FUCK Yom Kippur. Fucking Day of Atonement, I'm friggin HUNGRY!

Chapter 18: Starving for Religion

The sound had been there for the past three hours. It was low, and kind of rumbling. And it lasted for a long time. It happened every two minutes.

I was hungry.

Draye, Hilaria and I (the Jews of the MPS) sat at a table in the bar with our heads on the table.

My stomach rumbled again.

"Goddammit Emerald," growled Draye, "If that thing—" she pointed at my stomach "—doesn't shut up I will kill you."

Hilaria calmly reached into her pocket, grabbed Draye's head, and shoved a pair of earplugs into her ears. Draye punched her.

"If you get into a bar fight, you're paying for the damage," I said loudly. They stopped fighting.

"Draye," I began, "I thought you said the Jewish motto was 'yay food!' So how come we can't eat?"

She sighed. "It IS 'yay food.' But today is the—"

"What's this now? Yay food?" asked Hilaria blearily.

"Rosh Hashanah," Draye recited. "Apples in honey, a sweet new year. Yay food!" we finished at the same time.

"Sukkot. The harvest; eat under the sukkah thing. Yay food!" Draye and I finished.

"I think I get it now," Hilaria said. "Stop talking about food!" We ignored her.

"Hanukkah. Oil lasted 8 days; we eat potato pancakes fried in oil. Yay food!" I ended in a monotone.

"Passover. They didn't have time to let the bread rise, so we celebrate with a big meal and matzah. Yay food!" Draye chanted. "But, today is the Day of Atonement, and we have to repent and therefore can't eat."

"YO!" Sneha, Bat and Zafe came out of NOWHERE and sat down with us. "What's up?"

In sync, our stomachs growled.

"Oh…" Bat checked the calendar on her phone. "I forgot...it's Yom Kippur, isn't it?"

"What? Draye can't have beer? This is hilarious!" gloated Zafe. We punched him.

At that moment, most of Akatsuki walked in, along with Miroku, Kyle Broflovski, and Father Cornello.

"Huh?" asked Bat.

"Those are the religious freaks of multiple fandoms," Sneha said tiredly.

"Akatsuki's not religious," protested Zafe.

"Hidan is," observed Hilaria.

"The rest of them aren't," commented Draye.

Bat sighed. She didn't watch Naruto, and as such had no idea what we were talking about.

"Anyway, the rest of the recently converted to various religions, or something… I think Itachi and Sasori are Buddhist, Deidara and Zetsu are Jewish, Kisame is Muslim, and Pein is Christian…or something…." Sneha trailed off.

"I hope they realize that all those religions discourage killing," remarked Hilaria. "I think they only got into religion because Hidan said he'd kill them if they didn't."

"You know, I really hate Kyle right now," said Draye, staring at the 9-year-old Jewish boy. "He doesn't have to fast."

"What time is it?"

7:00 pm was the time, according to Hilaria's phone.

"So, technically, we don't have to fast either. Official sunset time was 6:53 pm," I revealed.

Hilaria and Draye vaulted out of their chairs and jumped over the table in their mad quest for food. Draye zoomed towards the bar; Hilaria went in a straight line out the door towards Starbucks, dragging me with her, against my stringent objections. I wanted to hit Dunkin Donuts for breakfast.

Bat, Sneha and Zafe watched us go.

"That is hilarious," said Bat.

"Sucks to be Jewish, no?" agreed Zafe.

Christ. Well, in about 3 minutes I have to pack it off to NJ where I will enjoy a crazy, profane, vulgar, hilarious, crazy breakfast with my family.