Chapter two
The
Lamppost, it had been many years since she had seen the elegant iron
pole standing in the middle of the wood. The very first thing she had
seen from Narnia. She had no idea why she had to think of the
lamppost now, perhaps because it resembled the very first time when
she had seen mister Tumnus.
She had only been a young girl back
then, barely reaching his waist as she looked at him from behind the
lamppost. She remembered trusting him instantly, even thought he
looked funny, according to her. She had come from a world where Fauns
only existed in myth.
He had seemed startled when he had first saw
her, which had taken away her first fright. He had dropped the
packages he had carried and out of sheer fright.
The will to do
something good had made her pick them up for him. He had given her a
quick smile, seemingly very nervous. He had instantly gained her
trust as he seemed more afraid of her than she of him. She had not
gotten the name Lucy the Valiant for nothing, although at that time
she was not yet the Queen of Narnia. It was her valiant attempt to
make him feel at ease while he obviously had no idea whom he had met,
or what he had met.
She remembered that they were both a bit
suspicious, but it all changed when he invited her to come along to
his house, at least she had thought that he would take her to a
house. Cave seemed more appropriate, but it was cosy and warm.
She
remembered that he was very kind, it was hard not to like him
especially after he offered her tea and cookies and a place to sit.
He was her first friend in Narnia, although many would follow.
Silly
mister Tumnus, with his scarf, always trying to look at his finest.
Especially at the coronation.
He became her most trusted advisor,
although she asked his advice more to have him close than that she
actually needed his advice. She saw him as her best friend, one she
couldn't do without. He encouraged her while she painted in the
afternoon, struggling with the any colours autumn displayed. She
remembered feeling unsatisfied, while he coaxed her with relentless
enthusiasm to do her best, even if she felt like throwing away the
painting she had worked so hard upon. She knew he had kept them all
since she had started painting, she didn't know if he know, be she
knew and that was enough.
She had always found comfort in his
presence, when her brothers and sister were too busy or away. He had
always been there, an object of comfort whenever she was scared or
lonely. He had helped her pick the right dress whenever she didn't
want to go to the feast her siblings wanted go give. He always stayed
calm whenever she had her fits or whenever she sulked, knowing it
would pass soon enough when the feast would start.
He was there
when Peter and Edmund left on a mission to the South, when Susan
proved to be no pleasant company as she always tried to make the
better queen out of Lucy. He would take her on walks, instantly
taking her mind away from the boring classes Susan and mrs. Beaver
tended to give 'for her own good.' They would stay away for
hours, hiding in the woods, talking with the dryads and all the
forest animals, while he would take the blame as soon as they
returned to Cair Paravel, standing besides her while Susan scolded at
her for being lazy. He winked at her, grinning behind Susan's back.
It always made her feel better.
He
would let her chase him over the field, while she had to practice her
bow skills with Oreius and soon she would find herself in the forest
again, safe from all the grown-ups trying to force their ideals and
tasks upon her. He was always her greatest protector, eventhough it
was Oreius who took pride in protecting the royal Kings and Queen of
Narnia.
He gossiped with her, gossiping about the Satyr maid and
the Centaur stableman, what they had done without anyone's notice.
He kept her up to date with everything that happened around the
castle, telling her ancient tales of the land and sometimes about his
own youth.
She could not wish for a better companion than her
mister Tumnus.
But time went on and so did Lucy's age. She grew
and grew and started to look more and more like a woman. She started
to notice that Tumnus no longer handpicked her dresses, preferring to
wait in the room whenever she needed to change dresses for a feast or
banquet. He no longer wanted to play the games they had so often
played, picking the most ugly of dresses while mrs. Beaver so
frantically tried to make her choose another. He began to excuse
himself more and more, leaving her to play that game with mrs. Beaver
who made no sport out of it all. She had no idea how she developed,
growing more and more into the beautiful woman she would once be. She
had no clue why mister Tumnus refused to aid her whenever she climbed
a tree.
Confused by this, wondering why mister Tumnus no longer
sought her company Lucy asked mrs. Beaver why she suddenly dressed
her now, why mister Tumnus no longer helped picking the dresses. The
sudden nervousness of mrs. Beaver almost made her pity the poor mrs.
Beaver but she wanted an answer.
Mrs.
Beaver tried to explain how Lucy had grown into the fine young woman
she had become, a pretty one at that. She tried to explain why it was
inappropriate for mister Tumnus to be in her room whenever she
changed dresses but mrs. Beaver was talking to deaf man's ears. Or
a deaf girls' ears.
Of course she did not understand, having
just grown into a young woman with her mind still full of little
girl's frivolities. She was still just a girl, now angry because
mister Tumnus no longer wanted to play the game with her. She
remembered not talking to him for a week even though she had never
seen mister Tumnus look more miserable. Susan said it was unfair,
saying that mister Tumnus only did the right thing by following the
unwritten rules.
But still, she felt rejected as mister Tumnus
started to distance himself more and more, sometimes even refusing to
keep her company as she tried to capture the autumn colours with her
paint.But she soon discovered that life without Tumnus proved to be
difficult and it didn't took long before she started to talk to
Tumnus again.
Although she never apologized.
Yet, neither did
he.
It didn't take long before even her teenage years flew
past and she began to look and feel more like a woman. More duties
piled upon her as her eighteenth birthday came closer, the magical
age where she would finally become a queen, rightfully equal to
Susan.
Of course, she had always been a Queen, since the day
Aslan had crowned her Lucy the Valiant. Yet she had always been the
child, the young girl, and peter allowed her to be a young girl and
had therefore never really given her the tasks he gave Susan and
Edmund.
promising her he wouldn't, until she would become
eighteen, and truly an adult.
She got different tasks as the
fourth Queen, more and more responsibilities as her eighteenth
birthday neared, and in everything Tumnus was her most entrusted
advisor. He had not changed one bit since the day she had met him,
something she wondered about from time to time but never for too
long. Somehow it seemed only normal that mister Tumnus did not age,
although she still had no idea how old Fauns could become.
He was
always there, smiling at her in a reassuring way when she needed
support, backing up her plans and ideas if Edmund proved to be
difficult, always standing besides her whenever she needed to make a
difficult decision.
But
things had changed. No longer did he let her run after him through
the fields, instead he offered his arm with the most charming of
smiles, taking her on a walk. She was puzzled by this behaviour at
first and asked Susan about it. She said it was how a gentleman
behaved and she was pleased to see that Tumnus acted accordingly to
the rules.
Lucy did not tell Susan about the flower she had been
given by mister Tumnus, the deep red poppy whom he had found in the
fields as they had walked towards Cair Paravel. She did not tell
Susan about the smile Tumnus had given her, and the warm feeling
which had entered her heart. She had hidden it, tried to dry it,
keeping it secret between the pages of one of her many books.
She
wondered if Tumnus knew that she still had it, but she instinctively
knew Susan would make a problem out of it, so she kept still.
But
while she kept the poppy hidden, she started to notice that Tumnus
more and more started to shove off his duties to other Fauns,
disappearing sometimes altogether. Even at times she had to ask the
advice of Fauns she had never seen before, and she began to
wonder.
She was growing more and more worried, whenever she
inquired about his health he said fine, if she asked if something was
the matter he said there was nothing wrong, and as he created a
distance she began to look forward to the Grande Ball, the feast
which would be held for her eighteenth birthday, because that would
mean that he would have to be at her side. Because she would accept
no other.
Susan spoke of it with pride, always telling her how
much time and effort had been put in the ballroom, how many Fauns,
Satyrs, Dryads and Centaurs had worked on it. Mrs. Beaver had started
to sew her dress months ago, proclaiming she would make the prettiest
ball dress ever.
For her it was just an opportunity to see and
talk to Tumnus, after he had stopped visiting her altogether. The
only times when she saw him was when she needed his advice, when no
other Faun or Centaur could help her.
The gigantic ballroom had been changed into a forest so the Dryads could attend the feast, grass was growing to protect the marble floor against the hooves of the Centaurs but it made dancing on heels hell on Narnia, or so Lucy discovered all to quickly.
She
had asked, begged Susan if she could not wear her daily slippers, but
Susan had replied that slippers were not fit for a queen. She had
asked Peter, but he had replied that a queen was supposed to wear
heels.
She had wanted to complain, object even, but her attention
had been turned away from her brother as mister Tumnus had entered
the ballroom, had bowed for her and her brother and kissed her hand.
She had fallen silent, had smiled at mister Tumnus as if words had
suddenly fled her mind.
It had made Peter laugh, even joke at the
both of them before a satyr had demanded his attention. Lucy had been
glad for the diversion, for she had noticed the blush on Tumnus'
cheeks, and he no doubt, the blush on her cheeks.
Perhaps she
could've known what was happening between them, but she had
shrugged it off foolishly. Laughed along with Peter.
if only she
had known, if only she had guessed, if only she had acted on what she
had felt.