Author's note: I still have no internet, so I'm still sitting in Barnes & Nobles, trying to make the most of my precious two hours of connection. The down side? I still didn't have the chance to answer your reviews. The good part? I've been writing a lot. I don't have that many chapters stocked up, but they're looong. Longer than I thought they would ever be. This fic is now almost a 100 pages, and it simply astonishes me that I've written so much. When this started out, I honestly thought it would just be a few pages.

Oh, to answer a question a couple of you asked… yes, Lucas will find the letters. In fact, he might find them… very, very soon. As in next chapter soon ;-)

Thanks again for everything.

Laurie

Chapter 12: Hear Me Out

So listen up
This sun hasn't set
i refuse to believe that it's only me feeling...
Just hear me out
I'm not over you yet
(Love is on the line, can you handle it?)

"Brooke, you home?"

Peyton called out her best friend's name as she unlocked the front door and entered the house. She was immediately greeted by Brooke's voice coming from upstairs.

"Up here!"

Peyton walked up the stairs and strolled into Brooke's bedroom. She was standing in her closet, trying to pick a pair of shoes to go with her outfit. "Hi best friend!" she told her. "So who's the guy?"

Peyton frowned, confused. "What guy?"

"Well the guy that kept you out all night," she answered as she playfully tapped Peyton's arm, "and that has you smiling and looking better than ever."

Peyton laughed at Brooke's wild imagination. "It's my dad," she told her. "He was coming back from a trip so I went to meet him at the pier when he arrived yesterday morning. We spent the whole day together, and then we stayed up all night, talking and catching up. We hadn't spent any time together for so long that I didn't want to leave him."

"That's great," Brooke told her. "He must have been so happy to get to see you."

"Yeah. I just, I can't believe I let so much time to by without seeing him. I know I was in LA and he was away at sea, but those were easy excuses. I could have tried to see him and I didn't. And now I realize how selfish I've been," she admitted. She sat down on the bed and Brooke sat next to her.

"You weren't selfish. You were just… preoccupied."

Peyton shook her head. "I love you for saying that, Brooke, but we both know it's not true. I was too busy being angry and bitter about everything that I stopped caring about what was the most important."

Brooke looked at Peyton as she finished talking. It was as if there was a flame, a light shining in her best friend that Brooke hadn't seen in a very, very long time. Peyton seemed calmer, more mature – like her heart and mind had finally settled and found its balance.

"Well you care now. You're here now. It's what matters." She smiled and Peyton mirrored her gesture.

"I love you, B. Davis, you know that?"

"You better!" Brooke told her as she brought her closer and they hugged.

"So what are you getting all dressed up for? Or should I say for whom?"

"Owen's picking me up for the day. He won't tell me where we're going so I have no idea what shoes to wear," she said, using a dramatic tone.

Peyton laughed. "The white strappy sandals."

"Ha, I knew it!" Brooke said as she got up from the bed and went to put her shoes on.

"Owen makes you happy," Peyton told her, half stating and half questioning her best friend. Brooke looked happy, relaxed, content, and if Owen was responsible for it, then she liked him all the more.

"Yeah, he does." Brooke finished putting on her shoes and sat back down on the bed. She really meant it – Owen did make her happy. He made her laugh and smile and she found herself caring about him more than she thought she would. But still, her heart was having trouble finding its direction where everything should have been crystal clear. She kept telling herself Owen was a great guy, but her heart only seemed to race at the sight of one person. Lucas.

Her mind flashed back to the moment they had shared yesterday when he had given her the first copy of his book and she almost blushed at the thought. She had let herself go in his arms for a fleeting moment, and now she wished she hadn't. It made everything seem even all the more complicated.

"So speaking of guys, I have a confession to make," Peyton told her.

Brooke's heart immediately constricted in her chest, and she almost sighed at the thought of hearing Peyton tell her once more that she loved Lucas and wanted to be with him again. How many times was she going to go through this again before her heart would finally learn its lesson?

"When my dad got off the boat yesterday morning, I was standing on the pier, and when he was walking towards me, I had this… flash," she trailed. She was probably crazy for even mentioning this, but the thought hadn't left her alone ever since that moment, and she felt like her heart wouldn't rest until she had talked about it. "I saw Jake," Peyton finally admitted in one breath.

Brooke's mouth hung open for a few seconds. For one thing, Peyton hadn't mentioned Jake in years, and Brooke had honestly thought that what they had had was long over. But above all, the rush of joy and relief that Brooke had felt upon not hearing Lucas' name reminded her that no matter how hard she wanted to believe that she had moved on long ago, her heart was still in the same place.

"You think I'm crazy, right?" Peyton asked.

"No, no, I don't," Brooke told her immediately. "It's just… out of the blue. You haven't mentioned him in years, Peyton."

"I know. But when I was standing on that pier, it was like I was back in junior year, saying goodbye to him and Jenny, and it felt so intense. And I haven't been able to stop thinking about them ever since. But it's not like I can call him now. We haven't talk in so long. He probably moved, or maybe he got married, or engaged… he probably doesn't even remember I ever existed."

"Well, if you had said you couldn't stop thinking about Pete Wentz from Fall Out Boy, I would said, Honey, he's married to Ashlee by now, and they have a baby on the way, so you might wanna move on. But you don't know what Jake's been doing. It might not be too late."

"You think so?"

Brooke nodded and Peyton smiled, uncertain. Brooke and her had stopped talking right after she had gotten back from Savannah, all those years ago, and she had never told Brooke what had happened between her and Jake. Would Jake even want to talk to her after the way she had left? She knew it was unlikely, and yet she wanted to believe he would be happy to see her.

"Try to call him, okay?" Brooke told her. "You've got nothing to lose. Plus Jake was really good for you, best friend." Brooke's phone rang, cutting her off, and she grabbed her tote bag from the bed. "Owen's here, I gotta run… Call me whenever you have a Jeyton update, okay?"

Peyton laughed as Brooke walked out of her bedroom and down the stairs. She didn't know what she had done to deserve such an amazing friend, but she knew she would never take her for granted again.

--

Haley was playing the piano, her voice filling up the living room in the late night, when Nathan finally came home. Her eyes were closed, a smile gracing her face as she sang, and he stopped in the threshold, mesmerized. After all these years, he was still amazed at how beautiful Haley was. He had come so close to losing her and Jamie that it scared him just thinking about it. But he knew this now, and he was never going to let them go.

"Hey you."

He startled at the sound of her voice. "Hey," he whispered back. "How did you know I was here?"

He walked towards her. She'd had her eyes closed the whole time and he hadn't realized she knew he was here. She shrugged, a smile on her face, as her came up behind her and enveloped her in his arms. "I just felt it."

He kissed the top of her head, the scent of her hair wrapping itself around his heart. "How was today?" he asked.

"Pretty good." She turned to him and let their lips meet. "But it just got a lot better."

Nathan smiled. "Definitely."

"How was your day?" she asked back.

"Eventful," he told her.

"How so?"

He pressed his lips to hers again and took a seat next to her. "I was playing the whole afternoon, and I had a visit… from Whitey."

"Really? How is he? We haven't heard from him in forever."

"He's good, I think. Retirement has done him good. He looked relaxed."

"That's great to hear," Haley said. "So what did he want?"

"He said he heard I was playing again and wanted to see how I was doing. And then he said he might have a way for me to actually… play."

"You mean in a team?"

Nathan nodded. "He said he knew someone that could help me out. And if I train hard, I might have a shot for the next season."

"Oh Nathan, that's wonderful!" Her hands went up and framed his face before she leaned in and kissed him again. "I'm so happy for you!"

He kissed her again. "But that's not what I wanted to tell you," he said. "It's not the most important part."

"Then what is?" Haley asked tenderly.

"I talked to Peyton earlier. She said your single was amongst the top 5 played song in almost all the radio stations. And that your album is selling really well on iTunes."

"What does it have to do with you?" she asked, confused.

"Everything," he answered. "Hales, we weren't ready last time. I gave up camp High Fliers so you could pursue your music, and I ended up ruining our relationship because I was too bitter to see what was right in front of me. Your talent deserves to be shared with the whole world, Haley. Singing makes you happy, and God knows I want you to be happy. You need to go on tour, and sing your songs, and live your dream again. And I need to live mine and play basketball."

"Nathan, what are you saying?"

"I'm saying that you, Haley James Scott, are going to go on tour this fall. You're going to go around the country and sing every night and be happy. And I'm going to keep on playing, and training, and I'll stay home with Jamie, and we'll come to your concerts as often as possible. And when you come back, I'll be getting ready to join a team. And we'll figure out the rest together when the time comes. I just… I want you to have this, Haley. But this time, I want us both to have it. We deserve it. You deserve it," he finished, locking his eyes with hers.

Haley's eyes full of tears, she found herself unable to speak. She reached out to Nathan and kissed him. "I love you," she said simply. She wasn't sure it expressed how much she loved him in that moment, but she couldn't find the words. And maybe it was the whole point.

"I love you," he whispered back.

"I love you too Mama!"

Nathan and Haley turned around to find Jamie standing in his pajamas, rubbing his eyes.

"Hey buddy," Haley said. "Shouldn't you be asleep by now?"

"Chester and I couldn't sleep," he said. "Can I stay with you here?"

"Alright, but just for a few minutes, okay? Then we're all going to bed," Nathan told him. He held out his arm. "Come here."

Jamie eagerly joined his parent and sat in between them. "You look happy Mama," he said, looking at Haley.

"That's because I am," she told him, running her hand through his hair. "And you want to know why?"

He nodded. "Because I am singing again, and your dad is going to play basketball again soon. But you know what makes us happy more than anything else? You, Jamie."

"And Chester, too?"

Nathan and Haley both laughed. "Yes, Chester too," Nathan answered. "You think he'd be up for going to see your mom in concert in a few months?"

"Yeah!" Jamie exclaimed.

"And then we'll go see your dad play and cheer for him, okay?"

"Will I get to wear the jersey Grandpa gave me?"

"Of course," Nathan told him kindly.

"You think I can ask Aunt Brooke to make one for Chester?"

"I'm sure she would love to," Haley answered, laughing.

"So what do you think, Jamie? You'd be okay with your mom going on tour and us visiting her on the week-end?"

"Yes!" he answered excitedly.

"So, how about I sing a song for you, and then we can all go to bed? It's way past your bed time, mister!"

Jamie jumped up and down, excited. Haley sat him down on her legs, and his small hands followed hers as she hit the first keys on the piano. Her voice filled the room again, and as Nathan watched his wife and son sing along, it occurred to him that in this moment, life could not have been more perfect.

--

Brooke slid her arms around her waist, attempting to shield herself from the chilly breeze that was blowing in the late night. She wasn't sure why she had decided to come here, but now that she was standing in the middle of the court, breathing in the fresh air and taking in the silence, she felt like she had found exactly what she had been looking for.

She stared in front of her, watching the familiar lights of the waterfront buildings dance in the river. She had gone home after Owen had dropped her off earlier, but she couldn't stand the empty house. The enormity of the decision she taken somewhere during their day together had left her restless, and she needed to find that stillness within herself again. And she found it here.

She looked out at the water, lost in her thoughts, when she heard footsteps coming up behind her. She smiled at the familiarity of his presence. Some things never changed.

"Hey you," Lucas said quietly, coming to stand next to her. "What are you doing here so late?"

She shrugged. "Nothing. You?"

He chuckled. "Nothing."

Brooke smiled. "Liar."

"Alright, I'll go first."

"Ha. I knew it."

"Knew what?"

"I can always tell when you're brooding, Luke."

"I know," he said softly, serious again. He kept his eyes locked with hers and Brooke quickly looked away. She couldn't stand the intensity of his gaze, nor was she ready to admit it was even there.

"I couldn't sleep," Lucas began; breaking the newfound silence and trying to get back to the place Brooke and him were at just seconds before. "You know Nate's gonna try to get in a professional team again next year?

Brooke nodded.

"I'm happy for him, I really am. But there's still this part of me that's just… jealous. I can't help but want what he has. I can't help but wish I didn't have my heart condition and I could play like I used to – like Nate does. I love writing, I do. But I miss the game more."

Only then did Brooke notice that he was holding a basket ball in his hands. She reached out and put her hands on the ball, over his. "You can still play. I know it's not the same, but at least you can still play. And you can coach. It's not the real thing, but it's not all out of reach. Not everything is lost."

Lucas looked down at her hands laying over his. "But what if I want more? What if I need more?"

He looked up, blue eyes meeting hazel, and suddenly Brooke wasn't sure whether he was still talking about basketball or something else entirely. She took her hands away and turned away from him, her eyes locking on a building across the river. "But it's your heart we're talking about, Luke. I know how much you want this, but you can't risk it."

"I know," he said. "Most of the time I can live with it. But sometimes it just gets really hard, you know?"

Brooke turned to look at him again. "Yeah, I know." She wasn't sure what she talking about, either.

"So what brings you here so late at night?" he asked her softly.

"I… I made a big decision today, and I needed to clear my head before going through with it." She paused. "I'm going to call the agency tomorrow and tell them that I'm ready for a permanent adoption," she said breathless.

"You are?"

"Yeah," she said calmly. "I still miss Angie, but I feel like I'm ready now. I want to have a new little person in my life and make their life better. And Owen has been really good to me, and I feel safer knowing he's going to be here."

At first, Brooke had wanted to do this alone. But then she'd had to fire her own mother, and while she had taken care of Angie, she had realized that she needed someone else in her child's life. Lucas had been there through it all with Angie, but then he gotten engaged and almost married again and she had given up the thought of him being in his child's life. And now, she kept herself from thinking of him that way because she just couldn't let him mean that much – she wouldn't.

Lucas stared at her, unable to speak. He wanted to tell her how thrilled he was because he knew how much this meant to her – to get a chance to change a child's life for the better and let them see how special they were. He admired her for it because beyond her own need to build a family, Brooke's desire to adopt a child was so selfless and reverent… just like she was.

But hearing her talk about having Owen in her child's life, about having him in her life period… it killed him. It reminded him of all the things that he wasn't; of all the things that he wanted to be but had lost a long time ago and had been stupid enough never to fight for.

"Don't do it," he whispered, pleading her, before all courage left him. He suddenly felt like now was the time to fight to her – to fight for all of it – or she would slip away from him right before his eyes.

Brooke froze. "What?"

"I want to be the one you have children with. I want to be your family, Brooke." Lucas dropped the basketball on the court, the sound of the ball hitting the ground echoing in the night. He reached out to her. "I want everything with you," he whispered, a smile spreading on his face.

"Luc–"

He cut her off before she could protest. He wanted to tell her how he felt. He wanted her to understand what he himself had taken so long to realize: that they were meant to be, and that he couldn't picture himself living in a world where she wasn't in his life.

"I know this is unexpected, but you have to let me explain." He paused, taking a deep breath, never taking his eyes off hers. "It took me so song to realize it, but I've never been so sure. I lo–"

She put a hand on his mouth, silencing him. She couldn't believe that he would choose tonight, out of all nights, when she was finally, finally happy and content with her life, to reveal his feelings. And mostly, she couldn't believe they were true, period. She wouldn't. Her mind was alert, desperately trying to block any thoughts his words could trigger. But her heart… her heart…

"Don't!" she told him firmly, feeling her emotions whirling inside of her. She wasn't sure how long she could keep them at bay before they all crashed onto her and left her weak and defenseless. "You don't have to say anything because it's not worth it. Trust me."

"Can you honestly tell me that you don't feel this?" he asked, almost accusing her, gesturing between the two of them. Brooke immediately flinched, taking a step back. It pained her so much to see that even after all this time, Lucas still didn't understand. That he still didn't know her.

"You think that this is what it's about?" she asked him coldly, feeling her heart breaking in her chest over and over again. "You still don't get it, do you?"

Lucas shook his head, clueless, desperate to reach out to her in any way he could. "Then tell me, Brooke. Please." His hand went to rest on her cheek and he turned her head to him again. Her eyes were full of tears. "Let me in," he pleaded her.

She looked at him – truly let herself look at him for the first time of the night – and she was taken aback by the desperate, pure, longing she saw in his eyes. There was no running away from it: she could see just by staring at him that she meant more to him than she remembered was possible.

"Lucas… we can't do this."

"Why not?" he asked her, full of hope, sensing with relief that he was finally getting through to her.

Brooke stared at him, his question echoing in her mind. Why not? One name flashed in her mind, a familiar shadow cast over her feelings, almost like a familiarity. But everything that had happened over the past few weeks seemed to indicate that the silhouette of her best friend hovering over her love for Lucas was no longer haunting her.

Then another name came to her mind, a name running down a church full of friends and family in a perfect, white wedding dress that Brooke had designed herself. But Lindsay was long gone, too. Why not, then?

But the answer came with a mirror on the past that Brooke rarely allowed herself to open up. Images of herself crying herself to sleep in her bed, longing for his presence, aching for his soothing words and yet finding nothing but emptiness at her side. She held back a sob.

"Give me one good reason why this can't work," he asked of her.

She said nothing in return, just kept her eyes locked with his. There were a million reasons why this couldn't work but she couldn't get herself to truly face them, let along articulate them, in the state she was in. And the hardest part was that in this moment, with him staring at her and holding her the way he was, she felt like she was about to drown herself in him and forget all those reasons. For they were all swept away by one simple and yet life-defining truth she had never been able to let go of: Lucas Scott was the guy for her.

And then before she could register what was happening, he leaned closer to her, and she watched him as his lips approached hers, claiming what was his. Brooke found herself unable to move, terrified at the thought of what was about to happen and the cascade of emotions it would trigger, but her heart would not give her the will to move. It wanted be claimed his again.

Lucas stroked her cheek and tenderly whispered two long-forgotten words. "Pretty girl," he said before capturing her lips.

Lucas let his hand slip down from her face to her waist and pulled her closer to him. He felt sure now, surer than he had felt before, that Brooke was everything he had ever wanted. She was fierce, strong, brave, brilliant, beautiful, daring – like a ray of life that shone light on his heart. She was all the things that he wasn't and she completed him in a way that almost felt irrational.

With Lucas' lips on hers, all the lines in Brooke's heart were blurred by the certainty of the way he made feel. But it wasn't as simple as that – it hadn't been in a very, very long time. She wasn't that girl anymore. She had her heart broken more times than she cared to remember, and she refused to have it happen once more. She couldn't handle it.

She pulled back, breaking her own heart in the process and yet knowing it was the only way she could salvage it.

"I have to go," she said, her voice breaking.

He stared at her, confused, but she didn't give him time to question her. She pulled away from his embrace and quickly walked away, turning her back from him. She got in her car and fumbled to start the engine. Her hands were trembling too much. Tears blurred her vision as she drove away, and she could hear Lucas call out her name into the night over the pounding of her heart in her chest.

--

The song I used in the title of this chapter is sung by Imogen Heap.