A/n hey all, it's mabelreid's turn to dazzle you. Please enjoy. Remember to shoot tearbos a review.
Warning: This is very AU.
Why?
I was eighteen the first time I killed. Of course, you already know that, but we must be precise for the sake of future generations.
Yes… I know you think I'm arrogant, but I know that arguing about my ego isn't why you're here. You came to see me because you're the only one that could. The rest of them were too overwrought by my crimes I suppose.
I'm not stalling… You're the one that insists on making observations about my mental and sexual aberrations. I don't care about any of that - at least not at this moment - there are more important things to discuss.
Who was my first victim? Hm… I don't know if I want to talk about her. After all, the first time is always special, isn't it? Okay, I'll tell you all about it and I won't ask for anything in return.
Alright, keep your shirt on… I'll tell you… Her name was Brenda. I don't remember her last name. See if you keep interrupting me like that, we'll be here all day. Ok… Her name was Carly Shipman. I meet her at a small café at Harvard when I was beginning my last PhD. You're wondering how I was able to lure her away. See… this is the problem I've always had with colleagues, they never take me seriously. On the other hand, that worked in my favor with a beautiful woman like Carly.
What… Oh yeah… You want to know if I chose her because she looked like my mother. Will it make you happy if I say yes? I'm not being evasive! You wrote the profile that caught me. You supposedly know me better then myself. Alright, yes, she looked like my mother, but that's where the similarities end. Profilers always pigeonhole themselves with things like assuming the victim looks like a mother, or a girlfriend. I suppose I pigeon-holed myself by being a slave to precedent. Would you believe me if I tole you I just wanted to be normal. No… I suppose you wouldn't believe me…
The truth is that I picked her them for their looks and not because she was like my mom. I didn't have time to stalk and get to know them. I had to grab my victims whenever there was time and I was sure I wouldn't be caught. That's why I never killed in Virginia.
Carly was special, not solely because she was my first, but because she finally freed me from everything my mother ever told me about myself. I was powerful instead of weak, handsome instead of androgynous, charming instead of awkward. I learned that I could get to anyone at anytime by using all the talents I'd been told by her, that I didn't have.
What was it like to end someone's life? It was unlike anything I've ever felt. It was beyond euphoric. There are no words to describe it and believe me I've tried. You'd think a genius would be able to dredge some kind of description from their mind, but not me.
I disgust you… I can see it in your eyes. No matter, I'm not here speaking with you because I want your approval.
Why did I agree to this? I should think that it's obvious. I wanted to get caught. I knew the moment I met you that you'd be the one to see through my mask. I knew you'd be the one to stop me from obtaining what I've always wanted.
Yes… I wanted to kill my mother. She was a bitch and I loved her too. She beat me, and she sang me to sleep with the most beautiful lullabies. She locked me in dark closets for hours, and she'd read to me for hours on end. She was a woman of many contradictions and she was ill. I know she was ill, but the little boy inside me only wanted his mother to love him and treat him like the other mothers.
You probably think that committing her was my so-called stressor, and I suppose your right. I was finally old enough to defend myself and instead of taking the next step and killing her, I put her out of my reach for all time.
You don't believe me… I can't help that… I'll tell you where you can find Carly and the others. My life is over and I'm glad. What little boy wants to live without the comfort of acceptance from his mother? She'll never be able to give me that.
No… I'm done, leave me the recorder and I'll give you what you want, but I don't want to talk to you again.
No Agent Rossi, I'm not angry with you. You were only doing your job. Thank you!
You look surprised… Yes… I am grateful to you. You stopped me from hurting my mother. I lied to you. I'm sure you realize that. I would have found away to get to her despite the security of that place. Thank you for stopping me.
Agent Rossi, before you leave, do me a favor. Tell my mother I love her.