I know it took me a while to update, but I've been quite busy working and reading and writing and everything else one does at a holiday.

Somebody asked for longer chapter, and I can promise that they will come. But this chapter has been written a pretty long while ago. In fact, I'm not busy writing chapter 19, and I'll try making that one longer.
As for the other request, well, we'll see...

This chapter is pretty much a filler, but anyway. Enjoy and please tell me what you think!

They stayed in the lunchroom for a while, Emily trying to calm JJ down, who had broken down after talking so much.

She just remembered everything, it came back to her and she was too tired to fight. She couldn't stop the tears, now that she had finally talked there were no longer any barriers to stop them. She didn't care about everybody in the room seeing them, she didn't know them anyway. But Emily… she was so sweet to her, holding her and talking to her, like she accepted her with all the scars her past brought with her.

She had had Peter and Sophie of course, who had been there for her. She had always known she could rely on them, but she just never did. Back then, she was too afraid Walt would hurt Jess, too… She almost snorted. How stupid had she been, trusting him. Thinking he would actually keep his promise, thinking he would do one decent thing in his life.

When she had been back, taking care of him, when she found out about Jess, she had been ready to kill. Most of that evening was quite blurry in her mind, but she could still remember her desperation when she ran into the kitchen, searching for pills and then going for the knife.

Initially she hadn't even known who to kill… Him or herself. But then she'd seen Scott before her eyes, sweet Scott who didn't deserve a dead girlfriend. And she couldn't. She couldn't kill anyone, Walt nor herself. She wouldn't lower herself to that. She'd finally do something useful.

So she'd called the cops, telling them why he deserved to get life.

She had stayed just long enough to testify, not telling any more than what she had to tell. Peter and Sophie had been there with her, and she had looked at them all the time, knowing that when she looked at Walt her walls would go down.

She'd gone back to Horizon after that, enjoying the last few moments there. The plan had already started to form then, the longing to become someone else. She hadn't told anyone, nobody knew. She hadn't even known whether it would be legal back then.

But she found out it was, and she had changed her name the moment she could. No matter how much it hurt to have to leave everyone behind, leaving them without any information, it hurt more to keep the memories.

She had taken a new name, with its own past attached to it, and she had done her best to live up to it. Working in the BAU had been tricky, with her real past, and she'd had some breakdowns in the time that she had worked there, but the feeling of having some friends and a job she liked was stronger than the few breakdowns she'd had.

Emily shook her out of her thoughts, giving her one last squeeze before letting go. "We should get back to the station; it's already half past one."

JJ nodded, wiping away the wetness under her eyes. "I'm just going to the bathroom to freshen up," she said, grabbing her bag. Emily took her coat off the back of her chair and followed her into the bathroom.

"Uhm, JJ…" Emily said hesitantly. JJ looked up at her through the mirror. She looked less messy now, having applied on enough make-up to hide the redness of her eyes. Emily doubted if it would help, though: profilers were hard to fool.

"What do we tell the others?"

JJ turned around, facing Emily. "We don't have to tell them anything," she said, an edge in her voice.

"JJ, they're already suspicious, they won't let it pass," Emily said, knowing they needed something to tell.

JJ sighed. She knew there was no way out, eventually they'd find out, even if Emily didn't tell.

"Look, I'll tell them, just not now, okay?"

"I'll be with you, if you want me to," Emily prodded, offering her support. "I could even tell them, if you can't do it yourself."

"No, I have to tell them myself, but… could you stay with me?" JJ's eyes were full of emotion, and Emily just couldn't refuse. Not that she would in any case. She knew how good support could feel and what a help it could be.

"Of course I will, JJ, I'll be there with you," she said softly, quickly hugging JJ before the door opened and another woman came in. "Come on now, we've got to go back. They'll wonder where we've been."

They left together, in a very different atmosphere than when they arrived. JJ was tired and she felt empty, and yet she felt the warmness that came from the woman walking next to her. It was more than she'd ever dared hoping for, and she was glad there was someone who knew, someone she didn't have to hide from.

When they walked into the case-room again, hopefully for the last time, JJ immediately noticed the strange looks some of the team members threw at them, and she knew Emily had been right: she'd have to tell soon. They were a team of profilers, and they worked as a family: there was no way they'd really leave her alone. They would maybe not push her so much, but she would continue getting these strange looks until they knew.

But she didn't want to tell, and she didn't think there would ever be a right time for it. With Emily, it had been one on one, with someone she trusted. She trusted everyone else, but with Emily, and Garcia as well, she just had a different kind of bond than with the men. It was something that came naturally with being women in a men's world. They'd had their share of harassments in their jobs, and it made them connect.

"JJ?" Reid's voice shook her out of her thoughts. Everyone had scattered now, trying to find a way to fill the time until they left for Quantico.

She looked at Reid, seeing the bags under his eyes. This case hadn't been easy on him. It had shown him what he could have become, having been an outcast, just like Mendel had. JJ knew Reid worried about it, she knew that he worried he would someday turn. He hadn't ever told her with those words, but it was something that she'd picked up on, unconsciously memorizing every little sign.

"Are you alright?" She nearly jumped at the voice of the person she'd been thinking of.

"I'm fine," she smiled reassuringly at him. "Just a bit tired, that's all."

"You have been tired a lot lately," Reid argued, narrowing his eyes. He knew she wouldn't just come clean with him, but he wanted her to know he knew something was off.

"I've been having some… nightmares," JJ replied, her eyes downcast. She hoped he'd think the nightmares were a result of her abduction and not something else.

Reid nodded: nightmares were something he'd had his own share of. Though knowing JJ wasn't telling him everything, he let it go. He knew JJ. She really wouldn't tell unless she wanted, or was forced to. And he didn't want to force her to tell something she didn't.

I hope that at least SOMEONE has caught the Higher Ground reference in this chapter, though slightly altered.