The shrill sound of the door chime echoes through me, making a much louder sound than I'd expected. It almost makes me lose my nerve, turn around and just walk away. I have to steel myself, telling myself that this isn't such a big deal. I'm just here to talk, nothing else. Talking isn't that difficult, is it? I try to tell myself that as I wait for the door to open.

Nothing happens, though. I raise my finger to the chime again, slightly annoyed. He can't be out, not when I finally decided to talk to him. How… rude.

"He's not there, you know."

Oh joy. I turn to see Sideswipe sauntering towards me, wide grin plastered on his face. A grinning Sideswipe is usually cause for worry, it means he's found something that amuses him. And things that amuse him are usually things that are no fun at all for someone else. I just hope his smile is because of some prank aimed at someone else, and not at me.
I grunt something non-committingly and turn back to the door, hoping that he's wrong and it will open anyway. Of course, I'm not that lucky. The door stays shut, and it seems like he's right. Smokescreen doesn't seem to be in at the moment.

"He won't be there any more just because you stare at his door," Sideswipe says as he stops next to me. I'd hoped that he'd just kept on walking, leaving me alone, but no. "Why do you want to talk to him?"

"None of your business."

"Huh." He cocks his head to the side for a moment, looking almost pensive, grin disappearing from his face.

"You know," he says after a moment, "one would think it's because you've finally noticed he's sweet on you, and now you've decided to do something about it."

I can't help it. I turn towards him before I can stop myself, and glare at him, not sure what to say. He shouldn't know that… or has it been that obvious? Please tell me it hasn't.

"Aha!" he says, grinning again. "I knew it! So... what are you going to do?"

What I want to do is wipe that stupid grin from his face, but starting a fight is never a good idea. It would be highly satisfying for a moment, but then there would be repercussions and I'm not in the mood of cleaning anything. It ruins my paint job. Of course, Prowl knows that and of course he always assigns me cleaning duty whenever he wants to punish me.

Instead I simply mutter "nothing", while turning away slightly, trying to get Sideswipe to understand that his company is not welcome. Not that it works.

"Nothing? You can't do nothing!" he says, grabbing my arm. I scowl darkly at him and he releases me, jerking his hand back like he understands that touching is a mistake. It doesn't throw him for long though.

"You have to do something," he continues as if nothing happened, "You were going to do something, weren't you? Otherwise you wouldn't be standing here."

"Sideswipe, just leave me alone, will you?" I speak slowly, enunciating every word so he can't misunderstand.

"Oh right, so you can run off and pretend this didn't happen. Come on, you wanted to speak to Smokescreen, so go do that. I can help you find him if you want."

"No!"

Primus, I do not want that red terror running around looking for him. He's not exactly what you would call subtle, and I have no doubt that if he's going searching all the Ark will know within seconds that I want to talk to Smokescreen. And with the gossipy nature of some here... well, it's not a scenario I favour. I don't like being the subject of their talk. I thoroughly believe my private life is no one's business but my own.

"No?" He actually has the nerve to look disappointed. Like he actually believed I was going to let him search. Hah, right. "But you must go look for him. You'll never get him if you don't go talk to him."

"Sideswipe, shut up."

"Oh come on Tracks, don't tell me you don't want to go talk to him? You came here, didn't you?"

"Shut up!" I can't believe his perseverance. He must know that his presence is unwanted, that I'd rather have him gone, so why does he insist on annoying me? What does he think he'll achieve by being so stubborn? That I'll suddenly profess my love for Smokescreen and tell him about it, so he can go spreading it all around the Ark? What a ludicrous idea.

"You wouldn't have come here unless you felt something, would you?"

That's it. "I do not know where you got that idea, Sideswipe," I tell him, my voice cold, "but I assure you, I am not interested in Smokescreen. Not now, not ever. And I think you should leave me alone now."

He opens his mouth to say something, but closes it again, looking over my shoulder. Then he suddenly turns around and walks away, disappearing around a corner. For a second I wonder why he suddenly seemed to give up, and then I turn to leave to and I realise what it is.

Smokescreen.

He's standing absolutely still at the end of the corridor, clutching a datapad to his chest and just staring at me for a moment with a hurt expression, and I realise he must have heard my last words to Sideswipe.

Slag.

"Sm–" I start, but before I get any further he turns around, walking away from me with hurried but measured steps. "Smokescreen!" I call as I start to follow, not entirely sure why, but I don't want him to leave like this. He doesn't slow down or turn around. As I reach him I reach out to grab his arm and turn him around.

"Hey..." I say, suddenly unsure of what to say. He stares at me, expression unreadable as I flounder for words. "I–"

I what? My mind is absolutely blank. What should I say? That I didn't mean it? Would he really believe that? Do I believe that? I don't know whether or not I'm interested in him or not, I haven't really had a chance to figure that out, and frag that annoying Sideswipe for putting me in this situation!

I realise I've been silent for a little too long. He shrugs his arm out of my grip, and turns away again, without a word.

I watch him go.

oOo

Why did I let him just walk away like that? Why did my CPU just freeze? I open the door to my quarters, walking inside and plunking down on the berth, trying to think. Just a few days ago my life was normal. Nothing special really to think about. I'd follow orders, do what I'm good at (shooting at 'Cons, that is) and spend most of my downtime on my own, polishing up on my appearance or driving around.

I like being alone. It means no meaningless conversations, no prying mechs trying to get to know stuff about my private life, no stupid fights because some just don't realise when to stop nagging me. It means that I don't have to deal with having to be social. I've been told by the officers that I should try more to get along with the others here, but it's not that easy. They don't understand when I want to be left alone, and I don't have anything in common with them. They think I just care about myself, that just because I don't socialise I don't care. Nothing could be more wrong, of course. I care about each and every mech here. Doesn't mean I have to like them though. And well, since they don't like me, I guess we're even.

There are times, however, when I feel a bit left out. Sometimes I almost wish I was more social, that I could talk to others as easily as Jazz, who seems able to make friends with anyone. But I don't know how he does it; I don't know what to say. Just like earlier today, my mind simply freezes and I can't think of anything to say. How does Jazz do it? How does he manage to always find the right words? I have no idea. And now it's a bit late. Now I'm known as the narcissistic loner, it's not like I can change that. It's not like anyone would like to get to know me anyway.

Well, except, apparently, for Smokescreen. Or, rather, I guess he doesn't want to know me now, not after what I said. Way to go, Tracks, ruining that.

Why did I say those things to Sideswipe, why did I say that I'd never be interested in Smokescreen? What a stupid thing to say... but then, he was truly annoying. I wish he could learn to stay out of other people's business, then none of this would have happened! Then maybe I could have talked to Smokescreen later, and... and what? I try not to think of that. Now I can't talk to him. He's staying away from me. I know, because I tried to comm him a short while ago, to apologise, but he didn't answer. Pit, I can understand him, I wouldn't either if I was him. I can't imagine how it must have hurt him to hear me say that. Primus, I feel so stupid sometimes.

I get up from the berth, walking over to the mirror mounted on the opposite wall in my room. It's a magnificent mirror, larger than most people's, stretching over most of the wall. I know it might seem a bit, well, presumptuous, but I like to watch myself. I've always been good-looking, I can't really help that, and I like to take care of my body. I believe everyone has an obligation to look the best they can, and I try to live by that.

I study my face, searching for any little imperfection, but I can't find any. It's not bragging or anything, it's just the truth. I go over my whole body, studying the lines, the paint, the way the light bounces off the smooth metal. Perfect. Almost too perfect. Right now I almost wish for a smudge of dirt, or a small dent, anything that I could take care of that would take my mind off the events outside S's door a few hours ago. But no. There is nothing.

A shrill sound brings me back to the world around me, and it takes me a second to realise it's the door chime. Who wants to talk to me now? It's rather late; most mechs that don't have night duty will have retreated to their quarters by now. And for that matter, almost no one ever visits me in my quarters. I can't remember the last time I let someone else in here, so I approach the door rather warily. Maybe it's someone who wants to play a prank on me, maybe Sideswipe told Jazz about what I said and now they feel like they need to punish me in some way. My mind offers up countless scenarios.

I palm the door open, and almost have to take a step back. Smokescreen looks back at me, a nervous expression on his face.

"Tracks," he says, "could I talk to you for a moment?"