Crowfeather trudged wearily on across hills towards the Windclan camp, behind a fighting strength patrol. He was on his way back from Thunderclan after the badger attack where too many lives had been lost. But these losses were nothing in comparison with losing Leafpool. He had lost Feathertail, but he knew where she was. He could see her anytime he wanted, just dream. But Leafpool could never be recovered. She was so close, close enough to feel her soft breath on his cheek, yet so far away. Further than anything ever could be. Suddenly he felt lost. Why did we have to come back?! He'd said these words before.
"If we didn't come back Feathertail wouldn't be dead! Why did we have to come back?!"
"And Sharptooth would still be killing the tribe, she died a warriors death."
"It's all my fault. If I had refused she'd wouldn't have gone!"
Crowfeather cursed himself. I am not meant for love he told himelf. Never again. Never she her again. Never feel her again. If I cannot be with them, I cannot be with anyone.
"Crowfeather you traitor, hurry up" Onestar growled
"He doesn't mean it that harshly" Nightcloud assured him. Rubbing her face along his.
Crowfeather jerked away. No! He thought and quickened his pace. Soon they arrived at the camp. All eyes fixed on him. Acussing, questioning, hostile eyes. He knew Onestar would demand an explanation, and, probably in front of the clan. He sighed. Would this place ever feel like home again. All he could see was memories. Lying next to Leafpool as she slept. Her breathing, rythmically as he licked her ears. Her eyes as she woke up, clear amber pools of beauty. He missed everything about her. Her soft footsteps, sweet voice, the way his heart skipped a beat when he saw her. How can I go on without you!? He wanted to howl.
Onestar leapt up onto the stump in the center of the clearing. There was no need for him to call cats to him. Every cat was already sitting down. Crowfeather felt eyes, hot, glaring eyes burning into him.
"Crowfeather, what have you got to say for yourself? You risked our friendship with Thunderclan running away. We all thought you'd gone to join them. And now we find out..." He paused dramatically to make sure he had everyones attention "Then we find out you ran away...with a medicine cat!"
Shocked gasps wove their way through the clearing. Obviously not every cat had been told about this.
"I loved her, and she loved me." He meowed simply.
Onestar twiched his tail in annoyance "Crowfeather from now on you are not to go anywhere without at least two warriors present. You will make sure everyone else is full fed before you take some prey, and untill we are all satisfied that your loyalties lie with us, you are not allowed to mentor an apprentice."
Crowfeather thought that was unfair. Am I to be punished for loving and losing. Surely i've suffered enough! But he just dipped his head.
He backed into the warriors den. He didn't want to be anywhere else. He felt so downhearted. Suddenly he felt someone sharing tounges with him. Soothing him. He turned who would want to share tounges with him?! He saw Nightclouds eyes staring straight back at him. Not accusing, not hostile, but friendly. He closed his eyes enjoying her closeness. At least someone was nice. He licked her ears in gratitude. Then both of them fell fast asleep.