--

"Don't you want to say goodbye?"

Erik gives me a strange look. "Why?"

I stand by the door. "If you don't have one last look, you'll regret it later."

"I highly doubt it." he sniffs, but he puts down his case and wonders into the other rooms. "Goodbye, room." he calls joyfully. "Erik will miss you dearly!"

I giggle.

"Goodbye, goodbye," he drawls, and his voice changes into a song, so that he is singing to each of the rooms. I give him a minute-- I do love to hear him sing--and then I call, "I think that's fine."

He comes obediently to the door as I glance around the main room one last time. Going over to the bookshelf, I stop by the pile of music. I step forward and grab the topmost sheet-- Erik sighs--and push it into my bag. "I'm ready."I announce.

He takes both of my bags and his violin case. I try to take at least one, and he pulls them both away from me, giving me an exasperated look.

"Fine, you can carry them."I huff, and I go in front of him so I can hold the door.

I feel excited for the journey ahead of us. The grief I still hold inside of me of our lost child dampers my spirit, but I can have hope for our days to come. And I am very hopeful.

I still would be, after all the weeks of travel. But there had been one thing I hadn't counted on...

...the trip was very, very long.

And that was the worst aspect of the entire journey. Everything went according to Erik's plan. The boat he had mysteriously made arrangements with was right on time and departed as soon as we arrived. The motion of the waves made me slightly dizzy; Erik spent most of his time next to me, distracting me with little games and constantly humming a soothing tune.

It grew very cold. Erik seemed rather unaffected by the dropping temperature, but I puller out my warmer undergarments and petticoats, clinging to the heavy. woolen quilt over our bed. By the time we arrived on the chilly shores of Sweden, I was bitter towards this weather, thinking longingly of my Paris.

My poor mood did not last very long.

My Papa and I had lived in Uppsala for quite a while, but we traveled around so much that I am near positive that I have been to nearly every small town in the entire country. And I remembered these places.

And I saw them!

We spent most of out trip on foot-- Erik often indulged me as I raced ahead of him, trudging through snow and dirt to get to a certain place that held memories. I found a little church that I recalled faintly, now empty and musty-smelling; I found a little field that I had once sang in, so familiar that it brought laughter to my lips and tears to my eyes; I even recognized a tree I had once fallen asleep under.

"Take it in slowly, love." Erik reminded me after I cried for an hour in a mixture of sadness and wonder when I saw the tree. "You do not want to grow too anxious."

Even now, Erik worries about me. He takes me short distances at a time, and takes great care to see that I get enough food and sleep. Sometimes, when he feels I should be weary of walking, he carries me.

It snows very lightly one afternoon, and Erik carries me so I will not ruin the hem of my dress.

"We should begin searching for a place to live." I say carefully. We had argued only minutes previously after I protested that he needn't carry me like this, for it means he is carrying three bags, a violin case, and myself in his arms (my side was that no person should be forced to carry such a load, regardless of how much they loved me, certainly not through snowbanks, but Erik is unremitting when it comes to getting his way-- and he adamantly wanted to carry me). I am perfectly able to walk myself, and it makes me feel guilty when I know I could be carrying at least one of our packages.

"We are only a few miles in." he answers immediately. "You have the whole country ahead of you to choose from."

"All of it." I agree, watching as little flecks of snow begin to gather on his shoulder. "But I do hope we find somewhere to stay tonight."

"There is a small town coming up." he says gravely. "I daresay we will find you somewhere to rest."

I wrinkle my nose, wanting to ask how he could possibly know that there is a small town coming up... but I have learned that I do not ask why Erik knows the things he does... he just does. My husband is a genius, and he uses his attributes wisely.

As he predicted, we are able to find a little Inn very easily while the snow around us spins with more and more urgency. Upstairs, I glance my window, my fingernails in my mouth.

Erik does not share my concern, but he does say, "I do not think we will be traveling for while. You may sleep in tomorrow, if you like."

I continue to watch the violent storm, and he comes to stand behind me. To see so much snow in this new setting is so strange to me. It is so beautiful... in a sad sort of way.

The white makes a pretty design on the lights sparkling behind it, coming from candles in little homes. The way it materializes almost makes it feel illusory, as if it is a dream. It's so peaceful.

"Christine?"Erik asks, running his hand down my face to grab my attention.

"Look, Erik." I say dreamily. "Look at all the snow."

"You are exhausted." he tells me.

I can tell he wants to pick me up and put me to bed, but I like watching the window. I wonder what it would be like if I had my baby with me now... He would be in my arms, and I would be carrying someone for a change.

My eyes fill with tears at my sorrow, and the beauty of this new world... what an emotional creature I am! I suppose being an actress was a wonderful profession for me!

"You're crying?" Erik asks. "What did I do?"

I laugh through my tears, but I find his face so funny, that I laugh again and again. ""Don't carry me, alright?" I say, pressing my laughter down into my stomach. "You make me feel guilty."

Erik presses his thin lips together. "Tell me what you want, and I will give it to you. You want to walk by yourself?"

I decided to play with him, since he's being so serious. "But I'm so tired..." I say, pulling back and rubbing my fists into my eyes like a child.

He lifts me off the chair and sets me on the bed. He frowns at me, and I know he can tell that I am being deliberate with him. I wonder if he is angry...Troubled by that thought, I seize his collar and cry, "Don't leave me!"

At this, he laughs at me. "What an insufferable woman you are! Crying, laughing, crying again..." He kisses the tip of my nose. "Erik lives for every second you give him. Even the ones that drive him out of his mind."

I like being reassured. His eyes are understanding as he settles next to me, gathering both of my hands into his. "Hush, now. Erik is here. Right beside you, see? He doesn't leave you. He loves you."

"If you love me..." I start, trailing off, watching his face for any emotion.

He waits patiently, perfectly smooth. "Yes?"

I pause. "You'll let me carry one bag?"

He rolls his eyes. "You can carry all of them if you are so desperate! By carrying them for you, Erik was trying to be nice."

"Thank you."

He growls. "You may carry one. The lighter one. You mustn't overexert yourself."

I consider that. He has a point. After all, the bags are very heavy.

"Agreed." I say. "I think we should look up in those hills that you said were coming up. Maybe we could find a home there."

"Wherever."

"I would like that very much."

He sits up, interested. "Really?"

"Yes, of course." I say, tilting my head at his sudden energy. "You disagree?"

"No, no." he says, and he smiles. "I have a surprise for you."

I fix him with a stare, and he looks excited. Slightly wary, I ask, "What is it?"

"Ah, you must wait until tomorrow! Or in a few days, if the snow does not stop." He points a finger at me when I open my mouth. "Can you be a patient girl until Erik shows it to you?"

"No." I say, but he simply smiles. When it is obvious he will not tell me, I slump back onto the pillows and close my eyes tightly. I feel him get up, and my eyes spring open as he retrieves a coat and goes to the door. "You said you wouldn't leave!"

"You won't mind." he answers. "I want to go do this now. I will return before you wake, I promise."

I bite my lip. He blows me a kiss. "It is so horrible out there--"

"Go to sleep."

"Erik--"

The door slams shut.

--