A/N: I had the weirdest dream the other night that I just have to share... I was working in a factory with Tom Baker and Richard Madely (you know, Richard and Judy? Google Richard and Judy lol) and we were sticking these gurders down onto this thing, and to stick them we had to put a toad on the place where we wanted it stuck, and then had to get this special owl to squawk at it and the toad melted into this glue, and then we stuck the gurder on. And Ian Hislop was directing the gurders, but he was drunk and they were going in the wrong places.

Seriously the weirdest dream I've ever had, and I dream about pink gorillas stacking up my phone bill o.O

Chapter Fourteen

Not Much Of A Hero

Whilst being dragged along the corridor by two Trolls, the Doctor had time to reflect on his current predicament. He had been in a lot worse in his time of course, but this was just getting… well, it was getting a tad irritating. He was a little achy from the blows he had received from the Troll and Janex the dwarf with a superiority complex, and he was also annoyed that he no longer had his sonic screwdriver.

Not that he needed it anyway, it was just nice to have around.

He seemed to be getting led, or dragged rather, down into the pits of the castle. Probably the dungeons or something, also he wasn't sure if castles still had dungeons these days. A lot of royalty got them converted into entertainment centres or karaoke bars. That was a point, the Doctor mused, if it had been turned into a karaoke bar maybe it wouldn't be so bad?

Of course, as always, his hopes were smashed as a heavy wooden door was opened and he was shoved into darkness. He stumbled and pin wheeled his arms, but finally managed to regain his balance and whirled around just to see the door slam shut.

'You just wait until I find that complaints box!' he yelled after them.

The Trolls trooped away without a word in response. The Doctor stood there in the darkness for a moment, blinking his eyes for them to hurry and adjust. He reached into his pocket for his sonic screwdriver and then remembered that it was no longer there. He allowed his hand to flop back to his side and sighed like a grumpy teenager.

'How am I supposed to enact a daring escape from here in the dark?' he muttered. 'Some people have no consideration…' He stopped at the sound of shuffling somewhere in the blackness. His ears pricked up and he looked around. There mustn't have been any light getting into the room as his eyes weren't adjusting at all. Although from the echo of his voice he estimated the room to be about ten meters by ten, with the ceiling about eight feet high. Decent sized dungeon really.

There was more movement and the Doctor quickly deducted that there was more than one other person in the room with him. Or thing even. Janex had implied that he was going to be fed to something. They could have at least left a light on so he could at least see what he was going to be killed by.

He opened his mouth to ask who was there, hoping that it was just another captive like himself, but his words were knocked out of him along with his breath as something slammed hard into his gut. As he was thrown to the floor, he realised someone had just practically rugby tackled him to the ground. He hit the floor with an 'oof' and groaned out at the pain that shot through his kidney.

'Feelia!' he voice barked from the darkness. 'Control yourself!'

A light suddenly shone in the Doctor's face and he shielded his eyes with his arm. He tried to squint past it to see the face of the person who had just tackled him, but they were nothing more than a bulky silhouette. Thankfully human shaped though.

'Well that's a way to say hello, isn't it?' the Doctor said cheerily. 'You wouldn't mind moving that light, would you?'

'Feelia.' A warning from the person in the darkness.

The person who was now straddling the Doctor moved the light and tentatively got up and stepped aside. The Doctor got to his feet, brushing down his suit, which had dried a little. He glanced up, already smiling broadly.

'I take it this is the Jailhouse Gang, am I right?'

There was silence from the others. The Doctor got a look at Feelia. He was a man that stood at about six and a half feet, with huge shoulders that almost rivalled the trolls. He had thick, long blonde hair that just reached his collarbones and which was matted and dirty. His face was full of sharp angular shapes, reminding the Doctor of a boxer who had seen better days. His nose was flat, almost in line with his jaw and he had a kind of sloping, Neanderthal forehead. Looking at the sheer size of the man made the Doctor wonder how he managed to get back up after being tackled. He searched for the person in the darkness, but could see no one.

'I'm the Doctor.' The Doctor smiled, pushing his hands in his pockets. 'I have to say that I've been in a lot of cells but my arresting officer was never a huge dragon.'

Feelia just looked confused. He shone the torchlight at the Doctor's chest and examined his face like a small child examining a bug that had gotten stuck on its back. It didn't take a genius to work out that he wasn't the sharpest knife in the drawer. The other person finally stepped into the light, and the Doctor wasn't at all surprised to find that he was similarly built to Feelia, only he had thinner, slightly shorter black hair that framed quite a handsome face.

'This is Feelia,' the man replied, eyeing the Doctor warily with bright green eyes that almost seemed to shine in the darkness. 'And I'm Karl.'

'Feelia and Karl, eh?' the Doctor grinned, stepping forward with an outstretched hand. 'Nice to meet you. Well, I say nice… I mean I would rather not have met you if it meant not being in here.'

He offered his hand to both men. Karl just continued to look at him. Feelia seemed to recoil slightly. The Doctor stepped back with a shrug and pushed his hands back into his pockets.

'So,' he said, his voice bouncing off the walls and causing Feelia to flinch yet again. 'Would one of you like to fill me in on exactly what's going on around here?'

The two of them continued to look at the Doctor, but he only waited patiently for them to reply. Eventually, Feelia leaned towards Karl. 'He doesn't look much like a hero, Karl.'

'Of course!' the Doctor cried, suddenly. His loud voice caused both men to jump in alarm. The Doctor put his hands to his head. 'You're heroes! God I'm getting thick in my old age. That's what that daft dwarf was going on about!' He seemed to involuntarily spasm as something new occurred to him, and he pointed a finger at Karl. 'Prince Karl?'

Karl glanced nervously to Feelia, and then straightened up. 'Yes.' He replied. 'Of course.'

The Doctor moved forward two steps and the two heroes moved back two steps. 'You've got a horse, a… a grey-ish coloured horse called Arnie, right?'

Karl frowned deeply. 'You mean Arnold. My god I've never had a worse steed in my whole life.'

The Doctor chuckled. 'I expected you to say that. He was going to help my friend and I find this place. He took a bit convincing though… And then I was kidnapped by a dragon…'

Feelia frowned in puzzlement. 'You don't look like much of a hero.' He commented. 'You're a bit… scrawny.'

The Doctor's eyebrows shot up. 'Scrawny?'

Karl crossed his thick arms. 'Feelia has a point. I've never seen you around here either. Where are you from?'

'Oh a long way a way that isn't really all that important to either of you. I think the important thing is to get out of here and go get that dragon, eh? Bet you're both itching for a go at it.'

Karl sighed, apparently giving up on his rigid, brave looking stance. His shoulders slouched. 'Well yeah sure we would. But that dwarf has out swords. We're useless without our swords.'

'Oh don't give me that.' The Doctor waved a hand. 'I'm sure we can manage without a bunch of swords.'

Feelia looked horrified. 'What? I'm not going anywhere without my sword! Karl, tell him!'

Karl rolled his eyes. 'Calm down, Feelia. For God's sake…'

The Doctor's eyes flickered between the two men and he half smiled. 'So how long have you both been down here then?'

'Hard to tell,' Karl replied. 'A day? Maybe two? There's no light so it's hard to keep track.'

'And you haven't tried to get out?'

'Why would we?' Karl frowned. 'There are about fifty Trolls on patrol around this castle. Without our swords they'll break us in two.'

'Couldn't you have just improvised?' the Doctor asked in confusion. 'I don't know, used a chair leg or something?'

Karl and Feelia exchanged puzzled glances. Feelia scratched his head through his thick hair.

'We can't fight our way out without our swords,' Karl told him. 'We can't fight with any other weapons. We haven't been trained with other weapons. We've been brought up with the same sword since childhood. We're used to the balance and the weight… the slightest change sends us off. Without our swords we're useless.'

The Doctor rolled his eyes. 'Oh well you two must be the finest heroes around, aren't you?' he grumbled sarcastically.

Feelia stepped forward angrily. 'Are you disrespecting my manhood, sir?'

Karl put a hand on one of Feelia's thick arms. 'Don't.'

The Doctor smirked. 'Disrespecting your manhood? No of course not. I wouldn't dream of it, Feelia.' He sighed. 'Okay, so you both don't have a plan at all? No kind of plan?' Karl and Feelia said nothing. The Doctor pushed his hands in his pockets. 'Fantastic.' He grumbled.

Before the conversation of plans and disrespected manhood could go on any further, footsteps could be heard on the other side of the heavy door. The three men inside stood back. Feelia flicked off the light. The door opened and in marched six Trolls.

'Right, okay,' the Doctor raised a finger to the Trolls that approached him and backed away. 'Let's just stop and have a little chat, eh? I mean, I'd love to know what you lot are doing working for a angry little dwar…' The Trolls grabbed him and began hauling him towards the doors, where Karl and Feelia were already willingly being marched out. 'At least tell me where we're going!' the Doctor insisted.

The Troll beside him made a throaty sound, and then barked, 'Feeding time.'