateful to have the knowledge that she could call on him at anytime and he always nearby. But she felt she could stand on her own two feet again, she knew it wasn't fair to make him stay on Earth.

Now, six months later, she found herself coming into her own again. She had decided a few months ago to go back to work since she just couldn't stand the thought of sitting around the house with nothing to do and no Jack. Cam had been more than happy to give her the position as head of the technology department and it felt good to be needed again, even if it was in a civilian role.

Everyday offered new challenges for her. She may not go off world very often anymore, but there had been a couple of times where she had been allowed to accompany an SG team when her expertise was needed to a handful of planets. Each time she went through the wormhole it reminded her of the years he had spent as a member of SG1 and how much she missed those days. But in all fairness, she was a little long in the tooth for such adventures anymore.

Working at the SGC had also allowed her to stay in contact with Daniel and Teal'c on a regular basis where she wouldn't have been able to before had she stayed retired. Teal'c had recently been elected as the new leader of the free Jaffa, making it difficult for him to visit Earth, but he always made time to write back to her whenever she sent him a letter.

She also exchanged letters on a regular basis with Daniel. While she had never been much of a letter writer before, usually relying on email for her personal correspondence, she had found the physical act of putting pen to paper to be somewhat cathartic. She could express herself and her feelings in ways she never could through email or over the phone. She waited in anticipation whenever mail came in from Atlantis, hoping for one of his letters to be in there for her, Daniel truly was a gifted writer whether he knew it or not. He had a way with words that she was envious of. He described his work in great detail and little by little he opened up more about Vala as she wrote back to him about Jack. It was like both of them could find in each other a kindred spirit; connected by a long friendship, genuine interest in each other's work and a desire to see the other through the difficult process of mourning.

As Sam came into her lab, she turned on her computer and got ready to prepare for a new day. She greeted her fellow scientists as they trickled in and dove into her latest project. She had only been at it for a few minutes before her phone was ringing, interrupting her concentration.

"Hello?" She answered.

"Hey Sam," Cam greeted "Can you come to office? I have something pretty important to discuss with you."

"Sure, I'll be there in a few minutes." Sighing, disappointed to be abandoning her research for whatever Mitchell needed to see her about, she got up and made her way through the corridors to the General's office. She came to the open door and rapped on it a couple times before walking in. Cam looked up from the papers he had been signing and smiled.

"Hey, C'mon in, Sam. Have a seat." He gestured to one of the chairs across from his desk. She sat and watched as the now greying General grabbed a folder and handed it to her without a word.

"What's this?" She asked.

"Read it." He ordered with a grin that defied his true age. She opened it and read the contents, her mouth dropping open as she flipped through the pages. She looked up at Cam, his face now now split apart with a gigantic smile.

"Well?" he asked amused.

"Is this for real?" She questioned incredulously.

"You bet. I just got through with a meeting with the IOA. You come highly recommended from Gen. Sheppard at homeworld security and Atlantis' highest ranking scientists, namely Drs. McKay and Jackson. Plus, your previous experience as commander of the Atlantis expedition and the fact you now serve in a civilian, rather than a military capacity make it kind of a forgone conclusion that you're the best candidate for the job."

"They want me to command Atlantis again?" Sam recalled how the IOA had her replaced all those years ago after they decided to replace her with Richard Woolsey. She had been bitter about it at first, but everyone knew that she had been replaced because she had been too good at the job, ridding Atlantis of enough threats to allow the IOA to decide that a civilian would provide a better representation of their agenda. She didn't know what to think of it now.

"Yep, I personally think you'd do great, Sam."

"I don't know, this is all a little sudden. I'm not sure what to say."

"Well, I'm hoping you say yes, but that's just my humble opinion, however. Of Course, we'll all miss you around here, but this will be good for you Sam. The only problem is that the IOA's really chompin' at the bit to find a replacement soon, the current commander is looking to retire to Boca Raton ASAP, so I need an answer by the end of the day."

"Really? That soon?" She asked with wide eyes.

"Yeah, sorry."

"That's okay." She blew out a deep breath "I'll let you know before I leave tonight."

"'Kay. I'll swing by your lab around 1700 ish."

Sam smiled and nodded, still a little bit in shock. Cam got up and gave her a quick pat on the shoulder, grinning boyishly again.

"Great, see ya then." He told her as she got up from the seat. Sam headed back to her lab with the folder detailing the position she was asked to fill. Sitting by her computer all afternoon, she found it hard to get any work done, instead she read over the contents of the folder several time, weighing her options until 1700 rolled around. Going to Atlantis would be quite a big step, she had just returned to work a few months ago, was she ready for this again?

Hearing a knock at the door she turned around to see Cam entering.

"Well?" He asked. She was still undecided until she saw him, his eyes full of hope.

"Okay, I'll do it."