A/N: Happy Halloween everyone! Lol, I hope everyone likes this chapter, it's a bit of a leap from the last one, but I think this chapter is long overdue. Thanks for reading, it means a lot to me that you guys are and reviewing! Thank you so much.
And I know the last chapter was confusing, so if you didn't get it, basically Troy told Gabriella that he needed to learn to solve his problems on his own, and not run to her to numb him anymore. They're not on a break, they did not break up, Troy is just on a mission to do something, but you'll have to read to find out what that is! Thank you again!
Troy's chest was compressing into a pile of mush. Oxygen was not sucking in as he pressed his head against the icy window to try to calm his nerves. His entire body seemed to be sitting on a spastic washing machine. Breathe Troy. Inhale, exhale. It shouldn't be that hard. Inhale, and exhale. The crimson blood in his veins was rushing as fast as the Nile river. His nerves had decided to perform the Irish Jig as the bright sun shone through the window, blinding his gray eyes from the white building in front of him. "Troy… Troy you need to breathe." A comforting warm hand rested on his shoulder, causing his head to swiveled but his now wet forehead still connected on the condensation the window held.
"I'm trying Syd. It's not working too well." Panic sewed into his voice as his calloused hands began to vibrate at such an intensity he was sure they would fall off shortly. His life was moments from being altered, either outcome. It scared him to death. He wasn't sure how he was going to handle it if things didn't go his way. But it had to be done. He couldn't keep living in the hell he was. It wasn't fair to Gabriella, but most importantly, it wasn't fair to him.
After some thought Friday night when Chad basically told him to pick of his act, he realized that he had been depending too much on his girlfriend to pick up his ashes. He couldn't do that anymore. He loved her too much to do that. And he had to do this on his own, discover how strong he really was. He needed to be able to walk without Gabriella's small hand in his. It was the only way he would get by. Hopefully, if everything panned out the way he wanted to, he would be able to be with her again tomorrow. A whole man, not the broken boy she had met.
"Hey… you can do this okay? I know you can." Sydney's velvet voice soothed as though he was burning and she had just poured cool water over his skin. Troy finally tore his head away from the window to look at her. He took advantage of her so much in the past. And here she was, smiling comfortingly at him as though she was his mother, telling him everything would be okay. It wasn't until this moment that he was grateful for having this figure in his life.
"I know, I have to." Troy murmured sadly.
Sydney let out a depressed sigh, the windows steaming up from their breath. "Don't be scared ok?"
Troy chuckled halfheartedly, no energy or concentration to do anything else. "I can't help it. I'm fucking weak."
"You're tough Troy. Tougher than you give yourself credit for." She complimented, another burst of appreciation in Troy's heart. He couldn't contain it any longer.
"Thank you Sydney. For everything." Troy gave a whole hearted smile towards her, feeling the swelling organ in his chest thump rapidly.
Sydney's acorn eyes scrunched in happiness. "You're not telling me to go screw off."
Troy shrugged his buff shoulders before looking down at his trembling hands. "I know I'm an ass to you…" he mumbled, uncomfortable with apologies. The grey eyes looked up again to meet her caring ones. She was the parental figure he never really had. He owed her so much more than an apology. Sydney had bent herself backwards from him, and even though her timing was never any good, she was the reason he had a house over his head. She did so much for him, so much that he took for grantee. "But really Syd. Thank you."
"You're scaring me kid, but your welcome. I'll never admit this again, so savor it…" she flashed another bright smile at him. "But of everyone I've ever worked with, you are hands down my favorite."
Troy rolled his eyes playfully. "Don't get soft."
Sydney's smooth laugh filled the tension in the car. "You know what will happen if this doesn't go the way we want right?"
The wedge in his throat almost choked him at the horrific thought. Troy nodded solemnly, his body burning in pain just imagining. "Yeah."
"And," Sydney opened the driver's side, placing a leather boot to the cement, motioning Troy to do the same. He took a courageous breath before ripping his own door open and stepping into the mild air. A soft wind tickled his bronze face. "if this goes right, you get out of school tomorrow."
Troy's smoky eyes rolled obnoxiously again. "Cuz that's what I'm doing this for."
They walked to the front of the car, facing each other. Sydney's straight black hair played in, reminding Troy of the gorgeous cascading locks he couldn't get enough of. His eyes blissfully closed for a moment, letting the feeling of Gabriella's fingers run over his bare body control him. He wanted to be able to feel that without a mask over him. He wanted to feel as a human would, every sensation out of love, not pain. "I'm proud of you."
Troy's lids fluttered open as Sydney's heel connected with the pavement in a "click". She tenderly wrapped her arms around him, Troy returning the hug by hugging her neck tightly. He could feel the rebellious tears threatening to release, but did his best to keep them in. No. He couldn't cry, he wouldn't. Not until this was over. Strength was what he needed right now. "Thanks."
They pulled apart slowly and Sydney smiled one last comforting smile at him. She pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead in encouragement, Troy gracious for the action. He then took a deep, shattering breath of thin air before gazing upon the white building. After shoving his rough hands into his jean pockets, Troy closed his eyes before taking one step forward in his black converse shoes.
One step down, he could do this.
"I miss Troy!"
'Me too.' Gabriella thought painfully.
"Can't you call him and have him come over?" Ari whining tone only made the whole in Gabriella's heart carve to be larger. Her thin fingers trembled beneath the soapy water as though they were stuck in ice instead. Her black eyes were permanently red from the lonely night as she slept in her too hard bed. Troy's was so much softer, so much more inviting. Whatever it was, she had probably gotten three hours of sleep the entire weekend. Not the best thing for the day before her first track meet of the season.
"Troy's not home." Gabriella lied pitifully. She actually had no idea where he was, what he was doing either. She received a single text from him yesterday afternoon, reminding her he loved her. Immediately sensing a tinge of hope, Gabriella rapidly dialed his number only to get sent to the voicemail. She then texted him a message filled with love and waited for a reply that never came.
Ari reached for the dull butter knife Gabriella had just finished drying and pouted over to the drawer to put it in. "Call his cell phone!"
Gabriella felt the tearstains gash open once again, her red eyes collecting water droplets. "Drop it Ari."
"I want to see Troy!" She complained in the way that was worthy of Sharpay Evans.
Gabriella's eyes became snakelike as she shot to her little sister. "You can't have everything in life Arianna. Troy's not coming over!" She hissed angrily, only using her sister's full name when she was upset.
Ari's once irritated face vanished and was replaced by despair. A hit of guilt waved over the older sister, but she couldn't help it. "Did you break up with him?" Ari whispered like it was too horrible to ask.
Another trickle of a tear, causing Gabriella to turn her head the other way in hiding. "Troy's just taking a vacation right now." Her voice shook at the truth. They may not have broken up, but it sure as hell felt like it. And he was taking a vacation. At least, a vacation away from her.
"I'm home!" A business-like voice stretched through the room as though it was over an intercom. Gabriella closed her eyes annoyingly, knowing that the last thing she needed right now was Maria's crap. What she really wanted was to just go lie down and sleep until tomorrow when she could run for sub five minutes and twenty seconds, then go back to sleep again. "Oh, you guys are doing the dishes! How sweet."
"Momma!" The youngest greeted their mother as she put the bowl into the cabinet and waved excitedly. So naïve. Gabriella did her best not to roll her eyes in disgust. "Mom, Rachael called, they're going tubing at four! Can I go? Please… please… please?"
The begging was beginning to give Gabriella a piercing headache. She reached down into the now filthy water and pulled out the drain as Maria laughed lightly, not a care in the word. "Sure. You'll have to hurry though, it's almost three now. I'll take you over there, I have to go to the store anyways. The shades in the living room need replacing."
"YAY!" Ari bounced through the kitchen and shot upstairs, ripping the black phone from the receiver violently in the process.
Maria giggled the bitter sweet laugh as Gabriella rolled down the overly large sleeve on the crimson sweatshirt with the six letter last name starting with a "B" on the back in snow white. "She's so cute." Her mom mumbled. Yeah, and you can go now.
Gabriella couldn't wait for the two to leave the house so she could have some peace and quiet. It would be perfect, and hopefully sleep would overcome her. Panic was beginning to form in her stomach. How was she going to be able to run if she was exhausted? West High was going to be at the meet tomorrow, and from hanging out at… someone's… snowboard store and talking to Alex, he said that a senior Gabriella was rivals with, Katie Hillside, was running faster than ever. The tension from nerves, remembering the past and her lack of… a certain someone was beginning to soar to new heights. She was on edge.
"Hey Ella, can you maybe come home and watch Ari after track practice tomorrow? Jonathon wants to take me to diner." She requested while digging through her black purse, not paying attention to the horrorstricken teenager standing in the dimly lit room with slashes of shadows painted on her face.
That was the last straw.
The pressure on her chest caved in, ashes tumbling down her burning throat. Her fists closed into angry balls. Maybe… that certain someone… had planted the idea of taking control of one's life in her head dangerously. Who knows? All she did was that she was tired of this. Tired of being taken advantage of. This ended right here, right now. Forever.
"You're shitting me." Gabriella let out, her mother's perfect porcelain face shooting up in surprise.
"What did you just…" Maria had no time to finish what she said before the snake slits shot hot fireballs to her to shut her up.
"I cannot believe you." Gabriella's voice was rising, though she tried to contain it for her sister's sake. The growing wildfire in her stomach was not going to be G-rated. She could feel the curses poisoning her mouth already.
"What?"
"My first track meet of the season is tomorrow!" Gabriella's shaking hands flew to the air in exaggeration. Maria's light coffee eyes bulged in realization. But Gabriella was beyond fuming.
"Shit, oh my god I forgot!" she mumbled and smacked her tiny palm to her hand. To Gabriella, her mother looked more beautiful now than ever, with her shoulder length hair pulled up into a half ponytail and her caramel eyes sparkling. The cleavage on her business suit was just right. It made Gabriella hate her even more. "God, I'll just have to call a sitter then."
"YOU'RE NOT GOING?!" Gabriella roared, causing Maria to jump back in her creamy stilettos in shock.
"Ella… I would but… Jonathon…"
The fire surged in her chest. "IS OBLIVIOUSLY MORE IMPORTANT TO YOU?!"
Fury raced through her bloodstream. Every bruise, every hit her father every swung at her felt as though it was being pelted onto her olive skin. She didn't care if Ari heard, maybe she needed to. Because the woman standing in front of Gabriella did not deserve a daughter like Ari. "How dare you accuse me of that Gabriella! Of course not!" She attempted to defend herself, but Gabriella would not have it. She was sick of her mom walking all over her.
"Really Mom?" Gabriella spit the last word out like it was venom. She crossed her slender arms over her small chest hidden beneath Troy's sweatshirt. It was almost like even though he wasn't here, his clothes were enough to give her the strength she needed to go off like this. Or maybe bottled up emotions. She really didn't care about the source right now, all she cared about was letting go of everything. Finally. "When was the last time you went to one of my meets?"
"Sta…" Maria began to say in a small tone.
"Don't you dare say State! What about besides that? Huh? When have you come just to watch me run? Not to brag to your fucking coworkers how good I am." Gabriella fired another round of flames at her. Her body was boiling to uncontrollable levels.
"I…"
"You've done a pretty shitty job of being my mother," Gabriella snapped before shaking her head angrily, eyes still slits but tears streamed down her face now. Maria's own perfect make up was smearing with a tear that whispered down her cheek. "You care more about the bastards you screw than us."
"Don't dare…"
"Call you a slut?" Again, Maria was taken aback by Gabriella's vulgar language.
"Gabriella I didn't mean to… it's just…" She tried to explain herself, but Gabriella threw up a sharp hand to silence her.
"I'm sorry that I remind you of Dad, but I have good news, I'm leaving in a couple months to head to USC. You won't have to see his fucked up face anymore." She spat before shaking her head disgustingly at her mother.
Maria was silent as more hot tears fell down her face like rain. Gabriella's body was trembling now; everything around her was in a blur. She didn't realize what had just happened, it seemed impossible that she had just screamed at her mother. Was this a dream? The scarier part was, Gabriella was too afraid that she would wake up from this. For so long she wanted to scream at her mother for wasting her life like she had. Wasting Gabriella's life for that matter. She was done with it.
"I'm sor…"
"Save it mom," Gabriella shot furiously back at her. "Nothing you say will change anything."
The light eyes dropped to the floor painfully. "I never meant…"
"To hurt me?" Gabriella asked almost hysterical. "You've been hurting me ever since you practically banished me. What happened Mom? What the fuck did I do?" She questioned with her tone cracking twice as she spoke.
Maria took a step forward as though she was going to comfort her oldest. "Nothing… Gabriella."
"Don't mom." Gabriella shook her heavy head, unable to contain the sobs that were now bubbling through her throat. She choked back the pain that welded into her chest for a few moments. She had to try to contain control while Maria stared at her. She had to get out of the kitchen or the pressure was going to cause her to pop. Cause her to break down. Cause her to finally let go of all the pain she had been holding.
But she wasn't ready to let go of the pain. Not yet at least.
"Just don't ok?" Gabriella's voice box cracked before she turned on her heels and made her way to the door of the kitchen. After finally exiting the thick room, she bolted towards the stairs before seeing a terrified Ari standing at the top. Her face was contorted to panic as she gripped her bright snow jacket closely to her body. Oh no.
"Gabi?" Gabriella cringed at the sound of… someone's nickname for her. It was usually Ella, but even beneath the pain, she found this soothing. Ari's bottom lip trembled; obviously hearing yelling but probably didn't understand half of the words being spat back and forth. Guilt trickled through Gabriella's blood stream, halting the pain in her heart for a moment longer.
"Ari come here…" She crouched down to eye level were light brown met her lifeless black. She took her little sister, the only person who had actually been stable through this shitty thing called life, in her slender arms and held her tightly, praying she could be strong for a few more moments and not break down in sobs like she wanted to.
"Are you mad at Mom?" Ari questioned, causing Gabriella to pull her away and shake her head sadly.
"I love who Mom was," That was cryptic enough for an eight-year old not to understand, but enough to please her little sister that she had a love for her mother. "Go tubing okay? Have fun." Gabriella instructed before pulling her lifeline to her again, tears the tears of forever burning in her eyes.
"Bye Ella." Ari waved sadly before sulking down the stairs, Gabriella feeling empty and alone, completely alone.
She walked into her secluded room like a zombie. She now had no one. No mother to hold her, her father was dead. Ari was now gone, so she couldn't find nothing in that. Taylor didn't know the story, nor did Gabriella want to go there with her. She never felt more alone in her life. As she fell onto the bed, the hot tears still refused to fall. They betrayed her by remaining in her eyes. She hugged Troy's sweatshirt tighter against her body, the sobs still not coming. She just felt like an empty shell. All she wanted to was to release every ounce of pain she ever had, but her subconscious knew it wasn't the right time. On the surface, being alone would be the perfect time to fall apart for good.
But deep in her heart, she knew that she needed someone to catch her before she crashed to the ground. She couldn't break down yet, her heart wasn't ready for her to let go of the pain. She was waiting; she hated to say it, for one thing.
She was waiting for him.