Disclaimer: see my profile

Ashes to Dust

I don't know if everything is ok, or if I'm fooling myself. In the last week, Spencer has almost been back to normal. We talk to each other on the phone every day, and we go out and do the kinds of things we used to do together. He's very attentive and kind, but there are times when I look in his eyes I can see something is wrong. It's something other than PTSD.

He won't get close to me anymore. I try to kiss him and he always turns away. He doesn't want to make love either. Not that the physical part of our relationship is the most important thing. I just want to be close and he keeps pulling away. I don't know what to do. I don't want to fight with him anymore and I'm afraid he'll tell me we have to stop seeing each other. Maybe I should talk to Garcia. She always knows what's bothering him.

We had to go to San Francisco a couple of days ago. There was a serial arsonist there that killed two families by trapping them in their burning houses. There was one survivor of the latest fire, Charlotte Cutler. We had to talk to her to find out if there was anything she could tell us about what happened to her family.

Reid was back to spouting off facts, but he stopped in the middle of one such tangent and Emily asked him, "what, no statistics?' He said. "I'm trying to be more conversational." She said "It isn't working." I know Emily isn't petty, but I think she was trying to show him that his recent behavior and sarcasm weren't appreciated.

We separated when we got there, Gideon and Morgan went to the Cutlers' home and I went to the police station with Reid. Emily and Hotch went to the hospital. Hotch was able to get Mrs. Cutler to give him more information about that night, such as the fact that the water was turned off for a short time before they went to bed. Emily told me later that Mrs. Cutler didn't know her husband and child were dead. I know Emily felt really bad that they lied to Mrs. Cutler about her family. Hotch stayed with her till she died. He always looks so stern, but I could see how it cut his heart out to witness her death.

Reid was back to his clumsy self. He was completely stoked by the fact that the precinct has an Espresso machine. The detective I was working with wasn't that impressed with his profile and I couldn't resist giving him a little grief about it too. I'm trying not to act like anything is wrong.

Garcia always comes through for us. She found the only connection to the victims was a list they were on of companies guilty of environmental crimes. The group was called Earth Defense Front an environmental activists group. They burned an SUV dealership in another city and had a bit of a reputation as eco-terrorists.

Another family was killed while we were talking about the EDF. The killer trapped them in their car, set it on fire and then it exploded. It was terrible… How can anyone do that to children?

Gideon, Emily and Hotch talked to the leader of the EDF. He didn't know anything about it. Emily thought that maybe the un-sub joined the EDF because he thought it might be an arsonist club, instead of a peaceful activist group.

Emily and Hotch tailed the leader of the EDF and he was acting really strange like packing up his stuff. They followed him to a meeting of the EDF and took pictures of everybody that was there. We knew the arsonist was there and what kind of car he drives, but not what he looked like. Mr. Abbey disbanded the chapter. He must have denounced the arsonist because the un-sub threw a Molotov cocktail at some poor guy on the street. He was killed.

The guys ended up talking to Mr. Abbey, telling him about the profile. Emily and Hotch found out that Mr. Abbey has terminal cancer, leukemia. He helped us find Vincent Stiles. The guys and Emily busted into his house, but he wasn't there.

The whole thing ended at a warehouse in the harbor district where Abbey went to meet Stiles to apologize about ticking him off. Abbey wanted to set his own fire. The building had benzene leaking under it. The problem was that you can't put out benzene with water, you have to let it burn. Abbey wanted to die and he wanted to take the killer with him when he did. The guys weren't able to stop it and Hotch was out of his mind from what Morgan told me later. God I hate what this job does to us. Have I said that lately?

Emily came to me after we got home. She said that Reid said something in a briefing that disturbed her. He was talking about junkies, and getting their fixes, and how they can't stop without help. I asked her what she meant. She said, just talk to Reid. She said I would understand. How can I do that when he won't confide in me?