Author's note: First off, I want to apologize for how long it took me to update this fic. I haven't forgotten it – far from it – but I'm still looking for an apartment, and I've lost all the time I could have spent writing/updating this fic. I wrote this chapter a while ago, so please be kind because I haven't even had time to re-read it and make it better – things are just too crazy, but I really want to give you guys an update.

Once more, I won't have time to answer your wonderful reviews, but as soon as I settle down and have time on my hands, I promise I'll answer each one of you. 'Cause you are all made of awesome.

Oh, and one last thing: a lot of you have been mentioning spoilers in your reviews… but I'm completely spoiler-less, so pleaaaase, don't let anything slip ;-D

Thank you all, you rock my world.

Laurie

Chapter 6: Looking For Love

I think I should apologize 'cause I have made a big mistake

I think I misunderstood and there's too much now at stake

'Cause I'm looking for love

I'm looking for love

I'm looking for love and love

Love

Love

I thought it was you

Peyton couldn't help but let out a sigh as she hung up her phone. She had hoped to spend the night with Brooke, but her best friend was with Owen, as she'd been for the past few weeks. It had been two weeks today since the funeral, and Peyton had barely seen Brooke ever since. Whenever she wasn't with Owen, she was at the store, or babysitting Jamie, or running an errand. She would almost think she was avoiding her, if the thought wasn't ridiculous. Why would she?

Peyton was on her way to her studio to listen to Haley's new album once more. It would be just her and the music, and she needed the getaway. She shouldn't feel this way, with Lucas back in her life, her new record label, Haley's new album almost ready, Mia on tour having the time of her life… and yet something was missing, and she couldn't figure out what.

She needed Brooke to figure it out.

It was already past midnight when she got home and found Brooke eating ice cream in the kitchen.

"Hi Roomie," Brooke greeted her. "Wanna have some midnight ice cream with me?"

"Only if it's chocolate chip cookie dough."

Brooke said nothing but opened the fridge and slid said ice cream pint on the counter. Peyton sat next to Brooke and plunged her spoon in the ice cream, but she didn't have the heart to eat it.

"Are you avoiding me, Brooke? Because we haven't seen really each other in weeks and I miss you, and right now I really, really need you." She was on the verge of tears.

"Hey, hey, I'm right here P. Sawyer. And I know I've been busy with the store, and with Owen, but I'm here. You know that."

Peyton nodded. She looked sad – unhappy, almost – and Brooke didn't understand why. Truth be told, she had kind of avoided Peyton lately. But the ring on her finger blinded Brooke, and she couldn't tell Peyton that. She couldn't do that to her – she wouldn't.

"What's going on?" she asked her. "Talk to me."

"It's just that… you know how long I've been waiting for Lucas to be in my life again. And now he finally is, but I feel like something is missing. I know he's been having a hard time with Dan's death, but it's not even about that. It's not how it used to be before, back in senior year. We get along great, but it's not how I thought it would be. It doesn't feel how I thought it would feel."

"You know Lucas has had a lot on his mind lately, with Dan dying and losing coaching. But he'll come around. You guys will talk it out."

Peyton shook her head. "No. That's the thing – we haven't really talked. We've barely talked about Lindsay."

"So she's the monkey in the room," Brooke stated.

"The elephant, Brooke!" Peyton laughed.

"I know, I know that now. I just wanted to see your pretty smile." Peyton smiled again. "See, there it is again!"

Brooke took a few seconds to think about her next words. She wasn't sure what to tell Peyton. She wasn't sure she could find it in her heart to help her out with her relationship with Lucas.

"Okay. Do you wanna know what I think?" Peyton nodded and Brooke went on. "I think that you need sit down with Lucas and tell him how you feel. Talk about Lindsay. Don't be scared, because you know Lucas loves you. The whole world knows he loves you. And even if you doubt that after all that's happened, remember that he proposed to you a month ago. You're the one he wants, 'kay?"

"Okay," she whispered. Her tears were drying up by now. Brooke was right – she'd just needed to hear the words.

"Now, what do you say we eat that ice cream before it all melts, Best Friend?"

She laughed. "I'd love to."

--

Brooke sat on her desk and pushed aside all the Clothes Over Bros designs scattered everywhere. Mouth and Millicent were leaving in two days, and since they were all going to have dinner together tomorrow night, she wanted to write some kind of speech she would give before they moved to Nebraska – wherever the hell that was.

She reached for her stationary in her second drawer, but momentarily froze when her hand came in contact with a stack of letters. She brought them up in front of her and, as she realized what they were, felt her heart constrict in her chest.

Four letters – and they were all addressed to Lucas.

She remembered clearly when she had written each of them. One after letting Lucas go during their senior year; one after seeing Peyton and Lucas in bed in Honey Grove; one before leaving for L.A. after graduating; and the last one when Lucas had kissed her in New York, the night after Peyton had rejected his proposal.

She stared at them, frozen. She couldn't deal with that now.

She pushed them aside, but the name on the colorful envelopes kept on nagging at her.

Looking at those letters, Brooke knew why she'd found it in her heart to give Peyton advice on her relationship with Lucas: she wanted those letters to mean something. And if Lucas didn't end up with Peyton, then they meant nothing. Then, her sacrifice meant nothing. And she couldn't handle that.

She took a deep breath. Focus, she told herself. This was about Mouth and Millicent.

Besides, she had Owen now. She was finally moving on, after all these years.

--

Brooke looked up when she heard someone walk in her store and found Lucas standing in the entrance. She smiled.

"Hey Luke!"

"Hey yourself. You know, every time I walk in this store, I'm amazed by how different it is. From my mom's café, I mean."

"Different good or different bad?" Brooke asked, unsure.

"Different good," he answered. "I don't know if I've ever told you this, but whenever my mom calls, she always asks how you are doing and how the store is doing."

Brooke's heart leapt a little in her chest. "Well, tell her I'm doing marvelous, and that she is missed. She's always been so good to me. More than my own mother ever was." She couldn't help the wave of sadness that always overwhelmed her when she thought of Victoria.

"Well it's her loss," he told her.

She smiled again. "Thanks, Luke. How has today been?"

"Okay, I guess. I just have to keep moving and I think I'll be alright." He didn't say more; he knew she understood. "How was your day?"

Lucas had been stopping by the store almost every day since the night she had met him at the riverfront. He was concerned with how she was doing in the light of Angie's departure. He could tell it hadn't been easy on her, in spite of the brave face she put on for everyone. And ever since Dan had died, she'd tried to put his pain above hers, ignoring her own. He refused to let it happen.

"Well, I'm excited about tonight because I haven't been to the Oceanic in a long time – and I have a fabulous speech ready for Millicent and Mouth."

Lucas just stared at her, seemingly unattained by her answer, and only then did she allow herself to go on. "And I might also be really sad at the thought of losing someone else I love," she said, all in one breath. "I don't think my heart can take missing another person."

"I'm sure you'll get through it. And if not, I'm here. You don't have to go through it alone."

As he spoke, Brooke remembered what Lucas had once told her. "I didn't think you were… that tough." Was she still that tough? She wasn't sure.

"You're coming tonight, right?"

He nodded. "Of course! You think I'd miss your fabulous speech?" he asked, mirroring her words.

"I would kick your ass if you did! Besides, it really is fabulous."

"I don't think it can be anything else coming from you, Brooke."

Her heart raced in her chest. He was doing it again – staring at her intensely and making her lose her inner balance.

And she always had to find a way to upset that balance back. "Have you talked to Peyton since yesterday?"

She swore she saw him flinch but quickly pushed the thought away. He had no reason to.

"No. I'm on my way to see her now. Why?"

"No reason."

"Brooke."

"Okay, fine. I just think you guys should talk. I know you have had other things on your mind lately… but I also think you owe it her to explain her everything."

"I don't know if there's an explanation for everything, Brooke," he answered.

"Well you can try," she said kindly.

A bunch of customers walked in the store as Lucas was about to answer, and he decided not to. "I'll let you go back to work. I'll see you tonight?"

Brooke nodded and waved goodbye. She would be lying if she said she didn't look forward to Lucas' visits. It was like a constant in her life.

--

Haley was singing when Lucas had entered the studio, and the first thought he had was that it sounded like she was literally pouring her heart out in the song she was recording. Her voice was hauntingly beautiful and the melody fit Haley perfectly.

He touched her shoulder and she jumped out of her skin before turning around. "Lucas!" She smacked him across the chest. "You just scared me to death!"

"Sorry," he said, laughing. "I couldn't resist."

"You're lucky you're my best friend or I would have hit you even harder!"

"Actually I think I'm really lucky because it feels like one of my lungs just collapsed", he said, feigning to be holding his chest.

"Haha. Very funny. What are you doing here anyway?"

"Peyton," he answered. "Is she in her office?"

Haley nodded. Lucas started walking towards Peyton's office but she stopped him before he left the room. "How are you, Lucas?" she asked. "You've been dodging the question for weeks now."

He opened his mouth and she cut him off. "Remember, I'm married to Nathan. He was Dan's son, too. So don't give me that crap you give everyone."

"I'm… moving on," he said honestly. "Trying to put it behind me. How's Jamie?"

"Still sad," she said. "I think the hardest part for him is that he's the only one feeling that way. It's difficult to try and explain him why it is that way."

Lucas stepped in and hugged Haley. "He'll be alright."

She smiled as he pulled back. "You too," she told him.

He started walking towards Peyton's office but stopped before exiting the room. "By the way," he said, "the song is beautiful, Hales. You're gonna do great."

"Thanks," she mouthed.

--

"Hey you," Lucas said as he walked up to Peyton and kissed her. "How are you today?"

"Great." She kissed him again. "Did you hear Haley's song on your way in?"

He nodded. "It's amazing. And it's all thanks to you."

She smiled. She was proud of what she had accomplished with her studio… but it wasn't what she wanted to discuss tonight. "Listen, can we talk?"

"Sure," he said, and together they sat on the edge of her desk, standing side by side. "What's going on?"

"I just… I know it hasn't been easy for you lately, and I understand that. But I feel like we haven't really talked about us, and I can't ignore it any longer. We haven't talked about Lindsay or about that night in L.A.," she said with sadness in her voice. "It's like we've been standing still because we're too afraid to face the past. And we can't move on unless we do."

"I'm sorry," he said sincerely. "I've just had a lot on my mind, and I didn't want it to…"

"Spoil what we have?" she said, guessing his next words. He nodded. "I get that, Lucas, I do. But I also think it's time for us to talk about it."

"Okay," he said softly. "Ask away. Anything you want."

She took a deep breath. "Am I the comet, Luke?"

Of all the questions she could have asked, it wasn't the one he had been expecting to hear first. He shook his head. "Listen, Peyton… the comet isn't anyone, okay? Maybe the book really is about yearning and love – about meeting someone that makes you believe in life and love again. But I didn't write it thinking of one specific person."

He didn't mean to hurt her by saying that, but he wanted to be honest. He felt that he owed it to her, all after that had happened. But as he stared at her, he couldn't ignore the hurt that danced in her eyes.

"Then why did Lindsay refuse to marry you?"

"Because… she saw your car and assumed you were the comet. She'd always been insecure about my past with you, and I guess she panicked and let it take over her."

"And you would have married her if she hadn't stopped the ceremony," she said matter-of-factly. It was the part that hurt the most – knowing that Luke had wanted to spend his life with someone other than her.

He nodded silently and Peyton went on. "But how could you?" she asked him, finally letting out what she'd bottled up for weeks now – months, even. She moved away from him and into the open space of her office. "How could you stand there and promise her your life and your love? Do you remember when you asked me to spend forever with you? Didn't it mean anything at all?" she said as she put a hand to her chest, where her heart was now beating at a hundred miles per hour.

"It did, Peyton! It did! But I loved Lindsay, too. She's smart and talented and uncomplicated –"

"Unlike me, right? Because I'm so damn complicated!" she cried out. "But how complicated was the fact that I loved you and wanted to spend the rest of my life with you?"

Things were getting out of control but he couldn't back out of the conversation. He got up from the desk. "You know, you keep forgetting that I asked you to marry me four years ago, and yet I'm the one that walked out of that hotel room alone. You didn't even want to see the ring, for God's sake!"

Peyton closed her eyes in pain. It wasn't physical, but she felt like her heart was literally bleeding. It was so damn hard to hear him tell her that she'd rejected him four years ago, because she hadn't. "Lucas, you chose to walk out of that room alone. I never wanted you to!"

"Then why didn't you go after me? You never even tried!" he shouted. "For someone who wants to spend their life with another person, it sounds like the thing to do, don't you think?"

"I did! I came to your book signing, Luke!"

"I never saw you there!"

"Because I saw you with Lindsay, and –"

"And what, Peyton? You couldn't even come and say hello, maybe congratulate me on getting my novel published? I wanted you there, you know. It wasn't even about getting back with you – it was about sharing my dream with you. But all you could see was me potentially loving someone else, and you just left! So don't you dare tell me it's all my fault!"

They were both screaming by now, and Peyton was on the verge of tears. She closed her eyes again and a single, lonely tear slid down her cheek. She couldn't believe they had come to screaming at each other. He had proposed a month ago today, and yet here they were standing today, questioning their whole relationship.

It broke her heart.

"You know what, I'm gonna go now, Luke," she said. She felt exhausted by now. She didn't want this for them. She felt like if they didn't stop now, nothing good would ever come out of this conversation. And it scared her. "You can find your own way to the restaurant tonight!"

"That's great! You're gonna just walk away, just like that!" he accused her. He couldn't believe she could just leave right in the middle of their fight.

"Yeah," she screamed back at him. "But you should know what it's like! It's what you do best," she trailed, her voice breaking.

She grabbed her purse on the desk and almost ran out of her office, leaving Lucas standing alone behind her.

He leaned on the desk, his two arms supporting him, and ran a hand over his face. He wasn't sure what had just happened or even what it meant, but he knew that from there on, things would never be the same.

--

The song I used for the title of this chapter is sung by Michelle Featherstone.

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