SO! Welcome back to the story with no plotline. Well, it has a plot…dashed line, you could say. Yes, a plot-dashed line!

Or maybe it could be a plot Swiss cheese. You know, cuz the list of plot holes in five pages long…Yes. A plot cheese, that's what it is!

Chapter Three: Dead Arya!

So there I was, back in the bar with Azulcat after my frightening Thanksgiving. Today nothing much was going on, a few characters were there, but they were only ones I had never heard of or didn't like.

I was bored. This is nothing unusual. I am always bored unless someone is trying to kill me. Then I am mildly interested.

"Emerald, why are we here if you are just going to be moody?"

I shrugged wordlessly.

"Emerald," said Azulcat, "Start being less antisocial and talk, or gods help me I will sing the Barney song."

I screamed a very, high-pitched scream. The few characters in the bar (I was later informed that they were Inuyasha, Samara from The Ring, Achilles, and Sophie Neveu) looked up.

"Sorry," I said sheepishly.

Wait.

The door swung open. Azulcat and I looked up to see Eragon, Murtagh, Arya, and Nasuada come in. I narrowed my eyes, thinking of how to embarrass them like I had Envy…..Yes. I would (I can't tell you, because that would ruin the surprise!)

I walked up to Arya and clapped her on the shoulder companionably. Azulcat, in on the plan, went over to converse casually with the barman. "So Arya, watcha doing?"

"Ignoring you," she said coldly.

Azulcat drifted over. "Well, the barman's just told me he has a large keg of beer sitting in the back and he has nothing to do with it. I bet," she looked squarely at Arya, "you couldn't drink it."

Arya flared with anger. "Are you challenging me?"

"Oh no," I said nonchalantly. "We didn't say that, we're just passing on the message. Eragon was the one who said it."

Arya marched over to Eragon and pulled him away from Murtagh. "You, sir, are about to be beaten!"

"What? Oh…did Azulcat and Emerald tell you what I said?"

We giggled helplessly. I signaled to the barman and he brought out the keg. Azulcat and I set the rules.

"NO vomiting or magicking the beer away!"

"All beer must be drunk!"

"First one to die, faint, spit out beer, make out with their opponent, or start singing and/or stripping loses!"

"Contestants get set…drink!"

Arya and Eragon downed shot after shot of beer. Nobody knew exactly just how long they could hold their liquor, but it couldn't have been very long: seconds after the betting was closed, Eragon fell over, cross-eyed.

"ARYA WINS!" we shouted. Arya bowed gracefully, but she too staggered: she was DRUNK!

She walked up to Murtagh, turned him around, and kissed him full on the lips.

Azulcat and I stared.

Just…stared.

"No! I cries a sad cry!" Azulcat patted me sympathetically on the back.

"You!" I shrieked at Eragon. Go figure, when he looked at me to ask what was wrong I lost my train of thought.

"Yes?"

"I…um…damn, never mind!" I sulked as I sat down and imagined all the ways I could kill Arya.

Poison her beers…stab her in the back…shoot her from behind…walk her into a bear-filled cave…

I finally decided on something, and walked over to Arya. Pulling her away from Murtagh, I pulled out a knife and raised it over her head. "YOU DIE!"

However, Arya had other plans. She grabbed another knife and we began fencing with each other, using knives. Finally I gave a monosyllabic war cry and plunged the knife into her neck.

Arya died giving me the finger.

Everyone in the bar cheered and gave me a toast, but the barman …

"No bar fights in my bar!"

"But I was defending my broken heart!"

"NO BAR FIGHTS IN MY BAR!"

"Asshole," I muttered, and now this chapter is done.

Argg… Next up we have Christmas from Hell! This story goes in a pattern, one holiday from hell and then a chapter and then another holiday.