Summary: Harry's sixth year at Hogwarts is filled with taunting dreams and dark secrets. Sirius' death fresh in his mind and bleeding in his heart, he finds his body taking the abuse for his pain as he blames himself. Harry Potter has fallen on hard times and this time he is not able to stand back up on his own, doesn't have the strength to stand back on his own. How will he ever be able to get back up, how will he ever find his strength again to continue to battle against Voldemort whose power is growing at a rapid rate? Plus what's with the new transfer student in Slytherin house following Harry around for? A beautiful new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher has come to Hogwarts, but the question is will they make it through the year or do they have a secret agenda like all the others? Find out in the story Longing to be Found.
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter and am making no profit off this story… Besides, I doubt if I did own Harry Potter I could make seven books or even if I did they wouldn't even be a third as good as they are. Plus there would be pairing changes, character personalities wouldn't be the same, and some would be so scared it wouldn't even be funny; defiantly would not have been a children's book. I do however own the two OC's in this story and would greatly appreciate it if you did not copy them.
Warnings: DARK! Contains mature content and adult themes not suitable for young children, slash (male/male relationships beyond friendship), non-con (rape), strong language, PWP at times, self mutilation, self gratification (masturbation), OOCness, AU…
YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!...
Rated:M/NC-17
Drama/Angst
Longing to be Found…
By: TwilightKitsune1
Chapter Three (3)
- Meeting New Faces -
The train screeched to a halt in Hogsmeade like it does every year, and the students began to pile out. As Harry, Ron, and Hermione got off the train they heard the familiar yells of "Fir's years follow me!" coming from Hagrid as he walked, with his lantern held above him, down beside the train. They smiled and ran towards him to say hello before they headed to go into the castle. The night air was warm and had a slight breeze; the sky was clear and the moon bright. It seemed like a perfect night to return to the castle, 'And to the watchful, hero mongering, eyes of all those in that goddamn castle.' Said an unbidden thought in Harry's mind.
"Hello Hagrid." Hermione said as soon as they reached him.
"'ello you three. It's been a while, how you lot doing?" Hagrid asked his eyes on Harry.
Harry had to smile to himself; he should have known Hagrid would be worried about him. Harry put on his award winning mask that fooled most people into believing he was alright and smiled at Hagrid, "We're doing fine, how about you Hagrid?"
"Fine, fine… You three better get a move on it and get to the carriages before you have to jog to the castle." He said turning and walking back down the train, continuing his yell for first years.
"He's right, let's go." Hermione said and she began to the carriages, Ron and Harry following close behind.
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As they entered into the castle Harry's elbow began to bother him again, and he realized there was no way around the fact he had to get it checked out. Deciding what he was going to do and what he was going to say he continued with Ron and Hermione to the great hall, he would wait till after the feast to talk with Madam Pomfrey, or at least wait till she leaves the great hall. Besides as he smelled the food that was wafting through the halls from the kitchen his stomach was feeling amazingly empty.
As they passed the double doors to the great hall he saw all the students already inside, talking and laughing, or running up to friends that they probably hadn't seen all summer and giving them tight hugs. It was because Voldemort had returned and everyone finally accepted it. Though all last year everyone had thought Dumbledore and he were barking mad since they held true to warning everyone that was around, all those in the wizarding world, that Voldemort had returned. After he was spotted in the Ministry of Magic by the Minister himself everyone finally accepted the fact that he was alive. Since then people became afraid to step out of their houses, or stop having contact with who they normally have contact with, fearful that they would end up dead the next day, hour even.
People greeted him, a smile and a wave from a few but they didn't really keep a conversation going which was perfectly fine with him. Harry took a seat at the Gryffindor table, his mind was on nothing but trying to see if Madam Pomfrey was in the great hall. He saw her sitting up at the staffs table having a conversation with Professor McGonagall. He'd have to wait, and hope that Madam Pomfrey didn't tell McGonagall about his injury.
"Hey Harry…" Ron's voice cut through his thoughts, quickly pulling out of his mind.
Blinking a couple of times to completely clear his thought, remembering with Snape in the great hall he had to be careful what he thought, what memories were on display in his mind. Even though he had continued to train himself in Occlumency over the summer he wasn't sure if he could block his mind completely from him. He looked to Ron, who was sitting across from him, and Hermione who was beside him, he saw their worried looks. "What's the matter guys?" Harry asked, trying to act as though nothing was wrong.
"Mate, are you sure you're alright? I mean you've been weird all summer and we're worried about you." Ron said, moving forward slightly.
"I'm fine, really I am." Harry replied, a small, confused but hopefully reassuring smile on his face.
"Harry, you would tell us if there was anything… anything at all… We are friends and we want to help you whenever and with whatever we can." Hermione said, her face also showing concern.
"I would tell you if anything was wrong… but there's nothing wrong to tell." Harry tried to reassure them. Though in his heart he screamed, he didn't want them to know, to worry. "I guess I'm just tiered, that's all… So who's the new teacher?" Harry asked finally looking at the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher and completely changing the subject.
"Well no one knows who she is; in fact no one has ever seen her before… Ron figure's she's a veela because she, as Ron put's it, made him feel 'funny'." Hermione said, giving Ron a disapproving glance.
"Well she's gotta be!" Ron said, trying to defend himself against her accusation and her accusing look.
"Sure she is… my god Ron, she's a teacher!"
"So, a lot of other people felt it when they saw her!... and it's not just her looks, I saw you blushing too."
"You're such a git Ron!" Hermione said, looking indignant.
"What do you think Harry?" Ron asked looking to Harry for support.
Looking at Ron and then giving a nervous smile to Hermione he looked back up to the staff table. He saw her, she had shinning brown hair with a natural red tent to it; it looked like it reached down to just past her waist line when she stands up. It had single braids running throughout it, small enough to accent it but not too much to where it looks like it is over powered by braids while the rest of her hair seemed unnaturally straight. Her skin had a golden glow to it, as if she shinned with some hidden power that was humming. Her eyes were an amazing ice blue that had flecks of a jade green in them. She was wearing a tight velvet purple robe that hugged her body perfectly. She was speaking to Dumbledore, and it looked like a funny conversation since both were laughing and Dumbledore's eyes had a twinkle in them.
"So what do you think Harry?" Hermione asked, Ron looking expectantly at him.
"She is beautiful– "
"HA! I told you Hermione." Ron said, looking slightly proud of himself.
"—But she isn't a veela. Usually you instantly want to have them, to penetrate them, to have every inch of them and share with no one… but the only thing I'm getting from her is that she's powerful, magically, and that she is beautiful to the eye, but like any other person is beautiful to the eye, nothing special." Harry said, just then realizing that he had completely missed the beginning of the feast. He had been so lost in his thoughts for so long, before Ron pulled him out, that he had missed every word that had been said from Dumbledore. He poured himself some pumpkin juice trying to act as though he had known that there was food and drink around him.
Ron opened and closed his mouth as though he were a fish out of water for a few minutes. He looked over at Harry to say something but his thoughts were thrown away as he saw Harry's face. He was confused and slightly curious but his eyes were looking towards the other table, the Slytherin table. "Mate, what's the matter?"
"Nothing… but it looks like Malfoy's upset about something…"
Ron and Hermione quickly turned and looked towards the Slytherin table. Harry was right about Draco he did seem upset, in fact he didn't just seem upset he seemed furious. He was looking to the staff table, as if trying to will it to spontaneously combust. "I wonder what's wrong with him." Hermione whispered.
"Does it matter? If it pisses Malfoy off it must be good." Ron whispered to Harry and Hermione.
"Yeah…" Harry mumbled, finishing off his pumpkin juice. He couldn't shake the feeling that there was something between the new teacher and Draco, something he couldn't put his finger on… When he looked back up at the teachers table he saw that at some point Madam Pomfrey had left the great hall. "Well I think I'm going to head to the common room, do you guys know the password?"
"It's silver snow." Hermione said as she poured herself another glass of pumpkin juice.
"Do you want us to come with you mate?" Ron asked as he was finishing piling his plate of food.
"Thanks but no, I'll see you guys later." Harry said, and left as quickly and hopefully unnoticed. He wished he had noticed the food earlier since he was leaving with an empty stomach now but he had to speak with Madam Pomfrey tonight about his elbow. However, as he left he didn't notice the six pairs of eyes that watched as he walked to the exit, as he walked out of the great hall, or how they stared at the door long after it had closed.
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The hall was empty of anyone, and all Harry could hear were the students in the great hall, though it was muffled, and his shoes against the marble floor. When he was sure he was far enough away from the great hall he gripped onto his elbow and bit down on his lower lip so no sound would escape his mouth. The pain was beginning to worsen, it had been since the last week of summer but he didn't want the Weasley's to worry about him so he kept quiet. Though he remembered once when it was almost discovered that his elbow was badly hurt when Ron had tried to wake him up one morning from one of his recurring nightmares with Sirius in it. Ron had grabbed his arm and didn't even shake Harry before the pain had hit him, fully waking him up in seconds and clutching his elbow in pain. Ron had thought he had hurt him before; thinking quickly, Harry said that he had probably slept on it wrong at some point in the night, or banged it against something but it didn't hurt to bad so he shouldn't worry. Ron, being who he is, told his mother about Harry's arm and she looked it over. Harry was biting his tongue against the pain but was able to hold in his scream and when she had finished he said he needed to get changed, ran into the bathroom with his clothes, after telling Ron that he would be quick, silenced the entire room and screamed. He screamed like there was no tomorrow, fell onto the ground rolled into the fetal positions and cried. Slowly standing up after a few minutes, his legs shaking from the pain, he un did the silencing spell and turned the water on… when he left the bathroom after fifteen or sixteen more minutes, no one suspected a thing.
As he entered into the hospital wing he saw Madam Pomfrey walking around the beds with clean sheets, placing them at the foot of every one of the beds. "Madam Pomfrey…"
She jumped at the sudden interruption of the silence that had been complete in the room. "Oh Harry, what are you doing in here?" she sighed when she saw his hand griping his elbow, "The school year hasn't even begun Mr. Potter, and here you are coming to me to check your injuries… What seems to be the problem?" she asked, eyeing his elbow and walking towards him.
"Um… I hurt my elbow pretty bad this summer and I didn't want to worry anyone and since it was close to the school year I figured I could wait to see you…" Harry said quickly walking towards her and letting her grab a hold, but not painfully, of his elbow.
She clicked her tongue as she looked at it and her eyebrows furrowed together making an upset, worried face. "Harry… How did you do this?" she asked, handing him a sleeveless shirt, "Change you shirt and wear this instead so I can get a better look at it, but be careful!" her voice was stern and she pointed her wand to a bed that made itself instantly. "Go over there and wait for me alright." Madam Pomfrey ordered walking towards the door.
"Madam Pomfrey, could this just be between us?" Harry asked, hoping that she said yes.
"Harry, normally I'd say yes… but you might have to wear a sling as it heals." Madam Pomfrey said. Her eyes looked to the door as if willing someone to walk through the door. Closing her eyes she looked to Harry. "Change, I'll see if I can fix it in a night, but if I can't then I will have to tell both Dumbledore and McGonagall about your injury."
Harry nodded; he knew that the injury wouldn't be able to be hidden between the two of them. Now that he thought about it he should have gone to St. Mungo's Hospital when he had the chance. He nodded to her and headed over to where she told him to go; he had to have something done about his elbow, the year was just beginning and if it was bothering him this much now he didn't even want to imagine how much pain he'd be going through in a few more weeks.
)-()-()-()-()-(An hour and a half later)-()-()-()-()-(
Madam Pomfrey finished the bandaging of his elbow and checked the hold. "I think that should do for now… You're lucky you've been taking care of it Harry or else you might have had to have it in a sling."
Harry smiled. He could tell that she had sent a message to McGonagall and Dumbledore when she went to her office but his elbow was only a slight twinge now, barely noticeable. His mind was working better now that there wasn't searing pain to draw his attention more then the world around him. As he sat there he smiled to Madam Pomfrey, "So my elbows alright now?"
"Not completely, but it will be able to move more, to do more then hurt, but don't over work it Potter or I will put you in a sling." She said standing up. "Take this, one tablet a night for the next week and you should be fine."
"What about that potion you gave me?" Harry asked his stomach turning due to the potion she had told him to down in one gulp, which he had with out question and forced it to stay down, but his arm felt, almost, like there was nothing wrong with it.
"You want more Potter?" she asked, laughter in her eyes as Harry quickly shook his head. "Well then don't worry. Those tablets are almost as strong as that potion; they are made of the potion but solidified… But you won't have to have the terrible taste in your mouth after you take it; unfortunately it's not as strong as the potion."
As Harry was standing up to leave he grabbed his wand, waved it and smiled. The sleeveless shirt that Madam Pomfrey had asked him to wear while she looked over his elbow disappeared and was replaced with the shirt he had worn into the ward; when his shirts were changed he put his cloak back on. "I see your getting better with your wand Harry. I'm sure your teachers will be pleased to learn that."
Harry smiled for a second, scratching his check in embarrassment. "err… Thanks Madam Pomfrey."
She smiled and waved her wand at the shirt that Harry had been wearing and it disappeared. "Well—" Madam Pomfrey said but was interrupted by the door opening and Professor McGonagall walking in the room with Dumbledore beside her.
"Potter, what happened?" McGonagall asked as she neared Harry.
"I got hurt over the summer and I just wanted Madam Pomfrey to check it before the school year began."
"How did you hurt your self?" she asked, gently picking up his arm and pushing the sleeve back to see the bandaging,
"I fell off my broom when I was practicing during the summer… It wasn't hurting me to bad but it was probably because I was taking care of it." Harry replied, shielding his mind when he felt someone, probably Dumbledore, prying into his thoughts, his mind. "It's the truth…" Harry said, looking directly at Dumbledore.
"I see…" Dumbledore said, his eyes concerned but accepting. 'I'm glad you continued your training in Occlumency.' Dumbledore said right into Harry's mind.
'Sir, how are we talking like this?' Harry said in his mind, hoping Dumbledore heard him.
'Because we are users of Occlumency and using the mind, penetrating the mind, is an easy feat.' Dumbledore explained.
"It's late Potter," McGonagall said unaware of the private conversation going on, "You should go to your dorm room and get some sleep."
"Alright then, thank you Madam Pomfrey." With that Harry walked out and headed to the Gryffindor tower.
As he shut the door behind him he felt Dumbledore's attempts to penetrate his mind suddenly stop. He knew he was going to have to stay on his toes if he was going to keep his mind protected.
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Harry walked slowly down the hall, his black cloak billowing behind him, moving as if it were made of smoke. He could feel his mind slipping back into its normal depressing thoughts as he walked in a rhythmic pace. His eyes were looking forward but were unseeing and he didn't even know which direction he was going but he didn't care, he moved out of pure instinct. He knew the familiar paths of his "home"… "Home…" Harry thought. What exactly made him feel like this place was his home… The answer to his question came to him, almost as if someone was whispering it to him, "This place was home because he was safe here. He had never been hurt here and all that he had to do here was learn to protect himself. He is safe here and has never been put in intentional danger… for the most part."
As he neared the portrait of the fat lady, he heard someone calling out to him from down the hall. Turning to greet who ever it was that brought him out of his thoughts, thinking they were from his house and just getting in from doing what ever they were doing, he found himself face to face with a Slytherin. His mood instantly darkened and he became weary of the boy, teenager, in front of him.
He seemed normal, but he wasn't sure if he was as older or younger then he was, and actually had a friendly aura around him considering he was from Slytherin. He had shoulder length black hair that was straight and shined with the surrounding lights. His eyes were an amazing hazel that had a small bit of golden glow that didn't seem natural in them. His skin was a pale golden color that had no blemishes or marks of any kind. He was a little shorter then Harry, and he was toned a little showing he was not lazy in the least. Looking at him stand there with a friendly smile some how made Harry feel inferior to him. In fact his uniform seemed as if it was made specifically for him. It clung in the places that were perfect to cling to, hung from the right places to hang from, and in fact made him look like a sex god. There were no words to describe what Harry thought of him, but a blush came to his checks unbidden by anything.
"Hey there Harry Potter." The nameless boy greeted, pulling Harry out of his thoughts, though the thoughts had been of a perverted nature.
"Who are you?" Harry was finally able to say, his weariness returning.
"It's Alex Capper." He looked down the hall, and glanced around before he returned his attention to Harry. "I wanted to speak with you… and the headmaster if that's possible."
Harry stood there, confused about the request he stared at him for a moment longer. There was a slight sweat forming on his brow from an obvious worry, but from what Harry didn't know. As Harry was about to speak he did it, the one motion that Harry didn't even think he'd do. His right hand reached up, as if by its own will, and clasped his left forearm. Harry didn't need to ask him why he did what he did; he knew that his hand had instinctively clasped a dark mark. It was the symbol of being a loyal, devoted follower of Voldemort himself; this boy could very well be a Death Eater even if he was young. Harry's hand moved as instinctual as Alex's had, and grasped his wand. He would not be caught off guard, he refused to be. Harry was ready to jump into a dual should the other begin threatening motions.
His hand tightened and he looked at Harry pleading, "Please, I need your help."
Harry stood there and looked at him, "With what?"
'The walls have ears… I need to speak with both you and Dumbledore.' The boy pleaded in Harry's mind.
As Harry was about to reply and ask him how he knew how to speak in people's minds they heard footsteps coming from the other side of the hall. Thinking quickly Harry grabbed Alex and maneuvered them to a secluded corner with Harry's back to the light. They looked as if they were having an intimate moment. The steps continued after stopping for a moment, both were positive that who ever it had been had stopped to look at them. When they were sure the person was gone Harry looked at Alex, and if it hadn't been so dark he'd have sworn that he was blushing. "Alex, I think we should meet somewhere where we won't get eased dropped on."
Alex deftly nodded his agreement, his hands gripping at Harry's robes and his head was slightly buried in Harry's chest. He pulled back and Harry stared at him, his eyes dropping to his lips, and even though he wasn't looking at his face he could swear Alex was doing the same. "You should probably—"
Harry was interrupted when Alex's lips suddenly crashed against Harry's. Harry wanted to fight him for a second but then the thought of putting any fight up was thrown out of his mind. He couldn't stop himself, his body was reacting on it's own as his tongue slowly began to slip out and slowly run along his bottom lip. Alex's mouth opened with no hesitation, no resistance. Harry's hands began to slide down his sides, one moving to his butt, the other stopping at his hip. Alex moaned wrapping one hand around Harry's neck, as the other went into his hair pulling him closer, making the kiss deeper, more passionate.
Harry could feel himself getting excited; he could also feel Alex's excitement. As Harry was trying to gather his composure and will power to pull away and stop this Alex rolled his hips, grinding their growing erections together. Harry groaned. This was torture, complete torture.
He felt one of Alex's hands move down, his hand racking his nails over his shirt, as if trying to claw the offending cloth off of him. When he reach the end of the shirt he slipped his hand underneath and moved it back up, his fingers barely touching Harry's skin. His hand stopped at Harry's nipple and he began to play with it, rolling and pinching it between his fingers. Their tongues continued to battle first in Alex's then in Harry's, fighting for supremacy. One of Alex's legs rose, wrapping around Harry's waist tightly and the other followed soon after.
With Alex pinned between Harry and the wall he moaned into the kiss and rolled his hips again and again, begging Harry to take him in his mind. Harry heard him and wanted nothing more then to comply with his demand. He pumped against Alex, slamming him into the wall and his erection making Alex whimper.
'God Harry!... I want you; I want you to fuck me! Please!' Alex begged in Harry's mind.
Harry wanted it too, he wanted him so bad that he completely forgot that they were in the Gryffindor hall and Alex was a Slytherin, he forgot that earlier Alex had grabbed his left forearm where the dark mark should be. He forgot about everything except that he wanted this boy that was willing to have sex with him, he wanted him so bad.
Harry's hand reached up to Alex's shirt and he quickly began unbuttoning it, breaking the kiss he moved down his neck, nipping at any piece of skin his mouth meet. As he reached the boy's nipples he took one of them into his mouth, nibbling and sucking, rolling it with his tongue; just playing with it to hear Alex's moans. His legs gripped him harder and he rolled his hip again, causing friction between their growing erections.
So lost in their bliss that they failed to hear the footsteps that were coming towards them; and they weren't the leisurely footsteps from before either.
They were pulled away when a hand was placed on Harry's shoulder and a soft cough was heard. Harry quickly released Alex and his legs slid down Harry's sides and he pulled his shirt together quickly and began to re button it, straightening his clothes as Harry did. They were looking at a disapproving Professor McGonagall and when she got a good look at them her disapproving look turned to shock. "Harry, what are you doing, I thought you knew better then this! To think one of my Gryffindor's would be doing something so… so… immoral in the hallway!" she looked at Alex, "And you're a new student here right? Well I don't know how they ran things in your old school but around Hogwarts these things are not acceptable."
'Professor, you have to understand, we were talking about order things, asking for our help, and someone was coming so we had to hide… then things kind of… got out of control.' Harry explained in McGonagall's mind. He knew it was a weak fight but it was the truth.
She gave them both disapproving looks then spoke, "Alex, return to your house."
"Y-yes ma'am." Alex said, giving Harry a glance that promised they'd meet up again later and left.
"Harry… I'll want an explanation later, for now go to your dorm room… there will be no points taken but you now have two weeks detention, and they will be served with Professor Snape… and no lip. Now, off with you." McGonagall finished.
As Harry was walking away he couldn't help it he wanted to know, he pierced McGonagall's thoughts. 'I don't believe this… with a Slytherin… Dumbledore will not believe this…' Harry let go of her thoughts and walked to the fat lady's portrait.
"Well, well, well, look at that, can you believe it, Harry Potter has a thing for his own sex." She commented when he got there. "So who was it, obviously they aren't from this house so which one is it?"
He spared her a glance then said, "Silver snow" she swung forward and he walked past her completely ignoring what she was saying.
As he entered the common room no one was there and the fire was only embers… How late is it? Harry though miserably, not really caring… He felt sick, like he was disgusting. How his body was reacting, how he had enjoyed himself made him want to hurl. He felt disgusting, like he was some kind of sick pervert, he didn't know what to do. Sure if Alex had been a girl he'd be fine but… Alex wasn't a girl. He wanted to hit something, to hurt something, to throw something. He wanted to get Alex's noises out of his head, how he was pleading with him to fuck him, he wanted to forget that he had almost complied with what he wanted.
Slowly walking up the spiral steps and to the room that now said sixth years going inside he saw that everyone was already asleep, but not really paying any mind to them he walked towards his bed. He was thankful that he didn't have to face anyone after what had happened. He plopped down on his bed not even caring if he changed clothes or not. There were tears building in his eyes, tears he didn't want to shed… he looked out into the night sky past the window pane from his bed. How he wished he could fly away… to fly far, far away from here, to a place no one knew him but that was impossible, everyone knew the boy who lived…
Not really thinking he waved his wand above a stray feather from his pillow case. The once pristine white feather turned into a shining silver blade. He didn't know how he did that, in fact he didn't even notice he did it in the first place. What he did notice was the blade slipping across his skin, his blood running down his skin like a red water fall. One slit, two slit, three slit, soon he lost count of how many he had done, the pain taking his misery and his blood. When he was satisfied he just sat there, the moon light shinning into his room making his injuries visible. He just sat there and watched, watched as his blood trickled down, soon coming to a stop and his arm was covered in dry blood. His pain was completely gone, his misery was completely gone, but the blood remained on his arm, staining it for the night.
The End of Chapter Three (3)
A/N: Well that's it for chapter three! So what did you guys think? I know, I know I said this is a Draco/Harry and people are probably like "WTF mate, whys Harry almost fucking an OOC" well to answer your question, story progression… plus I wanted some sweet, sweet man loving. Well now that that's said don't forget to review, tanks for reading!