This will be the last chapter for a while, I'm afraid, but I WILL update as soon as I have computer access again.
EdwardsSoul101: I love you too :D
"What is it with all my friends?"
Sulking, Klavier threw himself into his ridiculously expensive chair in an overly dramatic, rock star like manner. He snapped at a scruffy, vaguely familiar looking detective to send him his file, dismissed the unfortunate man and turned his stereo up as high as it would go.
"I mean, there's Herr Lurrrve. He and I were happily single, and then, achtung, what does he do. He falls in love. He's not even as attractive as I am. And he definitely doesn't have my roguish charm……"
His running commentary on every though that flitted into his head was interrupted by a large bang and a gust of wind as his office door flew upon. Startled, Klavier fell straight out of his chair and wound up sprawled on the floor in a rather undignified heap. From his newly acquired position opposite the ceiling, Klavier couldn't see the people at the door, so he reasoned chances were they could not see him either. So there really was no need to draw there attention to his brief normality deficiency.
He could vaguely hear shouting above the pounding music, but he couldn't catch any of the words. The silence, when it came, seemed un-natural, and nobody spoke, or moved for a long moment as they regained their senses.
It seemed right that the piercing voice that shattered the peace was Apollo's. "Who listens to their own music 24-7 anyway?"
"Who else?" Wright's ironic tone cut across the room. Unseen to Klavier, he and Edgeworth were having a fit of silent hysterics, directed at the pair of personalised boots sticking rather conspicuously from behind a pile of files.
"So he isn't here." Apollo again. That man seemed to have no volume inhibitor. Well, they said opposites attract; Vera didn't speak at all.
"That's irritating; Ema said he should be here."
Feeling rather awkward, Edgeworth addressed Wright stiffly. "And didn't you say earlier Ema is in love with Klavier." The prosecutor finished his revelation with an embarrassed cough.
Klavier would have fallen over, had the laws of gravity and carpentry not prevented it. Ema? In love with him? Impossible!
"It's true!" Apollo chimed in. "She says she can barely breathe when he's near her." He clutched his chest to demonstrate, and Phoenix smacked him around the head with a file.
"And will she tell him." Rather too late, Edgeworth began to relax into the role.
"No!" Apollo rubbed his head, and cast a wary look at his mentor. "She says she would rather die." He leapt sideways after this statement, but Wright merely rolled his eyes.
"She couldn't possibly tell him anyway. He would torment her horribly. He'd use it as leverage to make her bring him coffee, and generally do all his dirty work."
Ever the protective father, Wright chipped in. "He's not worthy of her anyway. She could do so much better."
"But it's him she loves." Apollo protested.
"And she'd prefer to suffer in silence forever then ever tell him." Edgeworth lied through his teeth, having been on the receiving end of Ema's affections for a large portion of her teens.
Phoenix was grinning, clearly enjoying himself. "You showed us that letter she wrote him, though."
Edgeworth nodded, playing along. "Yes, Gumshoe found it on her desk. She confessed everything to him, and then she tore it up, and scattered the pieces.
Klavier barely restrained the objection that seemed determined to fly out. On the other side of the room, Phoenix was having the same problem; his pointer finger was quivering millimetres from Edgeworth's nose.
The prosecutor shuffled sheepishly. "Yes, well, I…..err…..had Gumshoe collect the pieces and stick them back together!" He finished triumphantly.
"Some Demon Attorney" Phoenix muttered.
Klavier was too caught up in his confusion and surprise to realise the obvious explanation for the contradictions. Having met the man, the idea of Detective Gumshoe gluing a love letter together on the instructions of a domineering boss seemed perfectly plausible, and as to why the three men had chosen to hold their conversation in his 'obviously' empty office, the thought never really occurred to him.
Meanwhile, the three men had beaten a hasty retreat and had ended up spread on the floor outside Klavier's office, splitting their sides.
"D'you think he fell for it?" Apollo managed through his laughter.
"Hook, line and sinker." Phoenix's hat had become slightly lopsided and Edgeworth, the first to regain his composure, reached over to straighten it.
"But will it work?" He questioned.
Phoenix gave him an infuriatingly know-it-all smile. "Undoubtedly."
…
"Impossible!"
Klavier had yet to pick himself up of the floor; he was so wrapped up in his shock.
"Absolutely impossible. She hates me."
He thought about it some more, a look of deep concentration etched across his face.
"At least she pretends to hate me. Who'd have thought it? The fraulien detective is in love with me. Ha."
"I so would not tease her about it. No, maybe I'll prove them wrong and love her back. She could be quite lovable. Her constant snacking is quite endearing. And she gets that cute little smile on her face when she uses science. She's even cute when she's mad. Maybe that's why I like to make her angry."
"Oh dear."
"Oh dear oh dear."
"Ich liebe sie"
"I'm in love with Ema Skye."
"Oh dear."
It seemed there was a late entry for the worst timing award. A full five seconds after Klavier had come to this revelation, the object of his affections stormed through the office door and came to rest about a foot from his position on the floor, hands on hips.
"Hey, fop." She loomed over him, taking advantage of the fact she was currently taller then him. "I got that file you 'requested'."
He grinned, and sprung to his feet with ease, shortening the distance between them considerably.
"Ah, Fraulien Detective, meine Liebe, however can I thank you for your trouble?"
She looked at him blankly. "Don't bother, if it was hard I wouldn't have done it." With that, she spun on her heel and left.
Sighing contentedly, Klavier slumped back into his chair. "That had a double meaning. If it wasn't hard, it was easy, and easy is good."
He was pleased with his deductions. "Yup, she definitely loves me."
This chapter should have the best line ever in it, but it just didn't fit contextually. So here it is:
Benedick: "No, the world must be peopled."