This is officially my favorite chapter.

I own nothing.

Envy swore that this was the same cell he'd been in last time.

Unless, of course, they were all identical, in which case it was entirely possible he was in a different cell...

Christ, he was bored.

He had been in the cell since six in the evening, and it was now noon. The night before, he had been nervous and panicked, but now... ennui was already beginning to set in. Hour upon hour upon end of the same goddamned concrete wall was beginning to get to him.

He wandered what Ed and Al where doing. He guessed they'd probably been shipped off to the old man's place... unless Ed had kicked up a fuss and landed them both in a children's home.

Envy lay back on his bed, only to be startled by the sound of a key scraping in the lock of the door. He turned his head towards the sound just in time to see Archer step through, Kimblee at his side.

"Mr Elric," said Archer, a thin, insincere smile on his face. "We'd like to have a little... talk."

Edward sat on his father's sofa, opposite Maes Hughes. Roy was sat next a rather nervous looking Hoenheim, and Riza was stood behind Alphonse's chair.

Edward was also absolutely furious.

"What do you mean, there's nothing you can do?" he hissed.

"Ed, please, calm down!" Maes attempted to placate him. "Let us explain. Roy went to Hakuro again, but apparently, this time Archer's got evidence, so there's nothing we can do- for now. Please, just trust us- we're not going to leave him there."

Ed grumbled, but settled back, slightly mollified. Alphonse, meanwhile, only looked more worried.

"Evidence?" he asked, nervously. "They've got evidence?"

"If you can call that evidence," Roy snorted derisively. "Maes found a fingerprint on the knife, but there's no way it'll hold up in court. Archer's desperate; he's just using this to buy time."

"There's no need to worry, Mr Elric, Edward, Alphonse," said Riza comfortingly. "We'll get him out as soon as we possibly can."

Alphonse nodded, and although he was still a little pale he looked relieved. Hoenheim gave them all a wan smile.

"Thank you," he said. "I haven't been... I can't thank you enough for looking after my sons while I..." he sighed. "It seems I... I am not much of a father."

"Dad," said Alphonse softly. "That's not true..."

Edward snorted.

"Thank you Alphonse, that means a lot to me. And thank you again, officers Hughes, Hawkeye and Mustang, for protecting them."

Hawkeye smiled. "We believe in justice, Mr Elric, and sometimes one must work... outside the law to achieve that. The legal system can be rather, ah, inflexible, and in complicated cases like this... this is the right thing to do."

Edward stared at her for a couple of seconds, and then looked away. "Yeah, well, even so... I know you could... I mean, you didn't have to look out for us." he said awkwardly.

Alphonse smiled. "I think that brother is trying to say that he's grateful to you for helping us."

Maes grinned. "It's like Riza said, we just want justice- but you're welcome anyway."

Envy glared stubbornly across the table at the man who was the source of all his current problems.

"Hear me out, please, Mr Elric," Archer said smoothly. "This is important... concerning your brothers' involvement in all of this."

"Don't you listen?" snarled Envy. "I said none of us have done anything wrong."

"Well, no, not wrong, per se. I'm sure you had a good reason for what you did."

Envy growled.

Archer frowned.

"Mr Elric," said Archer, "I am getting very tired of this... farce, so I will be blunt. We know you are guilty. For whatever reason, you, Envy Elric, stabbed Dante Bolton while your half-brothers, Edward and Alphonse Elric, fought off her gang. They also sheltered you, a murderer, after the... incident. We know all of this, Envy, and the only reason your brothers aren't locked up with you is because I do not want to ruin the futures of two boys who, I'm sure, had no idea what they were getting into. I am willing to offer you a deal, Mr Elric, but if you are not willing to listen, then I will escort you back to your cell and Kimblee and Tucker will go collect your brothers."

Envy's eyes widened. "Wait! Wait, wait, we didn't- this isn't- what deal?"

Archer smiled coldly. "Willing to listen now? Good. Mr Elric, I want you to confess- ah, wait until I'm finished, please- I want a written statement, signed by you, admitting to the murder of Dante Bolton and explaining in detail the circumstances leading up to her death- and in exchange, Mr Elric, I will drop all of the charges against your brothers. They will be free to go, no criminal record, no black mark against their names, free to live out a perfectly normal life without living in the shadow of the label 'murderer's accomplice.'"

Envy stared, slack-jawed, in shock.

"Well, I'll give you some time to think on it, Mr Elric. Kimblee, would you take him back to-"

"Wait." Envy interrupted him. "Wait. I... I want to talk to my brothers."

"Pipsqueak?"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING- wait. Envy?!"

"The one and only. Seriously, you even do that on the phone?"

Edward heard a dry chuckle. He ignored it.

"Envy, what's going on? How come you're ringing us?"

"Ah," said Envy, becoming serious. "That. Ed, put me on speaker, okay?"

"Uh, sure..." Ed pushed the relevant button, and set the phone down on the coffee table so that those gathered round could hear. "You're on. Can you hear us?"

"Loud and clear. Listen carefully, alright, this is important. Archer... offered me a deal."

"A deal?" Al frowned. "Envy, what kind of deal?"

"He offered to drop the charges against you and Ed."

Roy's brow furrowed. "He did? Wait... what's he asking in return?"

There was silence from the other end of the line.

Edward felt a small ball of fear build in his stomach. "Envy, what's he asking?"

"He... wants me to confess." Envy admitted reluctantly.

"What? No!" Ed and Al objected simultaneously. "Envy, you can't!"

"They're right, it's a bad idea," said Maes urgently. "Envy, you mustn't do this."

"But he knows! He's got proof!"

"He's just guessing! All he's got is a damaged fingerprint, it'll never hold up in court, Envy- listen to us!"

"But this way, no matter what happens, Ed and Al won't get dragged down with me, and besides- it's fair, isn't it? I- I-"

"Envy," Maes interrupted quickly to prevent him saying something incriminating. "You haven't done anything wrong, okay? It is not fair, not on you and certainly not on Ed and Al. Listen to us, please, Envy!"

"But-"

"Envy," interrupted Edward in a low voice. "Envy, I'm telling you here and now... if you confess, we will too."

"What?!"

"I said, if you confess, me and Al will too! I'm not letting you abandon us, Envy!"

"Listen, pipsqueak, don't you dare-"

"No, don't you dare, Envy," sad Al firmly. "Ed's right. You always said you'd never abandon us- don't you think this counts? If you confess, we will too."

"You can't! This is insane!"

"If it's the only way to stop you from being an absolute moron, then so be it," said Ed resolutely. "You go down, we'll bring ourselves down with you."

"You can't-"

"My name is Edward Elric and I confess to the murder of Dante Bolton. I-"

"ED, SHUT UP! What do you think you're doing?! This line is monitored!"

"Then don't do anything stupid," said Ed with a smirk. "You didn't do anything, and we're getting you out of there as soon as possible, got it? And if you so much as whisper the word 'confession', Al and I will get right down to that goddamned police station to hand ourselves in."

"Ed, you- you- argh! Pipsqueak, fucking tiny miniscule shrimpy little bastard, you hear me? As soon as I get the chance, I'm going to kick your short ass from here to last Thursday, you bloody fucking midget!"

Surprisingly, Edward didn't so much as bat an eyelid. "You'll have to get out of jail first. Bye, Envy- see you in court!"

"DON'T YOU DARE-"

Edward reached out, and hung up the phone- and then he let out a breath he'd apparently been holding for quite a while. Alphonse gave him a concerned look.

"Brother?" he began- but was he cut off by Ed:

"WHO THE HELL DOES HE THINK HE'S CALLING SMALL?! THAT FUCKING BASTARD, WHEN HE GETS OUT, I'LL KILL HIM!"