A few words from the author: I would like to say a big thank you to all who took time to read my story, and a bigger thank you to all who reviewed.
Notes on the Text: This could be considered a filler episode, mostly humor, but I had fun writing it. WARNING: THIS STORY PROBABLY PUSHES THE ENVELOPE ON THE "T" RATING, Fullmetal Jacket "hooker schene" refrences (if you haven't seen Fullmetal Jacket, you should, it's a good movie), very strange foods, and slight Urahara randomness (though Urahara is a very random type of person, no?).
Legal mumbo jumbo: Bleach, MAD magazine, Fullmetal Jacket and their characters are the property of their respective owners.
Enjoy
December 31, 1967, 1500 local time; "Rukongai" outpost, Boun Ma Thout, Vietnam
Ichigo and his squad had been in Vietnam for over a month now. During that time they had gone on several patrols in the vicinity of Rukongai and Seireitei and a few search and destroy missions against both the VC (Viet Cong guerrillas) and the PAVN (People's Army of Vietnam, North Vietnamese regular army). They had accomplished most of these missions more or less unscathed; Kira, Ikkaku, and Urahara took a few bullets, but nothing big enough to get sent home.
They were all (except for Urahara) in their bunkhouse, which was situated across from the briefing room. Like the other buildings in the compound, the place was illuminated by hanging electric bulbs. There were eight sets of bunk beds lined up along the walls. In the center there were also two circular tables surrounded by chairs. Ichigo was sleeping on the bottom of the first bunk, his face was covered by an old issue of MAD magazine. Ganju was sitting on the top of the second bunk writing a letter. Ishida was sitting at one of the tables cleaning his rifle. Ikkaku, Kira, Chad, and Renji were playing poker on the other table. Kira and Chad were sitting next to eachother dressed in the tiger-stripe uniforms that they got as a Christmas present from Urahara, who said that they needed uniforms that fit. Renji was sitting next to Chad, a lit cigarette protruded from his mouth. Ikkaku sat between Kira and Renji, intently focused on his cards.
"I'll bet two sticks of gum." Kira said, putting two foil-wrapped rectangles into the middle of the table.
"I call." said Chad.
"I see your bet and raise you a cigarette." said Renji, putting in his two sticks plus a cigarette.
"I call." Ikkaku said.
"I fold." Kira said, throwing down his cards.
"I call." said Chad.
"I got a pair of kings" Renji said, showing his hand.
"Three jacks" Chad said.
"Four deuces" Ikkaku said, showing his hand and started gathering his winnings.
Ikkaku had picked up about half of his winnings when Urahara burst through the door shouting "HAPPY NEW YEAR!"
"What the hell are you talking about?!" Renji said. "It's only 3:05."
"It has to be midnight somewhere." Urahara said. "Anyways, I just thought I would celebrate and take you all out for a little I & I."
"I & I?" Kira asked.
"Intoxication and Interc... " His voice trailed off, "erm... what I ment to say was... er... R & R... yeah, that's it."
"Sure, why not?" Ichigo said as he stretched and got out of bed.
December 31, 1967; 1520 local time; Boun Ma Thout, Vietnam
The afternoon sun was shining down from high in the sky when Ichigo and company arrived. The roads to the city were mostly dirt and it was a rather bumpy ten minute ride in their truck. The back of the truck was covered in a green canvas held up by metal arches, two benches were situated along the sides of the bed. Urahara was driving and Ishida was riding shotgun. Ichigo was sitting on one side of the bed next to Ganju and Tessai (who came along to show them his favorite resturant and to act as designated driver in the very likely event of Urahara getting too drunk to drive). Across from them sat Chad, Ikkaku, and Renji.
They all got off of the truck and followed Tessai (except for Urahara, who made a beeline to the closest bar) to a small concrete building at the far corner of the block they were on. The building was surrounded by chairs and tables. The resturant itself had no indoor seating, there was merely a window from which someone could order food. Standing behind the window was a young girl who appeared to be in her late teenage years. She was pleasantly slim and her orange hair was held back by two hair clips.
Tessai walked up to the window and said, "How's it going, Orihime?"
"Pretty well, I have new dish, want to try?" The girl responded. "It pickled snake sauteed with onions, served over bean paste."
"Sounds good, I'll get one of those and the usual."
"Coming right up." Orihime said.
A few minutes later she came to the window holding a tray with a plate and a bowl. The plate had about thirty thin pieces of brown meat that were still sizzling on a mound of bean paste. The bowl had pieces of leek floating around the tapioca and had red spices sprinkled liberally on the top. Tessai brought it to the table and began eating the soup. Everyone else just stared at the food with a mixture of bewilderment, disgust, and curiosity on each of their faces.
"What the hell is that?" Ganju asked.
"How on God's green Earth is that edible?" Ikkaku said.
"Not even Mad Scientist would create something that crazy." Renji said.
"I'll give twenty bucks to whoever eats one of those." Kira said, indicating one of the pickled snake pieces.
"I'll do it," Ichigo said. "but you have to show me the money before I eat it."
Kira produced a twenty dollar bill from his pocket and set it on the table. Ichigo picked up one of the pieces of meat and put it into his mouth. A puzzled look appeared on his face as he chewed it and swallowed.
"So, what did it taste like?" Ikkaku asked.
"Chicken", Ichigo responded.
"Chicken?!" they said, astonished.
"Chicken."
"Chicken?" they asked again, not being able to believe it.
"Chicken."
"Chicken??"
"For the last time... yes, it tasted like chicken!" Ichigo shouted. "If you don't believe me, try it yourself."
After that no one else tried it; except for Tessai, who said it tasted like pork dipped in fish paste.
As Ichigo was picking up the money, they were all approached by a woman. She wore a black low cut dress that hugged her curvacious form. Her maroon hair was put up in a bun with chopsticks in the back. She had yellow eyes, which stood out against her dark skin. It was clear by how she walked that she was a member of one of the oldest professions in the world (in less poetic terms, a prostitute).
"Hey baby" she said to them as she leaned on the table, revealing parts of herself only two of the men really wanted to see. "you got girlfriend in Vietnam?"
"Not just this minute." Ikkaku said, surveying the woman.
"Well baby, me so horney, me love you loooong time." she purred seductively. "You party?"
"Yeah we might party." Ikkaku said.
"How much?" Kira said.
"Sixty dollar", she said.
"Sixty dollar for both of us?" Ikkaku said, indicating Kira, the only other person interested.
"No, each you sixty dollar. Me love you long time. Me so horney."
"Sixty dollar too boo-koo, five dollars each", Ikkaku said.
The woman slapped him so hard that he fell to the ground with a red hand-shaped mark on his face. "I was giving you discount because you friend of Urahara." As she was saying that Urahara walked up to the woman's side and put his arm around her waist.
"Hey baby, you got boyfriend in Vietnam?" he said to her...
Expect update by Tet