Side Quest: Ash's Decision

"I'm insane, I'm emotional, but I'd rather be that than a robot." - Melanie Martinez

Yesterday, Professor Oak called and told me they figured out how Charizard escaped. Turns out there was some kind of break in the barrier that was hidden behind the brush, which was immediately fixed. I don't know what possessed me to ask how they'd found it, but Professor Oak reluctantly informed me that they'd caught Snivy trying to sneak out through it. Snivy herself had confirmed that she wanted to search for Pikachu, but I can't help thinking about her conversation with Charizard and wondering if she actually just doesn't trust me anymore. I was too much of a coward to check on her and ask what's really on her mind.

A few hours later, I found out that Tyrogue died. He wasn't the first victim of Poke-X, he probably won't be the last, but his death hurt the most so far. Lorette, Korou, and I brought in a few others, and lost a few others, since we first found Tyrogue, but no one else has had the support system that Tyrogue had. Breloom wasn't the only pokemon who came looking for information. Maybe that's why losing Tyrogue bothers me so much. I'm sure that the other pokemon had friends, but it's different when you actually meet those friends and know how loved that pokemon was.

Yeah, yesterday kind of sucked.

This morning, Sarge and Breloom organized a little memorial service for Tyrogue, which came as a bit of a surprise to me. According to Pikachu, pokemon handle death by simply burying their loved one and grieving however they need to. They don't have a whole funeral like humans do. Maybe having a little gathering at the wrestling spot to share memories - and I don't need a translator to tell me that's what they were doing - was Sarge and Breloom's way of coping. Or, maybe Tyrogue was just that popular. Or, maybe it's because the wrestling group lost one of their own. The reason doesn't matter.

Lorette, Korou, and I had hung back, allowing all the pokemon their space. I think we humans all felt a little out of place. Then a Heracross waved us closer, inviting us into the group. We hesitantly joined the gathering and watched as the pokemon talked and wept and even laughed at certain points. The whole scene made me as emotional as everyone else, despite my best attempts to keep it together. But, crying is expected at a funeral, so I could allow myself a few tears. Korou and Lorette had been crying as well.

That's something that I envy about pokemon: their genuineness. With a handful of exceptions (mainly destructive behavior or a dangerous situation), they don't hide their emotions. Ever. Pokemon are allowed to feel however they need to, no matter how ugly it is, and they're never judged for it. They are mystified by human culture and its dictation that we keep our feelings in check in public. According to Pikachu, some pokemon think that humans have no feelings at all, though whether that's interpreted as bravery or heartlessness depends on who you ask. I wish we had the luxury that pokemon have, especially these days.

And, especially tomorrow: my birthday, which I made no effort to mention to my friends. My tenth birthday was the day I met Pikachu. And, unless he and Charizard miraculously appear on Aunt V's doorstep, I'm not celebrating this year.

The first time I met Connor, he'd been wearing a shirt that said, "I like big boobs and I cannot lie." When Korou introduced the man as his husband, I was extremely confused. Connor had laughed at my expression and explained that he "enjoyed messing with your gaydar." I still have no idea what that means, but I'd instantly liked the guy. Especially when I tasted his cooking. He and Korou co-own a cafe here in town called Just Eat! (the exclamation point was Connor's idea), and Korou has been separating his time between there and working on Poke-X research. I haven't tasted Korou's cooking, but if it's half as good as Connor's, I can see why they're in that business.

Their house is a little bigger than Aunt V's and is surprisingly lacking in decor. Apart from some framed photos here and there, their house only has the basic furniture and electronics and stuff. If I didn't know better, I'd assume no one lived here at all. The house seems kind of lonely to me, but its owners seem content with it.

Of course, Connor's wardrobe, which seems to consist mainly of fun shirts, makes up for it in a way. Today, he's sporting a white t-shirt featuring a sleeping Snorlax and the words, "Please Don't Make Me Do Stuff." The shirt's owner is what one might consider a textbook pretty boy: tousled blond hair, large light brown eyes, soft facial features, and a friendly smile.

But, that smile is absent when he makes his appearance, just for a quick visit before he heads back to the cafe. "So, how was the funeral?" he asks, setting two small red boxes on the table.

The guys and I were seated at the dining room table when he arrived. Our pokemon had huddled in the backyard to have their own vent-session. Personally, I'd rather have them here with us, but I guess they needed to talk with friends who could understand them. It makes sense, but I still miss them even though they're right outside.

Lorette sighs heavily. "It was a funeral. What do you expect? Whatcha got there?" she adds, now eyeballing the boxes.

Connor opens one of the boxes he'd brought from Just Eat!, revealing three large chocolate chip cookies. The aroma is so strong that they must be freshly baked. "I figured some comfort food might ease the blow."

Korou smiles sadly at him. "Thank you, Connor, but I don't think any of us have much appetite right now."

"Agreed," Lorette says. "We'll snack later."

I just shrug apologetically. Sadness is one of the few things that ruins my appetite.

Then again… "Maybe I'll just pick at it," I mutter, grabbing a cookie, realizing that it's still warm, and taking a bigger bite than I probably should. Connor's right; there's nothing like warm, chocolatey goodness to perk you up. Still holding the cookie, and ignoring the identical smirks around me, I point to the other box with my pinkie finger. "What's in that one?" I ask through my mouthful.

"These are for your pokemon." He opens the other box, revealing three pokemon-friendly cookies iced to look like pokeballs.

"Sweet," Lorette says. She turns to me and snorts. "In more ways than one."

It isn't until I look at my cookie, the bite-sized remaining piece, that I realize what's so funny. I shrug again. "A big guy's gotta eat," I say and pop the last glorious piece in my mouth.

"And, we thank you for lightening the mood," Korou quips. He turns back to Connor. "Lorette and I will have ours later."

Connor closes the box. "I figured." He looks shyly down at the lid. "I just… I don't know. I felt kind of weird about not going."

"Did you know Tyrogue?" I ask.

"No, not really," he says. "I've seen him wrestle, but we never really interacted. But, Sarge and you guys and…" Suddenly, his voices softens. "But, then I think of Dachsbun, and-" He shakes his head. "I-I don't know. Am I being weird?"

Korou sighs. "It's a weird situation all around, hun."

"Who's Dachsbun?" I ask. Then, I see the flash of pain on Connor's face and regret asking. "Sorry. Uh, nevermind."

"No, it's alright," Connor says solemnly. "Dachsbun was my pokemon." Was. Not is. Was. Now, I really regret asking. Connor pulls up a chair and rests his arms on the table. Korou reaches over and takes his hand. "He got really sick, and…well."

"Ah, man. I'm sorry," I say because what else can I say? Pikachu and Charizard may be gone, but at least I know they aren't gone gone. My pokemon are my family. I can't fathom losing them that way.

Come to think of it, Torkoal was pretty old when I caught him, and that was years ago. And, he's not the only one getting on in years. God, why am I thinking about this?

"It's fine," Connor says. "It's been two years. The ache's dulled, but…" His voice gets quiet again. "I guess this is just…bringing back some stuff, you know?"

So, that's why he didn't come. I can't say I blame him. I don't know if I could go either. My hand meets the three pokeballs strapped to my belt.

"I remember Dachsbun," Lorette says with a nostalgic smile. "He was a lot of fun. Used to play with Electrode all the time. Well, Voltorb, I should say." She huffs.a laugh. "Used to roll Voltorb all over the place like a regular ball."

Korou chuckles. "And then freak out when Voltorb exploded."

Connor grins with tears in his eyes. "He never learned."

My hand tightens around my pokeballs.

'Dachsbun: the dog pokemon. A fairy-type. It gives off a pleasant aroma that helps wheat grow, making it a common partner for farmers. Its skin hardens when exposed to intense heat.'

The image on the pokedex is of a brown, quadrupedal pokemon that is apparently not much larger than Pikachu. It has a pronounced snout, round ears that hang limply on the sides of its head, and a tail that bares an odd resemblance to a hairy sweet roll. So, this is Connor's old partner. I wish I could have met him.

I sigh heavily, stick my pokedex back in my pocket, and lean back on Aunt V's couch. Gardevoir is beside me, nibbling on Connor's pokeball cookie half-heartedly, as if just looking for something to do. He's as listless as I am.

"This sucks," I say just to fill the silence. Gardevoir makes an agreeing sound.

Tyrogue is far from the last victim, I know. More research facilities opened up and hired their own field workers like me, Korou, and Lorette. Word is that Poke-X is spreading farther from the areas around Lavender Town. I hope Zapdos and Electrode Hoard are doing okay. I hope Pikachu and Charizard are far, far away from those areas. I hope they found each other. I know they would want to be together.

Even if they don't want to be with me.

I push the thought away and try to focus on the here and now. "Do you think we're doing enough?" Gardevoir looks at me and chews on his last mouthful. "Poke-X, I mean. I know it's spreading slowly, but it's still spreading, you know? It just feels like no one's making any progress."

Gardevoir chirps and spreads his arms out wide.

"I know more people are working on it. But, is it enough?"

Tyrogue was merely a bitter taste of what was to come. The guys were right; it's far worse in person than it is on a computer screen.

As soon as Gardevoir and I returned from the power plant, Aunt V had practically thrown me inside. A sickly pokemon had somehow gotten into the house, and poor Aunt V looked like she was struggling not to have a heart attack. I'd ordered - yes, ordered - Gardevoir to wait outside and he obeyed but I could tell he wasn't happy about it. I don't like invoking the "Gardevoir instinctively obey their trainer's commands" thing, but I wasn't willing to risk him getting sick. It's one thing having him with me out in the open. It's another having him surrounded by walls and minimal exits. Looking back, he probably would have stayed in his pokeball if I'd told him to, but I think that would have driven him just as crazy.

Aunt V led me to the kitchen, which was a total mess of broken things and spilled over food and a dark red substance that had to be pokemon blood. The back door was wide open, and Aunt V confessed that she must not have closed it all the way. That's probably how the pokemon got in. A blast of electricity blazed through me before I saw Thundershock's user. At first, I was thankful that Pikachu's constant "love shocks" had made me all but immune to electrocution.

But, then I saw the pokemon.

A Pichu. Out of all the pokemon in the world. A god. Damn. Pichu.

If it had been a Pikachu, I might have seriously snapped. Didn't stop my heart from seizing in my chest.

Pichu are about half the size of their evolved form without their huge diamond-shaped ears. They have large pink circles on their cheeks, mitten-like hands, and a small black tail. Seeing the fuzzy yellow bundle roll out of the cabinet under the sink should have been a cute and funny sight.

There was nothing cute or funny about this.

The Pichu writhed and squealed and rolled through the debris, trailing blood from the cuts littering her body and shooting lightning at odd intervals. She even shocked herself a few times. It's common for Pichu to zap themselves by accident, but I had a feeling she was doing it on purpose here.

All of that would have been bad enough. But, the tip of her ear was missing and her tail was lying on the floor. The cabinet she'd fallen out of was where Aunt V kept her cleaning supplies, and I prayed to God and Arceus and whoever else that she hadn't swallowed anything.

I'd finally broken out of my stupor when she bit into her arm and started pulling on her skin.

"Get my transporter," I commanded, turning my hat around. "It's on my nightstand."

"You didn't bring it with you?" Aunt V asked incredulously.

"I didn't think I'd need it." But, I decided to wear it from that point on. She started wearing one as well after that.

Aunt V ran upstairs, muttering about how she could have dealt with this already, and I lunged. I managed to grab Pichu before she could damage herself further and squish the poor thing against me, forcing her to hold still until help arrived. Her blood drenched my clothes. She growled and sank her teeth into my shirt and electrocuted me and electrocuted herself, something I couldn't prevent. This Pichu wasn't young, but her jolts weren't particularly powerful, like maybe she didn't train much.

She was so small, so fragile. I'd used both hands to hold her down, but she would have been swallowed by just one. I felt like she would fall apart if I moved my pinkie finger the wrong way. I was powerless to do anything but stroke her small, sticky head and murmur false reassurances. And, try not to picture Pikachu in her place.

Aunt V had reappeared and aimed the transporter at Pichu, but I'd turned and blocked the shot. When my aunt demanded to know what in God's name I was doing, I ignored her. Maybe it was stupid of me, but I couldn't send Pichu to the lab in this state. Wouldn't she be even more terrified if she came out of this in a strange environment? Er, stranger than this one, anyway. What about the scientists? I guess they're used to dealing with frenzied pokemon, but what if something happened?

"Let me handle this. And, get the first aid kit." I said to Aunt V, who obeyed but made a face like I'd just said the dumbest thing imaginable. Maybe I had. So be it.

I knelt there on the floor, Pichu still trying to attack and escape, me still trying to settle her, until she eventually fell limp against me. I kept it together even when she started crying weakly into my torn and bloody shirt.

"There, now," I whispered, fighting an instinct to kiss her head. "It's over. My name is Ash, and you're safe with me."

Pichu had looked up at me with wet, fearful eyes that were asking if it was truly over, if he-if she was truly safe. I desperately wanted to lie.

I stroked her head with my thumb. "I won't lie to you. This will happen again." Pichu let out a broken sob. "But, there is good news. I know some humans who know exactly what's wrong with you. They can help you, Pichu."

Pichu blinked cautiously at me.

Aunt V had returned a while ago and had been watching us, waiting for my cue. I waved her over, and she knelt down beside me. "This is Vivian," I introduced. "She's my aunt, and she's in charge of those people. Think of her as their Alpha."

"Uh," Aunt V waved awkwardly, "hello, Pichu." She cleared her throat, switching to a more professional tone. "My nephew is correct. We are working on the cause of your condition."

I nodded. "Will you let us help you, Pichu?"

Pichu moaned but gave me a tiny smile.

"That means yes, right?" Aunt V asks, slightly exasperated. "Can I transport it now?"

"One last thing," I requested. I gingerly sat Pichu down, trying not to wince at her pained whimpers, and opened the first aid kit.

Aunt V raised an eyebrow. "You know they can do that at the lab, right?"

Now I was just trying not to get annoyed. "Humor me and my conscience."

Aunt V threw her hands up in surrender, and I got to work cleaning and bandaging Pichu. All the while, Pichu stared up at me with those scared brown eyes. Patching her up was the only thing keeping me from scooping her up in my arms again.

(Not him. Not him. Not him.)

"That cabinet you came out of," I said to stop my head from going in that direction. Pichu frowned, and it occurred to me that she probably didn't know what a cabinet was. "Um, that hole over there with the-the funny-looking…plastic things?" I pointed to what I was doing a terrible job of describing; there was a good chance she didn't know what cleaning supplies were either. Pichu grimaced but managed to turn her head enough to follow my finger. "You fell out of there. Do you remember that?"

Pichu nodded as well as she could, and my stomach churned. She remembered something from her fit. Was she conscious throughout? If so, how much?

"Those things are full of cl- Uh, human…water?"

"I think he's trying to ask if you drank any of it," Aunt said for me. I smiled in embarrassed thanks. "Did you?"

Pichu barely shook her head. She had been aware. At least enough that she knew she didn't poison herself. Are other infected pokemon aware of their actions? A chill ran up my spine.

"Good," Aunt V said. "That would have complicated matters."

"That stuff is really toxic if you drink it," I told Pichu. "Take some comfort in knowing that you didn't."

Pichu had calmed down by then but didn't look very reassured. There was nothing I could do about her ear and tail, but I finished bandaging her with no further incident.

Aunt V gave me another exasperated look, but there was a hint of love in there as well. She aimed the transporter. "Are you done now?"

Pichu's fearful eyes shot to the small device, and I gave her head a little scratch. "It's okay. That's a special machine that can send you to the lab. They can help you there. I promise."

Pichu looked up at me and nodded tiredly. She didn't care what we did. She just wanted the pain to stop. She looked so broken that my throat closed up. I couldn't speak. I just nodded at Aunt V, and she fired off the transporter. Pichu vanished in the red light, to reappear wherever in the research facility. I wiped my hands on the clean parts of my jacket, stood up, and walked into the dining room. I needed something less gruesome to look at.

Now that it was over, images of Pikachu were flashing through my mind. How he selflessly stops whatever he's doing when someone needs help. The way his gentle nature switches to a sharp intensity when we battle. The feel of his tiny hands clutching my shirt when we cuddle.

And, then the scenes from my nightmares of him shredded and mad with sickness.

"You just might be the sweetest man on planet Earth," Aunt V said, blissfully ignorant of my thoughts. "Also, why do pokemon like you so much?"

I didn't respond. I just brushed the tears off my cheeks before she could see them. I'd already cried my eyes out over Charizard. I refused to break down twice in one day.

I felt my aunt's hand on my shoulder, right where Pikachu usually rests. "You did well, Ash. You did a little more than you needed to, but I get it." I finally looked at her. Whatever she saw on my face made her go pale and throw her hand over her mouth in a gasp. "Pichu. Pikachu. Oh my god. Oh my god. I- I didn't think. I was gonna call someone, but-but I saw you outside and- Oh my god."

"It's okay," I assure, my voice miraculously steady. "It's okay. I-I mean, I have a lot of pokemon. This sort of thing was bound to happen, right? It just…happened to be a Pichu. But, I-I'm really fine. I promise."

I was lying through my teeth.

"Damn it all!" I slam my fist on the couch cushion hard enough that Gardevoir jumps beside me. "What did Tyrogue do? What did- What did Pichu do?" The fight leaves as quickly as it came. I slump forward, resting my forehead in one hand, my other hand dangling off my knee. "What did any of them do that was so bad?"

"Deh vwarh," Gardevoir says sadly.

"It's not right." My free hand curls into a shaking fist. "It-it's just… It's just horrible!"

Gardevoir is silent.

Suddenly, guilt burns my chest. I sit back up. "What am I doing? Here I am, wallowing in my own misery, and I haven't asked how you were feeling." Gardevoir just shrugs. "Same as me, huh?"

He doesn't deserve this. He didn't sign up for this when he asked me to catch him. Why am I putting him through all this? I wish we could have met before Poke-X happened, back when my biggest concern was looking for my next adventure.

"Maybe I should send you to Professor Oak's ranch. You'd be safe there." His head shoots up at my words, his red eyes wide in disbelief. "Don't look at me like that. I know this isn't what you expected when I caught you. You don't wanna see innocent pokemon die any more than I do. You saw a fun, happy person and…" I sigh and rest my hand on my head. "Look at me. I swear I've cried more in the past few days than I have in the eight years I've been on my journey. And, get this; tomorrow's the anniversary of when I met Pikachu, so unless a miracle happens, don't count on me being all rainbows and sunshine. I'm a goddamn mess."

Gardevoir snatches the hat off my head, places it backwards on his own, and narrows his eyes.

I smile despite myself. "I get it. You don't want to leave. You're in too deep now." I suppose that's my fault too.

Pikachu and Charizard are Lord knows where, and now Gardevoir is smack in the middle of the outbreak. Three of my pokemon are in danger because of me, and Snivy would have been number four if she hadn't been caught.

What kind of trainer am I?

Sensing my spiral, Gardevoir puts my hat back on my head, purposely setting the brim way too low. I adjust it and find him smiling softly, his tongue poking out as usual.

Despite my mood, I can't help but smile back. "I guess I'd rather cry than not care."

"Gar deh-vwarh," Gardevoir agrees.

Such a kind, patient pokemon. And, there are other pokemon as sweet as him out there, including Pikachu and Charizard. They're all susceptible, and I'm sitting on my ass when I could be doing something about it.

But then, what can I do? Everything I know about science comes from Clemont, one of my friends from the Kalos region, and his techno-babble, as amazing as it sounded, always went in one ear and out the other for me. My brain just isn't wired for science.

But, it is wired for pokemon.

"I wanna do more," I say. Gardevoir makes a curious sound. I cross my arms and lean back. "I'll be frank. All I know about science is that pie isn't just a dessert. Wait, is that science or math?" Gardevoir's blank stare is all the answer I get. "It doesn't matter. The point is I don't get science. But, I do get pokemon. I'm sure I could learn pokemon science."

Gardevoir tilts his head, his tongue peeking though once more, wondering where I'm going with this.

The more I speak, the more I like my idea. "Since I don't do science things, I'm not allowed anywhere but the lobby. Neither are Lorette and Korou. I don't know about them, but I want to be a bigger part of the action. I know quarantining the sick pokemon is important, but it's not enough for me. I can't even go and check on them myself. The guys and I had to ask someone about Tyrogue, and now I'll have to ask about Pichu instead of walking in and seeing her face to face. I guess it's a safety thing, but it just doesn't sit well with me, you know?"

"Gardehvwarh?"

"I've made up my mind, Gardevoir. I'm gonna learn pokemon science, and I'm gonna talk to Aunt V about helping the scientists study the virus. Hell, even if she just makes me an errand boy or something, at least I'd be helping, right?"

Gardevoir hums with interest then frowns deeply. He places one hand on my chest, right over my heart, and gives me a quizzical look.

I remove his hand. "You're right. Seeing all those pokemon like that, it would just kill me. But, you've seen me under pressure. You know I can keep it together. And, if I have to break down at the end of the day, then I'll break down. I wouldn't like it, but I'd do it." Then, I remember that he can feel my emotions whenever he wants and suddenly find it hard to look right at him. "I mean, you probably shouldn't try to check on me if I get the job. I doubt I'd be feeling anything you'd wanna feel."

I look up when Gardevoir places his hand on my shoulder. He gives me a fierce smile and a firm nod.

I grin and tip my hat to him. "You're awesome." I pump my fist. "Alright. Here's the new game plan. We'll keep doing our thing here until everything settles down. Then, we'll go somewhere. You, me, Pikachu, Charizard, and whoever else. We'll go somewhere awesome that we've never been before! Like, uh, uh, like Orre! That's where Ella said she's from, right? You ever been to the Orre region?"

Already looking excited, Gardevoir shakes his head.

"Well, that settles it. Once everything's back to normal, we're heading out!"

"Gar-deh!" Gardevoir chirps, kicking his legs.

I spring off the couch. "Let's look it up right now. Come on!" Then, I spot Aunt V's laptop sitting on the coffee table and sit back down. I'm sure she won't mind if I borrow it.

It feels good to plan my next adventure. Though Pikachu isn't here to bounce ideas off of, though Charizard isn't here to lovingly roll his eyes at my enthusiasm, there's a sense of normalcy to this. I can briefly pretend that nothing's wrong in the world, that the only thing I need to do is bring a new friend to a new place.

At least, until I set the laptop on my lap and open it. Apparently, Aunt V had forgotten to turn it off, because there was a news story on the screen with the title, "Poke-X Causes Human Casualties." The story went on to describe how a group of four friends had been picnicking on Route 12 and came across two Corphish - shutter - who had been tearing themselves and each other apart. The humans had tried to stop them and ended up on the receiving end of their massive claws. Only one of the friends had survived. She had sustained serious injuries, and her Trevenant had been infected and taken to one of the new research buildings. The Corphish had died of their own injuries. The article then goes on to assure that the blood of pokemon cannot contaminate the river because blah, blah, blah, science.

I can't concentrate on reading anymore. All I can think about is my own goofy, energetic little Corphish.

You ever feel like the universe just hates you?

I check on Gardevoir, gauging his reaction. He is staring at the screen, no sign of comprehension, and subtly glancing my way as if wondering about my change in demeanor. He must not know how to read. Good.

For his sake, I mentally file the information away and… What was I doing? Oh, yeah! I type "Orre region" into the search bar, though the article still lingers in my mind.

We are still doing research when Aunt V gets home, three grocery bags in tow. I offer to help her out, but she declines and brings them into the kitchen. I can hear her putting things away, and she plops herself next to me when she's done.

I expect her to ask what I'm doing, but the first thing out of her mouth is, "Remind me again why you gave me money to buy, and I quote, 'a bunch of cheese samples?'"

"Vwarh?" Gardevoir chimes with interest.

I huff a laugh and jerk my thumb towards him. "That's why."

I had first discovered his love of cheese when I caught him sneaking a slice out of the fridge. When I asked what he was doing, he just ever-so-slowly took a big bite, a gesture that screamed, "What are you gonna do about it?" It reminded me of Pikachu with ketchup. Now, I want to know what Gardevoir's favorite cheeses are. I figure he's earned it, considering how much he has to put up with around here.

Aunt V looks at the screen, which displays information about Mt. Battle (the name alone says that it's right up my ally), and shakes her head with a smirk. "Don't tell me you're already plotting your next adventure."

"Okay, I won't," I quip. "You don't mind me using your laptop, do you?"

"Nah. I honestly forgot I left it out."

I hesitate, then, "You left it on, too."

"Did I?"

"Yeah." I should stop. I should just let this go, but… "You were looking at a news story." My aunt tenses beside me. "You didn't tell me."

Aunt V lets out a breath and looks up as if begging for strength. "Ash…Ash, there's nothing you can for those people-"

"They're dead." The words come out harsher than I intended. I ignore Gardevoir's gasp next to me. "No one can do shit for them!" Aunt V flinches, and I force myself to calm down. "You know I have a Corphish, right?"

"I thought you had a Kingler."

"One of each. And, when I read that… It just rattled me, okay?" My throat closes up for the umpteenth time. I need to get my act together. "I know there are pokemon attacking humans. But, killing them…and, I…"

Aunt V nods sympathetically, a grim acceptance in her green eyes. "It's different when your own species is affected. Everyone's working hard, but we can't control everything. Can I confide in you for a moment?"

"Of course," I say.

"When I saw the extent of Poke-X, when I saw how it affected humanity, even indirectly, I wanted to quit."

Now, that surprises me. Aunt V always seemed like a go-getter, someone who persevered no matter how hard it got. Supposedly, most of my dad's side of the family is like that, myself included.

Aunt V goes on. "Then, I remembered that life is full of the unexpected. You can't plan out everything. Bad things happen no matter what."

"You make it sound like their deaths don't matter."

"I'm not saying that. I'm saying that the world is full of hurt. We can't stop all of it. But, we can try to make it easier. I never expected Poke-X to affect humans." There's a haunted look in her eyes at that. "All I want to do is make the world safer. That's why I do what I do."

I knew there was a reason we were close. I shut the laptop, set it back on the table, and give my aunt a hard look. "I wanna do more, Aunt V."

She blinks in confusion. "More what?"

"More work. I wanna do more with Poke-X." She looks like she's about to protest, so I go on before she can stop me. "Look, I know I'm not a science guy, but I can learn. I already know some things about a pokemon's biology. I'm sure I could figure out the rest."

She sighs through her nose and doesn't meet my gaze. "Ash, I know you mean well, but this isn't stuff that you can learn overnight. It's not just a matter of memorizing body parts. Everyone doing the hard stuff has years of schooling backing them."

"I went to school in Alola."

"A school that taught the basics of pokemon, which you already knew."

Fair point. "They taught other stuff too. And, I've taken online classes over the years."

"And, how often did you do that versus how often you focused on your pokemon journey?"

Another fair point. I'm running out of arguments. "I still learned things! For instance, did you know that pie isn't just a dessert? It's also a number that goes on forever."

I'd felt so smart when I said, but the tolerant look on my aunt's face makes me feel the opposite. Was I wrong about pi? Then, out of nowhere, she asks, "Tell me what dopamine is."

Crap. I hadn't expected a quiz! "Uh…" Think, Ash, think! What sounds science-y enough to maybe be right? "It's a…collision of…" that tolerant smile is still there, and my face is getting hotter and hotter, "bone…density…?" Now, she's clearly trying not to laugh. I can even hear Gardevoir's barely restrained giggles. Either he knows what dopamine is, or my answer is just that stupid. I huff and throw my hands in the air in defeat. "Okay, you've made your point. But, there's gotta be something I can help with."

Aunt V rests her hand on my shoulder. "You are helping," she says sympathetically. "I know it doesn't always feel like it, but you are. So are Korou and Lorette and the field workers at the other locations. You bring the infected pokemon in so that they aren't causing anymore harm. The scientists are equipped to handle those conditions. Your job is protecting those who aren't."

When you put it that way, it does sound pretty important. But, I'm still not satisfied. I shrug off her hand. "I get all that, but there has to be something I can do in the lab. Anything! Even if I just run errands or push buttons or something. Please, Aunt V! Just give me a chance."

Aunt V is silent for a long time, drumming her fingers thoughtfully on her knee. I can smell the no coming, but I don't know how else to plead my case. Finally, she speaks, not looking at me. "I haven't forgotten how you were with that Pichu. And, I'm told that the Tyrogue came in bandaged up as well."

Where is she going with this? "So, I patched them up. Isn't that a good thing?"

"It is, but it isn't." She finally looks at me, a weary resignation in her eyes. "Ash, your problem is that you think with your heart before your head. You can't be that way in the lab." She cuts me off when I start to protest. "Do you know why I asked for your help in the first place?"

"Because of my experience with pokemon, right?" Even as I say, I can already tell that's not the real answer.

Which she confirms. "That was a factor, but the main reason was that I knew you'd show up anyway. I know you, Ash. You can't stand seeing anyone in pain, regardless of their species."

"Well, yeah, but-"

She holds up a hand, cutting me off. "It's not a bad thing, but like I said, you think with your heart. That can be dangerous, Ash. The last thing we need is someone making rash decisions that cause more problems than they fix. I asked for your help because I knew that you would make your way here and not take no for an answer. You'd just go off on your own and do something reckless and stupid. Am I right?"

I'm rapidly losing steam. Everything she's saying makes sense. How many times have I leaped into harm's way to protect someone else? How many times have my friends been held up because I was hurt and they didn't want to leave without me? I like to think I'm more careful now than when I was a kid, but the need to protect only grew stronger with age. I've gotten more than one lecture about my recklessness, but I just can't help it. Maybe my aunt's right; the way I am, I'd be more of a hindrance than a help.

When I don't respond, Aunt V pulls out her ace in the hole. "You're a dedicated pokemon trainer, Ash. You feel a responsibility toward your pokemon's well-being. I seem to remember you once telling me that your pokemon's pain is your own."

"So?" I ask.

"What if Pikachu or Charizard gets the virus?"

My blood freezes at her words.

"Could you keep your cool? Imagine them ripping themselves apart, Charizard melting its own flesh, Pikachu reducing its own tail to ribbons-"

"Oh God, please stop!"

I leap off the couch and take a few steps away, suddenly needing to move, needing to hide the fear that I'm sure is all over my face. My hand has a death grip on my friends' pokeballs. They're alive. They aren't necessarily okay, but alive is good. I feel tiny hands wrap around my elbow, on the arm still latched on to the pokeballs. Gardevoir is purring softly and nuzzling my arm. I try to slow my breathing and use my shaking free hand to stroke his head.

"I'm sorry for being graphic," Aunt V says, "but you need to consider the possibility." I don't tell her that I've been trying not to do that, though the thought is always there. She rises and calmly walks up to me, regarding me with understanding and maybe a little regret. "That's a worst case scenario, but it could still happen, Ash. Could you stay calm if it did?"

Yes. No. I have no idea and no desire to find out.

Aunt V smiles apologetically. "I just don't want you to get hurt. I know it's not what you want to hear-"

"No, it's okay. You've kind of got me pegged. But, um," I add, forcing out the words, "if…if that worst case scenario happens…"

Aunt V stands on her toes to kiss my cheek. "Yes, you can be with them. Now," she puts one hand on her hip and waves the other in front of me, "get all of this sadness out today, because, in case you've somehow forgotten, tomorrow is your birthday." As if I could forget. She taps my nose as she speaks. "No. Sad. Birthday boys. Understood?"

I can't help but laugh. I raise my hand in a mock-salute. "Yes, ma'am."

"Good man. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to check in with someone."

"Who's that?" I ask as she pulls her phone out of her pocket.

"Her name is Miriam Waybright. She's an old friend of mine and she offered to come down here and help us with Poke-X." She points to me. "You know, if you want to help, you could pick her up from the airport when she gets here. That way, I know she'll get here in one piece."

Perfect! A chance to help more! I'll take anything at this point. I raise two thumbs up. "Sounds awesome! When does she get here?"

"I'm not quite sure. She was busy doing research in the Johto region at the time, so-" Her phone vibrates in her hand. She looks down at the screen, and her eyes light up. "Oh! Good timing. That's her now. Excuse me."

She heads upstairs to take the call.

When we're alone, Gardevoir nudges my arm. He looks up at me with a cautious curiosity, tongue out, silently asking how I feel about all this.

I put my hands in my pockets and shrug. "Okay. So, that didn't go the way I wanted. Hey, at least she'll let me bring her friend in. This Miriam must be pretty important if Aunt V wants her to have a bodyguard, right?" I throw in a chuckle so that he knows I really am fine.

Well, maybe I'm a little disappointed, but Aunt V isn't wrong about me. Truthfully, I don't know if I could spend entire work days watching pokemon suffer and keep my sanity while doing it. I really admire everyone who does. Who knows what must be going through their heads while they do what they do? Now that I think about it, it sounds like torture.

I'd still like to at least have access to the upper floors. Just so I can see the pokemon myself, so they feel like they have a friend, one who visits just to visit and isn't getting paid to do so. I know that's what I'd want.

And, if the worst does happen, if Pikachu and Charizard do catch Poke-X, they'll have that if I have to break the doors down to get to them.