The Great Love

Part One (Continued)

IX.

so I put my arms around you (around you) and I hope that I will do no wrong

Routine often becomes a part of Ashley and Madison's life; Spencer's also, now. It had done so, once again, and the girls endure the monotone with weeks of tense muscles and thin-lipped smiles. Ashley, especially, doesn't deal well with every-day-the-same kind of life, and her frustration escapes in small ways – a hard, far away look in her eyes (barely there for a second), a deep frown (accompanied by furrowed eyebrows that crease the skin between them), a piece of clothing thrown a little too forcefully into the pack.

Ashley has always been a little frayed around the edges, but more strings unwind every day now. She too wild to be contained in habit and schedule; she needs freedom and life.

Madison never knows what to say, stays silent for the most part. Spencer does the same, for different reasons. It doesn't really matter why, only that things were becoming too volatile, too unstable. Everyone could see, but no one wanted to stop it.

The fire was strong, blazing. Madison was dozing on the ground in her blankets and Ashley was sitting on a log, agitated, tapping her fingers against her knees in lieu of an instrument to play. The digits itched for strings and wood. Spencer was silent, as usual, and Ashley was annoyed at the lack of sound. She needed something to fill the spaces.

In the place of noise came thoughts. Ashley couldn't remember the last time she had thought so much about her past; in the last few weeks, she'd done it so much that her chest ached constantly from the forgotten pain.

There was a flash of green eyes and then a burst of emotion so strong that it sent her to her feet, panting slightly. Spencer looked up from her seat a few feet away and looked at her questioningly. Ashley shook her head to clear it, sighed, and looked into the fire for a second.

"I'm going for a walk." It was pitch black in the woods surrounding the fire. But she stepped forward anyway, eyes hard but wavering. Spencer watched as she disappeared into the night. Madison let out a sleepy snore and blue eyes closed to the strong figure moving away from her.

Ashley makes it a few feet away from the light of the fire before she falls to her knees, a sob escaping. She lets the tears fall down her cheeks, leaving trails of memories flowing out of her body. She can hear a laugh, see a smile, feel the love permeating her skin. She hasn't allowed herself to think about her in so long that it shocks her system to have all of it explode like this, all at once. Her head falls down to her knees as her body is filled with shakes and tremors.

Then, there is warmth and arms pulling her close. She lays her head in the person's lap, sobs still wracking her body. A gentle hand strokes her hair and a voice murmurs words of comfort that barely penetrate her grief-filled fog.

Minutes later, she looks up, expecting dark hair and sympathetic eyes. In reality, she only gets one of those. Above her is a girl with blonde hair – barely visible in the minimal light – and blue eyes that look down on her compassionately.

"Hey." Spencer whispers from above her. Ashley doesn't say anything. She rolls to her other side, facing the other girl and burrows into the warmth, nose rubbing against the fabric over a soft stomach.

"I'm sorry," Ashley murmurs after minutes of no movement but Spencer's hand stroking back and forth over Ashley's head. Neither girl is sure what Ashley is apologizing for, who she is apologizing to.

"I know."

"I loved her so much. I still do." Her voice is broken, a weak sob breaking through. Spencer doesn't know the story behind the words, only knows the pain – it fills every word the other girl says.

"I know." It's all she needs to say, all she knows to say. Ashley doesn't want anything more.

It's maybe hours, maybe minutes, maybe seconds later that both girl untangle and stand. Spencer pulls the broken girl into her arms and holds her tight, allowing Ashley to fall against her feebly. A dark-haired head falls against her shoulder and she can feel wetness through her clothing. They stand like that as long as it takes for the tears to stop and for Ashley to collect herself.

When they return to the haphazard camp, Madison is still sleeping, snoring lightly. Spencer gathers the ratty blankets she had been using for the last few nights, after finding them in an abandoned campsite, and she lays them down on the ground to make her bed. She keeps one in her hand and she pulls the still quiet Ashley with her as she lies down. She throws the thin blanket over both of them and she tugs the other girl to her as she settles back. The other girl curls against her readily.

Ashley falls asleep with her head on Spencer's shoulder – blonde hair itching her nose – and her leg over Spencer's. She sleeps soundly for the first time in many weeks as Spencer stays awake and keeps guard over the other girl.

--

Ashley wakes up as the morning sun hits her, in much the same position she fell asleep in. Spencer's eyes were closed and her hair fell around her head messily. Ashley stretched – careful not to wake the other girl – and closed her eyes tightly, feeling the pull of sore muscles. The other girl's body was warm against hers and she contemplated staying where she was. Eventually, she resisted the temptation and rose.

Madison awoke as she was fixing a paltry breakfast, rubbing her eyes as she took a seat next to Ashley.

"Good morning." Her voice was bright and awake, annoying the still-sleepy Madison to a great degree.

After the Latina had eaten her breakfast and woken up some, she noticed her companion's bright mood. "How are you doin' today?"

"Good. I'm doing good." It was the truth and, to Madison's surprise, you could see that.

The two girls sat in companionable silence until the other group member woke up. She stepped over and stood above them uncomfortably – she never quite felt like she belonged at the beginning of each day.

"Mornin'." Ashley was the first to speak, unusually.

Spencer smiled shyly and sat down, picking up her food. "Morning."

--

Jess falls against her as they dance, her arms wrapped tightly around Ashley, head resting on her shoulder. The curly-haired girl revels in the feeling, holding this girl to her as they sway to the soft music coming from the speakers all around them.

They had been sitting on the couch in the living room, enjoying a quiet time of relaxation after the elaborate dinner that Ashley had prepared for one of their dates.

Suddenly, Ashley had stood, eyes – illuminated by candlelight – shining, and asked the other girl to dance. Jess had taken her hand and was suddenly pulled into the warmth of Ashley's body. Both settled into each other comfortably.

Now, as they moved slowly to the beat, Ashley could feel her heart filling, could hear it beating in sync with another's. The sensation was foreign, unusual to her young body, but she took it in with happiness. This emotion called love.

Then, Ashley pulled away, looking into deep green eyes that stared back with confusion. She smiled and raised a hand to Jess's cheek, stroking the soft skin with her thumb.

"I love you."

Jess stood in shock for several moments before she replied, causing a sinking feeling of uncertainty in Ashley. But, finally, her mouth opened, "I could love you." It was a whisper, and not quite what Ashley had wanted, had expected. But she took it and pulled the other girl close once again.

They pulled apart many minutes later and Jess gathered her things. She stood uncertainly by the door, jacket and purse in hand. Ashley leaned in and met Jess' lips for a sweet kiss, conveying the very love she had expressed that evening. As their lips parted, Jess sighed, "I love you."

Ashley smiled softly and kissed her once again, tenderly. "Goodnight." She opened the door to the fresh night air. The stars twinkled brightly.

Jess stepped outside, her own mouth stretched into a dreamy grin, "Goodbye."