Disclaimer: As before
Author's Note: I would apologise for being so rubbish at updating but I expect you're all eternally bored of hearing that from me now on the rare occasions I do get round to writing something so I'm just going to get on with giving you a long awaited new chapter.
Baton Rouge
August 20th 2007
To My Roomie
It was good to hear from you too. It's always good to hear from you. I was in the park when I was reading your letter actually. It was one of those obscenely hot afternoons with a thunderstorm brewing that you can just smell in the air – maybe it's the Southern boy in me coming out there, but I just love that – and I read the letter. You are helping me to remember who I am in a way, but more than that, you're helping me find out the sort of person I want to be in the future as well, and I think that's the most important thing. You've helped me look towards a future that I had given up hope of having.
When you asked me to, I thought about the kiss in the car. I… I find it really hard to separate it out from the rest of the stuff. I know I should be able to, but I think I'm a little too emotionally invested in this to be able to do that. Not that I'm implying you're not, I just mean… well, I'm not sure exactly what I mean, but what I think I'm trying to say is that I've been with so many girls who meant pretty much nothing to me, so for me the reason that that kiss was the best and most amazing thing I have ever, ever experienced was because it was with you. Because it had taken us so long to get there, and because at that moment I was so full of hope for what could happen between us (correctly as it turned out, although maybe I could have done without the in between bit) – that's why it was so… I love you Neela. I do. That's… I don't know, I'm rambling a bit now. I'll be seeing you on Saturday, we can talk then and hopefully I'll be making a little more sense face to face.
And onto Saturday. Don't worry, everything is all sorted for you to be collected at the airport – Flight BR982, arriving at 1540. It's written on a post-it note stuck to the fridge for all, well, me and Mom, to see. And I would tell you how excited I am to be seeing you so crazily soon but I think I've already proved with this letter that I'm not at my charming, smooth tongued, quick witted, and eloquent best so I'm gonna wait til Saturday and when I see you, I'm gonna smile at you so damn widely and then you'll know, just in case you didn't already, just how I feel about you.
Okay, I have a confession to make. I don't want you to be mad at me, because I know you wanted to tell him because of Michael and everything but Pratt called last night, and I… I'm so sorry, but I had to tell him. He knew you had some leave due and he guessed you must be coming down here and well, he was kinda who I spoke to about you last year, not that I spoke much, but still, he knew, and he started asking me what the deal was and… Oh, you know, I just couldn't keep it in. I was suddenly desperate to share the best, happiest thing in my life so I'm really sorry if you're mad at me. I could probably think of a way to make it up to you though…
Anyway, I'm going to hold that thought (only for five more days though!) He was made up for us. He didn't say anything about Michael – that's a conversation that you and he can have, it's not really about me, is it? – but he said that he thought it was about damn time and that he hoped we'd have a good couple of weeks together. So yeah, he knows. I said that we were keeping it quiet for now so he won't go issuing a press release but I guess it's only a matter of time before they all know so…
I'm glad you told your Mom by the way. I don't mind that it took you until now, but it sort of seems right that our families know, like it's official. Oh, and just for the record, I'm not meeting your Dad ever. Dads don't like me in general, so I really don't fancy my chances with yours.
I've been for a drive; I've been for a lot of drives actually. Mom has to help me a bit getting in the car, which I hate of course, but I do my best not to bite her head off, and she tries not to fuss too much, so we've reached a tolerable medium. The driving is great though. It's taken a bit of getting used to, I've had to have a few lessons and stuff (driving lessons – that was weird) but now I can just crank the music up and just go off somewhere. I usually stop in a parking lot somewhere remote, out in the country and wind down the window and it's fantastic. I can pretend that if I wanted to I could just get out of the car and walk and –
And I know that I shouldn't really be thinking like that because at the end of the day, I'm thankful to be alive, and so incredibly lucky with what I have in my life now, but there is still a part of me that wishes the accident didn't happen. It's not a part that I dwell on, or even think about at all some days, but that doesn't mean it isn't there. I think it always will be, but it's not something depressing or that eats away at me. I'm not sure how to explain it, just a little wistful feeling of what might have been. Like I say, it's nothing major, but sometimes I see a father and son playing soccer in the park and I think about whether I'm going to be able to do that sort of thing. And then I remember that you're better at soccer than me anyway so you can do that while I sit on a bench and teach one of our other kids play the guitar.
Don't worry about mine and Brett's little plan. It will be fun, I promise. There will be beer, loud music, and more beer, but I'm not anticipating a brush with the law. This is Brett though, so I'll make sure I have someone on bail standby! Not sure who it's going to be though, if it's not you!
And on the subject of "plans", I have a little fine tuning to do, so to speak, so I will have to love you and leave you for the moment. I can't wait until Saturday, I'll see you then.
Love Ray
PS I know I'm wonderful. So are you.