Author's note: I owe you all a big apology. I should have updated weeks ago – and I was going to – but life has this annoying tendency of always getting in the way. First, it was the fact that my internet connection was out. Then, once that was fixed, a friend came to stay with me while looking for an apartment to move into, and still is as of today. Then, the first two episodes of the season aired, and the lack of Brooke/Lucas interaction simply hurt. And then, Mark Schwahn did another one of those lovely (coughs) interviews where he claimed that he'd known ever since the pilot that Lucas would call Peyton. Clearly, he must've had amnesia when he wrote the episode "Champagne for My Real Friends, Real Pain for My Sham Friends" (307) in which Lucas said about Brooke, "She's the one. She just is. I feel it. You know, Pascal says: 'the heart has reasons that reason cannot know'."

So it's been a combination of those things that has kept me away from writing and updating this fic. But I promise that I am back now, no matter what. I've actually had this and the next chapter written for a while, but I kept tweaking them and never got around to posting them. My heart wasn't in it for a while.

By the way, in case any of you wondered (I'm telling you this because I was a little freaked out by how much resemblance there was between this fic and the season premiere), I was and remain completely spoiler-free. Any similarity between the show and this story are pure coincidence. And hopefully, the Brucas relationship will go down this road, eventually.

If you have a chance, please listen to the wonderful song "Pieces" by Red (you can find it on YouTube) while reading to this chapter. It inspired me to write this chapter along with many others, and it is an amazing song.

Oh, and this chapter is dedicated to Kristin, to whom you all owe this update.

Thanks for everything!

Laurie

Chapter 14: Pieces

I'm here again,
A thousand miles away from you.
A broken mess,
Just scattered pieces of who i am.
I tried so hard,
Thought i could do this on my own.
I've lost so much along the way.

Then I see your face,
I know I'm finally yours.
I find everything,
I thought I lost before.
You call my name,
I come to you in pieces,
So you can make me whole...

As Brooke's taxi took the last turn leading to her street on the Upper West side, she breathed out in relief. She had almost forgotten how busy New York could be, even at this early hour of the day. Some people were going for a run before a long day at work, some taking their dog for a walk, others coming home after a crazy night out in the city. It was such a contrast to life in Tree Hill, and on another day she might have felt the urge to turn around and go home right away. But on this already unbearably hot morning, she welcomed the change. She wanted to get lost in the crowd and let herself get carried away as she walked down the busy streets of Manhattan.

She put the change the taxi driver had given her in her purse and, carrying the duffel bag she'd hastily packed, entered the building. She repressed a yawn as she rode the elevator and agitatedly waited for her floor number to light up. She instantly remembered the last time she'd been here, with Owen standing next to her, and then wished she hadn't thought of him altogether. She involuntarily flinched as her encounter with him this morning flashed in her mind.

She'd come to him in the middle of the night, as he was closing down Tric. Her heels had rhythmically tapped the floor when she'd entered the club, and she'd wished things were that simple in her heart – that she could make it follow a simple and logical pattern.

Owen had greeted her with a smile and leaned in for a kiss, but she had shrugged back, unable to keep up the facade any longer. His posture had immediately changed, his features hardened up, and she'd found herself wishing there were a way she could do this without hurting him.

She'd hoped words would come to her on the spur of the moment, but she couldn't make a sound as she stood in front of him. He'd stared at her tongue-tied face for a long time, and then he had said the words that had made everything so much harder.

"You love him."

It wasn't even a question. It was a statement, an absolute truth, something she could no longer run from. She hated that Owen knew because it made what had happened even more real. She hated that Owen knew because it meant she couldn't spare him the pain, either.

She'd found she didn't have it in her to respond anything. Confirming or denying his belief would have made it real… and she didn't want it to be.

Eventually, she'd found her voice.

"I'm sorry," she'd whispered, her voice cracking.

Owen had shrugged. "I've always known. It wasn't that hard to figure out. I guess I just thought you had moved on."

She had smiled, tears blurring her vision. "Me too."

"I hope he doesn't hurt you, Brooke. You deserve more than that."

"Thanks," she'd croaked.

She'd left then, wishing she'd had the heart to tell Owen she was about to leave Tree Hill to get away from all of it. She'd wishfully imagined it might have made things somewhat easier.

Brooke sighed as she opened the door to her loft. Nothing was ever easy – not when it came the way she felt about a certain boy.

She put down her bag on the floor, too tired to carry it all the way to her bedroom now. She looked around at the empty apartment. Was this – being here, miles from him – going to help? She'd run away like a coward… but her heart had left her no other choice. She had run for her life, for her heart's sake. The problem was that now that she was here, she knew in a heartbeat that she could never run from any of it.

It was then that Brooke heard noise coming from the bedroom. She felt panic overwhelm her, along with a strange sense of déjà vu. She couldn't deal with more drama, not when her heart was aching so bad in her chest – not to mention the fact that she hadn't slept in over 24 hours. Attempting to calm herself down, she listened more attentively. It was the sound of water running, and then stopping.

Feeling an urge to get this over with as quickly as possible, Brooke walked straight to her bedroom and marched into the bathroom, not really thinking things through. She felt too exhausted, physically and emotionally, to really care.

But when she was greeted with a familiar sight, Brooke relaxed instantly.

"Rachel?"

Rachel was standing in front of the completely steamed-up mirror, her body wrapped up in a big, white towel. She was in the process of drying her hair with a smaller towel she energetically ran through it. But what struck Brooke the most was how incredibly healthy Rachel looked. Her skin was almost was glowing. It was such a contrast to how she'd looked when Brooke had last found her here.

"Oh, hey Brooke!" Rachel answered cheerily, as if finding her there was the most natural thing in the world.

Brooke stared at her, speechless. She let her mind process the fact that Rachel was really standing there, in front of her… and then she reached out to her friend and threw herself into her arms. Rachel almost jumped back in surprise, but seeing the flash of pain in Brooke's eyes, she simply hugged her back.

It wasn't long before Brooke was sobbing in her arms. All Rachel could do was to hold her and wonder exactly what had caused this sudden outburst… but then again, she had a pretty good idea who would leave her friend crying so hard she would stop breathing for seconds at a time.

Lucas Scott.

Boy, she was going to kick his ass one of these days.

--

Lucas stood on the porch, one hand leaning on the wall, the other pounding restlessly against the door. His foot tapped the floor impatiently. He had driven to Brooke and Peyton's house in a flash of anger and he could barely contain it any longer as he waited.

He wasn't sure how long he had stood in his living room, reading the letters over and over again, but it registered to him now that it was already dark outside. The whole day had gone by while he had gone from angry at himself for not realizing this before, to angry at Peyton for her so-called confession to Brooke, to angry at Brooke for deciding she knew what was best for him, and then angry at Haley for not opening his eyes up.

And then he had gone right back to square one – angry at himself. It ate him up on the inside to know how much he hard hurt Brooke. The worst part was knowing that she was still hurting now.

Finally, as the shock of his realization had worn off, he had found that there was an anger that he simply could not turn off. It hadn't turned to pain, or aching, or understanding. Because no matter how he turned things around in his head, he couldn't fathom why Peyton had done what she had done.

And he was furious.

It took a full minute before his frantic knocking brought Peyton to the door. She looked like hell, and Lucas found himself reveling in that fact. Why should he care?

She stood before him, silent, waiting for him to unleash his anger. He wasn't going to disappoint her, he thought.

"How could you?" he asked her coldly. He wasn't sure how else he could formulate his thoughts. He felt like it was all too cruel to even put into words.

"Lucas… I'm sor–"

He cut her off. "Don't tell me you're sorry. Frankly, I don't care. I just – I want to know. I want to know exactly what went through your mind. What made you think even for a second," he paused, trying to channel his anger, "that it was okay for you to do this? That you had the right?"

Peyton shook her head, tears already forming in her eyes. "I don't know. I don't know," she repeated. "I was just… all I could see was that you and I were supposed to be together, and I just didn't think." Her voice broke at the last word. She was past even telling Lucas that at the time, she'd told Brooke that she was just trying to be honest and wasn't going to do anything about her feelings. She knew how much of a lie it had been now, and she knew Lucas would see right through it, too. It only made what she had done worse because she hadn't owned up to it. And Brooke, with her ever-forgiving heart, had never called her on it.

Lucas shook his head, not even bothering to hide his disgust. "Did you even care? That you would hurt Brooke? Did it ever cross you mind?"

Peyton stared at him. She didn't know how to explain it because she couldn't understand it herself, what a monster she had been. "All I could think about was being with you," she confessed. "It was like the rest didn't exist."

"Well congratulations!" he told her. "It doesn't anymore. Brooke is gone. She left me then, and she's gone now."

It occurred to Lucas that he had never discussed his feelings for Brooke with Peyton since they had broken off their engagement… but he was long past trying to spare her the heartache.

"Look, Lucas," she began frantically. "I love Brooke. She's my best friend," she whispered, crying.

"What kind of person does that to their best friend, Peyton, huh? Tell me!"

"I don't know!" she shouted back. "I don't know how I became this, this monster. I don't know what I was thinking or how I could do this and live with myself!" A sob shook her frail shoulders. "I don't know, okay!"

"But you still did it, didn't you? It doesn't change the past. It doesn't change the fact that you never told me what you had done and that you let me live in this, lie," he said, sickened. Peyton looked so small and broken in this moment, yet all he could think was how what Peyton had done had broken Brooke, and he couldn't get himself to care.

Silence settled between them. It took a few minutes before Peyton found her voice again.

"I'm not asking for your forgiveness, Luke. I know I don't deserve it." She sounded resigned. "I know now what I've done."

As he stared at her, he realized he wasn't even sure why he had come. Maybe he just wanted her to know how angry he was. He didn't think he would ever get past this.

"I really thought the world of you, you know," he said, his anger subsiding. He was just bitter now – bitter and resentful. "I thought you were… graceful, and you had such a big heart. I didn't want to break it," he confessed. "How ironic. You broke Brooke's heart, and mine, a long time ago."

Peyton looked at him, silent. She knew more was coming.

"I don't think I can be your friend anymore, Peyton. Because I'm not sure that you ever were mine."

She let his words sink in. She had known it was inevitable, but it still hurt.

"I understand," she said quietly.

He nodded before turning around and walking back to his car. There was nothing left to say.

--

Rachel waited in silence as Brooke's tears slowly subsided. She had brought her to the bed, afraid Brooke was going to collapse on the bathroom floor. She had cried for a long time, first sobbing and then letting her tears soundlessly run down her face. She seemed to be regaining control over herself now, as they were sitting side by side on the bed.

Rachel wasn't surprised when Brooke's first words didn't acknowledge her breakdown. Instead, she turned the conversation around. That's Brooke Davis for you, Rachel thought. Always thinking of others until it was no longer possible to ignore her own pain. Well, Rachel was only going to let her escape it for so long.

"What are you doing here?" Brooke asked her. "I thought you…"

"…had spent all the money I stole from you buying crack and died of an overdose in a stranger's bed after having sex with him?"

Brooke cracked a smile. "Yeah, pretty much."

"I was going to," Rachel admitted. "But I really did want to get better and get my life back. So I took the money and went to rehab," she said. "I didn't know where to go at first, so I called your friend Owen. I asked him for advice and he gave me the name of the place he'd gone to in the city. I got out two months ago, sober. I've been working as a waitress ever since, making money until I can get my own place."

"Owen helped you?"

Rachel nodded. "I made him promise not to tell you. I wasn't sure I could actually do it, you know. I didn't want to get anybody's hopes up."

Brooke smiled in response. It was Rachel's way of saying that she hadn't wanted to disappoint Brooke. "I'm so happy for you, Rach," she said. "I can't tell you how relieved I feel, knowing you're okay. I was worried."

"'Course you were. But you should know… I did use some of the money to buy myself new fabulous clothes. No offense, Brooke – you know I love your line – but I couldn't ignore the calling any longer."

Brooke laughed. "None taken," she said softly.

"So," Rachel began. "Please tell me that Lucas Scott is not the reason you are crying like a pitiful teenager."

Brooke winced upon hearing his name, and yet couldn't keep her lips from curling up into a smile. Rachel always had a way of saying things so bluntly and yet so accurately.

"How did you know?"

"Well, there are only two people who could get you in such a state. Your mother, or Lucas. I know you fired your mom a couple of months ago, so I figured the sudden outburst was caused by someone else. Am I right?"

Brooke nodded. "Listen, Rachel, I don't want to talk about it, okay? I came here to get away from it, and I'd rather not dwell on it."

But Rachel ignored her. "He married that editor girl, right? Did he get her pregnant already?"

Brooke involuntarily flinched at her words. She hadn't expected the flash of jealousy she felt when she pictured him happily married and starting a family. It was as if his confession had awakened everything she felt for him, and she could no longer keep any of it buried, no matter how hard she tried. And Rachel wasn't helping at all.

"What? Is it worse?"

Brooke stared at her friend. She figured she'd better tell her everything now; she knew Rachel wouldn't give up until she got her question answered.

"He didn't marry Lindsay," she began. "She walked out on him during the wedding. She thought he was still in love with Peyton. He spent a few weeks trying to get her back… and then apparently he realized that he did love Peyton. They went to Vegas together, to get married."

Rachel stopped her. "Wow, no wonder you're upset."

"That's still not it," Brooke said, all the while wishing that it actually stopped there.

"There's more?"

"They didn't get married in Vegas. They decided to wait. He proposed to her at a party I'd thrown to congratulate them for being newlyweds. And then, a couple of weeks later, both of them realized they weren't in love. They said it was a mistake."

"Okay, now I'm officially confused," Rachel interrupted.

"So am I," Brooke breathed. "But there's more. Lucas and Peyton broke off their engagement over a month ago. And yesterday night…" She paused. This was where it got really hard, because now her own feelings were involved, teetering on the surface, menacing to spill over at any given second. "Lucas found me at the river court. And he said… he said he wanted to be with me. To have children with me."

"Wait, hold on. He said what?"

Brooke found she didn't have the strength to repeat the words. It was too painful.

Understanding her difficulty, Rachel took it upon herself to talk instead. "Okay, let me get this straight? He almost married Lindsay. Then tried to get her back. Then went to Vegas to marry Peyton. Then proposed to her. Then broke it off with her. And then he confessed his undying need to have kids with you?"

Once more, Brooke couldn't help but laugh at the way Rachel had summed up Lucas' love life. It was crazy… and somehow she was standing smack dab in the middle of it, with no escape route, no room to breathe.

"No wonder you're messed up," Rachel commented. "Do you think he was sincere – what he said about you?"

It was the million-dollar question, Brooke thought. Was he? And even if he was, could she believe him?

She shrugged. There it was again – the lump in her throat, the moisture in her eyes, the loud thumping of her heart that would not be ignored.

"Okay. So he was."

Brooke found it in her to speak. "I don't know. I don't want to know. You said it yourself, Rach. He doesn't know what he wants. And I refuse to get sucked into the drama again. Not this time."

Rachel let the silence settle. She watched Brooke carefully. "But you want to. Some part of you does."

"When did you become so observant?" she asked, annoyed.

"Rehab is boring," she answered lightly. "No coke, no booze, no men. There was nothing else to do but observe people. But never mind that. What did he tell you exactly?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, he explained, right? Why it was you, all of a sudden?"

Brooke shook her head. "I didn't let him."

"So you don't know if he meant it."

"I don't want to know."

"That's bullshit. Honestly, Brooke, don't you think I know better?"

"So what if I want to know? What if I want him to mean it? It doesn't change the rest."

"Which is?"

Brooke sighed. Rachel had an uncanny way of always getting the truth out of her. "He's going to leave, eventually. It's Peyton he wants," she said quietly. "I know that."

"Maybe you're wrong."

"I wasn't wrong the first two times. I'm not making any bets this time around."

"You want to know what I think?" Rachel asked. A silent laughter shook Brooke. "Do I have a choice?"

"No."

"Okay, go ahead."

"I think you've never really moved on from Lucas. I think you've never stopped waiting for him. And now that he's here and he wants you, you're scared shitless. Which, by the way, makes you a coward."

"Thanks!" Brooke snapped. "That makes me feel so much better."

"But you know it's the truth."

Did she?

Yes, her heart answered.

"And you know what else I think?"

"No, but I'm sure you're going to tell me."

"I think there's a big chance Lucas might actually be honest right now. I never liked Peyton anyway, she's such a bitch!" Brooke laughed and Rachel went on. "I think he wants you. Beats me why you want him, because you could do so much better… but you do."

"You really think so?"

"That your fat ass is crazy for being in love with Lucas Scott?"

"No. The other part."

"Oh. Yes."

It was all it took to get Brooke's heart racing again.

"Now. I really need to get dressed for work, so I suggest you get off my bed and take a tap on the couch. You really look like hell!"

And then Brooke laughed again – a full, heart-felt laugh. She'd missed Rachel.

--

Haley and Nathan's house was the second stop on Lucas' angry trail. He had calmed down by now, having unleashed most of his anger on Peyton. Whether it was fair or not, he didn't feel one ounce of guilt about it.

Now, he needed answers.

He needed Haley.

It was Nathan who opened the door to their house. "Hey man!" his brother greeted him.

"Hey, is Haley here?"

"She's upstairs, putting Jamie in bed." He gestured for Lucas to come in and they walked in the house together. "You okay?"

Lucas chuckled. "Depends on your definition of okay."

"You look like hell."

"Thanks!" Lucas answered bitterly.

"Is it Brooke? Haley told me she left this morning."

Nathan sat on the couch and Lucas joined him there. Where could he begin? "I messed up," he admitted. "I told her how I felt, but it wasn't very… subtle."

"What, did you propose to her?"

Lucas scoffed. "Why does everybody keep asking me that?"

"Because you keep proposing to every girl in your life, Luke!"

"Okay. I guess I deserve that. But the answer is no, I didn't propose. But still… I should have waited. Or at least, I should have tried not to scare her away."

Haley strolled in the living room as Lucas finished speaking. "Hey Luke!" she said. "Wow, don't take this the wrong way, but you–"

"Look like hell, I know!"

Nathan laughed but Lucas' stare silenced him. His brother got up. "I'm gonna go upstairs and read Jamie a story," he said, giving them some privacy. He tapped Lucas on the shoulder, kissed Haley, and then left the room.

"Okay. What's going on?" Haley asked, concerned. Lucas really did not look well.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked straight away.

"Tell you what?"

"That Brooke left me because of Peyton?"

He wasn't angry anymore, just pained, resigned.

Haley's features softened immediately. "Oh. So you know?"

He nodded, impassive.

"How?" she asked.

"Peyton." He couldn't help the anger that flashed on his face. "She found letters Brooke wrote me after we broke up. She brought them to me."

"Peyton did?"

"Believe me, it's probably the only good thing she's done in her whole life. But you knew already, didn't you?"

Haley came to sit beside him. "You can't blame me for this, Luke. And for what it's worth, Brooke never really told me, either. I just guessed. It wasn't really hard to tell."

"But I didn't," Lucas said, pained. "Everybody but me knew. Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't I see it?"

"You were in love with Peyton," she suggested softly.

"No, I wasn't," he answered firmly. "I loved Brooke. And if Brooke hadn't let me think that she didn't want me anymore, I wouldn't have so much as cast a glance at Peyton that way."

"You can't know that. You and Peyton have this… thing."

"Not anymore. I can't look at her anymore. She makes me sick."

"Luke, don't be too hard on her, okay?" Haley surprised herself by defending Peyton. She hadn't always been her greatest fan either… but in spite of everything, Haley knew Peyton had meant no harm. She hadn't done what she had done to purposefully hurt her friends.

"Why should I, after what she did?"

"I'm not questioning whether or not what she did was wrong or right. I'm just saying… we're only human. And Luke… you did go to Peyton, eventually. You proved Brooke right."

Lucas closed in eyes. It still hurt him as much, no matter how many times he thought about what he had done. He could only imagine how it had felt for Brooke.

"I know. But I wouldn't have, if I had known that Brooke still felt that way about me. I was in love with Brooke, not Peyton."

"Fair enough. But even if that was true, even if now, you realize that Brooke was the one all along… don't you think it's better that you and Peyton got together at one point? I know you say you loved Brooke, and I believe you. But there would always be that off chance, that possibility. It's no longer there now, right?"

Lucas nodded. He had never been so sure of anything else in his life. "Brooke is… She's all I want. I can see that now."

"Good." Haley could see how much Lucas meant what he'd said. "Now I can finally give you my best-friend blessing."

He laughed. "I didn't know I needed your approval?" he said, half questioning her.

"Well you have it now. But you have to promise me something, okay?"

"Okay."

"Don't screw it up, this time. Best friend or not, I will kick your ass if you hurt her again. Brooke has been through enough."

"I know. Believe me, I know." Her letters had told him everything, and he knew he would never forget the pain radiating from Brooke's words. And he was going to spend the rest of his days trying to make up for the hurt he had caused her.

He was going to fix what he had broken.

--

The wonderful song "Pieces" I used for the title of this chapter is sung by Red.

--