Ok, beware, readers. I have no idea where this chapter came from. No idea. You will see a side of Pam you don't get a glimpse of often. Sort of dark and you might consider it abuse. Either way, it's angst to the extreme. So angsty its...kind of bitter, actually. I wasn't really planning on it at all. It's different from my usual style, and I didn't really think I had this much angst in me. I promise, things will get better for our Jim and Pam.

Note: I'm leaving for Chicago tomorrow and won't be back until Friday. I will seriously try to update while I'm there, and I really hope I find inspiration in the city.

Disclaimer: I don't own these characters or NBC. You know that. Please don't sue me.

It was wrong. It was wrong and unfair and she wanted to kill him. How could he do this? He left her, in the nothing town of Scranton, Pennsylvania, while he pursued his dream. One month ago, he left.

It was wrong.

She wished he knew, knew just exactly how she was feeling. The pain she couldn't get rid of. It won't ease in her chest and every breath hurts. But it's wrong. He threw 11 years of friendship down the drain just because she wasn't head over heels. No, she was head over heels for him. She just didn't realize it until now.

Not until he left, and she was without him.

She wanted to make him hurt. Make him feel this way, with hundreds of cuts and bruises and broken blood vessels and aches and tears. She wanted him to know what this is like. With burns and screams and hair pulling.

She deserves it, but he needs to know how this feels.

Her next breath is ragged, coming from deep in her chest, tangling her sobs with aching knots that are hidden deep inside, pushing, pushing, pushing. The pressure is building, she wants to scream.

So she does. With her arm in her mouth, she screams so loud the world must hear her. Everyone must know how she feels now. He can probably tell it's her. She bites on the soft flesh harder. It invigorates her, makes her feel whole. The pain is the only thing left to complete her.

Her teeth dig in, engraving little marks, they'll be there for days. As she lets go, her teeth automatically roam to her bottom lip. They bite so hard she can taste the blood.

But Pam doesn't know what to do. She can't make her wants known anymore, because she doesn't know them herself.

He's made her question herself, by bringing up the promise to go to New York. And now she wants to leave, find him. But she can't. She can't.

Her parents are out, eating dinner with Jim's parents. Her sisters are with friends. Roy's out with the guys. She doesn't even have a social life, because he is gone. The one she loved to be with most is in New York.

Without waves and hugs and goodbyes, he's gone. Just a note, slopped onto paper, stolen from Dwight's personalized stationary. They were supposed to write him letters with that. Letters from the future Dwight.

But he's gone.

And it hurts. It reams her with pain, searing through her muscles and making her ache so much she can hardly walk.

Sitting on the edge of the tub, she turns on the water. It's like ice, but her skin welcomes it, her pores closing at the chill.

The shivers make her shake. No, more like slam. Slamming in the shower, her hair soaked and scalp cold. Her tears are falling faster now, the cold water isn't enough.

She's welcoming it. She doesn't want to, but she is. She wants something that she doesn't like, won't enjoy.

Her small hand clutched the faucet, turning it far left. It's only a matter or seconds before the boiling water rains on her. Covering her, she screams again. Like she's deranged, her arms stings in the place she's biting but she doesn't care. The hot water feels so good and it hurts but she likes it. It hurts her so much. Her curls are limp, hot, her skin red. It burns, but she likes it. She just wants pain, nothing like death. She won't grab the razor, she won't take it to her wrist. She isn't going to be remembered that way. But she is. And just as it reaches her tender flesh, he stops.

No, he might come back. He can't see you with burns and cuts and blood.

She turns off the water, and as that cool air hits her it isn't soothing, it makes her teeth chatter. She's drenched in her bed, with the covers on top of her, soaking up the water. Sobs make her shake, she isn't muffling them anymore.

XXXX

Since Jim left, Pam had been a mess. A depressed, crying, confused mess. It didn't make it any better that she had seen Roy in the park, sucking the face off of that slut Katy. It didn't make her feel better when he actually thought they could still make it work.

"Come on, Pammy. We can make this work. I just miss you, you know that. You haven't been yourself for the past month." He's trying to hug her, hold her, but his arms feel foreign and she wants to kill him.

"No, Roy. You can't cheat on me and expect me to come back. We're over." The tears spilled down her red cheeks when she walked away. Shaking him off her arm when he grabbed for her.

His voice became tiny as she got further and further away. Katy's trying to convince him that Pam doesn't matter, but Roy is pissed.

"Shut up!" He yells at Kay before yelling after Pam again. Katy walks away, giving him a shove and cursing in her high-pitched voice. Pam laughed bitterly.

Meanwhile, she thought, Jim is probably living it up in New York.

XXXX

Jim was really excited about being in New York. It was wonderful. He had a part-time job at a pizza joint, so he could barely afford his worn apartment, but it was still great. He had met several people, his roommate was nice, his songs were looked at, even recorded a little.

Jim really wanted to teach guitar lessons, maybe to young beginners. Kids were one of his greatest passions, he got along with them so well. Combining guitar and kids would be a dream come true.

He had done well when it came to moving on, forgetting Pam. He had met a girl, Karen. She was funny, beautiful, and hardworking. He missed Pam, but had Karen.

So why couldn't he go five minutes without thinking about Pam's face, against the New York skyline. "She would have a blast here," he thought.

But every time he thought about her, he would simply think "I hope she's happy with Roy."

That didn't help him forget, but it made him think that he had forgotten.

If anyone else knows where this chapter came from, tell me, because I have no idea. Either way, tell me what you thought. Reviews are key. So if you want things to look up for these two, I'll schedule a reunion soon. Just review.