We had a cake for Maris. I cut her a slice and put six candles on it. It had been a long six months since her birth. Mum had her baby a month after Maris was born; my little brother, Oliver James Tyler. There had been a few alien contacts, but nothing too remarkable. There had been no sign of the Doctor.
The meeting at Bad Wolf Bay had been just over a year ago. I made sure I was in Norway that day. I left Maris with my parents and I flew to Norway. I sat on the beach for the whole day, hoping to maybe see a glimpse of him. I saw nothing.
I was beginning to lose hope. Perhaps he really was never coming back. I wished he was here. He would love Maris.
My thoughts had wandered, but my family singing "Happy Birthday" to Maris brought my mind back. I joined in at the end and helped her blow out her candles. The adults had a piece of cake; the babies had baby food. It was a quiet night. Mum and Dad went to bed early, leaving Mickey to care for Oliver. After the babies were asleep, Mickey and I sat up talking.
Well, talking and crying.
"Why hasn't he come back, Mickey?" I sobbed.
He put his arms around me. "It's alright, Rose. You'll be okay."
"I miss him. I miss him so much. Maris doesn't even know her father."
"I know."
And the conversation continued like that for another hour. Maris woke up; she needed to be changed. I got up from the couch Mickey and I were sitting on and went to take care of my little girl. I walked to her room. I picked her up from her crib and set her on the changing table.
I looked at her. Her eyes had changed to brown, like I thought they would. They were his eyes, not mine. That dark piercing chocolate color. Her hair was the same dark color it had been since her birth, but it was longer now. She squirmed a little as I finished changing her. I smiled at her and tickled her feet. She laughed a little and blew a raspberry at me.
She was beautiful, my little Time Lord. I picked her up and held her close to me. I had to keep hoping the Doctor was going to come back, no matter how hopeless it seemed.
--
The next six months passed quietly and quickly. Maris changed from a mostly helpless six month old to an walking, almost talking one year old. She had already said "Mummy" and a couple other words. She'd started calling Mickey "Daddy", but I discouraged that and Maris calls him "Unca Key" now, or Uncle Mickey in proper words. She learned quickly, perhaps because of her father.
Mickey and I decided to take Maris to Cardiff. I wanted to go back to the places the Doctor and I had been while we were together. Maybe I was hoping I'd get a sign he was coming back. Maybe I wanted some closure. I knew the rift has once been opened there.
We walked to the place where the TARDIS had been. Mickey held Maris while I walked around the spot. I was looking for anything. I walked around for an hour and came up empty handed. I tried not to cry. I walked to where Mickey and Maris were sitting on a park bench. I sat down, trying to keep my emotions in check.
Mickey looked at me and I shook my head.
But what Maris said broke my heart. She looked up at me and asked, "Where Daddy?" She had figured out, probably from Oliver and the other kids she played with, that she only had a Mum. The innocent way that she asked hurt me. I looked back at Maris and said, trying not to cry, "I don't know, sweetie. He's gone."
I had to accept it now. The Doctor was not coming back. He was gone forever. Maris was never going to meet her father. Maybe she would be able to understand that someday. Maybe I would understand too.