Chapter Nine
The Pamphlets and Life Altering Decisions
Later that night Ruthie found herself truly alone at last. She couldn't believe what had happened to her today. This was not how she thought today was going to turn out. She was still a little shocked. Pregnant. Her, Ruthie Camden, Reverend Eric Camden's daughter, pregnant.
Now that everyone had left her Ruthie decided it was time to look over the pamphlets Dr. Grant had given her. Pulling them out from the night side table she felt her hands shake as she flipped through them. She didn't know what she was going to do. Her head was spinning have the baby or have an abortion? Drop out of school and raise the baby herself or give it up for adoption? An open adoption or a closed adoption? Tell Martin or not tell Martin?
She didn't know what to do. Martin had hurt her so badly. She'd fallen for him and hard. The thought of giving birth terrified her and doing it alone was even scarier. She had mixed feelings on abortion but because she hadn't lost the baby when she fell she felt like it had a purpose, right now she didn't know what that was.
Maybe she could give the baby up to a couple that couldn't have children or a gay couple. Then again could she give a baby up to complete strangers? How was she to know if the baby was being fed or clothed? Or loved?
Feelings overwhelmed her causing tears to form in her eyes. Wiping them away she crumbled up the pamphlets in her hand and threw them in the trash can across the room. She was mad at herself. How could she have let this happen? How could she have been so careless? Drunk or not?
She felt like screaming she felt like hitting someone. Closing her eyes she breathed in slowly and let her angry subside. Once she was once again calm she began to think about the options once more. She finally decided that the one conclusion that stayed the same in her mind was that she felt she'd brought this on herself. Finally she made her up. She was going to have the baby as for after that she was unsure. She wanted to find out more information on adoption. As for Martin he'd broken her heart she couldn't trust him with this. She could barely trust herself to make the right choice. Turning over Ruthie let herself cry.