Disclaimer: As before
Author's Note: Another update again, I hear you ask? Three within a couple of weeks? It must be sort of miracle. Yeah, I don't know what's going on, but I'm going to roll with it for as long as it lasts! Thank you for the reviews for the last chapter, of course. Always good to hear from you.
Chicago
10th October 2007
Dear Ray
I don't care how often we speak to each other on the phone, nothing quite compares to these letters. Please keep writing them, even if we have nothing to say… not that I can imagine we'll ever end up with nothing to say to each other. Whatever happens, that will not be how our story ends. And it's always good to get a change from a bill in the post.
Oh, and thank you for the reminder about your Mum's birthday. I'll put a card in the post and arrange for some flowers to be sent to her – is there anything in particular she likes? I've always loved lilies, but I know some people don't like the whole death association so I never like to give them without checking that I'm not going to offend. And you make sure you cook something fantastic for her and spoil her all day – if I hear she had to do the bloody washing up on her own birthday, there'll be trouble Ray Barnett!
And on the subject of trouble… Hockey. Not amused, Ray. I am not even a little bit amused. I will have you know that I am in fact showing excellent promise at ice hockey. Of course, I still think it's absolutely crazy playing hockey on ice and I genuinely believe it should be played on grass (although we do actually have shinpads in the UK you know) but actually, I'm kind of enjoying it. I think it's bringing out my aggressive side – you had better watch out. I'm building up quite a few muscles you know, you might find my punches aren't as "ineffectual" as you think.
You were asking about Bettina. She's nice, I like her. I can't say I know her all that well, but she's down to earth, friendly, definitely Greg's type, expect she doesn't take any of his crap which is definitely a good thing. They seem a good match for each other, and it's great for them, but it's funny to see Greg all… well, I'm not going to use loved up either, it's just not him, but you know what I mean. Settled is what I guess I mean. It looks… good. I'm looking forward to that for us.
As for Abby, I don't know. She won't talk to me, I don't think she's talking to anyone. She looks pretty strung out all the time and, well, it's not good. Luka has left County for good, not just as Chief. There's a rumour that he's working at a hospice of some sort, but no-one really knows because obviously he's not around, and like I say, Abby's not talking. I think I'd go out of my mind working in a hospice, I think it takes a certain kind of person to be able to do that. It takes caring to a whole new level, because let's face it, we might work our fingers to the bone to help people, but at the end of the day, we get to save lives, and what bigger ego boost is that? There are people walking around today because of what we do. To care for someone on the path to death, where you know there's no chance for deviation in the route would just be… I don't know, but I couldn't do it.
To move onto a completely and utterly different point, I know I said on the phone I wasn't sure about L.A., that you and Bret probably needed to do your boys' thing by yourselves, but what the hell, I want in. I'll be able to work my shifts nearer the time to get a long weekend, so let me know a date and I'll book a flight. Just don't think for a minute I will be either painting my fingernails black, trashing any hotel rooms, or getting a tattoo. I daresay I will be wearing eyeliner, but I won't be going anywhere with you if you're wearing it. Understood? Now we're straight on that point, ohh, I'm so excited. It already seems like forever ago since I was down there in Baton Rouge with you, and I know we have Christmas before that, but L.A. will be a holiday, a real holiday for both of us. God, I can't wait.
I don't know about Christmas. I mean, I'd love for you to be here, but… a month? This is going to sound like the most stupid, and probably most cowardly thing in the world, but is that going to be too real? I mean, visiting you was fantastic, and having you stay here will be fantastic, but what I'm really trying to say is that although everything for us is going swimmingly at the moment, would that be pushing ourselves too far? What happens if you've had a really difficult day (because I'm guessing that coming back here isn't going to be easy for you) and I come home from work and I've lost a patient, and we have some stupid fight because we're trying to do too much too soon.
I couldn't bear for that to happen. I know we will have arguments, and this isn't going to be all plain sailing, but I'm not sure we should go launching ourselves at it. What do you think? Can we handle it? Believe me, it's not that I wouldn't welcome you with open arms, I really would, but I think we need to think about this a bit first.
God, I hope I haven't offended you or upset you or made you doubt me or anything by saying that. I swear that wasn't my intention. I just really felt I needed to say it, that one of us needed to say it. I'm not trying to backtrack, I guess I'm just being cautious. Maybe overly cautious, I don't know, but hey, I'm good at cautious.
And also, won't you be a bit bored if you're here for so long. I'll have to work, it won't be easy for us to spend much time together, and I don't want you to upset your rehab regime.
Oh, crap, Shirley's just paged me, I'm needed at work, there's a shift that needs to be covered. I'll have to go, but we'll talk about this soon okay? I'm not saying no, it would be great to have you here for as long as a month, so we'll see.
Lots of Love,
Neela xxx