Ok everyone here's the dealio.
Everybody stop reading this, and I rewrote the first chapter and wrote a second chapter.
Don't worry, I didn't change anything drasticly, I just took out a few of the characters because I didn't like them being in there.
I am posting the story again, so here is the link for that
I am hoping to be writing at least 3 more chapters before Christmas. Hopefully more, but you never know.