Disclaimer: As before

Author's Note: I started a new chapter of Pushing Charts the other day but it just wasn't working so I've left it for now. I'll get back to it sometime but I'm going away for a week tomorrow and I thought it would be nice if I could give you a little something to be going along with, so here you go. Thank you for the reviews on the last chapter, and I hope you enjoy this one.

Chicago

15th August 2007

Dear Ray

Thank you for your last letter, it was so, so good to hear from you. Not that it isn't always, but I couldn't help but worry about you after everything you said and now you're sounding so much more upbeat and like yourself and... Listening to you then just makes me feel like myself again, and it's been so very long since I've felt like that that I'd forgotten what it was like, and I'm really looking forward to remembering more, and if I can help you remember who you are too, then even better.

What means a lot to me as well is that after all that you told me, all that you're going through yourself and raking everything up in the letter, you are still more concerned about trying to make me feel better than anything else. God, you're wonderful. You really are, and I – And I can't wait to see you.

When I get down there, we'll talk about your dad and everything, I mean, if you want to. No pressure or anything, but if you feel up to it, then I'd like to share it with you. Same goes for the PT naturally, but we've already talked about that a lot and you know I'll be right there at every one of your sessions for the whole time I'm there. And I know you know this even better than I do, but there will be good days and not so good ones; try not to let the bad ones get to you. And when they do, then shout and yell at me all you like if it helps. Of course, I'd rather you told me where it hurts and why it hurts and how it hurts and let me hold you until it stops hurting again, but I know that it's not going to be like that every time, and that's fine.

It's only ten days now. Ten days until I see you again. I would tell you how excited I am but I think you know, and I wouldn't be able to put it into words anyway. I'm already getting nervous, good nervous of course, but I can feel the butterflies in my stomach whenever I think about being near you again and I feel like I did when I was a little girl the night before my birthday, or getting ready for my first ever date, or every time I've held an envelope in my hands with results to exams or tests or placements. Except this time, it's so much more important. All those times, I thought it what was about to happen was the most important thing in my life, but none of that was. This is. You. You are the one thing that matters to me above everything, even being a doctor and you know what that means to me so… I know this isn't the first time I've said something along these lines in these letters, but this time, it isn't about reassurance or the fact that it needs to be out in the open. This is because it's true, and because I want you to know that's how I feel, and because I want you to feel the same. There, there's nothing careful or measured about that. Just me.

My flight is a Untied Airlines flight, flight number BR982 and as I think I've said in a previous letter, lands at 1540. If your mum is still kind enough to come and pick me up then that would be much appreciated, but if not, let me know and I'll get a cab. Wow, it makes it so real, doesn't it? Well, it is real – I'm looking at my ticket right now – but it's still kinda weird. Fantastic though. We've been officially together for one month and one day now (okay, I'm a girl, I count these things) and I want to get to see my new boyfriend.

I still haven't told anyone at County. My parents know now though; I was talking to my mum on the phone a couple of days ago and she said I was sounding happier than normal and that she was really pleased because I sounded more like her Neela again. We're not hugely close, certainly not with emotional stuff, but she can be sweet sometimes and she just said the right things and before I knew it, it all came tumbling out, well, the good bits anyway.

It was nice to share it with someone and I suppose that's what mums are for. They're really happy for me, for us. Over the last few years, since they came to visit that time after I'd dropped out of Michigan (wow, I didn't even know you then, I can't imagine that now) they've come to terms with the fact they simply don't have a nice dutiful daughter who is going to make a nice conventional marriage like my sisters and cousins have. We get on better now they take me for who I am, not who they want me to be, so it was really nice to get their approval. I would say that I'd like to introduce you, but my dad's going to hate you so I think we'll hold off on that for a while. Haha, sorry, but he is. To him you're still a loud irresponsible rock star wannabe who did his best to interrupt my oh so important studying and work. But mum says she told him I was happy and he smiled, so I think we're going to be okay!

I thought I might tell Pratt before I left, I'm not sure yet. I think he, and Morris as well, would like to know, but part of me wants to wait until after I've seen you. I know I should tell Abby but… we'll see. I don't know. If I tell them, I bet they'll find the time to give you a call! I did nag them by the way and they said they were really sorry. They've got their specialists boards coming up soon and what with trying to hold the ER together and studying and personal stuff I think not having the time is actually a valid excuse at the moment.

And good news on the County front… Luka is back. It was great to see him actually, and everyone's reactions when he came in, people just seemed to, I don't know, light up a bit. He was sorely missed, and you are too. I can't even imagine what they would all be like if you walked in. I don't know about Abby, but I'm sure having Luka back will help. The drinking though, it won't just go away, I know it doesn't work like that so I'm just hoping and praying for the best.

Why do I feel a vague, well actually, not so vague, sense of trepidation when you say that you and Brett are planning something? Something tells me it's going to involve beer, loud music, more beer and some sort of brush with the law, which worries me as it is obviously going to involve me as well. Please don't get too carried away! Actually, on reflection, what the Hell, why not, we're only young once. Plan whatever you like, just make sure you have someone lined up to bail us out… You know those nerves I mentioned earlier – out of control!!

That's great news about your car, I'm sure it will make such a difference to you. Thinking of your car makes me smile now, with that evening in the snow. I've never been kissed like that before, it was so beautiful, so… loving.

You know what, I'm going to end it on that. I hope you're in the park or watching the sun set or something beautiful like that and think back on that moment now – just that moment, not before it or what happened after it – and just take a second to remember it, savour it. I just did, and it was amazing.

Take care, and see you in ten days,

Neela xxxx