Chapter Two: The Demanding Tree



Atemu stared in front of him and saw what was supposedly a very demented idea of a tree. Its trunk was slanted at the top and the branches looked so long they'd poke the customers. It was a very dark brown and was bare of any leaves. To his dismay, there were two blue eyes and a mouth on the tree.

"Do not be afraid, Pharaoh, for I am the almighty Order Tree." said the tree at once. "My name is Bob. Call me Bob or suffer the wrath of my branches. I have it in my power to grow leaves in one second and in that amount at least one apple. If you eat the apple, you will be banished from the Garden of Eden! If you let me throw it at you, I will give you one thousand dollars."

The Pharaoh blinked. Why was this thing talking to him and how did it know about his past as a former Egyptian pharaoh? "Listen, uh, Bob. Aren't humans already banned from the Garden of Eden?"

"This is the land of the White Pearls and Pink Puny Ponies! It is your mission to restore peace to this land by attending my meeting. There will be tea, so don't fret Young One." Bob replied.

"Uh, okay. So when's the meeting?" asked Atemu.

"Now, my fine fellow. replied the tree. "Welcome aboard the Pink Pony of Happiness vessel. We will be setting sail across the Green Sea of Spinach to the land of Rainbows and Friendship. Don't forget to bring your tutu."

Atemu face-palmed. "Say WHAT?! We're not on a ship and you're a tree. You can't move! And I am NOT going to wear a tutu."

"What? I never said WE were going anywhere." said the tree. "However, you are. I need you to do three very important tasks for me. Fetch me...some cherries."

"Cherries? Sounds easy enough." Atemu muttered.

"EASY?!" the tree screamed. "Oh, NO! You have to cross bridges and you need a thing called MONEY. This money is made from countless trees, so you have to kill a tree! Did I mention that you can't just TAKE the cherries without equivalent exchange? You need to give them money and they'll give you cherries!"

"KILL a tree?" he raised an eyebrow.

"In order to kill a tree, you need one of Mother Earth's most powerful weapons!"

"I know where to find an axe, but that doesn't mean I'm cutting down a tree for you." said Atemu.

"An axe? Oh, heavens no. That is not what can cut down a tree. You need a piece of cheese. One of Earth's most deadly attacks from such a food. You humans are powerful to digest it." the tree shook a branch like a human would shake a finger at someone.

"I'm not doing any favors for a tree." Atemu replied irritably.

"Then it's settled. You are the right one for this mission anyway."

He felt like he would rather duel a selfish child that kept throwing taunts at him instead of making his move then talk to this tree. Why was he under the influence of this sake anyway? "I'm not going and that's final." promised Atemu stubbornly.

"Then I'll grow an apple and you'll be doomed to feel it hit your vulnerable head!" the tree appeared to be waiting for something after this comment, because he didn't seem to have anything else to say for now.

A strong hunch told Atemu that he couldn't grow apples at all and it had to have been a lie for him to ever be able to. To the young pharaoh's dismay, an apple was thrown at his head. He threw his hand up just in time to catch it. It now looked less dead with the leaves, but Atemu thought it just looked more grotesque this way.

"You will now receive one thousand dollars." said the tree.

"I didn't LET you throw it at me." Atemu muttered.

"Get me my cherries!" Bob ordered.

"What? What does that have to do with anything!"

"Ah, I know it's a dark journey through the Forest of Magnetic Grocery Fish, but you don't need to feel nervous. My fine fellow, you shall do fine on this mission."

Atemu sighed. "You're driving me crazy, 'Bob'."

The tree laughed. "My foolish child, it's brought on yourself that you won't get me these cherries."

"Yuugi? Yuugi!" Atemu was desperate. He couldn't stand this tree any longer.

"Pharaoh, I am not doing any favors for that tree."

"Why not? You're always doing favors."

Yuugi pretended to think. "Well, it has something to do with being tired of things being crazy while I'm drunk. You're the one that suggested taking over anyway."

"That was BEFORE I knew about the tree. I thought I'd be normal!"

"No excuses, Pharaoh." Yuugi replied. "Just get him some cherries. You'll be fine."

"Yuugi. I know you don't do favors for trees. Well, the same goes for me. I especially don't do favors for talking trees."

Bob created an apple and threw it at Atemu's head.

Atemu glared at it. "Stop throwing things at me!" he caught the apple and bit out of it. "Hmm, good. It tastes like an apple."

"It IS an apple, Pharaoh." said the tree.

"Heya, Yuug, why are you talking to a tree?" asked Jounouchi.

"You can also see the tree?"

Jounouchi scratched his head. "Uh, no. All I see is a giant bottle of beer with apples. Yes, I see the tree."

He was not amused. All Atemu wanted was some peace of mind instead of talking to this tree while Yuugi was drunk, and him too apparently.

"Jounouchi, get me some cherries." ordered the tree.

"How do you know my name?!" he asked.

The tree scratched his trunk. "I heard it on the radio!"

"I'm on the radio? COOL. Hey, Yuug, I was on the radio!"

Atemu face-palmed. "Jounouchi, no. Just, no. This tree is as random as a pickle jar in the street. It doesn't make sense and it only wants cherries."

"Come on, Yuug! To the grocery store!" Jounouchi said enthusiastically.

"You want to do favors for a TREE?" Atemu asked. He raised an eyebrow. "It's not really there you know. It's all in our he--" Another apple was thrown at Atemu and this time hit him square in the head. "OUCH! Watch where you throw that thing!"

"You will accompany my master Jounouchi to the grocery store and you will bring me my cherries." said the Order Tree.

"I give up. I'm going to the grocery store with Jounouchi to get your stupid cherries. Come on Jounouchi." He walked over to Jounouchi and blinked.

"Hold on. My inner spirits are speaking to me through the tube in my head." Jounouchi held out his arms and started to do the Robot. "I am doing...the Robot!"

"Can we just go and get the stupid cherries?!" Atemu was pretty annoyed with Jounouchi for getting them both drunk but it wasn't so severe that it could damage their friendship. It was just the usual slight annoyance as if a friend kept poking him repeatedly while he was trying to sleep.

He nodded. "Sure. I know where the store is. It's only ten miles from here! I know a shortcut too. All we need to do is fly over the buildings! I found jet packs in the closet!"

"The nearest store is actually across the street. How convenient." said Atemu looking out the window.

The Order Tree started shaking his leaves off. "I'm filthy! If I want my children to be ripe for growth, I need these leaves to go."

"You're a TREE, Bob. They're healthy for you."

Bob stared at Atemu almost as if he was seeing a ghost. "Are you stupid, dear child?"

He had it up to here with this stupid tree. He dragged Jounouchi out of the bar.

"Greetings Master Atemu." said a tree.

Atemu screamed. "WHY?!" He got down on his knees and hit the concrete sidewalk with his fist.

"Bob told me to tell you to hurry up with his cherries." the tree replied. "He said it's very important that you get him his cherries for if you do not, he will grab you by the hair to see if it's a wig."

Jounouchi dragged Atemu across the street plainly ignoring the cars driving on the street. They honked their horns and some rolled down their windows to ask if he was stupid. He got to the other side without killing himself or Atemu and walked into the store.

"Attention, everyone! I am Jounouchi Katsuya. I am extremely popular so feel free to worship me!"

"Yea, man. Like I said, I never eat cherries without my ice cream. It's totally wicked to eat cherries without ice cream." said one of the workers.

"Do you think this dress makes me look fat?" said another.

"Greetings, Jounouchi. Welcome to our fine store. Since pink is the color in style here, you'll notice that everything is pink." said the boss. "My name is Barbara."

"Dude, you're a guy." Jounouchi face-palmed. "Anyway, why is everything pink?"

"Jack, Sakura! Come over here and tell this idiot how we roll!"

A woman with red hair in a bun and wearing a blue Chinese dress walked to one side of Barbara with hands on her hips. Moments later, a man stopped eating cherry ice cream and stepped on the other side of Barbara. "Pink Kangaroos Fanclub, unite!" They made a strange pose that Jounouchi wouldn't be able to describe in his life.

Watching this made Atemu sick. It was way too pink. Pink was an okay color. He didn't particularly hate it but there was a limit to how much pink should be in one place. There was a selection window in the back of the room with various fruits and cakes and...it was pink. The walls were a light pink, the ceiling a dark magenta, and the floor black. At least one part of this place looked normal. Pink couches and chairs lined the sides of the room. In the center were a few tables for eating.

"We only want to buy some cherries!" said Jounouchi. "Please hand me some cherries."

He face-palmed. Atemu was in the most bizarre situation. Him and his best friend Jounouchi was drunk and this tree wanted some cherries. How much worse could this situation get? Wait, he better not think that. Oh, but it was too late!

Three legs sprouted from each of Barbara's hips and two tusks grew from his mouth. "Behold! My true form!"

"Yuug, lets get out of here!" Jounouchi screamed. He ran right into the door. He tried to turn the handle to get out. It was impossible to escape with the doors locked.

"You won't escape unless you pass our trial!" said Sakura. Her skin had turned an ugly shade of green and Jack sprouted two black horns.

"Name your trial." said Atemu.

Jack smirked. "You must answer our riddle!"

He blinked. This was pretty easy. "Okay, that sounds fair. What's the riddle?"

"Dark as night, healthy in the pyramid, royal as the king. Who is it?" Barbara replied.

His eyes widened then narrowed. "It wouldn't happen to be the Order Tree known as Bob, would it?"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, I can handle this Yuug." Jounouchi walked up to Barbara and stared him hard in the eye. "You?"

"WRONG. You're both WRONG! Silence the losers! SILENCE THEM." ordered Barbara.

"I'm pretty sure we can't BOTH be wrong." said Atemu. Then he realized it. What if it was...him? Was this riddle made up on the spot to confuse him or something? "Me?" he asked.

"Hmmm, yes! Good answer. You may buy our cherries. Hold on while I wrap them up."

"That won't be necessary." said Jounouchi. He pulled out 500 yen and handed it to Barbara.

"SQUEE!" the spider danced. He took the money and handed Atemu his cherries. "I'll see you two later!" he said.

Jounouchi and Atemu were finally let out of the store and they walked back into the bar. It was an unfortunate series of events.

"Did you get my plums?" asked Bob.

"Look, you specifically indicated you wanted cherries." said Atemu.

"Yes, yes, but I decided plums would work better. They match my hair."

"You know what, Bob?" Atemu walked over to the tree and kicked it.

"OUCH! Right in the eyeball! Don't you have any manners?!" the tree screamed.

"I think you're the one without any manners. We spent money on these cherries and now you want plums?! No way!"

The tree cackled. A shot was in his hand. With one of his branches, he made a huge impact on Atemu's chest, knocking him down.

"YUUG! Hey, what are you doing, Bob?!"

Being pushed onto the ground didn't just make Atemu angry but it made him confused. Bob was an annoying freaking tree. Although, he didn't come off as particularly violent. He tried to push away the two branches that tried to push down his arms. It was futile. His arms were pinned to the floor.

"When I inject this heroin into your bloodstream, I will disappear. Beware the horrors of school!" the tree injected the heroin into Atemu's bloodstream with the shot.