A/N: Not sure if the disclaimer is necessary. If you don't know which characters I don't own, please slap yourself repeatedly. Xx Ella
P.S. I'd like to specially thank all of my reviewers for leaving amazing comments. Thank you to wintertwist87, SinisterShadows, Arinna Black, not-so-average-07, TragicCure, Leave your hat on, Kermitfries, SleepWalks, Neith4Weiss, Hayley Jean, lovelylinds, Kris Death, casadora22, LacedWithLove, Obsessedfan13, Bookworm 305, QuietOne364, ILuvOdie, Ravvy B, babyicequeen666, blackwolfgirl87, and imaGi.NatiOn.X.x!
Chapter 10
10 Years Later…
"Eliza, sweetheart. Wake up." Reid was shaking me.
"Hmmf. What is it?" I sat up in bed, shielding my eyes from the light. I looked over at the alarm clock next to the bed. 3:32. My head started up almost instantly. Damn these never ending migraines.
Reid ran his fingers through his short blonde hair. He was still dressed. I wondered if he had even gone to bed at all. "It's your dad." He put the phone back on the receiver and crouched down, so now he was eye level with me. He reached for my hands and took them in his.
My heart sunk. My dad had a heart attack the day before and was in the hospital, trying to recuperate. They only ever call when it's something bad.
"Is he.. okay?" My voice broke. I knew something was wrong.
The look in Reid's eyes only confirmed it. "I'm sorry honey, he didn't make it."
The tears welled up and I tried to keep from letting them fall. I had to get the kids up. We had to pack. And we had to go back home to Ipswich. My mother must be doing horrible.
Reid must have read my mind because he handed me a printed out itinerary of our flight. "The flight takes off at seven, you should be at Logan not long after that, and in Ipswich by noon. I rented a car and I'll have Jerry drop you all off at the airport."
I stood up and reached for my bathrobe. "You're not coming with us?" I couldn't hide the disappointment in my voice. I knew he was working on the Peterman case, both him and Tyler had been working extra hard for the past three months on Larry Peterman, the soon to be convicted rapist, but I thought he'd be able to take a week off for my father's funeral. It was his law practice. You would think if he had too, he could take some time off.
"I'll meet you there." He spoke matter of factly. That's how he had been lately. Matter of factly. I won't be home for dinner. I can't make it to the twin's play at school. I won't be there for Ava's dance recital.
"Reid, can't you do this?" My voice was stern. He's my husband and when I have to, I'll talk to him like he's my child. But then I decided to lighten up a bit. The last thing I wanted to do was start a fight. "Please, come with me. It's my dad. I need you."
His demeanor softened up a little. He sat down on the bed, resting his head in his hands. "I know baby and I'm sorry. I'll be there the day after tomorrow, I promise." He looked up and me and looked exhausted. He had bags under his eyes and a days worth of facial hair. I knew he was telling the truth.
I nodded and walked into the bathroom to shower. I wasn't going to go back to sleep anytime soon.
"Let's get married."
I tried to make out the look on his face. He was serious. Oh my God! He was serious!
"Reid." I didn't know what to say. Was this really the marriage proposal? We had only been in college for one semester. We lived in dorm rooms for God's sake, why the hell did he want to get married now? "Maybe you should think before you speak."
"Yeah, you're one to talk." We were walking towards his car, heading to Sarah and Caleb's anniversary party they were throwing at their apartment in downtown Boston which was about an hour away. "Come on Eliza, how many times are we going to talk about it. Let's just do it."
I sighed as I got into the passenger seat. Marriage proposals are supposed to be romantic and spontaneous. This was just, well, this was just a simple question. It wasn't romantic. It wasn't cheesy. It wasn't the way I had always dreamt it would be. I know that it's a bit far fetched to think of Reid riding in on a white stallion, proclaiming his love for me for all to hear, but you would think he would try… right?
"Eliza." I turned to look at him. He had both hands on the wheel and was staring straight ahead, for a minute there I thought I had imagined him saying my name. "Do you love me?"
I nearly laughed out loud when he had asked that. "Of course I love you! What makes you think I don't?"
Instead of replying he just kept on driving. I knew I had hurt his ego by playing off that proposal. But surely, he couldn't be serious. Could he?
xx
"So this is their apartment huh?" I looked up at the older building and cringed. I knew Caleb wasn't too materialistic but I bet Sarah nearly had a meltdown. It didn't look very… safe… yeah that was the word for it.
"Don't say anything mean." He looked at me as he turned the key into the front gate. "I mean it." He sounded like my mother.
"Tell them not to tempt me." I shot back before he could stop me.
Reid grabbed my hand as a man that looked to be in his late forties and hadn't showered since birth brushed past us on our way up to the third floor. We arrived at apartment 122 and before I could reach for the doorbell, Reid stopped me. "Let's just go in, they're expecting us anyways." He sounded suspicious. Something was up, I could tell by the way he was acting.
He was nervous.
He pushed open the door and the room was full of lit candles and rose petals. In the middle, of what I assumed to be the living room, was a blanket with a bottle of wine. "Where is everyone?" I looked around. Other than the blanket and candles this place looked deserted.
"Caleb and Sarah moved a few blocks away about a week ago. I figured this would be the best place to propose to you, other than the dorms." He laughed. Wait, did he just say 'propose?'
Yup. He got down on one knee and pulled out a box from his jacket pocket. "Eliza, will you marry me?"
Inside the box, was the twisty-tie ring he had made me when we were only kids. I couldn't fight back the tears. "I'll marry you on one condition and one condition only."
He stood up and placed the ring on my finger. "Anything."
"Let's get married tonight." I looked up at him and noted the glimmer in his eyes.
"Vegas here we come!"
"Mom! Ava just hit me again!"
I let out an exhausted sigh. Four hours of driving was tiring. Four hours of driving with two 6 year olds and a four year old Stalin re-incarnate, was hell.
I looked in the rearview mirror. Ava, tightly secured in her car seat, was now raising her balled up four year old fist, ready for another swing.
"Ava Elizabeth, don't you even think about it." We locked eyes in the mirror and continued staring at each other as if we were having some sort of fierce eye battle. She huffed, but lowered her hand. I had won. "Now say your sorry to Ahna."
"But I'm not sowwy." Ava tilted her head and gave her father's smirk. Why did she have to inherit that? She may have my red hair, but she had that damned Reid smirk.
"Ava Elizabeth Garwin, if you want to see your cousins and your father, you will do as I say."
She rolled her eyes. Yeah, she was good at that.
"Sowwy."
"Apology not accepted." Ahna teased in a sing song voice. Ahna was a shit too. Well, all of my kids are shits if I'm being honest. Cee's little Matthew was an angel. He never cried. He never talked back. He never had tantrums in the grocery store over Oreo's in front of thirty people. My kids were tyrants. I loved them, but damn it, they were tyrants.
SMACK!
"MOM!"
I pulled the rented Range Rover over to the side of the road and got out of the car. "Don't you kids know when to stop!" I was speaking more to myself than I was to my children. Here we were, in the middle of nowhere, on our way to Ipswich from Logan International. The flight from JFK to Logan was manageable, it was short and the kids mostly slept through it, but this four hour drive was the trip that was going to make me insane. If I wasn't already.
I opened the back door faster than Ahna could lock me out and crawled inside. "The two of you knock it off right this instant or I'll call your father." I lifted up my right hand and showed them my cell phone. Instantly, the car was silent. It's funny how even mentioning their father's name shuts them up as fast as it does. Actually, it's not funny. It's horrible. I've tried so hard to get my kids to listen to me, but they don't. Just the mention of Reid's name and they'll do anything I ask. It's not fair. It's really not fair.
I got back into the drivers seat and threw my cell phone into the empty seat next to mine. I looked back at my kids once more, before getting back on the road. Ava and Ahna had just put on their earphones. Thank God for Spongebob and portable DVD players. Andy was still fast asleep. How he could sleep through all that yelling and crying was beyond me.
I gripped onto the steering wheel and continued to drive, pushing the little voice that kept repeating 'Camels in the glove compartment, Camels in the glove compartment' towards the back of my head. I had quit smoking when I found out I was pregnant with the twins. But damn it, a smoke sounded so good right about now.
Twenty minutes later we were nearing Ipswich. I hadn't been back here since Caleb's wedding, and God, that was at least five years ago. The twins were only babies then. They're still babies now. Even if they're both in the first grade. They'll always be my babies.
"Momma, are we there yet?" Andy's voice was weak. He just woke up.
"Almost sweetie, we're just a few minutes away from Grandma's."
I popped the gum I was chewing on in my mouth as I turned the SUV towards the street lined with houses. The street where I grew up on.
I pulled into the familiar driveway and marveled at how much the house had not changed since I had seen it. It was still big and white but just older and the paint had slightly faded.
"It's about time." Ahna kicked open the door and got out before everyone else. I could smack that smartass right now, but I knew better. I didn't believe in physical punishment, but right about now, my belief's were starting to sway. I opened up my door and headed to the back, to unbuckle Ava from her car seat.
"We here Momma, we here!" She proudly exclaimed, clapping both of her chubby hands together.
"We are here baby. Now sit still so I can get you out of this harness." I answered.
"My babies!" I heard my mother's voice call out in welcoming. She hadn't seen the kids in a few months.
"Grandma!" Ahna ran towards her. Once she finds out Grandma's not here to give money she won't be so excited anymore.
"Where's Grandpa?" I heard Andy ask my mother.
I hit my head on the roof of the car in surprise. I hadn't told them about my dad just yet. I didn't know what to say. I've never had to deal with death, since, well since today. Reid thought we should tell them right away, but I didn't think that was a good idea. Children were so impressionable, I figured they would want to hear about Grandpa from Grandma.
"Bring your stuff on in and we'll talk about that later." I could tell her good mood had gone away in the sound of her voice. She sounded sad.
My hands fumbled around the seat belt. "Why do they have to make these things so damn hard to open..." I mumbled to myself.
"Yeah, damn things." Ava repeated.
I sighed. Ava already had the biggest vocabulary at day care. I needed to be especially careful with my mouth around her this weekend. Even if I was grieving, I was still their mother, and I still had to set an example.
"Ava sweetheart, that was a potty word." The seat belt clicked and Ava leaved forwards. I pulled her out and stepped out of the car.
"But you said it." She did have a point. I looked over at my mother and she looked fragile. Weak. And sad. I could only imagine what she was going through. If I ever lost Reid… Oh God, I don't even want to think about that.
"And I shouldn't have. Let's pretend we never said it and I'll let it go." It wasn't an effective way of parenting, but I was tired. Just give me a damn break.
"Hey honey, let me see my baby Ava." My mother greeted me.
I handed over my youngest and opened the trunk to the Range Rover. I pulled out the two suitcases and headed inside, my mother and youngest daughter trailing behind me.
xx
"Reid couldn't make it?" The tone in my mother's voice was distinct. She didn't like how many house he worked. I didn't either, but in the end it was his choice, not mine. That was our deal. He'll work and bring in the income and I can stay at home working on my fashion line and tending to the kids. All I can say is thank God for day care and elementary schools!
"He'll be here as soon as he can. He and Tyler are working on the Peterman case." I threw the potatoes into the stainless steal pot and turned the burner on. Larry Peterman was infamous around the nation for holding three girls hostage in his Brooklyn apartment for three weeks. One had managed to escape and the next day his story was on every newspaper and magazine ever printed. The three hostages were accusing him of rape and slavery. Reid and Tyler's firm were representing Scarlett Rae's case. She was the woman that had escaped Peterman's apartment and had gone straight to the police.
"I hope that bastard is sentenced to death. You know they say that this isn't the first time he's held women against their will." She cut up the lettuce for the salad.
"Yeah, that's what Reid was saying." I hated talking about the Peterman's case. As disturbingly interesting as everyone has found it to be, I knew my mom was only bringing it up because she didn't want to talk about my dad. I didn't either but how healthy could that be? "You know mom," I walked up and hugged her from behind. "It's okay to talk about him."
"Just let me deal with this in my own way." Her voice was soft yet stern. I knew she was still in denial. "Please." She turned around and cupped my face. "When do I ever get to see my daughter and grandkids anyways? Just let me enjoy whatever happiness I have at the moment."
She kissed my cheek and resumed making the salad. I took the extra moment I had to call Reid. Seeing my mom this upset in such a calm way only made me realize how much I missed Reid. I picked up my cell phone and pressed number two on speed dial. Number one was Barney's. The store not the TV show like Ava believes. Barney's will always be number one.
It went straight to voicemail. I left him a message and hung up just in time to see Andy throwing Ava's plastic doll across the backyard. Apparently he was playing baseball, and little Leah's plastic head was the ball. I closed my eyes and waited for it. "MOMMA!" Came the cry of despair. I stood up and walked outside. Andy had already replaced the doll's head back on it's body and was oddly fascinated by a ladybug on the patio chair.
"Andrew Vincent Garwin I know what you did." I approached him slowly. He was a runner. "Apologize to your sister and then I want you to go upstairs for a time out." Ava had clutched onto my leg and was sobbing uncontrollably. I squatted down and kissed Leah's head, giving it back to her. Ava seemed satisfied and soon grabbed onto Leah and trotted off towards the swing set with Ahna.
"No!" I heard him say defiantly. He turned around in anger and glared at me.
"No?" I questioned. Was he really going to put up a fight? He's six years old, I'm almost twenty-eight.
"I said no and no means no." He crossed his hands over his chest and stomped in defiance. Before he could react I reached out and grabbed him.
"Dinner will be ready in a five minutes." My mom called out from above the kitchen counter.
"Thanks Mom." I said as I walked by with a screaming and kicking Andrew in my arms. "We'll be down just in time."
As I walked down the hall after putting Andy in my old bedroom for his five minute time out, I walked into my father's office. Emotions got the best of me and for the first time since he died, I cried. My father was a workaholic his entire life. He missed my graduation, he was late for my wedding and I had to walk down the aisle by myself, and he forgot that I had been pregnant when he walked into the delivery room when I was giving birth to the twins. Despite his bad qualities, I knew he had loved me.
xx
Another day had gone by. I had heard from Reid once since then, and when he did call, he spent more time talking to the kids than he did to me. I didn't hate him for choosing work over me. But I didn't like him for it either.
The funeral had been arranged and was to take place in just two days from now. I don't know how my mother got through all those meetings and appointments, especially the one at the funeral parlor, where she had to pick out my father's casket. In the end, she went with the most expensive oak finish they had. At least my dad was going out with style. The kids knew grandpa was in heaven and was watching over them. I had to excuse myself when my mother was explaining what heaven was to Ava, I didn't want my kids to see me cry.
So here I was, back at Logan, waiting for Reid's flight to get in. I had brought along the newest copy of Vogue and stopped for a nonfat latte at one of the airports coffee shops to sip on while I waited. My attention was not on the magazine though. All I knew was that I needed to talk to Reid. I had absolutely nothing planned out. But things had to change. The kids were horrible, unhappy, and spoiled rotten. I was miserable. And Reid was always gone. If something doesn't change now, Andy's going to end up in prison, Ahna's going to end up working the streets of the city, and Ava's going to be the biggest porn star the entertainment industry has ever seen. I was not going to let that happen.
"Garwin and Simms" Jenny, the older blonde receptionist answered the phone. "Hey Jenny, it's Eliza." I was doodling on a piece of stationary at my desk. Cee was going to manage the shop for the day. She knew I needed today off. It was such a big day.
"Hi Mrs. Garwin, what can I do for you?" Jenny had been working for Reid since his firm had started up, for about six months. Since then, I had been in and out of the office whenever and yet she still decided to call me Mrs. Garwin. It sounded weird.
"Can you make sure Reid will be home at 6 on the dot?" I crossed my fingers. Reid was always busy and rarely home by 9 o'clock on the weekdays but I prayed to every God ever known that somehow Jenny would arrange it for me.
"I don't think…" Her voice trailed off and I cut her off.
"Jenny I'm pregnant." I blurted out. I was so excited. If I had to keep this from Reid for even just one more day, I was going to explode.
"Ohhhhhh." She caught on. "Sure, I'll have him home by 8 on the dot."
"Six." I corrected her.
"Six on the dot." She reassured me. I hung up and started getting dinner ready. I was so excited.
xx
"Baby, what's wrong? Jenny said there was an emergency and I got here as fast as I could." He threw his briefcase down on the wooden floors and walked into the dimly lit dining room. "What's all this?" He looked around the room. When I had first found out I was pregnant, the first thing I did was buy baby strollers, clothes, and random accessories. I had hid them in the spare room until now.
He walked over to the high chair I had yet to take out of the box. I set his dinner plate at the end of the table and bit my lip in worry. What if he didn't want to have kids yet? I know it was sooner than even I had thought but it still happened.
"Are you?" He looked from the stroller and the rest of the baby gear back to me. "Are we?"
I smiled. "I'm pregnant."
"We're having a baby." I couldn't tell if he was happy or sad. He looked down at his feet and then back up at me. And then he smiled. "We're having a baby!"
His flight had come in early. He was one of the first few people off of the plane. Of course, he had to go first class. We did the usual hug and kiss when we greeted each other but we were both distant. Having kids and working a million hours a week does that to a relationship.
I drove back to Ipswich in the Range Rover completely silent. He sat in the passenger seat, typing away on his laptop, as if everything was okay. How did we get this distant, this cold towards each other? Sure, we had sex like any other couple that's been married for 10 years. Once every other month (if that), but even then, I wonder if he really wants to do it or just feels as if he wants to do it. Sure, he tells me he loves me, but I wonder if he really means it. Do I really mean it when I say it back? In all the years that we've been together, so much has changed between us.
xx
"DADDY!" All three kids yelled with open arms as they greeted their father. I lifted his suitcase into the house and dropped it on the foot of the stairs. My mother eyed me as I did so. She knew something was up. I could never outsmart her. I rolled my eyes and made my way to the bathroom. I couldn't do this. I was angry, upset, and miserable. I couldn't do this anymore. If my dad ever taught me anything, it was that spending more time at your job than with your family only makes your kids resent you in the future. I was going to talk to Reid tonight. And if things didn't change, then I would. I'd stand up to him. I'd tell him it was work or me and the kids. And if I had to, for the sake of my children, I was willing to leave him.
Yeah, things had definitely changed.
xx
"Your mom doesn't seem too upset." Reid threw his underwear into the dresser drawer. I was surprised to see he brought so much clothes. I doubted he'd stay longer than three days.
"She's silently grieving." I put down my book and set it on the night table. Now that the kids were asleep and we were finally alone, this was my chance to talk to him. "We need to talk." I sat up and faced him. He sat down on the edge of my bed.
"About what?" He took off his shoes and socks.
"Us."
He turned around and faced me. "What about us?"
I focused on my hands as I spoke. "The kids are horrible. They don't do anything I ask them, they're rude to strangers, and they're spoiled. They never see you and because you're always gone they're acting up. I'm miserable because I'm constantly picking up after them, discipline them, trying to get them to behave, and to top it off I don't see you either." I looked back at him and tried to comprehend the look on his face. He wasn't angry, but he wasn't happy either. What did I expect him to be?
"Reid, if this keeps up we're not going to be a family anymore. I can't keep trying to pretend that everything's alright when it isn't. If you don't cut back your time at the office and spend it with us then…" I trailed off. Was I really going to say it?
"Then you'll what?" His remark was sharp.
"Then I'll leave you." I can't believe I'm saying this. "I'm not happy. You're not happy. The kids sure as hell aren't happy. Something needs to change and if it doesn't, then I'll take the kids and go."
"You'll go where Eliza? Where will you go? Here? You'll stay with your mom? What the hell has gotten into you?" Yeah, he was angry.
"Shh, the kids will hear you." I tried to calm him down. The whole purpose of waiting for the kids to go to bed was so that they wouldn't hear us.
"Eliza," his voice was softer, "once this Peterman's case if over with, I'll take as much time off as we need. I don't want to lose you or the kids. Please, baby. I love you." His eyes were welling up and I instantly felt horrible for saying what I did.
"I love you too." God, I'm such an asshole.
"YOU WHAT?!" Yup, it was safe to say my dad was angry.
"I'm dropping out." I half-smiled. I hated Brown University. I hated the way the professors treated us as stupid children, I hated the way the girls looked at me as if I were an alien, and I hated how dumb everyone had made me feel. Brown wasn't my dream like every student there. My dream didn't need an education of any kind. My dream was really, only a dream.
"What are you going to tell me next? You're knocked up?!" His face was red and his glasses were slipping off of his nose.
"No Dad, I'm not pregnant. I told you Brown is not for me."
"I don't care if it's not for you! I went there! Your mother went there! We paid for you to go there!"
"Can't you see this is all about you! I never wanted to go to Brown. This was never what I wanted to do!" I yelled back at him.
"I'm sorry if starting up your own fashion line is a bit far fetched and impossibly attainable. It's time you stopped sticking your head in the clouds and accept reality! Instead you go trailing off and elope without letting anyone know and now you're telling me you want to drop out from college? Get a grip on reality Eliza. You're not five years old anymore!" He pounded his fist on his wooden desk. I suddenly had a vision of slamming his head against that same desk in a not so daughterly way.
"You know what, you're exactly right dad! You're just pissed because I'm finally doing something without your approval." I sat back in my chair and smirked. I think I had just won this fight.
"You will not drop out. I forbid it." Maybe not.
"Too late. Reid transferred to NYU and I already dropped out. We're moving to New York City in two weeks." I stood up and couldn't fight the smile on my face. "And by the way, my husband thinks it is realistic to have dreams and aspirations. As a matter of fact, he fully supports me."
I walked out of his office feeling high and mighty. I had finally broken free of his over-protective grip, and it felt amazing.
The next day, the day of my dads funeral, I stuck around with my mother while Reid typed away on his computer. People from all over came to pay their respects, the least Reid could have done was actually pay attention at the service. But he didn't. It was as if the talk we had last night had not made any difference whatsoever. Was it all just talk with Reid? No, I knew Reid enough to know that he usually follows through with what he says… what he promises. But I couldn't help but wonder if maybe things weren't going to change.
"Eliza, is that you?" I barely recognized the older woman standing in front of me. She had long blonde hair and beautiful green eyes.
"Addison?" I spoke unsurely, the last time I had seen her, was years and years ago. Her boutique ended up closing just a year after I moved away and my mother and I had not heard of or from her since then.
"My dear, you've grown up quite a bit haven't you? I'm sorry about your father." She spoke quietly and looked around suspiciously. "Have you heard I'm re-opening my store in the City?"
I instantly lighted up. "I'm living in the City!" I nearly cried out. People around looked at us like we were assholes for having a conversation that didn't include the words 'death' or 'grief.'
"What are you doing in the city?" She asked, curiously.
"Reid's got his law firm and I'm opening my own store in SoHo next month."
"Well isn't that interesting? I'm afraid I can't stay, but if you ever need anything from me, here's my card." She handed me her pink business card. Yes, it was pink.
"Thanks?" I looked at it as if it was monopoly money. "I'll be in touch." What did she mean, 'isn't that interesting?' It sounded a little condescending. I brushed the thought off as soon as Uncle Ned had come up. I turned around as quickly as I could, my backside against the wall. Last year's Christmas was the last time this fucker would ever cop a feel.
"Hi, Uncle Ned." I laughed casually (and nervously).
This was going to be a long day.