Chapter 12

Disclaimer: The oh so amazing Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. Duh. Also, at the part where Jasper talks about his past, you'll recognize it to be almost 100 the same to the explanation he gave to Bella in Eclipse. That is because I decided to copy it and add/edit a few things here and there because I believe it's a very good explanation. So please don't sue me. That part belongs to Stephenie Meyer as well!! Chapter title is from Worlds Away by From First To Last.

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Alice absolutely refused to let some awkward relationship emerge between her and Jasper. She had to admit, they did have their share of rather interesting situations. Nevertheless, that would not hinder the friendship she wanted to develop with him. All her life he was what she was looking for, and she wasn't about to give that up to a careless mistake.

Well, not exactly careless, but she was pretty sure in the fact that he wasn't exactly ready for a romantic relationship yet. Of course they would fall in love with one another, right? Get past this transition state and be fully ready to commit?

Alice didn't know what to expect anymore. Before she had actually met Jasper, she promised herself she wouldn't tell him about their romantic future until both figured out their feelings for one another. It would be pushing boundaries to do so, but she knew that they would love each other when the time was right.

She doubted that future with him more than ever. Her future now, as she searched it, changed so rapidly she didn't know what was going to happen tomorrow. Or the next week. Even finding Carlisle's family wasn't something she was sure of.

And her feelings for Jasper? Alice just didn't know anymore.

Groaning, she flopped onto her soft, plush bed. This whole pickle she got herself into was just all so, so confusing and stupid.

Rolling onto her stomach, she examined her dainty fingernails that she french-manicured herself. If it was friends he wanted, she would give it to him as well.

After all, she wanted the same thing, right? Right, Alice attempted to convince herself.

The wrinkles in her white dress were apparent; she hadn't changed yet. It had been at least ten hours since she had last seen Jasper. She walked to her closet, slipped off her dress, and changed into a pale blue one. Giving herself a glance over, she decided that she would go talk to him now.

Compose yourself, Alice reminded herself, walking out of her room. She took a huge breathe before climbing the stairs. Her ears picked up on a shuffle of papers inside the library.

Should she have to knock? Probably not, seeing that room wasn't exactly used for anything private.

Still, she did it out of courtesy, and waited patiently as the shuffling stopped and out popped Jasper's head.

"You know, you didn't really have to knock," he said, grinning moving aside so she could come in.

Alice smiled back. "I'll remember that next time." Her eyes immediately went to the book that was in his hand. She laughed quietly. "Jane Eyre? I thought you would be reading all those Civil War books I made sure to stock inside this poor room."

For some reason, she felt relieved that he didn't mention the kiss. Maybe he just brushed it aside, just like she was pretending to as well. After all, friends didn't kiss each other unexpectedly and it was easier to forget than just talk about it.

Jasper smiled sheepishly, shrugging. "Those are interesting, but that doesn't mean I don't have my eye out for other books. You have quite a collection here, Miss Alice," he said, setting the book down and sitting on on of the love chairs.

If she could have blushed, Alice would have. The way he said 'Miss Alice' sent shivers up her spine, but she dismissed any butterfly-in-the-stomach feelings and sat on chair right next to him. Her body faced his so she could see his face.

"So did you read books in your spare time, during... you know?" She asked curiously, hoping she hadn't hit a nerve. The last time she did, things obviously did not end well. Several muscles tensed, awaitng his reaction.

"Relax," Jasper said, chuckling. "You can ask these things if you want. I promise I won't lose control," he reassured.

Alice laughed nervously before nodding. "Alright. It's just that I'm genuinely interested in your past."

He looked confused. "Don't you know it already? Having seen it?" He asked quizzically.

She shook her head. "I only saw the things after you left the South," she said slowly, trying to phrase her words correctly. "Most of the things that happened before in your life I just guessed, you know, deduced from my visions."

"Oh," Jasper murmured. His eyes didn't seem focused; it seemed as if he was trying to decide between two things. Alice tucked her knees underneath her chin and wrapped her arms around her legs, waiting for him to speak. Finally his eyes opened. "Do you want to know about my past? Everything?" His eyes stared intently into hers and the only thing she could do was nod.

"But why?" She whispered. "If it hurts for you to think about those days, you don't need to tell me."

"Because you deserve to know. Because you've given me so much," he said as quietly, looking down at the floor. "I want you to know, I really do."

"When I was human, I lived in Houston, Texas. I was almost seventeen years old when I joined the Confederate Army in 1861. I lied to the recruiters and told them I

was twenty.

"My military career was short-lived, but very promising. People always . . . liked me, listened to what I had to say. My father said it was charisma. But, whatever the reason, I was promoted quickly through the ranks, over older, more experienced men. The Confederate Army was new and scrambling to organize itself, so that provided opportunities, as well. By the first battle of Galveston - well, it was more of a skirmish, really - I was the youngest major in Texas, not even acknowledging my real age.

"I was placed in charge of evacuating the women and children from the city when the Union's mortar boats reached the harbor.

"We reached the city after dark. I stayed only long enough to make sure the entire party was safely situated. As soon as that was done, I got myself a fresh horse, and I headed back to

Galveston.

"Just a mile outside the city, I found three women on foot. I assumed they were stragglers and dismounted at once to offer them my aid. But, when I could see their faces in the dim

light of the moon, I was stunned into silence. They were, without question, the three most beautiful women I had ever seen.

Alice hissed, nodding. "Maria."

"They had such pale skin, I remember marveling at it. Even the little black-haired girl, whose features were clearly Mexican, was porcelain in the moonlight. They seemed young, all of

them, still young enough to be called girls. I knew they were not lost members of our party. I would have remembered seeing these three.

"They began to talk about me, and the woman named Nettie seemed to have sniffed the air because I arrived. She seemed as if she wanted to eat me, to devour me...

"But the brunette convinced them that I was special, that she wanted to keep me.

"My hair was standing up on the back of my neck, though I didn't understand the meaning of anything the beautiful creatures were saying. My instincts told me that there was danger, that

the angel had meant it when she spoke of killing, but my judgment overruled my instincts. I had not been taught to fear women, but to protect them.

"Nettie turned to the other and said, 'Let's hunt,' running away so quickly I could already see them fifty yards away. Then I was left with Maria.

"I'd never been superstitious in my life. Until that second, I'd never believed in ghosts or any other such nonsense. Suddenly, I was unsure.

"'What is your name, soldier?' Maria asked me.

"'Major Jasper Whitlock, ma'am,' I stammered, unable to be impolite to a female, even if she was a ghost.

"'I truly hope you survive, Jasper,' she said in her gentle voice. 'I have a good feeling about you.'

"She took a step closer, and inclined her head as if she were going to kiss me. I stood frozen in place, though my instincts were screaming at me to run.

"A few days later, I was introduced to my new life.

"She wanted a superior army, so she sought out specific humans who had potential. Then she gave us much more attention, more training than anyone else had bothered with.

She taught us to fight, and she taught us to be invisible to the humans. When we did well, we were rewarded. . . ."

Jasper's voice trailed off and Alice didn't realize how tightly she was gripping the arms of the chair until one completely crumbled and fell to the ground like powder.

"Are you okay?" He asked, worried about what was causing this reaction out of her. She closed her eyes and nodded, signaling for him to go on.

"Maria was a good judge of character. She decided to put me in charge of the others - as if I were being promoted. It suited my nature exactly.

"This was considerable for the cautious times we lived in. My ability, as yet undefined, to control the emotional atmosphere around me was vitally effective. We soon began to work together in a way that newborn vampires had never cooperated before. Even Maria, Nettie, and Lucy were able to work together more easily.

"Maria grew quite fond of me - she began to depend upon me. And, in some ways, I worshiped the ground she walked on. I had no idea that any other life was possible. Maria

told us this was the way things were, and we believed-"

The other arm of the chair crumpled to dust as well. By now, Alice was gritting her teeth while her nostrils flared.

Jasper looked startled, her anger and-was it envy?- rolling off her body. The temptation to calm her down was strong, but he didn't out of the request she made the previous night.

"We crept down toward Monterrey, her former home, and she unleashed us on her enemies. The city changed hands without any human being aware.

"Success made Maria greedy. It wasn't long before she began to eye other cities. Then the others came from the South to dislodge her."

He brushed two fingers along the faint pattern of scars on his neck.

"Nettie and Lucy turned on Maria eventually - but that one we won.

"Decades later, I developed a friendship with a newborn who'd remained useful and survived his first three years, against the odds. His name was Peter. I liked Peter; he was . . . civilized -

I suppose that's the right word. He didn't enjoy the fight, though he was good at it.

"He was assigned to deal with the newborns - babysit them, you could say. It was a full-time job.

"And then it was time to purge again. Peter was supposed to help me dispose of them. We took them aside individually, you see, one by one . . . It was always a very long night. This time, he tried

to convince me that a few had potential, but Maria had instructed that we get rid of them

"We were about halfway through, and I could feel that it was taking a great toll on Peter. I was trying to decide whether or not I should send him away and finish up myself as I called

out the next victim. To my surprise, he was suddenly angry, furious. I braced for whatever his mood might foreshadow - he was a good fighter, but he was never a match for me.

"The newborn I'd summoned was a female, just past her year mark. Her name was Charlotte. His feelings changed when she came into view; they gave him away. He yelled for her to run,

and he bolted after her. I could have pursued them, but I didn't. I felt ... averse to destroying him.

"Five years later, Peter snuck back for me. He picked a good day to arrive. Maria was mystified by my ever-deteriorating frame of mind. She'd never felt a moment's depression, and I wondered why I was different. I began to notice a change in her emotions when she was near me - sometimes there was fear and malice - the same feelings that had given me advance warning when Nettie and Lucy struck. I was preparing myself to destroy my only ally, the core of my existence, when Peter returned.

"Peter told me about his new life with Charlotte, told me about options I'd never dreamed I had. In five years, they'd never had a fight, though they'd met many others in the north.

Others who could co-exist without the constant mayhem.

"In one conversation, he had me convinced. I was ready to go, and somewhat relieved I wouldn't have to kill Maria. I walked away without a backward glance..."

"And I know the rest," Alice whispered, staring intensely into Jasper's eyes. The anger was now replaced with gratitude and he was relieved at the turn of her feelings. "Thanks for telling me all of this. I really appreciate it."

"No, thank you for listening to me. Once again, I cannot thank you enough for everything you've given me," he responded, smiling.

She nodded, the corners of her lips turning upwards. "You can't imagine how long I tried to find you. I was so relieved!"

"So are you going tell me about your human life?" Jasper asked eagerly.

Immediately, Alice felt pain and sorrow hit her body like a tremendous wave. He grimaced before shaking his head.

"Never mind, if it pains you to think about it like it used to for me, I'm not going to let you say anything," he corrected himself, his brows knitting together.

She shook her head. "No, I'm glad you asked."

"Then why are you so sad?" He was genuinely confused.

"Because, Jasper," Alice began.

Why did he feel so good whenever she said his name?

However, he focused on her next words and stopped breathing completely as they spilled out.

"I don't remember anything," she said. Her head hung low and Jasper put his hand on her arm.

"I'm sorry, I really am," he said earnestly.

Alice smiled as she gazed into his onyx eyes. "Thanks, that means a lot." She put her hand on his, the one that squeezed her shoulder reassuringly before taking it off her arm. "But I do see that both of us are thirsty and in desperate need of some grizzly bear blood!"

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As they both ran through the trees, Jasper never felt more at peace in his life. Not only did he meet a companion who he could have a deep, intese conversation with, that person happened to understand him in ways more than he ever thought was possible.

It puzzled him slightly, though, when she talked to him and no awkward feelings were shared between them. He may have tweaked her emotions a little bit, but he was never going to tell her that. It was nice to know that she wouldn't pressure him into any sort of romantic relationship... If Alice wasn't going to talk about the kiss, neither would he. It was a mistake, it was definitely a mistake.

That was something definitely very hard to convince himself.

However, he couldn't deny the things he felt for her whenever they were so close together. If she only knew the effect she had on him during the talk... Jasper shook these thoughts out of his mind and stopped thinking about that all together once Alice stopped.

He could hear four slow heart beats and in less than a second venom pooled in his mouth. Nothing else mattered but the blood of the animal less than twenty feet away from them.

Quietly, both pounced onto the giant bears and greedily rid the bodies of their blood.

Both satisfied with their meal, Alice and Jasper began to run back to the house.

But that's when the scent hit him. Hard. The scent of human blood.

His body quickly picked up the scent and he ran the opposite direction to find it. Although the bear blood quenched his thirst, it didn't extinguish the fire in his throat that exploded once he smelled the humans.

Jasper was unaware of the voice behind him, the dainty footsteps that followed not far behind him.

That is, until a body slammed into his, flying him into the ground. He didn't recognize the small woman that did, immediately throwing her off him and into a fifty foot tall tree. It immediately collapsed at the force he had thrown his attacker with, her body slumping in pain as she never felt that kind of blow herself.

"Jasper, stop," Alice choked, her body hurting as if a thousand knives were piercing her body. "Stop." She commanded, lifting herself shakily off the ground.

He seemed to ignore her, for his body went into a crouch facing the opposite direction. She pounced herself at him once more, this time making sure his hands were behind as back so he wouldn't be able to hurt her.

"Stop," she breathed into his ear as he bared his teeth at her. He was snapping his teeth at her, desperate to escape. "You need to give up this side of you. It's called control," she said soothingly.

As he thrashed against her arms, something in Alice let her tiny body control the beast within Jasper. She continued the encouraging and calming words, hoping he would feel her and let her feelings inside his body. He finally stopped and she immediately climbed off him.

Offering her hand to his, her expression turned from hopeful to one of hurt. He began to run back towards the direction of the house, not throwing a single glance to her direction that whole way back.

How could he have been so careless, so stupid? How could he have slammed someone so small and tiny like her into a tree, knocking it down in the process? He was a monster, ruthless and uncaring. He was stupid, foolish, and guilty. Jasper thought he could have controlled himself for her; apparently not. The anger coarsed throughout his whole body. If he had hurt Alice, there was nothing in the world he could do to make up for that. And he probably had, for that sickening crack he heard wasn't a part of his imagination.

Stopping in front of the house, there was nothing else in the world he wanted to do but turn around and beg for her forgiveness. However, for several reasons, he couldn't. He was ashamed, embarrassed, his pride wounded. He didn't have the courage to face her right now. And it disgusted him to feel so weak.

All this time, he wished he could know what Alice was thinking. But he couldn't handle all the guilt and pain that would drown him even more if he did turn around and asked her for redemption.

"I'm sorry," Jasper choked out, unable to face her. And then he flew into the house and slammed the door of his room, desperate to escape her presence.

Alice stood motionless on the porch, staring at the empty space that was occupied by him less than a second though. Every part of her screamed to go comfort him, save him from whatever he was feeling. But she couldn't. She just couldn't.

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AN: Oh boy... That was SUCH a long chapter! Wow... Never wrote something that long for a chapter. But the reason it was so long was the I just couldn't cut back anymore of Jasper's story from Eclipse... he just needed to explain it all to Alice!! Haha. But yeah. Hope you didn't get bored! I tried to get it as action packed as I could!

Hahahaha. I don't know what else to write.

Uh, please review! Yeah, that's all. Lol.