Chapter Fifteen

The Confessions Part Two

Ruthie watched Freddie pull out of her driveway from her bedroom window. The doctor's appointment had gone great, she'd gotten to see the baby for the first time and it had been amazing. Freddie began to cry when the doctor pointed out the little head. Placing a hand on her little bump that no one seemed to notice because of all the baggy sweatshirts, she sighed and sat down on her bed, she wished that Martin could have been their. Anger quickly filled her as she grabbed a book off the nearby chair and threw it across the room imagining Martin standing their in the entrance to her room. Surprisingly he actually entered the room at the moment she threw the book, it collide with his head. Letting out a yelp Martin grabbed his head, the book may have only been a paperback but he'd taught Ruthie how to pitch and the girl had an arm on her. After the pain began to subside, he entered the room with a mission.

"How dare?!" he yelled at Ruthie, coming to stand before her. Tears slipped out of her eyes as she looked up at him.

"How dare I what?" she asked biting her lip to keep from wailing. She had to stand up and walk away from Martin; she couldn't be this close to him.

"How dare you get mad at me for Jenny?!" Martin yelled, "I wasn't even doing anything with her, she jumped on me. And you….you…can't forgive me when the whole time even during that kiss, you knew you were pregnant."

"I didn't know!" Ruthie yelled back the tears now falling with a mind of their own. She turned to walk away but Martin grabbed her arm and pulled her back.

"At least tell me who the father is." he said with a snarl.

"Look in a mirror, it's you!" She said. The secret she'd been carrying for months, the secret she'd hidden from him out of fear of rejection seemed to come out so easily. The words she said made it all come back that night quickly filled her.

"What's wrong with me?" Martin asked pulling off his boxers

"Nothing!" Ruthie said eyeing him, "Absolutely nothing."

"Nothing at all?" Martin asked smiling as he climbed onto the bed and leaned into her.

"Nothing." Ruthie replied pulling him all the way down on top of her, she began to pull off his boxers as he began to mess with her bra strap. He wanted it off but the damn thing seemed content on staying. Once again fed up with Martin being unable to undress her, Ruthie did it herself.

"You've never done this before have you?" she asked, the fact that he couldn't undress her had given it away.

"It's not like you have." Martin replied and then a look of worry filled his face, "Have you?"

"No." Ruthie said slipping out of her lacy panties and lying before him unclothed and bare as she was when she was born, "I think I was waiting."

"For what?" Martin asked gently pushing the hair behind her ear.

"For you." she said not knowing it until that moment. She never could have been with Todd. She was in love with Martin. She could feel that he was as ready as she was. For the first time in her life she felt that everything was, where it was suppose to be or almost. She pushed Martin off of her and climbed on top of him. As always she had to be in control and the grin on Martin's face proved that he didn't mind one bit. She leaned forward on her hands and felt him enter her it was a feeling she knew she'd never forget. It was mixed with a pain caused from the newness of it all and with a wonderful feeling of fulfillment. She felt things words couldn't describe. She felt like she was flying, like she was free at last. Free from all the years that she'd been without him. Free to be here with him. It was everything being with him like this. She'd wanted this for so long and she wanted it to never end. They came at the same moment both screaming out their feelings of joy and wonder.

They just laid their in each other's arms and began to drift off to sleep. Ruthie wondered if it was always going to be this wonderful and in her heart she knew that anything with Martin was going to be wonderful because she loved him.

"I love you." she whispered, not knowing if he heard her she turned over and went to sleep as well.. What she didn't know was that Martin had heard every word and had said the same three words in his head millions of times. Three words he should have said. Three words that might have changed the outcome of the next day.

"I love you." She said, the words she should have said louder that night, the words she should have woken him with, the words she prayed that she would be able to repeat to him many times in the future.

"What?" Martin asked standing dead still.

"I love you." she repeated with tears falling down her cheeks, "Even if you walk out that door right now and leave me I don't care, I still need to say it. Even if you're lying about Jenny, I still need to say it I love you, Martin. I always have and I think I always will. I can't hide it anymore. I'm not that little girl you met in the kitchen all those years before. And yes I'm pregnant. I was at that party you were at."

"You mean it wasn't a dream!" Martin said standing their.

"You thought you'd dreamed it?" Ruthie asked partly laughing partly crying.

"I've dreamed of you so much that reality seemed to blur." he said walking towards her he pulled her into his arms and kissed her passionately. Then he pulled back a bit to speak words that he'd need to say for so long.

"Don't you see I love you, too. Ever since I saw you, even though it was popularly wrong because you were so young, I longed for you. I've longed to hold you and all these years have just killed me. Watching all those other guys and then those moments are hands accidentally touched, those moments I thought I'd die with the longing to hold you." Martin said, causing tears to fall down her cheeks. Martin wiped them away with his thumb and then said, "Wait, you're pregnant."

"Yeah, I'm having a baby." Ruthie said waiting for his reaction.

"Ruthie's having a baby." Sam said in a shocked voice to David, "That means were going to be uncles again."

"I like being an uncle." David said, "Its fun."

"Yeah." Sam agreed, "But Ruthie will have to move just like Lucy right?"

"Then we better not let Mom and Dad find out, they're the ones that sent Lucy and Kevin away." David said.

"How did you find out?" Ruthie asked, they'd been sitting on her bed beside each other in silence for about twenty minutes neither of them talking until now.

"Mac told me." Martin said, he was still in shock about the news that Ruthie was pregnant and he was the reason.

"Mac?" Ruthie questioned, "How did Mac find out?"

"Olivia!?" Ruthie said answering her own question at the same moment as Martin answered.

"I'm going to kill her!" Ruthie said getting up pacing the room, "I mean I expected this from Freddie, but Olivia has never broken my confidence."

"Ruthie?" Martin said trying to get her attention.

"What? I'm mad." She said throwing up her arms, "She's supposed to be my best friend."

"Ruthie?" Martin tried again.

"What?"

"We need to talk." Martin said.

"Yeah we do." Ruthie replied, "Martin I want the truth about Jenny. I'll believe you and forgive you but, I need the truth."

"Nothing happen." Martin said, "I just stupidly opened the door in my lucky boxer shorts. You know the ones. You caught me in them once. They have dice on them and poker chips…."

"Martin I know the boxers. Now please get to the point." Ruthie said putting her hands on her hips.

"Alright, so I opened the door and before I knew it she was silencing me with her fingers, ripping off her jacket, and jumping on me. She caught me completely off guard and by the time I was back on 'guard' you had already run out. I didn't want her in my lap. I swear I didn't want her in my lap." Martin told her.

"You swear?"

"I just said I swear." Martin said with a sigh, "Will you forgive me now?"

"No."

"No?" Martin questioned a little scared.

"No." Ruthie repeated.

"Why not?"

"Because I have nothing to forgive you for. You didn't do anything." she said with a wicked grin.

"Not funny." Martin said, "And when I said I need to talk to you I wasn't talking about Jenny."

"I know that." Ruthie said, "But I had to know that first."

"I understand." Martin said.

"Martin, I'm scared." she said at last commenting on the pregnancy, "I'm really terrified but I'm glad you're here at last."

"I would have been here before if you'd told me before." Martin said with a little bitterness.