Authors note: Sorry if I made the ending a little confusing. They did NOT sleep together. Thank you to all who reviewed… I am sorry that I can't answer more questions about plot because I hate spoilers. But thanks again. Please review! Also let me know if there are anymore questions you have about Hermione's whereabouts that haven't been discussed. I may have forgotten to answer some questions.

Nerdand1/2

"I'm sorry Hermione. I can't. I can't do this. I thought I could but I can't." Ron handed Hermione her shirt and bra, diverting his eyes.

"What?" Hermione asked confused. She was clutching her clothes in front of her but made no attempt to put them back on.

"Its going to take awhile before this can go any further." Ron said gently setting her next to him and getting up. He picked up his shirt from the ground and threw it back on angrily. He was furious that his mind had gotten in the way again.

"Is this some kind of sick game, Ronald?" Hermione was aggressively putting her clothes back on; fury was evident in her face.

"I'm sorry?"

"Ron, why do you keep doing this to me? Do you really hate me that much?" Hermione replied forcefully. She was trying desperately to hold back the tears that threatened to spill. She didn't want to cry. She was tired of it. She wanted to get everything out in the open, no more secrets. Crying, she felt, would ruin it no matter how Ron responded.

"What?" Ron turned around perplexed.

"Do you hate me so much that you think it is funny to see me like this? To see me bend to your every whim? This isn't okay Ron. You can't keep doing this! You can't keep stringing me along! I never know what's going on inside your head and it drives me nuts! One minute you are kissing me and the next moment you are pushing me away and telling me you hate me! What is it Ron because you can't have both! I'm tired of feeling this way." They were standing two feet apart now. Hermione was talking to Ron's back but he now turned upon hearing her final line. There was fury etched into every line in his face.

"Oh and what feeling is that Hermione? Confused about everything that is happening around you? Scared with no one to comfort you? Angry that you can't do anything about what's happening to you? Guess what Hermione? Been there, done that. That's exactly how you made me feel when you left. So excuse me if I have shit to work out on my own and I really don't care how my actions are affecting you."

"What is this some sort of punishment? You lead me on so you can show me how you felt?" Hermione didn't know if she should feel angry or guilty. She had felt terrible over the last few weeks. If Ron had felt this way for two years… Her heart dropped into her stomach. Guilt won the battle. She felt guiltier in that moment than she ever had before.

"No, Hermione. Having you around is more like a punishment for me." Ron answered softly, looking at her in the eyes.

"What?" Hermione had no idea what was going on but she felt that at this moment she might get answers.

"Hermione, I can't stay away from you. Haven't you realized? Sometimes I lose my self control and do things that hurt you. I'm sorry for that." Ron looked away from her and down to the floor. "I just hate that when you're around I can't help myself. I turn into a seventeen year old who can't control his hormones again. Don't worry; I think I'll have more control after tonight." He picked up Moby Dick and turned to the bookcase to put it away. He expected her to leave, to storm out of the room but Hermione made no attempt to leave.

"What if I don't want you to have self control?" Hermione whispered placing a hand on his back. Ron sighed and shut his eyes. What could he say? He wanted so badly to turn around and take her against the bookcase. Or on the couch or the floor or to his bedroom. But if he did, what then? Was he supposed to pretend that all was forgiven? Would everything go back to normal without even a mark of resolution? He knew he needed answers and he couldn't give in. He could control himself enough not to do anything. Couldn't he?

"Hermione…" Ron started cautiously turning around.

"Please Ron…" Hermione begged moving her hands up his chest.

"No, Hermione. No." Hermione became irritated quickly as he removed her hands from him.

"What is wrong? If we both want this, why can't we have it?"

"Because I don't trust you!" Ron exclaimed suddenly. Hermione looked like she had been slapped in the face. She knew she had no right to be upset, she deserved this but she couldn't hold the tears back any longer. Ron continued, ignoring her tears for the sake of his sanity. "I keep thinking that when I walk into the kitchen, you'll be gone. I stay away because if you leave again then I'll have expected it. I won't be upset. If I let you in again it will hurt more when you leave. I don't want to go through all of that shit again. It was hard enough the first time." Ron hadn't realized until that moment that that was exactly how he had been feeling. Even now, since he had seen her again, he knew that it would hurt like hell if she left.

"What can I do?" Hermione choked out softly. Ron debated internally for a minute before replying slowly.

"I need to know… everything. No more lies. No more secrets. Everything. Maybe then, I can try to get over this but not knowing where you've been has tortured me every day for the last two years." Hermione swallowed hard at his request. She knew that this day would come sometime but she wasn't sure how prepared she was for how he would react. She knew there would be a lot of yelling and fighting. But I can do this. She thought. Ron's worth it.

"Okay. Where do you want me to start?" Hermione sat down on the couch and motioned for him to sit beside her.

"I'll stand." Ron replied firmly. He didn't want to sit next to her. He wanted to be as far away as possible because he didn't want to have a sudden urge to comfort her during the story. He wanted to be allowed to be cold and unfeeling and selfish for just this one moment. "Who gave you the order and why did you take it?" It seemed like a good starting point for Ron.

"The minister gave it to me and I took it because Roberts was involved." Ron knew exactly what significance that name held to Hermione. Trent Roberts had been the Death Eater responsible for the death of Hermione's parents. He had tortured and killed them in an attempt to find her and eventually Harry. Roberts wanted to make Harry pay for destroying his master but he also wanted to replace him in his quest to rid the magical world of "un-pure" blood.

"Oh my god Hermione. Do you have any idea how stupid that was? How easily you could have been killed? Roberts knows who you are!" Ron replied exasperated.

"I know. I know. But the deal was I would stay in a lower rank and work my way up. Once I got close enough to when I was going to actually speak to Roberts, I would let the ministry take over. I would have collected enough information on the major players by that time and so there would be no problem finding and arresting Roberts. Not to mention most of the people I met were so young they couldn't have possibly known who I was. Let alone have ever met me. No. These were new recruits. Roberts was trying to take Voldemort's place."

"You are so stupid Hermione. What if you met a Lestrange? Or a Goyle? Then what? Were you going to apparate away as fast as you could? They would know you. Those people know you." Ron was shaking with fury. He didn't know why the hell she hadn't thought about this. He realized how incredibly lucky she was to be alive. Anybody could have known her in that circle. Anybody.

"It was a chance I was willing to take."

"God damn it Hermione. But why you? Why did you have to go? Letting a personal vendetta get in the way of making a sane decision? That hardly seems responsible."

"I was offered the job and I took it. I knew I would do the best job in taking Roberts down." Hermione was very business-like when she talked about this. It was like she was trying not to be emotionally connected to the situation. It unnerved Ron to see this side of her.

Ron didn't know what to say. He couldn't say anything. He couldn't defend himself any longer. If he had known all this there would have been no way he'd let her go. He would have thrown all logic in the ministry's face and pulled rank and denied the request. He would not have allowed Hermione to walk into a death trap.

"What the fuck is wrong with Harry?!" Ron shouted suddenly startling Hermione.

"Wha-what?"

"Why the hell would he let you do that? He knows better than anyone how dangerous that was! Why would he let you risk your life doing a job that someone who wasn't as high-profile as you could do?"

"He tried to stop me Ron. He really did. But I told him it was something I had to do. Roberts killed my parents and I wanted to be the one who brought him down. Nobody would understand that more than Harry. He wasn't happy but he understood." Hermione paused before she continued. She braced herself for what she was about to say. "You wouldn't have let me go."

"You're fucking right I wouldn't have let you go!" Ron spat, furious. "There is no way in hell I would have let the woman I loved run into the arms of a Death Eater! I cared too much about you to let you go and die for something that wasn't worth the risk!" Hermione couldn't help but notice the use of the past tense. The words cared and loved stung.

"I know. That is one reason why I didn't tell you."

"One reason? There are more?" Ron asked incredulously. Hermione nodded before continuing.

"I didn't want them to find you."

"What?" Ron asked confused.

"I didn't want you to be involved. I wanted to disappear so they couldn't read your mind for information, in case I was found out. I didn't want you to get hurt." Hermione was whispering and wiping away a fresh batch of tears from her cheeks. "I'm so sorry."

Ron wasn't sure what to say. He wanted to comfort her and tell her he understood but he didn't want to give in. So he compromised by lowering his voice and staying put behind the desk.

"I could have handled myself Hermione." Ron said softly.

"You say that now but what if there were a lot of them? You wouldn't have been able to take five or ten or them! I did what I thought was best."

"Best for you maybe." Ron replied irritated.

"Best for both of us." Hermione looked down at her knees and picked at a loose thread on her jeans.

"Sneaking off in the middle of the night was not what was best for both of us!" Ron yelled. "God Hermione I would have rather known you were on a mission, no matter how stupid it was than not know anything! When I saw you in the tea shop it was like seeing a ghost! I was terrified! When you left…" Ron shook his head, closing his eyes. He opened them again. "It was hell." She was at loss for words. She wasn't sure what to say so she said the only thing she could.

"I'm so sorry, Ron." Hermione looked at the ceiling now. "I know it's stupid but I knew I was not making the wisest choice and I didn't want that choice to hurt you." Hermione looked him in the eyes.

"Well too late for that." Ron laughed humorlessly.

"You know what I mean." There was a moment of pause while they just looked at each other. Ron looked at her. She was vulnerable and tired but she was ready to answer anything else he wanted to know and she was ready to put up with any snide comments he might have for her.

"Yes, I do..." He fought the urge to make a smart comment but he bit his tongue. He was tired of fighting. He was exhausted. He just wanted it to all be over. He didn't want to deal with it anymore but a part of him still would not let him give in. It would not forget the past.

"So what now?" Hermione asked quietly.

"What do you mean?" Ron raised an eyebrow.

"What do we do now?"

"I don't know Hermione. I just need time to think." Ron thought that was a legitimate excuse. He did need time to think. He knew now that Hermione had done what she thought she had to in order to protect him but he still couldn't help but resent her for it. Hermione stood up and walked toward him. Ron was caught off guard when she wrapped her arms around him and buried her face in his chest. He was surprised to find himself wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her close. She smelled wonderful and her body felt soft against his. Hermione looked up at Ron, her eyes were pleading him.

"I am so sorry. I really hope you can forgive me… someday." Ron didn't reply. He didn't have a chance. Hermione had pressed her face to his chest once again, allowing him the option to not respond. And there they stood just holding each other. Ron wasn't sure how long it was before he pulled away. Five minutes? An hour? It wasn't important. He only knew that once he did, it felt wrong to let go. He couldn't quite put his finger on it but he knew something had changed between them.

Author's Note: I know that it wasn't the most entertaining chapter but it needed to be said. The next chapter will pick up, I promise.