Author's note: It just hit me that you guys left over sixty reviews for this story and I've only posted 4 chapters… I can't tell you how rewarding and amazing that is.

I have to apologize in advance because this time I won't be able to answer your lovely reviews. If I did, then I wouldn't have time to post this chapter at all for a few days. I have a plane tomorrow morning taking me from France to New York City where I'm going to live for 4 months, right now it's 1:30am and I barely finished packing… needless to say, things are pretty crazy. But know that I've read each of your review a couple times, and I promise to answer the next ones.

Alright, enjoy the chapter!

Laurie

Chapter 5: Nowhere Warm

I go nowhere high

Go nowhere warm

Until you're by my side

Your hand in mine

And I've always known

You're like a feather

You go where wind and fire melt together

But I'm sure you're on your way home

Yes I'm sure you're on the road

It was a Tuesday morning when Dan Scott was put to the ground.

When Nathan had first told Lucas that Dan was dead, two days ago, he hadn't reacted. It was only after staring straight ahead for a few minutes, unable to move, that he'd finally spoken.

"Good for him."

But there were no words that could describe the way he felt about Dan Scott.

It all went back to his childhood, when he had first realized that everyone but him had a father. Eventually, he'd been old enough to understand that he did have a dad, only he didn't care enough about him to be in his life. And it had hurt so much back then.

He had watched Nathan, wondering what it was like to be him. Was Dan the reason Nathan had ended up being captain of the basketball team, the most popular guy at school, and had Peyton Sawyer as his girlfriend? Lucas had asked himself this question for a long time.

And then Lucas had joined the team too, and that's when he had finally realized, all doubt erased from his heart, that he had been the lucky one all along. He could see what Dan had done to his own son and wife, and with that knowledge, he had finally appreciated what he had. And he wouldn't have traded it for anything.

It had been like making peace with himself. He wasn't so bitter anymore. He had his mom, Keith, Brooke. Everything made sense.

Until the unthinkable had happened.

There were still days when he would wake up and ask himself if it wasn't all one big joke. How could it be true?

How could his dad kill his uncle?

How could a man murder his own brother in cold blood?

Lucas carried this pain around with him every day. Losing Keith had probably been the hardest thing he had been through. He'd felt lost like never before after losing him, and it had taken Lucas a long time to heal. Seeing his mom so broken hadn't made things easier.

But somehow, it had gotten easier with time.

And yet, ever since the day he had learned that Dan had killed Keith, there had been a shadow following him, haunting him, and no matter how much he tried to ignore it, it was always there. It was his greatest fear, and he had never told anyone about it. He knew Nathan understood because he could see it in his eyes too.

The fear of being anything like Dan.

And as they lowered his coffin ten feet under, in the freshly dug grave, he was scared it would never leave him.

Peyton reached for his hand as the first shovel of dirt was thrown on the coffin. He involuntarily flinched and saw her reel back, hurt. But he didn't have the strength to care. Not now.

One by one, everybody started leaving. Not that there were many people here. In fact, each person standing here was doing so for Nathan, Lucas, or Jamie, and no one else. Lucas wondered if maybe Deb was grieving, but as he stared at her while she was walking away from the grave, he only saw relief in her eyes.

Soon enough, everybody was gone but Nathan, Haley, Peyton and him. He met his brother's eyes across the grave. He knew this was harder on Nathan than it was on him, but Nathan was not about to let it show. Lucas admired him for that.

He saw him kiss Haley's forehead, gently sending her and Jamie on their way. She slowly made their way towards the car, but not without Haley meeting Lucas' gaze first. They said nothing, and yet Lucas silently thanked her for being there and for understanding.

Peyton was still standing by his side. He couldn't find it in him to look at her, and he hoped she would understand that he needed to be alone. Eventually, she put a hand on his shoulder and started leaving too. He made no sign to acknowledge her absence.

He remained standing there for the longest time. He wasn't grieving – he was hurting. He wasn't sad – he was relieved.

But most of all, he was scared.

--

Brooke quickly hung up the phone with Owen when she saw Peyton walking back towards her. He'd checked in on her because he knew it wasn't an easy day for her, and she had been touched. But right now, her friends needed her more.

"Hey P. Sawyer," she said. "How are you?"

Peyton shrugged. "I'm alright. I don't know about Lucas, though."

"He'll be alright. In his own time."

She nodded. "I know. It's just hard. And I know I do that too – shut people out. I just thought he'd open up to me."

Brooke felt old memories rush back to her. She had wanted Lucas to open up to her so badly after Keith's death. It had taken a long time before he had come to her, and she could still remember how much it had hurt to wait for him to do so.

"What do you say we get out of here and get some breakfast? I bet you haven't been to Waffle House in forever!"

Peyton shook her head. "I'm not hungry."

"I know," she said. "Me neither. But we could use the distraction. You know, watching the food being cooked so grossly and then actually eating it and admitting it is good!"

"It does sound good right now."

"Told you it would. Come on," Brooke said, motioning to her car. "Let's go."

--

"Thank you for today," Brooke said as Owen walked her up to her door. "It really helped take my mind off of… everything."

"I figured."

After breakfast with Peyton, Brooke had gone back to the store, but she hadn't had the heart to work. She kept thinking of Lucas, and Jamie, and Nathan, and then back to Lucas again. So when Owen had come in at the beginning of the afternoon and kidnapped her for a shopping expedition at the Myrtle Beach outlets, she'd happily followed him.

She leaned closer to him. "So, bartender boy… when are you going to kiss me?"

"Ha. It's a good thing you brought it up."

"Really?"

He nodded. "I don't kiss before the third date anymore."

Brooke shook her head, protesting. "But we've dated before."

"It doesn't count."

"Yes it does!"

"No."

"Fine," she said. "If you won't kiss me," she said, moving closer to him, "then I will." And with those words, she pressed her lips against his.

He was laughing by the time she pulled back. "You are something, Brooke Davis."

"I know," she said playfully. "Call me tomorrow," she told him as she disappeared behind her door.

--

The house was empty, and Brooke dropped all her shopping bags in the living room. She wondered if Peyton was somewhere with Lucas. She wondered if he was opening up to her best friend the way she had wanted him to during senior year.

She sat on the couch. When was life going to get easier for all of them? Not long ago, Lucas had told her that she saved people, and maybe he was right. But how could she stand there and not try to make this world a better place to live in?

She jumped when her phone rang. It was already past midnight and she wasn't expecting anyone to be calling. She answered without looking at the caller's ID.

"Hello," she said.

"Hey."

She could have recognized his voice anywhere. "Lucas. Are you okay?"

He said nothing for a few seconds. "Listen, I know it's late, but I have to ask this…"

"Sure. Anything you want."

"Could you meet me at the riverfront?"

"Now?"

"Yes."

She almost asked about Peyton but decided against it. "I'll be there in 15 minutes."

--

Haley's arm reached out across the bed as she woke up and found Nathan gone.

She got up and slowly walked out of her bedroom. She stopped in front of Jamie's room on her way downstairs and cracked the door open, catching a glimpse of her son sleeping peacefully. He was still wearing his red cape, and Chester was snuggled next to him.

He hadn't wanted to let it go of either, and Haley hadn't had the heart to say no to him. He'd said he wanted to have Chester next to him in case Grandpa Dan visited him in his sleep and he wanted to say goodbye to him, too.

Reassured that Jamie was okay, Haley walked down the stairs. Nathan was nowhere in sight in the house, so she opened the glass windows and walked outside, on the terrace. He was sitting by the pool, his feet dangling in the water.

"Hey," she said as she sat next him.

"Hey. Sorry I left. I couldn't sleep."

"It's okay."

"Is it, Hales? We buried him, and yet it's like he's still here, following me around everywhere. What if he doesn't leave me? What if I become him one day?

"You won't," she said firmly, her hands running on his face.

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because, I know. I've seen your heart. And I know you won't."

--

Brooke found Lucas sitting in the old fountain, by the trees.

"Hey Broody."

He turned to see her face. He'd heard her footsteps a while ago. Her heels had hit the pavement at the same rhythm his heart was beating in his chest: in a hurry to get somewhere, hoping everything wasn't lost.

She didn't ask him how was he was doing; she knew better. Instead, she sat next to him in silence. He was looking across the water, his eyes fixed on the empty river court across the river. She could only guess what was running through his mind.

After a while she heard his breathing get louder and ragged, and when she turned to him, she found his cheeks wet. She said nothing, but she couldn't help the hand that reached out and wiped his tears away.

"You're nothing like him, you know that?"

He closed his eyes at the sound of her voice. She'd guessed without him saying anything. She understood it wasn't about grieving Dan, or missing him. She knew.

He shrugged. "But how do you know I won't be, eventually?"

There it was – his biggest fear. And he'd trusted it to her.

"Look at me," she said. He answered her request, but didn't expect to see the tears welled up in her own eyes. "Do you want to know how I'm sure?" He nodded. She went on. "I know, because I know your heart, Luke. I know because even when your heart is confused, you never mean to hurt anyone. In fact, it's the last thing you would ever want. And I know you could never, ever, end up like him. You care too much. You love the people in your life. And it makes all the difference."

Lucas slowly took in her words. They wrapped themselves around his heart, pulling him out of the darkness.

He said nothing, but reached out for her hand. Their fingers intertwined and he tightened his hold. He hoped she understood exactly how grateful he was that she was here, with him, after all they had gone through.

--

The song I used for the title of this chapter is sung by Kate Havnevik.

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