"Cassandra..."
I felt the rise of bile in my throat and swallowed hard.
No tears. You're not allowed to cry.
"Cassandra, I just don't know what to do with you anymore," I heard the tremble in mom's voice.
She wasn't as immune to tears.
"I want to help you," she pleaded.
"I don't need help, mom."
"You do, sweetie," I watched her hands cover her face. "You do."
I turned away from her quickly, not liking the view. I hated watching her cry.
"I'll leave," I muttered flatly. "Send me wherever the judge recommends this time. I won't fight it."
She shook her head, making little sniffling noises. I hadn't seen her this upset since dad died.
No, that's a lie. I'd seen her cry the day they sent me away. But it was different then... I think she believed it would do me good. Scare me straight, so to speak. But I was just a stupid kid, a repeat offender with nothing to lose except her life. Juvie would have to do me some good, true?
Not true, I realized.
The year I spent at Junipero County was hard, even for me. But I got it together, eventually... no more of the crazy stuff that could have ended me. The funny thing of it all was what landed me in a cell - battery. Of all the half-assed things I'd done in my life...
Yeah, so I beat down on a few assholes. They deserved it, for grabbing me that way. For grabbing Deirdre's little sister Shana, too.
But you know how third strike rules go. And I was no novice to the judiciary system. I've spent more nights in a holding cell then I have in my own bedroom. The worst part of it all was having to face mom...
Just a perk of being underage, you know.
"I'm tired of having to send you away, Cassandra!"
I cowered, but not from fear. Getting yelled at by mom only shamed me.
"Maybe I want to leave," I trembled even as I said it. "Maybe it's this place I can't stand."
Her eyes grew wide at my misplaced lie.
"If that's what you want-!" She couldn't be angry. She was too hurt.
"Yes," I exhaled sharply. "It hurts to be here, mom."
It hurts me to hurt you, is what I should have said.
Her eyes were red from crying; it wasn't as bad for her before, when I'd been sent away. Then again, she probably thought she'd get a real daughter after Junipero. Instead, all she got was a drone who couldn't even graduate.
I'd gone from one spectrum to another.
I went from hanging with the wrong crowd to hanging with none. Instead of cutting classes, I'd attend but fail out. Mom used to find condom wrappers in my pockets, and that terrified her. Now she probably wonders if I'll ever go on a normal date or even get married.
This must be worse for her, I realized. I was bad before, but I'm hardly alive now.
"I'm going to call an old friend," she spoke curtly. "If you fail out of this school, Cassandra, I am done."
I nodded, pretending to look appreciative. I really could have laughed.
What private school was going to take me in? It was public or nothing, and I suspected mom would rather me drop out then attend a San Jose public high school. She was terrified of that outcome.
"Don't worry about hurting anymore," her voice sounded bitterly pained. "You'll be far away from home."
-------------------------
"Miss Dean!"
My head jerked up and I sucked in much-needed air. I rubbed my eyes until I could see a very fuming Mrs. Powell at the podium below.
God, I was such a shit. Powell did not take well to slackers in her class, let alone sleepers.
"Miss Dean, how many hours a week do you spend comatose in my class?"
A few kids giggled at my embarrassment but I ignored them. I wasn't exactly in a...responsive mood. Last night was one hell of a mindfuck... throw in some messed up dreams, a little reliving the past and what do you get?
"You tell me," I sighed. "I'm asleep through most of them, remember?"
A bitch, that's what you get.
Lily elbowed me but the rest of the class snickered. This would only piss Powell off and I groaned, knowing the outcome.
"Well," Powell aimed to embarrass me. "I've never had a student so fond of detention before. See me after class, Cassandra."
"Can't wait," I replied unenthusiastically.
Powell turned her back to us, facing the blackboard and Lily instantly turned her wide eyes at me.
"What the hell are you thinking?"
"I'm not in the mood, Lily," I yawned. "It's been a bad night."
She cleared her throat and tried to hide the smirk forming.
"What?" I narrowed my eyes at her.
"Anything to do with Reid Garwin?"
My head snapped at his name.
"Why would you think that?" I felt heat creeping up my cheeks.
"Other than the fact that I saw him leaving your room last night?" Her brow lifted, amused.
"We were studying our lines for this stupid play," I replied curtly. "That's all."
"Hmph," Lily huffed. "That's odd."
"What's odd?" I asked too quickly, and she giggled into her fist.
"I could've sworn I heard a very cranky-sounding certain Blonde Wonder stalking the halls," her voice hitched and I saw the tug of her smile.
"Wait, what?" I tugged at her arm. "What did you hear?"
"Oh, you know," she waived. "Crazy bitch, stupid skank, yadda yadda yadda..."
"What!" I whisper-yelled.
"Just kidding!" I scowled at her, not at all amused. "He ran into Tyler, and the kid obviously knew something was up because he kept asking Reid what was wrong."
"Did he say anything else?" Anything about me?
Odd that I wished he did.
"Nope," Lily shrugged. "Just that he was tired and was expecting a certain lady-friend later that night..."
I sunk in my chair, hating the feeling in my chest. Whatever it was, it was not jealousy. I expected this sort of thing from Reid and perhaps that was sadder than anything else.
"He wasn't..." Lily paused. "He wasn't talking about you, right?"
"No," I sighed.
Lily's eyes narrowed.
"I mean, ugh no!" I gagged. "Absolutely not! Why would you even think that...?"
She crossed her arms, looking rather unimpressed. The moment her head turned I sighed and sunk in my seat, drained from the theatrics (ironic, considering I would no doubt flunk Drama).
After class, Powell gave me the little pink slip of death and sent me on my way.
"Learn to try, Cassandra!" Powell hollered as I slipped out of her classroom.
I rolled my eyes just as someone put their arm around my shoulder.
"Reid," I grumbled, knowing it was him just by his scent alone.
"Learn to try," he emphasized the last word, "Cassandra."
I looked up at him, humored.
"Are you actually using my first name?"
"Don't get used to it," he replied.
"Wouldn't dare," I chirped, determined to not let things get awkward.
"Hey, so about last night..."
So much for not letting things get awkward.
"Reid," I sighed.
"Sometimes I act before I think," he shrugged. "Actually, I never think."
An apology and an insult in one breath. Way to go, team.
"Don't even mention it," I waived him off.
I felt awkward walking back to my room with his arm still around my shoulder. Luckily he didn't keep it there much longer; Provost Higgins was stalking the halls and he wasn't fond of public affection.
As. If.
"So," he began. "I'll stop by around seven-ish, then?"
I wasn't convinced. His seven o' clock was actually seven thirty.
And I reveled in the idea of a little friendly competition.
"No funny business, I promise," he looked at me devilishly.
"Actually," I dragged. "I can't tonight."
He frowned.
"Why not?"
I paused to lean on my door frame, feeling rather smug.
"I'm expecting a special friend," I smiled sweetly. And, OK, a little bit brattily as well.
But the look on Reid's face was so very worth it.
"Huh?" The fact that he was blonder than Hitler's wet dream only made him look more confused.
I simply shrugged and dug around my bag for the room key.
"Friend?" He scoffed. "What friend?"
I paused to grill him. That wasn't the reaction I expected.
"You make it sound like I have none!"
"Oh right," Reid replied sarcastically. "I forgot, you're the friendliest girl I know."
"I am friendly!" What a prick! "It's not my fault you're an asshole and don't get my good side often!"
"Reid?" I turned to find Tyler turning the corner of the doors, adjusting his tie. "What's going on?"
I felt flushed as Tyler approached us.
"Dean has a hot date tonight," Reid mocked.
"Go to hell," I scowled. "Hi, Tyler."
"Hey," he nodded, looking rather cautious.
"Where you comin' from, Baby Boy?" Reid shuffled Tyler's hair.
"I slept in," he shrugged. "Missed first period."
I tried to forget the fact that this was the girls' floor dormitory.
"Who was it for you?" Reid chuckled.
"None of your business," Tyler turned a deep shade of mauve.
"Touch-y!" Reid feigned looking shocked. "My money says Tara Perry comes walking down that hall."
"It's not like that with her," Tyler fixed his collar, frowning.
"Yeah, whatever," Reid grinned.
"At least I'm not hooking up with Kira Snider," Tyler grimaced.
I scoffed at Reid.
"Isn't she with Aaron?" It confused me for only a second until it made sense. Those two deserved each other.
"Ever heard of the village bicycle?" Reid smirked. I could feel the horrified look on my face.
"Dude, I love you like a brother," Tyler put his hand on Reid's shoulder. "But you're an asshole."
"Thank you!" Finally, someone with some sense!
The puss on Reid's face had us cracking up.
"I'll be here at seven, Dean," Reid winked, being his usual conceited self.
"Then have fun standing outside my room all night," I laughed.
"Oh, you'll be here to let me in," he spoke confidently.
"I'll leave a sleeping bag for you," I teased. "And some bug spray."
"That won't keep Kira away," Tyler joked, and we both laughed.
"Maybe she'll feel bad and take you in," I raised a brow at him.
"Been there, done that," he looked at me with male smugness. I could've hit him.
"OK! Well, I have to go," I slid through my door. "See ya."
"Dean," Reid put his hand out to stop my door from closing. "Tomorrow."
"I promise," I told him, surprising myself. It couldn't be helped; the intensity of his eyes made me feel funny things.
It wasn't until he walked away that I panicked.
Who the hell was taking me out tonight?
---------------------
"I canceled a Student Council meeting for this, so make it good."
I looked up at Ry standing in my doorway, out of uniform but still managing to look ever the cool prepster.
"Come in," I smiled my best nice-girl smile, hoping to win him over with kindness.
"Don't sass me," Ry snorted as he made his way over to a chair. "What's going on?"
"We're going out tonight!" I tried to sound excited. "Me and you, maybe Brianna and Lily and Cole..."
Ry raised an eyebrow.
"How can you call us your friends if you never spend time with us?" I feigned sounding shocked.
"It's a Wednesday night, Cassandra."
I frowned.
"You'll come, then?"
Ry shrugged, looking quite annoyed with my stint.
"I know it's last minue, but I've just been feeling like there's tension between Brianna and me..."
I watched his face, hoping he wouldn't see through the lie (which wasn't really a lie, anyway).
"Really?" Ry looked confused. "Since when?"
"Since..." I hesitated telling him the truth. "Since I think Brianna's had a crush on you and maybe gets annoyed with us spending time hanging out..."
Ry's face looked even more confused this time.
"That's absurd," Ry laughed. "Bree and I have always been close. She knows the deal."
"Oh, come on," I sighed, exhasperated. "Are you that blind? The girl's had a crush on you since the night we met. I could tell even back then!"
Ry adjusted the collar of his polo, probably feeling uncomfortable under the weight of my stare.
Please, please don't make Brianna hate us both, I wanted to yell at him.
"Even if," Ry's brows lifted, unconvinced. "It's still not like that. I've known Brianna since elementary school. So don't mind me for thinking it a little weird."
"Well it's not weird for her," I snorted. "Clearly."
I watched him run his hands through his messy dark hair.
"I can't pretend to have feelings for her, Cassandra," Ry shook his head. "That'd be wrong."
I made it my duty to walk over to him and put a hand on his shoulder. Now was the time to be guiding, if ever.
"What's there to pretend?" I mentored him. "She's a great girl, and she likes you."
"Maybe I like someone else," Ry hid his face, clearly embarrassed. "Did you even stop to think about that?"
I drew back instantly, confused as hell.
"Seriously? Who?" I couldn't even hide the little bit of jealousy seeping from my words.
"Don't worry about it," Ry stood up. His face was as red as a tomato.
"Wait," I pulled on his arm as he made his way to my door. "It's not Kate Tunney, is it?"
He stopped dead in his tracks, hesitating before turning back to face me.
"Kate?" His eyes searched my face, seeming confused. Yeah, seeming. "Why would you say that?"
"I dunno." I shrugged, feeling a little embarrased.
"Did someone say something to you?" Ry didn't drop the subject as quickly as I thought he would.
"No."
"No?"
I hesitated before meeting his eyes, worried about what I'd find there. If I saw something strange, I'd know I was right about the whole Ry and Kate thing. Which was wrong on so many levels; Kate and Pogue were together, and for a while -- or so I'd heard.
And it shouldn't have mattered to me either way...
Shouldn't have. But it did, of course.
As we made eye contact, I'd only seen confusion etched in his face.
No, there was something else, too. Hesitancy. He wanted to say something but decided to hold back, apparently.
"Just tell me," I groaned. "I'm tired of everyone's mind games around here. Be honest."
"I was going to," he started, and I saw the hint of a smirk forming at his mouth.
I sighed deeply, preparing myself for yet another drama-filled day.