Chapter 11

Clearing her throat, she looked at the TV screen instead of at his perfect face, continuing, "My legs will go first probably, goodbye running and swimming and twirling. Then my arms, so long dancing and hugging. When you were feeding me, it made me see how utterly helpless and stagnant I will be someday soon. Someone will have to change my diapers at least three times a day…RED."

She stopped herself in mid sentence, not able to go on.

"I'm sorry.", he didn't know what else to say. But she was so strong that she quickly put it out of her mind.

"I'm not really afraid to die.", she wiped a little tear away, "But I'm terrified of not being – alive. Do you know what I mean?"

"Definitely.", he said, knowing all too well.

Hours had gone by and it would be dawn soon. They had spoken so long that it finally exhausted little Sammi and she fell asleep with her head on his lap.

Not a great idea, he thought right away, but he didn't have the heart to wake her. She was so peaceful and trusting. No one had trusted him like this for such a long time. He stood on guard over her in his mind with a giant sword, ready to destroy that demon if he tried to even THINK of coming near her again.

Edward wanted to touch her shiny ebony hair very badly but he resisted it.

She was dreaming, he could tell, looking down upon her, his new little friend…his only friend.

"I don't know if you can hear me Samantha.", he spoke low and soft as she slumbered, "But I want you to know I'm glad I met you. You're very brave, wanting to be my friend. I will try very hard to be worthy of your friendship. I can't love you but this feeling is the nicest thing I've felt for almost 100 years. Thank you Samantha – Sammi."

He closed his eyes, not able to sleep but enjoying the darkness, feeling her warm breath on his leg, the occasional movement of her head on his thigh. He didn't want her to go. He liked talking to her and liked the way she had yelled at him, telling him off. Nothing would happen to her, he told himself, swearing it. He would not let cancer destroy this girl slowly, as he was destroyed. He would change her if it came to that, he decided. But he intended to keep this friend for as long as he could.

"No Edward.", she mumbled in her sleep, making his eyes open.

"Don't fall in love with me.", she writhed a little, clearly distressed.

"No, don't.", she whimpered, then quieted as his cool fingers brushed her hair a bit, moving it away from her closed eyes. It felt like silk ribbons.

He grinned down at her, muttering "teenagers".

She rolled over and heard something strange. Opening her eyes, she saw daylight in the room she was in now. Not sunlight, but gray rainy light from the windows of the basement.

Focusing her eyes, she looked for him. He was gone. He had told her about the myth of daytime hurting him, so she knew he should be around somewhere.

"Edward?" she asked without shouting.

The TV was off now but she didn't care. She never wasted her limited time on television anyway. There were too many other great things to do instead with the small time she had left. The only purpose it served last night was as a night light. She got up carefully, seeing the basement was all super clean again. He's a bit of a neat freak, she thought, seeing a little bathroom door she didn't notice last night.

She took her bathroom break and came out after washing her hands.

"Edward?", she called again.

"Good Morning.", his voice was behind her suddenly, making her jump with a squeal.

"GOD", she scolded.

"Guess again.", he joked.

"You nearly gave me a heart attack! Don't sneak up on people, it's not funny.", she warned.

"Sorry.", his eyes widened a bit, like he thought she was over reacting.

"I got some Dunkin' Donuts for you for breakfast.", he announced, producing a plate full of different donuts, all ones she liked.

"I hope you don't mind, I was looking over your brain last night while you slept and saw you have a thing for sugary dough.", he almost glowed with cuteness.

"Cool.", she smiled, "That mind tapping thing is a nice gift, Edward. Your wife will be able to say her husband knows exactly what she's thinking at all times. That could be a good thing – or a bad one, depending how you look at it."

"I'm not going to have a wife.", he tried to keep himself cheerful, sitting down on the sofa as she sat beside him, taking a boston crème off the top.

"Maybe if there's time I can teach you to make eggs or something.", Sammi said, eating a bite of her donut, "Women love it when their guy knows how to make them a nice little omelet in the morning."

Changing the subject, Edward said, "After you eat, I thought it would be nice to take a walk in the forest for awhile. It's a nice day, kind of warm."

"I would love that.", she agreed, seeing there was a glass of milk on the table before her, "I love to go hiking in the forest. I need to be outside everyday, for at least a little while."

"Me too.", he said, liking to watch her eat.

"Don't stare at me while I'm eating.", she snickered, seeing him watch her every move with those strange hypnotic red eyes. They were so unusually beautiful she had to tear her eyes away.

"You watched me.", he argued back.

"And it was thrilling.", she said in sarcasm.

You'll notice my donut isn't begging for it's life, she thought to herself.

Edward's smiling face turned to stone.

"What?", she asked, mouthful of donut muffling her word.

"I heard that.", he informed, "What you thought just now."

She looked ahead of her at the wall, frowning, wishing she could keep him out of her head. She wasn't trying to hurt him, her thoughts were just there, what could she do to stop them?

"I don't want to hurt your feelings, Edward.", she said calmly, "I really don't. But you are going to have to come to terms with the fact that –" she trailed off, not wanting to finish.

"What fact?" he looked stern now, waiting to hear the words.

"You do…kill.", she forced herself to say it. Now it was out.

"Scumbags.", he finished the sentence, sounding hurt.

"It's not for you to judge who's good and who's not.", she said, trying to sound like a friend and not a psychiatrist, "That's God's job, not yours."

"I've told you, there is no God.", Edward sounded as if he wanted her to believe this for her own good, "I am evil incarnate and I have millions of years to live, you are young and sweet and have never hurt anyone and you have less than ONE year left, tell me what God would do that to someone like YOU."

She felt a little bitten by his words but kept herself composed.

Instantly, he looked so regretful that he'd said what he did. It wasn't her fault. She was like a mirror showing him his reflection and he didn't like what he was seeing.

"You are as tempting as Hell itself Edward.", she said, looking at his red eyes, so attracted to them, "But even those magical eyes won't make me turn away from God. I'm sorry. I am drawn to you but we're going to have to agree to disagree on this matter."

"You are so strong. How do you do that?", he smiled, liking her more every minute, then said, "I get drawn to something and I just follow. I'm the weak one here. You being drawn to me is just part of the evil I carry in me. It pulls humans towards us, to make it easier to prey on you. It's nothing to do with ME. It's the way this sick body of mine was made."

"God made you, too, Edward.", she took a sip of her milk, "And looking over you now, I'm convinced of what I've thought all along. God is a very artistic and talented woman. Who else could've made you so pretty?"

Later, outside, in the forest, she seemed to come alive even more.

She kept twirling around in circles as the wind blew, cheering like a little girl. He gave her his long black leather coat and she was playing with it like it was a cape. Edward watched, wishing he could feel such joy at simple things.

"When I go, I want to be the dancing wind.", she said to him as he smiled back at her, his hands in his own jacket pockets.

"See, when the wind blows in a circle, twirling, and all the leaves swirl around in it? That will be me someday.", she looked pleased about this.

"You sound like you're looking forward to this." Edward tried to make his voice sound light, like hers.

"Hey, it's going to be great.", she defended herself, "I won't have one more pain ever again. I'll never be sad or lonely or have to go to a hospital again! I'll be able to jump and dance and fly!"

Edward didn't answer, but his eyes almost made her cry with their anguish.

"Oh don't look like that.", she smiled wider at her new friend, "Smile Edward. Come twirl with me."

"No thanks.", he still looked a bit morose, the wind blowing his hair gracefully around his cheekbones.

"You have to live for today, Edward.", she told him, "You may never get another chance to twirl with me again."

"You want to fly?", he asked, looking up to the clouds overhead. He was thinking of throwing her up into the air and catching her, but decided not to. She could get hurt.

"YES", she gushed, "Don't you want to? Or CAN you?"

"No", he said quietly, "I can't fly. Sorry."

"Damn, I was hoping for a Superman, Lois Lane moment." She chuckled, twirling some more, "Oh well, I can wait a little while longer. Soon."

His heart was breaking for her. She was firmly planted in the myth of heaven and God, dreaming of her adventures in paradise when there was no such place waiting for her. He felt angry at God for not really existing, for the pain this glowing creature would feel when her eyes closed and she would sleep forever, buried in a box in the ground and nothing more. It wasn't fair. She was just a baby.

He didn't want to start another fight but he wanted her to listen to him, to consider letting him change her before that betrayal happened. Then it would be too late for him to save her. For a split second, he saw things from Carlisle's point of view and felt so badly for blaming it all on him.

"You really think there's something more, after death?", he asked softly.

"You tell me Edward.", she teased, "Is there?"

"I didn't meet God, if that's what you're asking.", he looked annoyed again.

"You might have.", she started walking at his side, "If Carlisle would have let you."

"He calls it saving me.", Edward sounded cheated and she didn't blame him.

"I'm sure he thought he was.", she sounded so understanding of Carlisle when she didn't even know him.

"Hey!", she changed gears again, looking at him, "I had a great idea!"

Uh oh, Edward thought.

"You could call those guys from last night that grabbed me, and tell them you found out I have cancer and you don't appreciate paying seven thousand dollars for a broken girl. You want to return me for the other two girls they have."

She was brilliant, Edward thought, crazed, but brilliant nonetheless.

"No way." Edward refused, "They'd want me to bring you back to them.

I won't do that."

"You can handle it.", she said, putting such confidence in him after one decent night of conversation.

"No Samantha.", he said flatly again, leaping up a small hill in one bound.

"Those girls shouldn't be made to wait four more days, Edward.", Sammi said, "Remember what they were doing to me when you came to my house?"

"All the more reason for you not to ever be near them again.", Edward frowned at her, not wanting to discuss this anymore.

"But they—"

He cut her off fast. "If they get you back and can't sell you to anyone because they know you're sick, they will rape you in so many horrible ways you won't remember your own name! They'll video tape you, sell those movies for some kind of profit, then they'd kill you when they found no more use for you. You'll really want to die then."

"You can protect me.", she reminded.

"You realize I'm not after these men to send them to jail, right?", Edward asked.

"No Edward, you can't kill them.", she demanded.

"I can't?"

"They should be stopped, but jail is the answer for them. They can get help there, maybe do some good someday for other prisoners. They are as sick as we are Edward, poisoned like us."

"Don't include me in with those sadists!", Edward shouted, highly insulted now, "Or yourself either for that matter! They deserve to die! You don't!"

"I want to leave my mark on this earth before I go Edward.", she said without yelling, "Some small thing that says I was here and I made a difference in someone's life somehow. It doesn't have to be BIG but I want that more than anything. That and to do most of the things on my list."

"What list?" Edward stopped walking and looked at her.

"I have a list of things I want to do before I leave.", she shared, "I've done a bunch of them, but not all."

"Is tempting a vampire on this list?", he smiled, walking.

She gave a little girlish giggle. "It is now."

"Great." He smirked.

"You should do one of those.", she lit up inside, finding a way to reach him again, "Things you want to do before you die."

"I'm not going to die."

"And you won't live, either.", she stopped and turned to him, looking into his empty eyes, adding, "Not with that attitude."

He didn't answer that.

"Come on, you write in your diary, I saw you last night. That book was filled !", she remembered, "Surely one little list wouldn't—"

"You read my journal?", he stopped cold, his eyes dark as night, his mouth clenched tight.

"Not all of it.", she swallowed, feeling a little afraid again.

"What did you see?", he frowned more and just like that Mr. Hyde was back.

"Nothing much.", she lied.

"Your heart is racing.", he read her body again, still looking deadly, "Don't make me look into your mind, I don't want to do that. Say it."

"I just read one line, it was dark you know. You should open a curtain once in awhile.."

"Tell me."

"It said, I killed him, savagely, and I loved it." She answered quietly, not daring to move.

He stood there for a long time, staring at her, not saying anything.

"Why are you still here?", Edward asked, angry suddenly, squinting his eyes at her, "I'm a murderer who loves to murder, what are you doing here with me? You can't possibly be that lonely. Let's go, I'm taking you home now."

"No I won't go.", she argued like a child as he walked away from her, back towards the house, "Edward, don't be mad at me, I wasn't snooping, I was trying to find your address during my bad escape last night. I wouldn't go into your mind without you letting me, either. I'm sorry!"

"I am not mad at you.", he turned to her, a bit softer now, "This is just a bad bad idea, us hanging around together."

"Edward!", she shouted, then as he kept walking, she yelled, "RED!"

He knew this was the code to stop. His legs obeyed, he froze in place.

She slowly walked up behind him, not saying a word, and gently laid her head on his back, her tiny hands wrapped around him as much as they could. His eyes closed, loving the warmth that radiated from her. He couldn't send her away and he knew it.

"I'm sorry.", she whispered, "I know that hurts you, doing what it is in your nature to do. Tigers and lions don't feel bad after they've eaten. It's not right that you should feel guilt because of what your body craves. I'm sorry."

He let out a hard breath. This girl was too kind to be real, he couldn't help thinking. She must be an angel.

"Your plan about the kidnappers is too dangerous Sammi.", he sounded sweet again, concerned, changing the subject, "Please let's talk about something else. I will think of another way to get those girls out."

"Okay, more questions?", she raised a brow, hoping.

"Sure.", he knew it was his turn to answer hers now.

"Do you still want to tie me up?", she flirted a bit, adding, "Tell the truth."

"Yes.", he was honest, staring at the ground as they walked.

"Why?" she smiled a bit, coyly.

"It made me feel safe.", Edward said, "I felt in control."

She probably wouldn't understand this. But being with her now, letting her dance freely in the woods like a wood sprite was stirring up feelings in him he didn't recognize. Every time the wind blew and he smelled that nice fresh lemon air, he wanted to taste it. He wanted to taste HER. He put it out of his mind, not allowing himself to ask it.

In his memories, he could see flashes of other girls. Girls he had saved. Once in awhile, he would ask them for a small favor in return. They always agreed happily, grateful for his saving their lives. What was one little vial of blood to them, anyway? If it made their vampire savior happy, they were glad to do it. He could see himself in the past shadows of his life, professionally inserting a needle into their inner elbow, like a doctor would take a blood sample.

Through the years, Edward found that while the blood of the wrong doers darkened him a bit, blood of the innocent kept him from going over the edge to plunge fully into the blackness. It was the only thing that he knew was keeping his inner demon in its place. It had been so long since he had asked for innocent blood. He felt like he was slipping.

"What's wrong?", she asked, as if she could hear his mind working.

"You don't really find me as evil as those men who kidnapped you, do you?" he asked with an air of uncertainty.

"No Edward.", she twirled again, making his eyes clench closed.

Please stop doing that, he begged internally, it's like watching blood dance right before my eyes.

"In fact, I think we should go back and have you tie me up again.", she thought aloud.

"What?" he sounded shocked.

"I think it's important for us to figure out what helps you control your need and then eventually you won't need to tie someone up to feel safe.", she explained. Also, she had to admit, she wanted to explore those feelings she had last night. She knew nothing about desire or lust, only what she'd read in books, but there was a little devil inside herself, too, a dirty little one. She did not want to have sex or anything, but there were a couple things on her list she was curious about. Maybe, since they were friends, he would help her a little, too while they were together. Innocent help. God, this is so wrong, she thought, smiling. But surely God had put those feelings in her in the first place.

"Sitting or laying down?", she asked once they were back in the basement again.

"Uhhh", Edward looked so terrified she laughed a little.

"Say it.", she warned with her serious eyes, "This is my job as your teacher, don't be afraid. Trust."

Moments later, she was brought up to the house above the basement. He had given her the whole tour of every room. The only room with a bed in it was a small guest room. Everything was so modern and stylish, like an MTV house from the Real World or something. It was flawlessly clean, not a spec of dust anywhere. It also looked very empty and not lived in. Sammi felt even more sorrow for Edward as they reached the end of the tour, standing now in the dining room, a large black marble table catching her eye.

Edward stared at it, looking a little queasy.

"Oh I get it." Her eyes sparkled as she walked over to it slowly, "You want me here, right?"

"No!", he took a step towards her, almost yelling the word. He felt so perverted and twisted, he looked down at the shining black floor.

"Truth Edward.", she gave him an annoyed look, lifting herself to sit on the edge of the wicked looking table.

"This almost looks like an altar.", she stroked her small hand over the top next to her, "So pretty."

"Please.", he gritted through his teeth, still not looking at her. He wanted her on the table, he wanted to tie her to it and do things to her. But he knew it was wrong, so very wrong. The demon would awaken and she'd be tied up, helpless against it.

"What?", she asked innocently, "This is what I think we should do. You tie me to this table, and take your time. Smell me, touch me, whatever comes naturally to you. No sex, though, Edward. Let yourself see where the line is and when you can't stand it anymore, practice stopping yourself. Take control of that demon in you, and pull him back. If you take your time and get sick of my scent, then you'll be like, free of it. And I won't tempt you so much anymore."

"That is so hard." Edward still didn't look at her. He doubted her tied there for 2 years could make him sick of her scent.

"You have to learn this.", she said without anger, "How are you going to be able to be around people again until you find a way to master this?"

"How do you know all this stuff?", Edward suddenly raised his eyes to hers, defensively, "Do you have some degree in vampire psychology that I wasn't aware of?"

"No.", she shrugged, still seated on the table, "But I know how to reach people. Do you want to kill innocent people someday Edward?"

He sighed, "No."

"Then I'm waiting for you.", she laid herself down on the table, face up.

See next chapter

Love WinndSinger

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(Wicked laughter)