OK, this'll be a long Author's Note. Prepare!
So I'm back from the USA. It was really great, I had a wonderful time. If you want to know anything else, please PM me because this space isn't meant for a travel review.
I've got a week of homework to catch up on, but because I am stupid I left most of my books at home, I only have those I need to learn for at home. (By the way, after seeing how much homework the American students had (though that was an extreme school, private, really rich and probably very ambitious): kudos to all you who stay up till 1 to finish homework! Don't know how many of you actually do that, but my American host did, and I was so amazed that she manages to do so well at school. And so sad that she was still pushed to do even better. Anyway, moving on.)
Combine the books-at-school with no-Internet and you get free time. So I finally finished this chapter. Now, the ending may be very weird because of the facts I wrote the rest of the chapter at least two weeks ago and because I'm experiencing a jetlag. But anyway, I am finished, and I guess that's what really matters right now.

101 reviews! Of the last chapter, everyone after the 18th of October I don't know who I've already sent a reply to. But thank you, all of you! I'm so happy I have over a 100 reviews. Yay!

Now, I have more to say but I'll do that after the actualy story, because... well, you'll see.
Enjoy!

They returned to the police station shortly after that. JJ just wanted to go home, take a deliciously hot bath, find some chocolate and eat it in front of the TV. But since they weren't leaving yet, not before they'd gotten a full confession and she could have a press conference, she settled for the next best thing: a long, hot shower in her hotel room. Yes, it was in the middle of the day, but it wasn't like they had much to do anyway. They had agreed to meet back at the police station at 5 p.m.: until that time, they were free.

Emily and Garcia were just outside, reading or playing a game or whatever it was they did. JJ didn't care. All she cared about was the soothing feeling of water cascading around her.

It had been a long time since she'd been this emotional. The last days, the last weeks had been an emotional turmoil for her. She wasn't quite used to the feel of it yet.

Everybody knew now. Everyone who mattered to her, anyway. JJ didn't know if that was a good or a bad thing. Right now, she did not know what to think, let alone what to believe – everything she had held onto for so many years had fallen apart, her carefully built façade had crumbled down and she wasn't sure everybody was going to like the new person they saw.

She only realized how long she'd been in the shower when her feet started to hurt from where she stood. Sighing, she turned off the shower and wrapped a towel around her. In a moment, she was going to have to go back to the police station for a general meeting.

She took a deep breath. She was going to be fine, really – she could trust the team, she knew they trusted her and she knew they'd understand. Well, maybe they wouldn't understand completely, but they would understand more than most people would. It was going to be okay.

Garcia and Emily waited for her to finish before going to the police station together, idly chatting about everything from sleeping hours to computers. JJ found herself enjoying the uncomplicated talk, wishing the rest of the team would stop walking on eggshells around her. The best way to forget was to not be reminded.

She sat down in the large room that was still theirs, but not after getting some coffee. Drinking it, she chatted with Emily and waited for Hotch to start the meeting.

"Daniel Adams has confessed," he started, and JJ exhaled in relief.

"That's great," Emily said, voicing her thoughts. "Do we know what the stressor was?"

"I'm looking into his history right now," Garcia said, typing away on the laptop she'd brought with her. It was quiet for a moment, then Garcia looked up.

"His mother died when he was six. Father remarried another woman a year later, one Thanusha Nilandilam." Garcia struggled with the name.

"That's a Tamil name," Emily said, surprised. "What he said – it was Tamil! I don't know why I didn't recognize it before."

"What was it again?" Morgan asked, trying to remember. Languages never were his thing.

"It sounded like 'nanpaly vangirayn'," Reid reminded him. He turned to Emily. "Do you speak Tamil?"

Emily shook her head thoughtfully. "But I've had a friend once… 'naan' means 'I', but that's about all I know. I could call her," she added. "I'm sure I have her number somewhere…"

"I've got a Tamil e-mail buddy," Garcia announced. "I'll ask him."

"Do it," Hotch ordered. "Even though this case is solved, it would be good to know what was so important he kept repeating it."

"On it," Garcia nodded, and she continued typing.

"So if he's been abused himself, it must have been that Tamil woman," Morgan summarised.

"According to Navin, my Tamil buddy, it means something like 'I am taking revenge'," Garcia said from behind her laptop. "It's not very well pronounced though."

"That's because it wasn't his first language," Emily said, and they all nodded.

"Another abused one that became an abuser," Morgan thought out loud. "And here I was thinking that was rare."

"It's not as uncommon as you would think for an abused to become an abuser," Reid said, enthusiastic as always when he could contribute something useful. "The abusing of another person gives the abused a feeling of control he or she has lacked in childhood. In fact, statistically, seventy-three percent-" but he stopped as he noticed that JJ had stood up and was staring at him icily. The others were looking at JJ, who didn't break her cold glance at Reid.

"We are not statistics," she finally said through clenched teeth. The she turned around and stalked off.

Emily stood up to follow her, but Morgan held out his hand and stopped her. "I got it," he said. Understanding dawned in Emily's eyes and she nodded and sat down again. Morgan quickly followed JJ, who was practically running away.

He caught up with her as she slid down against the wall outside of the police station. Morgan recognized it as the place where she'd broken down before, where Hotch had held and comforted her. Apparently, unconsciously, she had assumed it was a safe place.

He slid down next to her, cautiously brushing her shoulder to let her know he was there. She didn't even look up.

"How do you do it?" she asked in a low voice. "How do you cope with it?"

He looked down at her, contemplating on an answer. "We're saving others," he finally said, feeling that these words wouldn't be enough. "Maybe we couldn't save ourselves, but we can save others."

She nodded, still looking down. "I thought it would get easier," she whispered.

"I know. I thought so too." He paused for a moment. "It doesn't."

JJ laid her head on his shoulder and he didn't object, merely put an arm around her.

"We're here for you," he whispered into her hair. "We'll pull through this together." He knew it wasn't enough to know that, he knew that she already knew, but he said it anyway.

"What was it like… after they knew?" JJ asked, a slightly cautious tone to her voice. Morgan wasn't surprised by her question.

"Better than I'd ever thought," he answered, trying to ease her. "They were so supportive."

"They were?" she asked. She'd never seen anyone talk to him about it.

"Hotch and Gideon, mostly," Morgan admitted. "And Garcia," he added, thinking back to his girl.

He could practically feel her smile. He squeezed her arm, then let go. "And if they, or anyone else, ever hurts you, I'll be there to beat 'em up," he said roughly. JJ smiled again.

"Where were you in my past?" she said lightly, but Morgan heard the serious undertone.

"You wanna talk about it?" he asked her, and she stayed silent for a moment.

"I don't know," she finally answered slowly. She was feeling more at ease with Morgan than she'd felt in a long time, and it made her think more clearly. It reminded her of some of her moments with Daisy. "It won't be any fun."

"Life isn't only fun," he reminded her, and she nodded.

After another silence, she said, almost whispering: "Emily and Garcia are great, trying to cheer me up and help me… but they just don't know what it's like. And that's good… I mean, it's always good, but it's just not the same."

He nodded: he knew exactly what she meant. "I know," he said to her. "But sometimes that's good too."

She glanced up and nodded. "It's just…" she trailed off. Then she stood up resolutely. "Forget it, this is stupid."

Morgan stood up too. "Hey," he said effectively, and she stopped dead in her tracks. "It's never stupid, okay?"

Their eyes incidentally locked and something seemed to click in JJ's mind.

"I'm bringing it all back up to you," she said softly, and Morgan's eyes hardened.

"It comes back up every night, JJ. That's not your fault."

JJ looked down, ashamed. "They suck."

"They do," he agreed, both knowing what they were talking about. "But it's a good sign. Means you're processing."

She nodded quickly, then looked up and searched his eyes. "Shall we get back in?" she asked, rubbing her arms. "It's pretty cold out here."

"Sure," he said, and together they walked back inside. Just before they entered their room again, JJ turned around to Morgan. "Thanks," she said to him.

"Anytime," he replied, smiling.

"If there's ever anything I can do…"

"I know, that's the kind of girl you are. Thanks."

JJ nodded and they walked back in, carefully ignoring the looks Hotch and particularly Emily were shooting them.

"So can I have my press conference now?" she asked directly to Hotch, deliberately keeping her eyes on him.

"You can. Even if we have the confession, it will be good for them to know there is help and that there are other people who have gone through the same."

JJ wondered if he was giving her a secret message. Knowing Hotch, he probably was, but he was too discrete to just say it. Not wanting to take a risk, she simply nodded and left the room to work on the text and finally have the conference. She was looking forward to the moment she could put this case behind her.

That evening, JJ was so exhausted she could hardly think straight. The press conference had gone well, though she had felt a bit uncomfortable with all the cameras on her. Not for the first time she wondered whether anyone recognized her. Wouldn't there be anyone that would see beyond Jennifer Jareau and recognize Shelby Merrick?

She had thought so often about finding them, calling them and just hearing their voice, knowing they were okay. She knew nothing about them, had stayed out of touch ever since she had changed her name. Even Jess didn't know where she was. She regretted that decision now, and she had been thinking about it ever since she'd met Hannah again.

The reward had been better than the hiding. Shouldn't she try it again, maybe with Peter, Daisy or possibly even Scott?

Lost in thought, she could not get to sleep. She heard Emily's soft snoring and Garcia's light breathing, indicating both were sleeping peacefully. They wouldn't miss her.

As quiet as possible she slipped out of bed and pulled on a sweater, because despite the turned up heating it was still quite cold.

Opening the door, she walked into the hallway, glancing back once to the sleeping forms of her two colleagues. Reassured, she closed the door and went to the lobby, knowing from experience there would be a nice log fire burning.

The light was soft, and in the semi-darkness she could see that someone was already occupying the cosy couch, someone she thought looked a lot like Spencer Reid.

She tried to walk back, praying he hadn't seen or heard her. She wasn't ready for this conversation.

But evidently he had heard her, because his voice rang out through the darkness. "JJ? What are you doing here?"

"I could ask the same," she shot back, coming a bit closer. She was still cold, and the warmth of the fire was appealing.

"Couldn't sleep," he mumbled, and JJ smiled slightly, amused by him giving in first.

"Me neither," she said to him, moving closer to the fire but still standing straight.

They were silent for a moment. Then Reid spoke. "JJ? I'm sorry about telling you the statistics. I did not think it through."

"I know you didn't," JJ replied. "It's just how you get when you talk like that."

"I didn't mean to attack you," Reid added hastily. "I mean, obviously I wasn't aware I was offending you, but I really didn't mean to. I would never try to offend you. Not that I would try to offend anyone else, I just kind of forgot in the spur of –"

"Hey," JJ said, stopping his words. She sat down on the thick carpet, close to the fire. "I just freaked out, okay? Not your fault."

"Thanks," Reid said, his face visibly relaxing. "I was worried we would end up fighting, and I really don't want to fight with you."

"Because I'll win?" JJ teased. She didn't know where her attitude came from; she just knew she didn't want to see Reid this upset.

"Technically, fighting isn't about winning," Reid started. "People most often fight about disagreements, in which a mutual agreement is reached. Almost never does one party 'win' over another."

JJ simply smiled, glad to have the old Reid back. Spence was the last person she wanted to fight with. There was a connection between them, something she hadn't actively explored but she did feel it. Before, she had discarded it as a brother/sister relationship, but lately, before all the drama had started, she had found herself wondering if it was only that. The way she sometimes thought about him was disconcerting to say the least. A crush on a colleague was the last thing she could use: even if they technically weren't part of the same team, she was emotionally and it would most likely mess up the family dynamics the team had.

Shaking her head to clear it, she stood up and came over to sit on the couch, which was a lot more comfortable than the floor.

"There'll be more moments like that," she predicted. "I apologize in advance."

"It's not your fault," Reid shrugged. "Why would you apologize?"

"You don't see Morgan lashing out like that," JJ answered. "I need to be like him."

"Morgan's had a lot more team to deal with us knowing. He hasn't been through exactly the same. You don't have the same personalities. Everyone deals with this differently, I'm sure everyone will understand."

JJ smiled. He was making an awkward attempt to comfort her, and it was cute to see. She moved closer to him, until they were almost thigh to thigh, trying to avoid the bumpy places of the couch. She didn't give herself time to think what her position meant, determined to not have her thoughts spoil this moment. Instead, she turned to look at Reid and saw him staring ahead, lost in his own world.

"Why couldn't you sleep?" she asked him.

"My mind wouldn't shut off," he answered, and she nodded understandingly. She had trouble with that sometimes too, and she could imagine how much worse it could be with an eidetic mind like his.

"Want to talk about something?" She smiled inwardly at the reversed role. Lately, everyone had been asking her if she wanted to talk, had been checking her. It felt good to be able to give some of that care back.

"Not really," he mumbled. "I'm not the one whose past has recently been discovered."

JJ decided to ignore that last comment. "Doesn't mean there's nothing you don't wanna talk about." She laid her head on his shoulder, simply too tired to keep it up straight. If Reid was surprised, he didn't show it.

"This job just doesn't give you very comfortable dreams, does it?" he said lightly, and again she understood him. She nodded and closed her eyes.

A couple of minutes later, she was fast asleep. Reid wasn't, and he had watched her ever since he knew she wouldn't wake up anytime soon.

He watched the steady rise and fall of her chest and knew she was having a good dream, one that didn't center around an unsub, around death and abuse.

But he needed to get her back to her room. If she stayed here, she'd have a back ache tomorrow, not to mention some explaining to do. So despite his own wishes, he lifted her in his arms. He wasn't weak, despite Morgan's teasing.

She weighed almost nothing. Reid carried her up the stairs to the room she shared with Emily and Garcia, hoping they hadn't woken up and he'd have to explain what just happened. It felt

like something that belonged to her and him, a promise of something more he wanted to keep private for now.

When he opened the door he discovered they were both still asleep. Gratefully he located JJ's bed and lay her down on it, careful to avoid her hair getting stuck anywhere.

He pulled the blanket over her and just watched her. She looked so beautiful like this, simply sleeping. He would never get tired of just watching her. He didn't know when it had happened, didn't know what to do about it, but for now he would just enjoy this opportunity.

Eventually he turned around and walked out of the room quietly, slipping into his own room he shared with the other men. They hadn't woken up either, despite Morgan's light sleeping. Maybe he was tired too.

He slept peacefully that night, knowing something had changed, knowing that maybe JJ would finally be able to sleep better at night.

Yeah, that's it... I put in the Morgan/JJ piece, finally, and I think it kind of turned out well.
You're probably all (well, most of you anyway) surprised by the Reid/JJ turn this story took. Some people suggested it and I thought, why not? It was hard to find a way to put it into the story, and I'm not entirely satisfied (also because I know Morgan would know that many abused turn into abusers. I mean, even I know that), but anyway.
Now, I'm not sure I want to continue it. So please tell me whether you want Reid/JJ, or not. Personally, I think it wouldn't fit very well into this story. I might make a sequel, but for some reason, maybe due to all of the fanfics I've been reading, Reid/JJ doesn't really warm up to me. Nor does JJ/Hotch, for that matter. JJ/Morgan a bit more but that'd be too cliched for this story, two abused getting together. It wouldn't be much 'fun'.

And as for the rest of this story, I have no idea. None whatsoever. I've had all the conversations I wanted to have, and though I have some ideas, I think they'd fit better into a whole new story. I COULD continue on this story (and the amount of reviews would be awesome then), but I feel like it would a separate story.
So if you have any ideas for the rest of this story, tell me and I'll consider it. The Reid/JJ thing was an idea of Sue1313 (according to my notes, anyway) and the Morgan/JJ bonding moment came from Ghostwriter, though that idea was somewhere in my mind too. So thank you guys!

Ok, rounding up. I apologize for the bad title of this chapter and I really hope that you'll give me some ideas. Thank you (got that from the USA. Everybody always says thank you there).
I might not use an idea, and if I won't, I'll finish this story because I do still have something to say. So the deadline, so to speak, would be... a week, I guess. I'll see

Oh, and one last thing (I just can't seem to stop, can I?). I just re-read all the reviews, and I got so happy because y'all (another southern word :D) say I'm such a good writer. Really. You have no idea how much that means to me.