Wow... I sincerely apologize for the lack of updates. But with my medical condition and then the release of Breaking Dawn, it took a while for me to finally come up with a proper ending to this story. Hopefully it was worth the wait! Let me know what you guys think!! (Edit!!- Just to let you guys know, I have created a Myspace dedicated to my writing. So if you would like to add me, just look up Veronique Christine on there, or head to my profile on here to get the direct link! And thanks again my lovelies!!)
Chapter 6: Crashing
I wiped the sweat from my brow and swallowed the lump in my throat. My vision was blurry as I stepped foot out of the Black's house to find Quil and Embry standing next to the car. Their faces drawn tight in a look I couldn't quite identify. Possibly because I wouldn't be able to name my own expression.
Fear? Hurt?
Anger? Disgust?
I fought back the tears as my lips trembled on my words. "I need to go back."
Quil nodded his head and opened the driver's side door. "Sorry about that. I went looking for Jake and ran into Embry in the woods. By the time I got back you were all ready... Well..."
Embry shot him a look to silence him, opened the back door for me, then stood there until I approached. "You okay?" He asked, his face now filled with concern.
"I... I don't think so," My stomach quivered and I felt a bit woozy. I turned around to see the curtain fall and Jacob's shadow move beyond it. "No. I'm not." He simply nodded and helped me get in.
When the car started, I pulled my knees up to my chest and put my face in between them. It was hard to breathe that way. But it would have been hard to breathe anyway. My thoughts were whirling through my head and it was like I couldn't keep up. Every time I closed my eyes Jacob's face filled the space behind my lids. Then it would switch to Edward. Jacob. Edward. Jacob. Edward.... Edward.
A sob escaped from deep inside of my chest, tearing at my heart. I shook my head to clear Edward from my mind. To shake away the shame and the disgrace. But I only managed to fill it with events that just passed...
"I will prove it to you." He had said as his lips crushed against mine. As he kissed me I felt my heart threaten to combust. I felt that I would die if his lips left mine. He was right. I needed that fire. I needed his fire.
His hands were searing the skin on my back as his long fingers worked the clasps on my bra. He yanked it down off of my shoulders, his mouth hot and delicious.
I hummed with pleasure as his hands covered my now bare breasts, squeezing them. I trembled as his lips trailed and burned their way down past my chin, my neck and across my chest. His tongue found a taut nipple and sucked it in.
I ran my hands through his hair, squirming under the heat of him. My blood was boiling through my veins as he finally worked his hands down to my jeans. I lifted my hips off of the sofa to assist him as he pulled them off of my body.
His hand covered that throbbing part of me and he pushed me back down to the cushions. Another scorching trail led down, down, down, until his face was pressed against me. Suddenly his head jerked back.
"What?" I asked breathlessly.
A look of pure disgust filled his face as he growled one word, "Him."
My mind had flashed back to just a few hours ago, when Edward had touched me in the same spot. Causing the same sensations. My heart skipped a beat and I shut my eyes tight. "Jake..." What? What could I say to him? The last thing that I wanted was for him to stop. But could I really do this again?
Jacob more than answered my question for me as, with his teeth, he tore the fabric of my underwear. He shook his head and whispered, "You're mine tonight."
I felt the cool wind blow over my naked body, which was now dripping with sweat, as he sat up. Even though he was on his knees, he towered over me, the dark skin of his chest glistened in the moonlight that spilled in the windows. His hands gripped my thighs and lifted me up, then before I could even think, I felt him enter me. Pushing in so deep that I could do nothing but hold my breath, I was paralyzed. He filled my everything to the very brim. Feeling him tense and long and hot inside that ravenous part of me.
He held on to my thighs and guided my legs around his waist. "Breathe..." He cooed as he cupped his massive hand over my cheek. I leaned into it and let my breath out in a whoosh. Jacob smiled, licked his swelling lips, then bit down on the bottom one. Then one of his hands gripped my hip, holding me up, as the other latched on to the sofa.
I whimpered as I felt him ease out of me slowly, then push back in with the same agonizingly measured speed. He continued to work his hips that way, circling slowly. Easing in and out, looking down on me. I was burning and aching and going insane under his touch.
I tried to move my hips to get him to hurry. To speed up his movements. My hands flew to my breasts, squeezing and pinching my nipples trying to increase the stimulation. Then I grabbed at his arms, chest, and waist. Suddenly I was aware of his pants still hovering there and tried urgently to push them down with my feet. He reached back and pulled them down for me and stayed my legs, with a throaty laugh. "Patience."
"I don't have any right now."
"Well, let me give you some." He grabbed my roaming hands and pulled them above my head. Putting them together so that he could latch on to my wrists, pinning them underneath his hand. The heat all ready scorching my skin. He lowered his face to mine. "I told you, this is my night."
His tongue then flicked out and into my mouth. He kissed me deeply, playing with my tongue, circling it and then dragging it across my teeth as he pushed himself into me again. I moaned into his mouth and my body jerked. Damn it, he felt so good.
He sat back quickly and his hand locked underneath my thigh. He pushed it up and almost into my stomach. I gasped as the pain mingled with the pleasure. My eyes rolled to the back of my head as he began to pump himself into me with a little more speed.
The tiny sofa squeaked under his movements, which became more and more sporadic. Taking his time, then taking my breath away. I couldn't breathe again, and at that point I didn't care. My body seeped its pleasure out all around him. Tightening and loosening making us both moan and cry out. Finally his look of smugness turned into one of concentration. His eyes were drawn tightly, focused on the shaking of my breasts. I knew he was close.
"Jacob..." I moaned his name, immediately his dark eyes flashed to mine. I arched my body as best as I could, offering it up to him. Ready for him to take me to the place I longed to be.
With a growl, he held my gaze and let go of my hands. He pushed my other leg up, pressing me into the cushions. Panting as he pumped, growling and grasping as he began to demolish what little restraint I had left. A drop of sweat slid down the tip of his nose and into my open mouth. I tasted him, felt him, smelled him, filling up my senses. I felt myself beginning to slip.
My lips trembled and my breathing was labored. I grabbed handfuls of his hair, using all of my strength to try to pull his face down to mine. But he resisted. And then I saw why.
My hands fell to my sides as his face contorted into the one that I had come to fear since that day in the woods. His lips pulled back over his teeth in a ferocious snarl. His body began to tremble, shaking the whole of the sofa. His grip on my thighs tightened considerably, and yet he never slowed down.
But I felt no fear. I felt nothing but the unadulterated passion that threatened to rip through me at any moment. "Ooooh, God, Jake!" The tears began to stream down my face.
Suddenly, I felt him pull completely out of me, his head fell forward and the sofa shook fiercely. His hair, fell like a dark curtain surrounding his face when he looked up at me. The light from the moon revealed the pure heat that seemed to come off of his skin like steam. His eyes encased me with the deep black look of carnality.
Lost in those dark pools, my body reacted with a jolt that left my mouth hanging in an "O". My legs clenched together, my breath was stolen, and my heart seemed to stop all together. I felt the liquid oozing down from the hole that constricted and loosened, releasing its bliss. My mind spun, drifting down further into the beautiful disaster of my untruth.
Jacob quickly gained control of himself and slid his hand in between my knees. He spread my legs and entered me once again, before I could even come down. He shifted my body to the side as I continued to tremble, lost in my own wonderland. He drove himself into me, holding on to my leg.
I clutched the sofa with both hands, holding on. Our hips began to move together. Slick skin slapping against slick skin, continuing the forbidden dance that I didn't want to end. My body refused to give up its release as Jacob began to give in to his.
A snapping sound echoed under the cries of our desire. Jacob's throaty growl mingled with my screams of insanity, as he spilled into me. Our bodies slowly continued to move together until his collapsed on top of mine. Our heavy breathing was the only sound to fill the space in the empty room.
"We're here." My head snapped up as Quil's voice stopped my thoughts cold. I hadn't noticed the rain started to fall again.
I simply nodded and unfolded my limbs. I looked up in time to catch a look that passed between the two. "What?" But before either could answer, a flash of silver as we drove by made my heart twist into a brittle lump. I stared at the silver car through the rain, hating who and what I was.
"You sure you want to go in there?" Embry turned and asked when Quil parked the car.
What other choice did I have? I nodded slowly and willed myself to move. Embry hopped out and opened my car door, extending a hand to help me out. I took it and stepped out into the rain. I closed my eyes and lifted my face to the sky, feeling the water wash over me. Hoping in vain that it would wash away some of my sins. I opened them and looked towards the hospital doors.
He was standing there under the shelter. But still bathed in the showered light of the moon. His facial expression was easier to read, even in the dull light. His hands balled tightly into fists at his sides.
Embry noticed, patted, and then dropped my hand. Both he and Quil then quietly took their leave and walked past the fuming vampire and into the hospital. Edward's whole body tensed immediately.
The rain made it hard to see, and my tears made it even harder. I tried to take a step towards him, but my feet felt glued to the ground. I tried again and stumbled, having slipped in a wet oil stain, and felt the cold wet ground against my knee.
But Edward never moved. He let me fall... I dropped my head and forced myself to stand up. The hurt was so deep within myself, that if my vision hadn't shifted I wouldn't have known that I fell. My feet finally began to work, and I moved towards him, watching his face as I grew closer.
The last few steps felt like the longest steps of my life. It was like walking down death row, facing the fate that you know you could only avoid if you turned back time. And that was never an option.
Edward's shoulders rose and fell with the heavy labored sound of his breathing. His eyes were molten and pierced into my wretched soul. "I can smell him on you."
My mouth fell open, but all my words. Every planned form of apology fell to the ground like the rain.
"Your screams...," He seemed to choke on the word. "Were still echoing in their heads."
I want to die. I want to die. I deserve to be dead. I still couldn't find my words. My eyes welled up all over again and the tears flowed relentlessly.
Suddenly, he was directly in front of my face and my back was against the wall. His fists were placed on either side of my head, shaking with odd mixture of anger and control. He searched my face and my eyes, his brow furrowed with the intensity of his stare. His teeth gnashing in concentration. I cringed under the pressure of his eyes. He growled out of frustration. "Ironic that the only thoughts that I need to hear, are barred from me. The only ones that could give me some sense of sanity."
I said nothing as I stood, still cringing under his scrutiny. I jumped as one of his hands flew to hold the bridge of his nose. He was breathing heavily, looking as if he would cry if he could. I cried for him. "Edward, I'm..."
Just then his head whipped to the side, a look of shock crossing his face. My eyes traveled in the direction of his stare. Leah was turning back to the entrance of the hospital. The side of her face showed that her lips were curled into a smile. I watched her walk away under Edward's arm, confusion mixing in with my fear.
But Edward's face, shrouded in rage and a pain that cut me even deeper, clicked everything into place. The day in the forest. Her memories of Jacob's thoughts from the day on the beach. She was feeding his fury. Oh God...
Fear tore through me, but somehow I steeled myself. Ready to receive whatever was coming my way. I more than deserved it, all of it. All of the rage, hate, anger, pain. Every single cell of my body deserved to be punished.
"So... Sorry."
A snarl ripped it's way from Edward's lips and his teeth snapped just inches from my face. I jerked back knocking my head on the wall. I looked up to try to apologize again. To plead and beg... but he was gone.
"Edward!" I called out, my voice raw. "Edward, please! Just let me..."
"Let you what? Explain? Apologize?" His voice from the darkness beyond the light that I stood in, made me jump. "You..."
I waited for the rest of his sentence. Tensed for whatever he was preparing to say and searching desperately for his face in the dark. But he said no more, I wrapped my arms around myself. Afraid that he had left me again. Part of me, that once small part that had grown without my knowledge, or permission, hoped that he would. The other part screamed and raged. The two halves of me threatened to tear each other apart as I knew the decision still hadn't been made. I held on tighter to myself as I whispered into the darkness, "Edward... I can't explain. I can only apologize. And I would apologize to you for the rest of my life, but... I don't know if I'll be able to..."
Edward's figure emerged from the dark then, he was soaked through with the rain that still fell. His beautiful bronze hair plastered to his head. There was no light in his golden eyes, no smile on his lips. He crossed his arms tightly over his own chest and waited.
I wish I could clone myself. Split my divided heart down the middle and give them and myself exactly what I want. To keep them both in my life... But I knew it was more than impossible. My world with the mythical creatures was crashing down around me and there were no fairy godmothers to grant me a way out of the destruction. I would have to claw my own way through.
"Don't know if you'll be able to what?"
"I'll never be able to make this up to you. But I know in my heart that I want to be with you. But I also know that I can't let Jacob go. It's a fact that has been tearing me apart at the seams."
Edward continued to stare at me, his face unchanging. He was a statue again, not even breathing as he stood there. I felt just as cold and hard on the inside. My very soul turned to ash as the fire that was just burning consumed itself. Reducing to nothing but emptiness.
Defeat echoed in the sound of the falling rain as one piece of my heart stayed silent. My voice came out in a mere whisper. "I don't know how I can fix this."
Edward's rigid body suddenly shuddered. His lips curled back over his venomous teeth and his hands balled up against his chest, which began to heave. There was a low warning growl with each breath he took. Edward looked more like a lion than I had ever seen him before. Fear and bile rose in my throat.
"You can't fix it. You can only choose." A voice from the darkness called out.
"What in the hell are you doing here?" Edward snarled.
"I came to see my father." Jacob's tall form emerged from the trees then. The rain all but evaporating as it fell against his chest. "And her." He nodded in my direction.
My world was not only crashing down, it was breaking apart and exploding with each passing moment. I could clearly see the two halves floating on the brink of destruction. And I had no clue how to be whole again.
As Jacob emerged from the woods, my mind flew back to my last moments with him at his house. Crushed under the weight of his body and still filled, I knew then, more than ever, that I needed to make a decision...
"Tell me what you're thinking." He had whispered into my ear. His nose brushed along the curve of my neck. A small tremble flowed through me as I heard him inhale.
"I don't know what I'm thinking."
"How can you not know what you're thinking?"
"Jake, I don't know anything anymore." I turned my face towards him and placed my hand on his cheek. Jacob lifted his head and looked me in the eyes. "I thought that I knew what I wanted. Thought I knew who I loved and wanted to be with for... the rest of my existence. But I don't. Not anymore."
His eyes left mine, looking past me. The dark look on his face smoothed out into one of amusement. "I broke the couch."
"Jacob this is serious!" I scoffed incredulously. I pushed with all of my strength to get him to move.
"I know! I'm sorry." He cried sitting back. "But there is nothing that I can do about what you know and don't know."
"That's it?"
"Yeah." He nodded simply.
"Jacob Black you are the most..." I wanted to call him every name in the book, even the ones not in the book. "You're unbelievable." I pushed myself off the broken couch and stumbled unto my feet.
"Hey! Hey!" He called wrapping his arm around my waist. "Now, wait a minute."
"For what? For you to make more jokes and be more uncaring about this whole situation?" I spat trying, unsuccessfully, to free myself from his grip.
"I didn't say that I was uncaring. I do nothing but care about this whole damn thing."
"Then, help me!" The tears quickly flooded my eyes as I still struggled. I felt all the life drain out of me then. Helpless and hopeless. Standing on the precipice of this self-made ruin.
Jacob spun me back around to face him. I shut my eyes tight, trying to hold in the unshed tears and not have to face whatever fact he was about to throw at me.
"Look at me," He said with a force that I could only comply with. "I have tried and I have given up, then had to deal with you smashing your way back into my life. I can't help you. I've all ready told you, so you should know that I love you. Love you more than... I can't even explain. At this point you can only help yourself."
With that he let his arms fall. I stared up at him. Up at the face that I loved and feared and craved and was no closer to a decision. "What if I can't?"
"I have done nothing but stand around and wait for you to make up your mind. I love you. But I can't keep doing this. You're torn apart and so am I. So, if you don't give me an answer I'm leaving. And this time, I'm not coming back."
"But..."
"No. This is it."
"So, what? You've had me again and now you don't want me?"
"Stop putting words in my mouth!"
"'Let me have you, just once more'?" I quoted him. "Had you made up your mind then?"
"Listen..."
"No, you listen Jacob! I... I...," I stopped to take a breath. My mind was whirling and I felt dizzy and disgusting. "I am trying to make a decision here."
"Well, stop trying and do it! Because I can promise you I'm gone-"
"If you want to go, then go Jacob! Make it easier on all of us!" Anger and fear made the words fly out of my mouth. Easy. Nothing about this situation would be easy whether he was gone or not.
A look of pain flashed across his features. Anger soon followed. "Fine! I'm gone." He hissed making a move to grab his pants, but he quickly turned back to face me. "You know what, you always cry about how I'm the unbelievable one, when it's really you! That night on the beach? When I told you to go be damned with him? I mean that, now get out."
My mouth fell open as he spat those last words into my face. I watched slack jawed as he quickly threw my clothes at me and then strode out of the room. I caught sight of his back in the darkness, the red scratches around his shoulders were all ready a light pink. Completely stunned, I was unable to find the right words to say to remedy what had just happened. I dressed in a daze and forced myself to walk out of Jacob's door, leaving him behind.
But here he was now, walking out of the darkness and into the fiery pits that I was wading in.
Jacob walked past Edward as if he weren't standing there. "I came to apologize to you. I said some harsh things-"
"Back off Jacob." Edward's voice sent a chill down my spine, but Jacob continued forward, completely ignorant of him.
"I didn't mean them. I don't want that for you. Never did and never will."
"I said back off Jacob." Edward growled again.
"No, you back off!" He called over his shoulder. Not even bothering to turn completely around to face him. "I love you. You know that."
"Jacob, please... Please, don't do this." I was so cold. I could feel my teeth chattering and my body shaking from the emptiness.
"What? He needs to know."
"I do believe that I am aware." Edward sneered, taking a step forward. "Now if you would scurry along so I can talk to my fiancé."
"Maybe that's your problem," Jacob said, still facing me. "You do more talking then you do anything else. If you acted more, she wouldn't have to come running to me."
"Jacob!" I watched with dread as a slow wicked smile spread across Jacob's face. His eyes remained on my face and I knew immediately what he was doing. "Jake! Don't!" I called to him, reaching out in vain. But I was too late.
Edward's mouth fell open and his eyes filled with sadness and pain as Jacob purposefully fed every moment- every sigh, scream, shudder and bruise that had ever occurred between us.
I lurched forward. The rain, falling even harder now, slapped against my face. I jumped at Jacob, my fists pounding against his chest.
"Stop it! Stop! You're hurting him!" I screamed at him.
Jacob's brow furrowed and his face fell with the same sadness that I saw in Edward's face. Sorrow etched in the most beautiful creations... "And you think that I'm not hurting? That I'm not in pain from all of this?"
"I'll show you pain." But before I could call out to him, Edward was in flight.
And so was I. I fell back to the muddy ground, sliding until my back was once again against the hospital wall.
"NOOO!!!" I stared in absolute horror as my worlds collided. Lightening flashed in the sky illuminating the dark scene straight from my very worst nightmares.
Jacob's body crumbled to the ground under Edward's. I heard the sickening crunch as stone met bone. Edward landed a blow to Jacob's shoulder missing his face by mere inches. Jacob's cries quickly turned into a ferocious growl. His figure shimmered and shifted beneath Edward, turning into the wolf, knocking Edward off with a blow from his muzzle.
Edward rolled away from Jacob's sharp row of teeth as he snapped at him. Jacob launched himself at Edward, teeth bared. But Edward, quick as a lion, countered and side stepped, then hurled another fist into Jacob's side. A low whine escaped his mouth as he nearly fell to the ground.
"Edward! No!" Edward bounded into the air, foot ready to connect with the area in between Jacob's shoulder blades. But Jake quickly reached back and snapped at Edward's ankle just as he came down.
Jacob bit down hard, capturing Edward's leg in his teeth. The screeching sound of metal made me cringe as with a shake of his head, he sent Edward flying into a nearby tree. That tree and the ones surrounding it, cracked in half. Shards of wood and leaves fell to the wet ground.
With a guttural yell Edward emerged, limping, from the woods. "I should have rid myself of you from the very beginning!"
An angry growl escaped from deep within Jacob's chest, as he spat a piece of Edward's leg onto the ground. My stomach lurched.
"Oh, I very well could Jacob Black. I will rip your heart right from your chest."
A warning hum and what sounded like defiance rippled through Jake. The fur on his back, despite the rain, stood straight up. The two began to circle.
"STOP IT! STOP PLEASE!" I yelled trying to pick myself up off of the ground. I thought as quickly as I could of a way to end the terrible fight, before one, or both of them lost. I scrambled for the doors of the hospital.
Just as I turned the corner, I ran right into Sam's broad chest. He took in the fight behind me and in his deep voice he yelled out an order in Quileute. Sam pushed me aside just as the pack emerged from the doors. With my back flat against the wall, the whole of them began to shudder and shift, changing into the great big wolves.
My fear was undulated and I felt paralyzed as I watched them move closer to the two halves of my heart that continued to circle dangerously about each other.
"Oh my God."
I turned to come face to face with Charlie as he and Carlisle came running out the doors. Carlisle, in a flash, was past the wolves and was now trying to restrain Edward.
"Edward! No! It's not worth it."
Edward shook Carlisle's hands off of his shoulder. "Stay out of this." The authority in his voice seemed to stretch beyond Carlisle. The volume of his tone reached my ears, which meant the command was meant for everyone. "This is between me and the pup."
A chorus of growls rumbled through the pack.
"Come on Edward! This is insanity! Think about-"
"She wasn't thinking of me!" He snapped.
My heart twisted in my chest. It shocked me that I could even feel it. Could feel that pain as I watched my life fall into despair.
A blur of movement in the rain turned into the Cullen family. They all, from brawny Emmett to tiny Alice, appeared right beside Carlisle.
"I said stay out of this!"
"Edward, it's best that you both," Alice said the word pointedly. "Back down from this fight. You know very well that I can't see how this will end. But I can assure you it will be bad."
"Bro, come on." Emmett pleaded with his brother, taking a cautious step forward.
Quil and Embry's wolf forms stepped forward, ready to engage. Jacob snapped fiercely, his head swaying from side to side.
Barely aware of him, I took a step forward. "What is going on here?" Charlie asked, as he grabbed my arm, pulling me back. Fear coated his voice.
I not only felt his fear, but my own was multiplied greatly. Everyone that I loved was here. It was a domino effect. No matter who won or lost, everyone would lose. Me especially. Me... My selfishness was back with a vengeance destroying and causing a devastating chaos. I couldn't catch my breath.
Just as Charlie tried to grab my attention, I noticed a glint of something deadly in Edward's eye. A twitch in Jacob's body. I knew right then what was coming.
I threw myself forward. Finding the strength to push Charlie aside. I had to get there. I had to stop this. I ran unsteadily through the mud, pushing headlong past the wolves and into the place where my fire and ice waged it's war. "Jake! Edward! No!" But I was too late. The two launched at each other again, colliding over my head. The sounds of destruction was loud in my ears. The most precious metal being torn while bone was being shattered. I cried out as my world, literally, came crashing down on me.
"ENOUGH!" I screamed as loudly as I could.
All the air came whooshing out of me. My eyes were shut tight and I was surrounded by darkness.