RCW Thursday Night Repentance (May Week 1).
Scenes from the past week played, highlighting the Orton vs. Orton & Star Dog vs. Birchill feuds. Once they ended, Chris X & Joel Gertner were introduced to a standing ovation from the 2500-strong in Manhattan, New York's Hammerstein Ballroom by Jumpy Jim West. They were followed up by Paul Heyman and his new lackey Bill Goldberg. Heyman snatched the microphone.
'I'm finally back in the Hammerstein Ballroom! Welcome to the show. I hope you can be more of a joy to entertain for than those Detroit losers!' Heyman laughed. The fans who had driven to Manhattan from Detroit took exception to Heyman's comments by bursting into '911' chants. Heyman noticed them.
'It looks like some of those losers are here tonight... but regardless, we are going to have a ball in the ballroom! Tonight, you will see your hometown hero Bikebraker Kevin Smith take on the most viscous, the most unrelenting and most sadistic S.O.B in the business today: Bill Goldberg!' Heyman announced to a plethora of boos. The boos were replaced by cheers when the aforementioned hometown boy Kevin Smith rushed to the ring and got nose to nose with Goldberg.
'That's not wise, Kev'... but I'll admit you've got guts!' Joel Gertner retorted at the announce table. In the ring, Kevin Smith grabbed a spare microphone and returned to his previous face-to-face position with Goldberg. The fans chanted 'Mess him up, Kevin! Mess him up!' as the former RCW Global Tag Team champion began to speak.
'So I've got to face the most sadistic S.O.B in the industry tonight? Thanks for booking me against Sabu, Paul!' Smith joked, provoking some laughter from the rabid crowd. Heyman and Goldberg did not look pleased.
'Seriously, Paul... we're in my home court tonight. Manhattan is where I grew up and watched Bill Goldberg as a teenager years back when he defeated an unprofessional rat to become WCW Champion. Then the next World title victory that followed was also against yet another unprofessional rat. I don't think Sabu ever beat an unprofessional rat to become the ECW champion. Goldie, I'm not afraid of you and I'll be damned if I don't set an example for the guys in the back tonight! And just for the record, Paul, I hope that Ryan Walters comes back. He's my college buddy and you fired him unfairly just because he thought his exclusive contract was unfair. Me and him are like brothers. Goldberg, you're not dealing with your run-of-the-mill jobber at As Good As It Gets or tonight, for that matter. Hell no: you're getting the first fights of your life and to steal a line from you, Heyman, that's all I've got to say about that!' Smith concluded. Goldberg quickly flattened him with a spear. He and Heyman bolted the ring when Ralph Summers came down to aid his partner. Goldberg's music played as Summers & the fan all looked on in disgust.
Texas Bull vs. Paul Birchill.
After Birchill's R-Rated shenanigans on Monday Night, it would've been hard for Star Dog to keep cool and stay backstage. Dog was up on the balcony as his enemy took on the meanest bullfighter in all of Texas. Some slick stunts, including the old British Star Press from Birchill, and some powerful throws meant Bull's night would be a short one. Birchill nailed the C-4 but didn't pin Bull. Instead, he stared and laughed at Star Dog on the balcony before picking Bull up and hitting Dog's own Sevenstar finishing move. Birchill then pinned Bull arrogantly.
The winner is Paul Birchill.
Birchill immediately grabbed a microphone from Jim West.
'Hey, Star Dog... where's Stacy? Are you so afraid of her being near me at all that you forced her to stay home? Pathetic. I'd let her come to the show personally and let her lay witness to the man who is going to scoop both a 'Best Actor' award and a 'Best Director' award at the BAFTA ceremony this year from my little performance on tape last week... and single-handedly kill a career stone dead using nothing but taped fists encrusted in glass & a 6-sided steel cage!' Birchill promised. Dog just stared at his foe.
'If you think I did that little video because I'm jealous of your relationship, you're in over your head, pal. Watch your back, because I made a decision a week ago not to do it anymore!' Birchill warned. Dog turned his back and walked away.
After the commercial break ended, Fonzie was seen preparing Rob Van Dam for his warm-up match against Jake Taproot later on in the night.
Joel Gertner was in the ring. He cut one of his filthy rhymes to his longtime fans, who chanted 'RCW'. The same fans then looked on in distress as Joel turned around and got mowed down by Rhino's Gore. Cyrus ordered Rhino to destroy Gertner, Cyrus' longtime color-commentary rival in ECW. The RCW World champion Randy Orton ran out to make the save. He pounded Rhino with rights & lefts before he flattened the 'Big F'N Deal' with the RKO Cutter. Randy was then attacked by his backstabbing brother Mark. Cyrus tossed three tables into the ring and stacked them up. Mark dragged Randy to the top turnbuckles and went for the MTO through the stack, but Randy countered with a superplex through the tables. Both Ortons were knocked out. EMTs came to recover the brothers.
Non-title match: John Cena vs. Yoshihiro Magma.
Magma had throat problems going into this match with the reigning UK champion, stemming from Taz' viscous Tazmission attack on Monday night. Cena started with a side headlock, Magma threw him to the ropes and hit a shoulder block. Magma jumped over Cena and floored the champion again with a crescent kick. Taz appeared on the ramp and recieved a thunderous ovation from the crowd, but Magma ignored him to work on Cena some more. Magma locked in a Texas Cloverleaf, but Cena rolled out and got back on top with a low blow. Cena pulled some of his old rapper taunts to the chagrin of the Manhattan crowd, who want to forget the Cena of old. Cena went for the Killswitch, but Magma got to the front facelock position. Cena couldn't use anything to block Magma and fell victim to the Burning Avalanche. Magma taunted Taz by crossing his arms and dragged Cena to his feet. Magma then hit a T-Bone Tazplex. Smiling at Taz with reckless intent, Magma climbed to the top rope and pinned Cena 1-2-3 with the Magma Splash.
The winner is Yoshihiro Magma.
Magma set his sights on Taz and rushed up the ramp. Taz came down to meet him head-on. The two engaged in a street fight which ended when Magma charged Taz and sent them both sailing through electrical equipment. EMTs were going to have a very long night.
'You okay, buddy?' Chris X asked his recuperating partner at the announce table.
'I'll be fine. Man, what a stunt that was! Magma & Taz are going to kill each other at As Good As It Gets to capture that brand-spanking-new Openweight championship belt.' Gertner guaranteed.
'No doubt. But I don't think their beef is even along the lines in terms of brutality of the Ortons' feud and the Dog-Birchill feud. The former are brothers at war for a start and the latter are facing each other inside a steel cage with glass glued to their fists!' Chris X pointed out.
Cyrus is in the back with Kevin Smith.
'Are you sure about this?' Cyrus asked.
'I am 100 serious, boss. I need to do this on my own.' Smith replied.
'I'm just worried because you'll get killed out there!' Cyrus warned.
'Goldberg is a piece of crap that didn't do anything to deserve the championships he got and I mean he didn't do anything! I'll prove that I am better than the big dogs when I do you and my hometown crowd proud in beating the baldie tonight!' Smith promised.
'But if he tries to attack you after the match, I'm sending in the team.' Cyrus insisted.
Jake Taproot vs. Rob Van Dam w/Bill Alfonso.
A quick match was set to be over when RVD went for the split-legged moonsault, but Taproot caught him in a full nelson and bridged backwards with the Rootcore for the upset victory.
The winner is Jake Taproot.
'Acid' Matt Hyson joined his partner in attacking RVD after the match, forcing Sabu to run in and smash them both with chairs. Sabu went for the Triple Jump Moonsault on Hyson, but Taproot followed him up to the top rope and drilled Sabu with the Rootcore, flattening the unfolded steel chair as Hyson moved. Hyson grabbed RVD and hit the Acid Drop from the top rope. Hyson & Taproot stood tall over the DCW Double Dragon Tag Team champions.
After the final commercial break, Goldberg was lead to the ring by Paul Heyman for his RCW in-ring debut. The crowd booed. When Break Stuff by Limp Bizkit played, it was a different story. Bikebraker Kevin Smith was greeted by overwhelming support from his hometown crowd as the announcers reviewed the replay of the altercation at the start of the program.
Bill Goldberg w/Paul Heyman vs. Bikebraker Kevin Smith.
Goldberg went for an immediate spear which appeared to knock both combatants out. 10 seconds later, Smith sat up smiling as if he was unaffected. Smith ripped off his XNN T-shirt to revealed a steel plate attached to his gut. The fans laughed at Goldberg, who obviously hadn't learned from the Bret Hart incident in WCW. Heyman freaked out at ringside. Smith picked Goldberg up by the dome and went for the Manhattan Driver, which popped the fans big time. The cameras turned to the crowd where Ryan Walters was running through and sidestepping security. Paul Heyman noticed him and sought refuge in the ring. Walters hopped the rail and got in the ring. Heyman tried to escape, but Smith clutched the rim of Heyman's pants. Walters punched Heyman hard and then hit the 911 Neckbreaker. The fans popped, giving themselves headaches. Smith and Walters double-teamed Goldberg with hard punches to the injured shoulder. Smith set Goldberg on the turnbuckles and Walters hit the 911 Tornado Bomb. Smith finished off Goldberg with another Manhattan Driver for another upset in the Hammerstein Ballroom.
The winner is Kevin Smith.
Smith & Walters took off into the crowd, celebrating with the fans as Call 911 by P.O.D played in the background. Heyman looked on in disgust, launching a middle finger at his former employee.
As Good As It Gets Card:
Yoshihiro Magma vs. Taz - RCW Openweight title tournament finals.
The Crazy Cats vs. Jerry Lynn & Rhino - RCW Global Tag Team title match.
John Cena vs. DJ Diddy Dog vs. Grizzly vs. Balls Mahoney vs. Batista vs. Mechaclaw - UK title King of the Mountain Ultimate X match.
Star Dog vs. Paul Birchill - Taipei Fists of Death Cage match.
'Acid' Matt Hyson & Jake Taproot vs. Rob Van Dam & Sabu.
Goldberg vs. 'The 911' Ryan Walters - Ultimate X Ladder match for Walters' employment status.
Randy Orton vs. Mark Trevor Orton - RCW World title match.
Champions:
Randy Orton - World Heavyweight champion.
Jerry Lynn & Rhino - Global Tag Team champions.
John Cena - UK champion.
Dan Wilson - Junior Heavyweight champion.