DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything Twilight.

Chapter 4

She was heartache

From the moment that you met her

-Jeff Buckley

Bella POV

I slammed my bedroom door shut and threw my bag on my bed, then kicked the door hard. I needed something to relieve the aggression boiling in my veins, but I knew if I tried to punch or kick anything with the amount of force that would satisfy me, I would end up turning this entire apartment into rubble. I'd never felt this angry before -- the feeling was foreign to me. As a human, I very rarely got angry about anything. A growl rumbled low in my throat, but never escaped my lips.

I sat down on my bed, burying my face in my hands, trying to decide what to do. My brain urged me to forget him, to never see him again, but my heart pulled me in the opposite direction. My love for him had not faded at all since he left; if anything, it helped me survive the last five years alone. I lifted my head as I heard Liz approaching my door, then knocking softly.

"Bella?" she called, her voice muffled by the wooden door.

"Come in, Liz," I responded, exhaling a deep breath.

She poked her head in, and smiled sympathetically. "Are you alright? I heard loud noises in here."

They were quite frightening, I heard her think.

"I'll be alright." I closed my airway off so I could not smell her blood. "Just a little frustrated is all."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not particularly." I sighed, staring at my shoes. "It's just…" I debated opening a can of worms and explaining the situation to her. "My ex-boyfriend paid me a visit the other night."

"The one who took off on you?" She stared down at me. I nodded. "What was that like?"

"Weird. Awkward. Unwelcome. I expected to never see him again, and just when I thought I had come to grips with that, he shows up out of nowhere." I smoothed my hair away from my face. "I'm wrestling with whether or not to give him the benefit of the doubt."

"I can understand how that would be a tough decision." She gingerly sat down beside me on my bed. "What do you want most, Bella?"

"For everything to be much easier."

"Do you still love him?"

I hesitated in answering her, unsure of what frightened me the most – admitting it to myself, or admitting it to her.

"I do. I never stopped." There. I said it. I groaned in frustration. "I'm still quite angry with him. I can't forgive him. Not yet. The last five years are burned into my brain, and now he waltzes back in to town and thinks everything will be okay again."

"You need to tell him this, Bella. Guys aren't mind readers."

This one is, I thought to myself smugly.

"I really don't even want to see him right now. It's too hard."

I couldn't believe myself. Allowing Edward to get under my skin was extremely out of character. Liz placed a comforting hand on my shoulder. At that moment, I was thankful that I had her as a roommate. Her emotions had always been one hundred percent supportive and positive. She kept the peace in our house. Teresa had a bit of a short fuse, and Liz was always able to calm her down. I liked to think of her as the human version of Jasper.

"Are you still going to come to the party?"

I looked up at Liz, and sighed. "Do I have to?"

"Oh come on, you know you want to protect me from those pesky frat boys." She smiled jokingly and I couldn't help but laugh with her.

"Of course. I'd love nothing more than to kick some frat boy ass for you."

"Well, can you help me get ready? I'm trying to impress a certain Phi Kap brother."

I winked at her and gracefully rose to my feet. "I've got just the thing."

Edward POV (an hour earlier)

"This is bad," I murmured, pacing the floor in the family room, my thumb and forefinger pinching the bridge of my nose.

"Edward, I can feel her anger," Jasper interjected. "I've never felt anything like this." Alice rubbed his back, comforting him. "It's like she transferred it onto Alice. I didn't think we were capable of being this powerful."

"She's a newborn, Jazz," Alice said. "There's nothing scarier than an angry newborn."

"I should go talk to her," I mused.

"That may make things worse, Edward," Alice warned.

"Can you see it? Will she get angrier?"

"I don't know. It's hazy." Alice moved closer to Jasper. "I think she really does still love you, but she is torn between that feeling and hating you for leaving."

"Edward," Jasper warned. "I really don't think this is a good idea."

"She needs breathing room, Edward."

I had to agree with my brother and sister. I've never been the smothering type, but I immediately thought of a convenient way to indirectly see and talk to Bella.

"How would you guys like to go to a party?"

Bella POV

Later, at the Phi Kappa Mu house…

Liz and I arrived fashionably late, and dressed to kill. Our hair was up and I wore a tight dark grey v-neck sweater and a black miniskirt that barely came mid-thigh, and then thigh high, black leather, spike heeled boots. Liz donned a short slinky black dress and black pumps. I felt grateful for having Liz as my roommate. Giving her a makeover was the perfect deterrent for my out of control thoughts. We worked the room, me leading the way. All heads turned in our direction, accompanied by looks of lust, jealousy or disgust. My plan had succeeded – the Phi Kap that Liz liked stopped her in her tracks to talk to her. I smiled smugly to myself and made my way to the other room where the DJ played.

I immediately recognized the song as "Forget Her" by Jeff Buckley, and began swaying to the slow, sultry beat. Lost in the music, I didn't notice the person standing directly behind me, hands on my hips, swaying in sync with me. My senses alerted me to this stranger's presence and I whirled around. I found myself staring into his golden eyes, his sweet breath fanning my face. Our gazes remained locked as his hands found my hips again, and began slowly swaying with me, as though we were entranced. This closeness with him scared the living daylights out of me, but somehow I couldn't find the strength to pull away. Had he affected me this easily as a human?

What…what are you doing here? I thought, never breaking his stare.

I came to find you, he replied. I want to talk to you.

We tried that already, remember?

I know, but Alice told me she saw you at the library and said you had something to tell me.

I never told her that. I furrowed my brow resentfully.

You didn't need to.

I can't do this.

I shoved him away and ran from the room, fighting the sobs that threatened to tear through my body. I wrapped my arms around myself to prevent the gaping hole from opening back up. My mind bounced back and forth between anger and resentment to fear and happiness. I nearly tripped on the heels of my boots as I stumbled outside, taking in gulps of the fresh night air to help me maintain composure. Edward appeared at my side moments later, wrapping his arms around me at an attempt to comfort me. I tore my body from his embrace and glared at him, eyes aflame.

Why?! I screamed internally. Why here?! Why now?! Everything was fine before you decided to show up again. I accepted that you were never coming back and I was going to spend eternity alone. But then you come waltzing back in here.

Bella, I –

No, Edward, don't. Don't start with me. You left, and you didn't want me. You said so. You said I was just a "distraction."

"Is everything alright here?" a male voice said.

I whirled around and saw Mike Newton, one of the Phi Kap brothers I knew from several of my classes, standing before me. "Everything is fine, Mike." I turned back to Edward. "This is my ex-boyfriend, Edward."

"Nice to meet you, man," Mike began, extending his hand. Edward politely shook it, and I giggled quietly when Mike seemed taken aback by the temperature of Edward's flesh. "Can I get you two anything?"

"No, thank you," I replied, turning to him and smiling my dazzling smile. "But there is something you can do for me, Mike."

"Anything."

"Dance with me." I began walking backwards towards the frat house, glowering at Edward, as I led Mike inside. Edward seemed none too pleased at this, as I heard a growl forming in his chest.

I remained smug as Mike and I made our way to the dance floor, as we began moving slowly, sensually against each other. Mike's perfect rhythm impressed me. I felt Edward's eyes watching us the entire time, which only urged me to move closer to Mike. I shot a defiant glance at Edward and giggled quietly as he huffed and left the room, eyes alight with jealousy. I saw Mike's eyes follow his departure.

"He's not too thrilled that you're dancing with me," Mike shouted over the music as we danced.

"Oh, I'm sure he isn't," I snickered. The song ended and I took a step back from Mike, looking around for Liz. "I'm going to go look for my friend. Thanks for dancing with me, Mike."

I flashed him a smile and his eyes glazed over. He gave me a lazy wave goodbye as I quickly sniffed the air for Liz's scent. I spotted her standing by the fireplace, engaged in conversation with the frat boy she snagged earlier. She grasped a red plastic cup in her hand and casually sipped from it every so often. I observed their conversation a few moments longer before taking a step toward the front door.

Suddenly, Liz was by my side, holding onto my arm. She quickly let go after feeling the temperature of my skin, and I swear I saw her jump backward slightly.

"Bella, where are you going?"

"Home. This party is suddenly very boring to me," I sneered, knowing Edward could hear me from wherever he disappeared to.

"Bella, I need to talk to you." She touched me gently on the shoulder, and a deep wave of concern washed over me. Wait a minute, how did she do that? I thought to myself. "Let me tell Simon goodbye, and I'll walk home with you."

Liz disappeared momentarily and I stood on the porch of the house, staring off into the distance.

This couldn't be good.

Sorry it took me so long to update! I got married on August 2 and then we moved our office, plus I've been off at the Penn State games. Go Nittany Lions!

I should have Chapter 5 by next week!

Love you bbs!

- Siobhan