Author Notes: Wert returns after a month long trip and absences due to thesis and laziness to bring more of possibly the most disturbing thing ever written. I apologize profusely.

Andy: After we overcame the whole mosquito thing, last night ended up being (falsetto) awesome. I'm glowing, can you tell that I'm glowing? No, that's not acne. Zoom out! As I was saying, I totally scored. Yes, that's right. The Nard Dog's found himself a leg to hump. And, in case you were wondering, Angela is a total tiger in the sack. Quite possibly the best I've ever had. Top three for sure.

Glancing covertly left and right, Andy leans forward conspiratorially.

Andy: In fact, I might have to sell the X-Terra. Which saddens me deeply as it has great sentimental value to me and everything. Especially now that I've done it in there. But there are some... distracting stains and umm... odours... inside. I used the upholstery cleaner and you really can't smell anything really unless you know it's there, but I do know it's there. Makes it kind of unsafe for me to drive actually...

Meredith barges (limping) into the conference room angrily.

Meredith: YOU BASTARD!

A phone is sitting on the conference room desk. That's right, this is a TP, for talking-phone.

Karen's voice: Counting Angela, he's only had three. Now please stop bothering me.

Angela sighs. And scowls.

Angela: Yes. It's none of your business but we did leave stains in the back of Andy's car. The stains are mostly jelly.

Pause to listen to a question being asked.

Angela: What do you mean 'what kind of jelly'?

Oscar and Kevin are trying very, very hard to work and be productive. If you'd ask them, they'd say that they are always trying to work and be productive. So they're working about that hard now as they listen to Andy bragging about his conquest of Angela while he waits for her to return from lunch. He's a little annoyed that Angela hadn't wanted to go to Hooters with him though, but you really shouldn't spend ALL of your waking hours with your significant other. Unlike Jim and Pam. Those two will flame out in about a month, he reckons.

Anyway, he'd rather be hanging out and doing the guy talk with Dwight instead of the accountants, but Dwight had just stepped out for a bite himself. Said his cousin Mose had accidentally packed his lunch sack with something he had wittled instead of something he had baked. Oh well. Kevin was always a good audience, just sitting there, giggling...

"Yeah, I've always wanted to try anal," said Andy. "I've been told that Angela was given the Dundie Award for tight ass two years running, so of course I wanted to give 'er a try. Last night she was laying on her stomach after our lovemaking, reading her prayerbook, and I thought it would be the perfect time. Now, I'm a gentleman. At Cornell they groom their students to be kind, professional, and courteous. So I'm lining her up from behind and I thought it would be nice of me to give her a warning. So I yell 'I'm going in!', take aim and try to fire but she's defended herself too well. Her southwest passage is completely impassable. I tell you, that Tight Ass Dundie was well deserved."

Oscar's mouth drops open so wide it looks almost like it could be Kevin's. "Andy! That's horrible. And gross. And disrespectful to women."

"I'm not being sexist," Andy defends himself. "I love women! At every opportunity available!"

Oscar shakes his head in disgust and wanders off.

"Go on..." prompts Kevin.

Luckily, for everyone who has good taste but unluckily for my regular readers, Angela chooses this moment to return from lunch. Despite a few misplaced strands of hair escaping from her braids, she scowls at Kevin and he shrinks back to his computer, insofar as it is capable of him to shrink. She doesn't refrain from scowling at Andy either.

"Break room. Now," she orders.

"Yes, my angel of music."

Andy: That's from Phantom of the Opera. Only I'm not some horribly disfigured psychopath.

Uncomfortable pause.

"Yes," confirmed Andy, "I picked up your nun costume from the dry-cleaners and, as a bonus surprise, I've managed to find one of those giant Pope hats. So tonight should be something very special indeed."

Angela gives him a little smilet before quickly turning away from him again. Andy, in disbelief that she still requires them to face away from each other and look elsewhere while talking to each other, shakes his head and rolls his eyes. He'd really like to do something, some grand gesture so that his dearest Angela would finally acknowledge him in public. Have to put that on the to-do list, after sell X-Terra.

"Andy, even though I'm not Catholic and I think that they are misguided and going to hell, that might not be appropriate," she scolds, only mildly this time.

"Come on, Angelcakes. I mean, look at the size of those hats. There must be some kinky and deviant stuff going on in there. That and all the guys in dresses. If we can harness even a bit of what goes on there, we'll have a blast tonight."

Angela's jaw goes slack in a way that excites Andy just a little bit. "That is definitely inappropriate," she says.

"Like I can't make a wholly uninformed and bigoted stand on something unimportant to me."

Considering her fundamentalist position for a moment, Angela's distaste subsides. "Yes, that is an unfair standard for me to hold you to."

"Give me a hug?"

Angela looks around for the cameras, but once again misses their sneaky hiding space. The one that they've been using on her for three years. Slightly behind the plant. Right outside the door. Finding no camera in sight, she wraps her tiny arms around Andy's waist.

"I love you, short stuff," Andy whispers.

"I know." Before she can extricate herself from Andy's embrace, she notices him lightly spanking her on the behind, which surprising rhythm. Curiosity momentarily overcomes her annoyance. "Andy, what is that?"

"Hmm? Oh, the Super Mario Brothers theme."

Andy: Good song.