Chapter four
"It couldn't be anymore beautiful – I can't take it in."
Can't take it in – Imogen heap: Narnia Soundtrack
What
had brought her to the lamppost?
It had been his first thought
when he had first seen her many years ago. It had surprised him that
such a little girl dared to wander alone in Narnia, completely
oblivious to the dangers around her, even daring to help a stranger
she had never seen before.
And now she had done it again, crossing
the entire land on Narnia, just say goodbye to him?
She had ridden
on horseback in a dress not suited to ride horses in, her knees were
scoured as she hadn't worn proper trousers underneath the dress.
She had gone on, on bare feet when she apparently had lost her horse.
What had gotten into her that she did not stay ay Cair Paravel, at
the day of her coronation none the least?
He had been surprised to
say the least to see her on her doorstep, with a ruined dress,
completely soaked as the rain had left nothing dry on her body, with
the brightest smile on her lips while she said she had come to get
him back..
What had gotten into her?
She
was soaked, frozen and she had practically collapsed on his doorstep.
He had always known that she was a spontaneous girl, but what she had
done had even surprised him. He had never expected this of his
Lucy.
His Lucy.
When had he started to think of Lucy as his
Lucy?
"Lucy?" He had laid her shivering form before the fire,
wrapped in blankets and all the furs he could find to make a
comfortable bed. A warm bed.
She had a fever, she was cold, she
was coughing. He had not expected less after the storm which Narnia
had suffered. The day it had begun, the day of Lucy's coronation,
he had been happy that Lucy would be safe at Cair Paravel. Had she
not heard of the storm, or had she refused to believe that it would
be that bad?
"Lucy?" He knelt down besides the furs, laying a
hand on her forehead. She was cold and warm at the same time,
abnormally pale. She hadn't spoken a word since he had wrapped her
in the blankets, only waking now and then, looking up at him as if
she had expected all along that he would be there.
He wondered how
long it would take Oreius to figure out where she had gone off too.
It had been two days since the day of the coronation.
Perhaps the
rain had erased all traces of the young Queen, perhaps the horse had
not returned to Cair Paravel. Perhaps they didn't think she would
come to his house.
He hadn't expected it, why would they?
He
had tried so hard to get away from her, trying to create a distance
between the both of them. Now she had simply followed him home like a
love sick puppy.
He sighed, sitting down besides the sleeping
Lucy, eyeing her face with tenderness. It had been perhaps been a
silly idea, that he could simply leave without saying goodbye as she
had put it. Of course she would miss him. He didn't know whether he
had to feel anger because she had practically risked her life to
follow him, or feel something of pride that she had done it. He
couldn't imagine anyone else doing the same. It was something only
Lucy could do.
She seemed to be asleep, peacefully for now. She
had not granted him much sleep either, keeping him awake as she
tossed and turned underneath the furs, talking incoherently while he
tried to keep her still, trying to keep her from rolling into the
fire.
It was not the first time she had had a fever. She had been
sick before, he had always been by her side while she was young and
lying in her bed, feeling miserable while the sun shined outside and
she wasn't able to get out of bed. Lucy hated being sick.
But
he hadn't seen her being sick so bad. The cough came from deep,
making her voice hoarse whenever she did try to speak in her feverish
dreams. It scared him, because he couldn't leave her alone to find
help, that he couldn't leave her alone because he feared that she
would wake only to see that he was gone.
He had no clue what she
could do in this feverish state, so he stayed by her side.
He
had tried to feed her soup, but she couldn't keep it in. She seemed
thirsty whenever he offered water, but she didn't awake.
It gave
him more time than he needed to ponder. He stared at her face, so
innocently in the glow of the fire, and realised that he could still
see the young Lucy in the face of her elder counterpart, as if she
had never left. He had only begun to love her even more.
He
could not really recall the moment when he had began to actually love
her more than a friend would do. Perhaps while he saw her swim with
her siblings in the river near Cair Paravel, when mrs. Beaver had
pointed out that she growing into a beautiful woman. She had been
fifteen at the time perhaps, sixteen. He couldn't remember. He did
remember that he agreed with mrs. Beaver, suddenly looking with
different eyes at his Lucy, no longer seeing the tiny girl with the
cute laugh, but the young woman she would become soon enough.
Perhaps
he had begun loving her the moment he had given her the poppy, when
he began blushing whenever she tugged at his ears and scarf. The
first time when she was angry when Oreius and Susan went out for a
ride and they asked her not to come along, so he had taken her out
for a walk. He still felt a twinge of adoration as he remembered her
pout. It were the tiny things that had made him love her even more.
The moment she awoke when he said her name in the morning, as he had
done for years. The moments he waved her goodbye when she went with
her siblings through the entire of Narnia to whatever her siblings
needed to attend to, when he couldn't come along. Her wholehearted
greeting, usually jumping into his arms, when she returned.
The
first time he had noticed that her bosom was also becoming that of a
woman and his blush when she had asked him what dress she could wear.
He had not known how fast to get mrs. Beaver, while trying to keep
the blush in check. He was fairly certain mrs. Beaver had noticed, as
she had taken over that duty from him without another word.
When
had his little Lucy turned into a woman, since when could he no
longer look upon her, be with her, like they had done when she had
been younger?
He absently touched her cheek, she turned her head,
following the touch of his fingers with her nose.
There were
several reasons why he had not wanted to fall in love with her, and
he had fallen in love with her alright; head over heels. He was a
Faun, she was a Human, a royal Human girl. She would have become a
Queen if she hadn't gone after him. There was no way a Queen could
marry a Faun. Queens of Narnia married Sea gods and River gods,
creatures of Queenly standards. What would become of the Royal Family
of Narnia if they married creatures of simple families such like
Fauns and Satyrs, animals even?
Surely that couldn't be.
But
she had gone after him, a little voice in his head reasoned. To get
him back yes, because she missed him. Probably, most certainly not
because she loved him.
She
saw him as a friend, a very dear friend. Not of anything else in the
direction he was thinking. Dared to think.
Another sigh escaped
his lips as his shoulders slumped. What was he thinking, he was even
ashamed to let such a thought wander into his mind. He had been her
guardian, a father in many ways while she grew up. It felt like
betrayal to even think of her like that.
He grabbed both his ears,
tugging while his heart treacherously ached. Even if she loved him,
how would Susan react? Or even Peter?
His love for her simply had
no future, she would have made it so much simpler if she had just
stayed away.
But she hadn't, little Lucy always wanted to
help.
She wasn't helping him now in any way, but he couldn't
hate her for it. He crossed his arms for his chest, dozing off in the
warmth of the fire. Perhaps Oreius would be smart enough and find his
way to his cave, if he even remembered where he lived at all. Tumnus
had no high regards of the centaur, even if the Kings did. Oreius was
strong, but Tumnus wasn't sure whether he could call him smart.
Even if they found him and Lucy, he first had some explaining to do,
a lot of explaining, and probably Lucy couldn't be taken back to
Cair Paravel any time soon, weak as she was.
Little Lucy Pevensie
had a way of making things very complicated sometimes, just when she
had tried to steal some cookies from the cook, ruining the banquet in
the process .A smile curled Tumnus' lips as he recalled the
memory.
He hoped she had an explanation for this, all of this when
she would wake, hopefully in the morning. Admittedly, he had some
explaining to do as well, but whether he had the courage to do so, he
did not know