What does an author do when she has nothing else to do? Why, she sits around and procrastinates! And then she writes. But only after procrastinating.
Chapter 9: Trial and Error
We find ourselves in the bar, yet again. Seated in a row behind the bar, facing the rest of the room, are the judges: Draye, Azulcat, Silver, and I.
The jury: Night Alchemist, Michelle and Sneha sat at another table on the side.
In front of us stood, handcuffed, bunched into a group and boxed in by tables, the accused: Abrienda, Hadara, Jadzia, Miranda Icewitch, Queen Riza, Lila Skywalker, Darth Eris, Drayna, Traj, Drake, Demy God, Kath Marcoh, Evin, Ally Elric, Akuma of the Desert, Ray Black, Apollo Atala, Katana, and Maylen.
Zafe also huddled there. He had one Naruto story, The Other Uchiha Brother, and he was the only character in it so far.
The charges: conspiracy of usurpation.
A low buzz of conversation ran through the bar. "Okay, okay, settle down," said Draye imperiously.
"You have been brought here on the charges of plotting to destroy us, the authors, and also of trying to write the stories for yourselves. Who would like to speak in defense?"
Zafe raised his hand. "Why am I in here?"
"Hmm," said Draye, looking over his file.
Author File
Name: Zafe
Gender: Male
Stories: The Other Uchiha Brother
Fandom: Naruto
OCs: Devon, brother of Sasuke
Since: October 14, 2006
"I think Emerald would like to answer your question."
"Thank you." I accepted the file. "Zafe, you are aware that you have only one Original Character, are you not?"
"I am."
"And his name is Devon, is it not?"
"It is."
"And before Draye renamed you Zafe, you were known as Devon, am I correct?"
"You are."
"I think it is perfectly obvious why you are here, do you agree?" I raised my eyebrows. "You are an Original Character, and you were in the bar on the night of January 20, 2006, talking to the accused, and so you are a suspected accomplice."
"But…but…but…"
"Face it, Zafe," called out Draye, "you're the only OC in the only chapter of your only story. And we just don't like you."
"We call forth the witnesses," announced Azulcat. "Hilaria, from Bothering Alagaesia, step forth."
Hilaria walked up, flickering in and out of existence, seeing as how she was Michelle. Draye handed her a Torah and placed her hand on it. "Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so help you Clio?"
"No, but I will anyway." We stood back to let her reach her chair. "What do you remember about that night?"
"Well, a flyer had gone around the previous week, saying that all OCs could come out of the dark, so to speak, and come to a bar for once. So I went. I myself am completely loyal, because I have never been put on hiatus or ignored for a ridiculous amount of time."
"Yeah, cuz Michelle would kill me if I did," I muttered.
"Anyway, I got there at about 9 pm. It wasn't all that great, particularly since I don't especially like beer, but it was fun to meet the other characters. Then at around 10:30, Jadzia from Shur'tugalar Abr Zar'roc gathered everyone around and started preaching the evils of letting authors ignore you. Then you know what happened."
"Thank you Hilaria, you may step down," sighed Silver.
"Hey, I got a question," chimed Sneha. "How come I'm only on the jury?"
"You don't have any OCs."
"Yeah I do, there's you, and Michelle…"
"Yes," I interrupted, "but we are neither renamed nor original."
We interrupt this chapter to bring you an important announcement: read The Bet by HinduGoddess to find out just what the hell we're talking about!
"And now, the culprit," announced Azulcat. "Rider Jadzia, step forward."
Jadzia walked toward us, all putting on our sternest faces. "What have you to say in your defense?" I asked coldly.
"I was just trying to help…"
"Were you really seeking good, or just seeking attention?" asked Draye.
"Is that all good deeds are when looked at with an ice-cold eye?" remarked Michelle.
Hilaria grinned. "If that's all good deeds are, then maybe that's the reason why—"
"Alright, alright, enough with the Wicked. I happen to love the show myself, but still," I moaned.
"Fine," growled Silver. "Jadzia, why did you go to the bar?"
"I wanted to go out that night, and it was OC night, so I went."
"In the evening, I've got to roam, can't sleep in the city of neon and chrome…" sang Sneha under her breath.
"Can we PLEASE stop singing now? We are having a trial! We can't be singing!" I shouted.
"Not my fault. You're the one who went with me to see Rent today," mumbled Sneha.
"Right. Jadzia, we'll deal with you later. I want to hear from the suspected accomplices," cut in Azulcat. "Zafe!"
He came forward rolling his eyes. "What now?"
"Shut up, you know why you're here. Write something else if you want to get out of this in the future," I said.
"God hates me…" he moaned.
"Life's a piece of shit when you look at it, life's a laugh and death's a joke its true—" muttered Michelle.
"Look, when I say stop singing, I mean Spamalot, too," I groaned. "One more time and I swear I will kill you guys."
"Well now he's dead, you whacked him on the head, sure now he's dead…" started Hilaria.
"Oh God," I buried my face in my hands.
"God? He is ze biggest bitch of zem all," said Draye with a smile.
"Um, Emerald?" asked Night Alchemist from where she had been sitting very quietly. "I think you've lost the battle."
"Fine, fine," I sighed. "Everyone, write down the name of a play on a slip of paper."
The OCs looked at me in horror; they knew where this was going. OCs positively HATED seeing plays. They served only to remind them of their utter made-up-ness.
"Let's see, that's 3 for Rent, 1 for Spamalot, 1 for Wicked, and 1 for the South Park Movie," I murmured, looking at the papers. "You know South Park isn't a play, right?"
"Hey, the movie's a musical," shrugged Draye.
"Ah, good point. Okay, all OCs are hereby sentenced to watch the South Park movie. Case dismissed."
Wow that was a really bad chapter. Before I leave, I would like to make one last joyous announcement: MR CLANCY'S RETIRING!!!! YIPPIE!
And yes, Sneha and Michelle and I and one of our other friends went to see Rent today. I liked the movie better.