Author's Notes: I'm not a doctor nor do I play one on TV. Any medical references are purely by Google... :P And bah to the ff formatting issues. - Nika
.
-.-
.
"How do you feel?" Teyla asked, concerned for the clammy feel to John's skin as she held his hand.
"Like shit." John muttered, rolling with the nausea that twisted through his stomach.
"Serves you right." Rodney muttered from his position, standing on the other side of the Colonel.
"Rumor has it you're doing something stupid again." Ronon's growl preceded the Satedan as he strode up to the bed.
"Who, me?" John winced at the headache that was screaming behind his eyeballs. This is what Jennifer was feeling when she carted Evan's gear across the village? Shit. New respect, Doc…
Ronon snorted. He stopped at the end of the bed and crossed his arms over his chest.
"Right then, Colonel." Carson appeared from behind Ronon, pushing a large equipment cart. "Feel like a wee nap?"
"Only if I get a teddy bear." John muttered, squinting at the cart Carson rolled next to the bed. "What's that?"
"EEG." Carson answered, quickly attaching small electrodes to the Colonel's forehead and temples. "Will allow us to monitor your brain activity."
Rodney snorted.
John frowned at him.
"Ready?" Carson held up the injector.
John nodded, then exhaled slowly, his head pounding with the movement. "Yeah. Let's get this over with."
.
-.-
.
Rodney stood shoulder to shoulder with Carson, eying the two screens. On one, John's brainwave activity, the other, a live, full body scan of the Colonel. The image of a blue skeletal outline was scattered with yellow specs, dotted across the body.
"Wow." Rodney whispered. "I thought you said it was a mild strain."
"It is, Rodney."
"Then Jennifer…"
"Is much, much worse." Carson answered softly.
"Don't tell me…" Evan muttered, walking into the room.
Rodney turned towards him. "Okay then I won't."
Evan sighed, and stared at his CO, who was lying motionless, in the bed beneath the full body scanner. "He volunteered again, didn't he?"
Ronon snorted.
"I'm afraid so." Teyla said softly.
Evan shook his head. "Someone really should try talking him out of these things."
"Yeah, like that would make any difference." Rodney rolled his eyes.
"Ah, Major." Carson turned towards Evan. "Did you bring it."
"Yup." Evan nodded to Carson. "Although I'm a little curious as to why…"
"Why what?" Rodney frowned.
"Nothing to worry about, Rodney. Just a wee test for the Colonel." Carson turned towards the others. "All right, gentlemen." Then nodded to Teyla. "And lady." He stepped over to John, and carefully held an auto-injector to the Colonel's neck. "First the anti-virus." Carson then repeated the procedure with a second injector. "And now to wake the poor lad up."
A few moments later and John's eyes blinked open.
"Ah, there you are, Colonel." Carson smiled down at his patient. "How are you feeling."
"Anyone get the license plate of that bus?" John mumbled, squinting up into the scanner. "How long have I been out?"
"Just under half an hour." Carson nodded, eying the body scan results. Yellow particles still flashed throughout the body's display.
"Is that me?" John frowned.
"Aye, Colonel." Carson nodded. "You're well and truly sick."
"Really." John muttered sarcastically.
"Right. Now then Colonel. We need to kick that brain of yours into gear." Carson shushed the snickers with a wave of his hand. "Major… if you wouldn't mind?"
Evan raised an eyebrow then nodded and stepped forward, setting an M9 onto John's stomach.
Ronon straightened and glanced from Evan to Carson.
"You want me to shoot someone?" John frowned, picking up the Beretta.
"Of course not." Rodney exclaimed, then looked quickly to Carson for confirmation.
"Och, no, Colonel. I want you to field strip it."
"You…" John's brow furrowed. "Really?"
"Really?" Rodney repeated.
"Aye." Carson nodded. "Eyes up, Colonel. You're working from memory."
John had already pulled the magazine out to confirm it was unloaded. Within seconds he had the pieces across his stomach.
Eyes switched from the Colonel to the screens and back again. "Good, good." Carson nodded, carefully studying both screens. He glanced over his shoulder. "Now put it back together."
John completed the task quickly, and handed Evan back the M9.
"Okay." John drew the word out.
"Right." Carson turned around. "And now how are you feeling."
John's eyes narrowed as he contemplated his answer. "Better." He frowned. "Actually." He rolled his head towards the monitors. "I feel better."
"Rodney." Carson looked at the scientist.
"Hmm?" Rodney tore his gaze away from the screens to look at Carson. "What? Oh! Right." Then Rodney stepped up to the bed. "Okay Mister Mensa, if the hour hand on a clock moves 1/60th of a degree every minute, then how many degrees will the hour hand move in one hour?"
"What?" John frowned.
Rodney repeated the question.
John blinked. "One degree."
"Good, good. Rodney." Carson urged. "Give him another."
"What is this, Double Jeopardy?" John muttered.
"No, no, Colonel." Carson nodded encouragingly. "We need to keep those beta waves charged."
Everyone glanced at the scanner and sure enough, the yellow dots were slowly disappearing.
"That fast, huh." John blinked.
"Mild strain." Rodney whispered dramatically.
"Rodney." Carson chastised.
"Right, right." Rodney sighed. "Double one-half of one-fourth of one-10th of 80,000?"
John frowned, paused, then nodded. "Two-thousand."
"Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government."
"Too easy." Evan muttered.
John grinned. "Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony."
Rodney snorted.
"What are they talking about?" Teyla looked at Ronon, who just shrugged.
"Cavemen vs. Astronauts." Rodney narrowed his gaze and stared at the Colonel. "Who would win?"
"What?" John snorted.
"Cavemen Vs. Astronauts." Rodney repeated. "Who would win?"
"Do the Astronauts have weapons?" John asked.
"No." Rodney made a face.
"Well then obviously the cavemen." John said with conviction.
"Oh come on!" Rodney snorted. "Really? A caveman? Over an Astronaut? If they're astronauts they'd obviously have far superior technology."
"Yeah but the caveman's been fighting saber-tooth tigers for years. Living in caves, honing their skills… obviously better warriors. They'd be leading the Astronauts into a slaughter."
"They would not." Rodney looked affronted.
"Oh please." John rolled his eyes. "I throw you and Ronon into a pit, who's going to win?"
"He's the caveman, right?" Rodney eyed Ronon from across the gurney.
"No, he'd be the astronaut." Evan said with a straight face.
"Really?" Rodney looked at the Major.
"Not." John grinned. "Caveman." Then he glanced at Ronon. "Sorry buddy, no offense."
"None taken." Ronon blinked. "What's a saber-toothed tiger?"
"Giant cat. Huge." John held his hands out wide. "Size of a car. With big fangs."
"I get to fight one?" Ronon grinned.
"And win." John nodded.
"I always win." Ronon scowled.
"Against a saber-tooth tiger!?" Rodney rolled his eyes.
"Possible." Evan nodded.
"It is not possible." Rodney argued. "He's like… one guy."
"One big guy." John nodded. "And he gets to be the caveman. You're poor astronaut isn't going to stand a chance."
"Helloooo!" Rodney waved his hands at no one in particular. "Astronauts! Technology. Advanced skills and weaponry."
"You said the astronaut wouldn't have any weapons." John pointed out.
"So, that doesn't mean he can't… well… teleport himself somewhere else!" Rodney pouted.
"Run away?" John grinned.
"Not very sporting." Ronon acknowledged. "I'd rather fight the tiger."
"You're completely missing the point." Rodney muttered, throwing his hands in the air.
"There was a point?" Teyla questioned.
"Yes!" Rodney exclaimed. "There was a point! There's no way a caveman would beat an astronaut."
"We've already proven the caveman would kick his ass." John smirked, propping himself up on his elbow.
"And the tiger's." Ronon added.
"And the tiger's." John seconded, pointing at Ronon.
"Oh for the love of-" Rodney started, but was cut off by Carson who stepped in front of the bed.
"Okay then, Colonel." Carson's voice carried loudly, cutting off their conversation. "How are you feeling now?"
John's brow furrowed as he looked down the length of himself. "Pretty good. No… actually… fine. I feel, totally fine."
"It worked like a charm." Carson nodded, removing the electrodes from John's forehead and temples. "All those happy beta waves have done their job. I want to see you again in an hour just to be sure, but for now, you're good to go."
"I… what?" John sat up, swinging his legs off the side of the bed. He glanced at the screen and the blank body outline. "That's it? Really?"
"Really, Colonel." Carson nodded seriously. "Would I kid a dying man?"
"I… what?!" John's head snapped around to stare at the doctor.
"Just havin' a wee bit o fun with ya Colonel." Carson clamped John affectionately on the shoulder. "Now. What's say we go see if we can wake up a certain lady doctor we all know and love?"