I Remember You Chapter 7
Dean watched his brother continue to rock in the corner, softly sobbing. He realized that he needed to reach Sam. If Sam was his normal self, finding a way would be easy after all their time together.
But Sam was not his normal self, he was a scared, confused and a broken man.
Taking a deep breath, Dean decided to approach Sam like he would any scared civilian that had recently discovered the world of the supernatural.
In a soft voice he started talking to Sam. "Sam, I'm not going to hurt you. I promise."
Dean felt a bit of hope when Sam stopped rocking. Sam kept his face against his knees, and spoke in a muffled voice.
"I-I want to believe you but ….God this is too much. In the last week - God - too much."
Sam stopped speaking and started rocking again.
Dean felt his gut twist. At that moment, he would've done anything to take Sam's pain away. With that not being an option, he decided that getting his brother to talk might help.
"Sam, I can't begin to imagine what you've been going through. Waking up in a hospital alone, and having no memories. That's bad enough, but throw in a demon possessed fake girlfriend and false memories that were planted in your head against your will….well that just plan sucks and would break most people. But you're a Winchester, and so far you've been so strong. I'm really proud of you Sammy." Dean kept his voice soft and easy. It was relief to see Sam once again stop his rocking.
"Dean, I'm not strong. I'm scared." Sam looked up eyes streaked with tears and confusion.
"Sam it's only normal that you'd be afraid. I'm sorry that I've contributed to that fear. Hell, your first encounter with me was far from perfect. I busted into your apartment with guns a blazing and then Ruby and I tie you up. Throw in the assault on your phone, and I can see why you're uneasy around me." Dean gave Sam a reassuring smile.
Sam didn't return it but nodded. "Yeah, it's a lot to take in. I appreciated you saving me and that girl from the demon. I'm just …confused."
Dean slowly lowered himself to the floor in front of Sam. "It is a lot to take in. I'm assuming that earlier you were having one heck of a nightmare. I'm sorry that I scared you. It's just my big brother instinct to wake you when you're having a bad dream. You've had them most of your life and it was just an automatic response. I keep forgetting that you don't know me."
Sam's eyes went wide with fear at the mention of the dream. "It was bad.. sorry that I freaked out on you."
Dean cleared his throat and spoke. "Uh, was the dream about me? I know that the demon said that they planted memories in your head to make it easy to convert you, so …"
Before he could finish Sam started to speak. "Yeah, it was like the other dreams that were planted in my head. I have been a spectator in all of them. I was watching my teenage self in this dream interact with you and Dad." Sam eyes filled with tears as he spoke.
"Sammy, you don't have to talk about it now if you don't want too." Dean wanted to cross the distance between them and give his brother physical comfort but knew that it was not an option.
"No, I want to … I want to know if any of the dream was true. It seemed so real but so did the others." Sam took a deep breath and continued. "We were in a motel room, and I was sitting in a chair. You and Dad were yelling… and then I could hear what was being said. Dad said that I had screwed up, and almost got you killed. That I needed to be punished and since you were the one who almost died, he was going to let you punish me, and then he left."
Dean didn't want to hear anymore, his stomach twisted in fear over what was still to come from his brother's memories of the dream. Sam had started rocking again as he spoke, and had stopped speaking looking at Dean for an answer.
"Sam, our dad was strict and on rare occasions he did put the responsibility of punishment in my hands but it was rare. Can you tell me a bit more? Then I can tell you whether what you dreamed was real or not." Dean shifted uncomfortably and waited for Sam to continue.
Sam swallowed hard as he continued to rock. "In the dream, Dad left. Slammed the door, and it was just us. You told me to stand up and to walk over to the kitchen table that was in the motel room. My back was to you and you told me to remove my belt. I did, and then… you had me remove all my clothes from the waist down. "
Dean couldn't stand it anymore. "Sammy, it didn't happen. Dad was strict yeah and when we were little kids he would spank us with his hand but never… God never like that. When we were teens, small offenses meant no TV for a week or laundry detail. If it was something that he wanted us to think about he would have us run laps or do sit ups. They sucked but he never- I never spanked you."
Sam's tears were flowing again, but the rocking had stopped. He wiped the tears away with his sleeve and spoke. "Watching the spanking was bad, but the look on your face was …. it reminded me of the anger you showed towards that demon and the things you said…"
Dean felt like he had taken a punch to the gut. Anger at the demons who did this to Sam quickly rose in him and he fought to keep it down, not wanting to scare Sam with it.
"God, I'm so sorry Sammy. You know it was lies right?" Dean's voice was husky with emotion.
"I'm learning that. In my dream, you said that I killed our mom…. but how?" Sam face was full of confusion but the tears had slowed.
"Sam you didn't kill our mom. A demon killed our mom. She died in your nursery trying to protect you. And Sammy, I have never said anything like that or thought anything like that. You have to believe me." Dean could see that Sam was pondering what had been said.
"I want to believe you Dean. I need to believe you. But in order to do that, I need you to tell me about our life." Sam's face was set in determination.
"Sure, I'll do that Sam but let's try and get some sleep …" But before Dean could continue Sam interrupted.
"No now. I won't be able to sleep until I have answers."
Dean nodded. He wasn't sure how much he could share without it getting to messy but the kid at least deserved to know the basic facts about his life.
-0-
Sam was feeling a bit more in control. This week had been a literal hell and waking from his nightmare with the cause of his nightmare touching him had sent Sam over the edge.
Listening to his brother remind him of the demon admitting to planting fake memories, had helped to bring things back into perspective. He was still a bit wary of his brother, but no longer as fearful.
He had meant what he said about needing Dean to reveal his past in order for him to trust and to believe his brother.
Said brother was now shifting around uncomfortably. He finally spoke. "I guess I need to start at the beginning. This is going to be one wild tale so I need you to be open minded."
Sam couldn't help but grin. "Uh, well once you've been exposed to the world of demons and actual exorcisms one tends to become more opened minded."
Dean smiled back and nodded. "Yeah, that would be an eye opener. The other thing is I'm going to give you the cliff notes version right now, but if you have any questions now or later, I'll do my best to answer them."
"Sounds fair." Sam finally unwrapped from his tight ball and stretched out.
"Well, we were born in Lawrence, Kansas. Our family was pretty normal. Mom stayed at home. Dad was an ex-marine that co-owned a garage in town. But on your six month birthday that all changed." Dean paused and Sam could see that the events he was recalling still had an emotional impact on him.
Sam shifted uncomfortably not looking forward to what his brother had to tell him. "Was it a demon?"
Dean flinched. "Yeah, a demon was in your nursery. He attacked Mom and left. Dad found Mom on the ceiling with her stomach split open and then fire erupted in the room. He handed you to me and told me to get you out of the house. Dad wasn't able to save Mom and got out just as the house exploded into flames."
"How old were you?" Sam didn't think that there could be much age difference between the two of them.
"I was four." Dean said his voice raw with emotion.
"God that's horrible." Sam couldn't imagine the pain that Dean had to have felt that night.
"Yes it was. Over time, Dad found a psychic in Lawrence, her name is Missouri and while she didn't know what caused the fire she knew it was of supernatural origin and evil. It was then that Dad decided to start hunting whatever it was down and he killed any supernatural evil he found while on his quest to find Mom's killer." Dean eyes were focused in a far away stare.
"There is other supernatural evil?" Sam was just wrapping his mind around the fact that demons were real and to hear that there was more evil out in the world was a terrifying thought.
"Yeah, pretty much all the lore you've heard is real. Vampire, werewolves, and spirits are all real." Dean's attention has shifted and he was staring at Sam.
Sam swallowed hard. "So our Dad hunted all of those things?"
Dean smiled. "And more. He was damned good at it. He raised us to be hunters. You were good at it, but it wasn't your passion like it was mine and Dad's. You ended up with a scholarship to Stanford. A full ride, and for awhile we split ways."
"And this is when I met the real Jess?" Sam noticed that his brother's body had become tense.
"Yeah, you fell in love with her. She was beautiful and smart." Dean gave Sam a sad smile.
"But she died in a fire, was that demon related?" Sam tensed up wanting the answer to be no, but feeling in his gut that the answer would be yes.
"Yeah, she was killed by the same demon that killed Mom. Dad had gone missing on a hunt and I came and got you so we could look for him. When we got back, you found Jess on the ceiling above your bed just like Mom and then she burst into flames. I was able to get you out before the fire took you." Dean's eyes were welling up with unshed tears.
Sam felt himself fighting emotions. In one sense, he felt detached like he was hearing a story but this was his story and it made his stomach twist. "So what happened, did we find Dad?"
Dean nodded. "You joined me on the road and we went looking for Dad. He was on the trail of the demon who had killed Mom and Jess. He had these horrible yellow eyes, so we called him The Yellow Eyed Demon. In the end, once we reunited with Dad, we had a show down with the demon. We had a weapon that would kill the demon and he possessed Dad to get it. The demon almost killed me, but you shot Dad in the leg and it left Dad's body." Dean took a long deep breath.
"I shot Dad?" It was hard to comprehend such an action.
"Yeah, but you did it to save us. After that, we loaded into the car and that's when the crash happened. A possessed truck driver hit us with his truck. It nearly killed me. But Dad, he made a deal with the Yellow Eyed Demon, Dad traded the colt that could kill the demon and his soul in exchange for my life. Dad gave his soul so I could live." Tears were now flowing from Dean.
Sam wanted to comfort him, but just didn't feel comfortable enough to do that. Instead he offered words. "I'm sorry Dean."
Dean gave a small smile. "No need to be sorry Sammy, it was the demons fault for all of this not yours."
"But the demon was targeting me wasn't he? I mean for him to kill my mom and my girlfriend." Sam was a bit freaked at this thought.
"I won't lie to you Sammy, yeah the bastard was interested in you. He had a group of psychic kids all your age that he was interested in. We had met a few of them. The demon had plans for a demon army and he wanted one of his psychic kids to lead it." Dean had brushed away his tears and was staring intently at Sam.
"I'm psychic? How? Why?" This was too much. Sam felt the panic settling back in.
"Hey calm down Sammy. You had visions of things before they happened, but once we were able to kill the demon and the visions stopped." Dean's voice was reassuring.
"We killed the demon?" Sam was trying to stay calm but it was so much to take in.
"Yeah, the demon picked this kid Jake to open a Hell's Gate. We weren't able to stop the gate from opening and a lot of demons escaped. But on the bright side our dad's spirit escaped that night and helped us take the demon down. But now we have all these demons running around and some of them still think you might be useful as a leader. That's what got you into this mess." Dean's voice remained calm but Sam could see that recounting their lives had taken an emotional toll on his brother. He looked exhausted.
"Where is Dad's spirit now?" Sam could see that Dean was having trouble answering.
"He said goodbye and disappeared in a bright light."
Sam nodded. "So if we're hunters, we must be hunting the escaped demons down?" Sam wanted to be clear on what his present path had been before the memory loss.
"Yeah, we're hunting them down and taking down any other bad things we run into. Like I said Sam, this is the cliff notes version and if you have questions I'd be happy to answer them, but right now I'm wore out." Dean started to stand.
Sam joined him in getting off the hard floor. "Yeah, I'm with you. Thanks for letting me know about my past. I know it wasn't easy recalling the bad things that have happened. I can understand why you were reluctant to share before. So let's get some sleep and then what's our next move?" Sam knew he should let it go for the night, but his curiosity was getting the better of him.
Dean smiled. "That's my Sam, full of questions even when it's time to sleep. Well, if you're up for it, I thought we would visit a friend. Bobby Singer is a hunter and a family friend that we have known since childhood. I was hoping that by being in a place that was familiar it might help you regain your memories."
Sam nodded. "So we don't have a home?"
"Sure we do, that sleek, black, one of kind car parked outside has always been our home Sammy. We've move around a lot and spent most of our time in motels, so Bobby's house would be the closest thing to home besides the car." Dean was giving Sam an unsure look.
"Okay, then. Tomorrow we head to Bobby's house." Dean smiled at his response and Sam smiled back as he crawled into bed. Sleep took him shortly after.
-0-
Dean was lying in bed trying to sleep but his mind wouldn't shut off. He was feeling guilty. Guilty for avoiding the subject of his deal.
He should have told Sam. He should have told his brother that he traded his soul for Sam's life, but it was too hard to say. Tossing in bed, Dean finally convinced himself that he would let Sam process what he had told him tonight and in a few days he would tell him about the deal. Time, he just needed some time.
A/N: Thanks for all the lovely feedback! Thanks to my two wonderful beta's sendintheclowns and floralia who helped me in so many ways and continue to help me on this story!