iCan Cope

Chapter 7
iCan't Let You Go

It was Monday morning. I wasn't sure if I even wanted to go to school. I was still a little shaken up over the fact that the entire school now had a picture of my best friend and I kissing. Best friend, girlfriend, whichever, I guess they might as well just be the same title. As bad as I hate to say this… whenever I walked into my school through the double doors, the first thing on my mind was my reputation and the last thing was Sam.

People looked at me as I walked down the hallways. By now, I'm sure everyone, including the staff members had probably seen the picture of Sam and I. I felt embarrassed, although I wasn't ashamed. Right now, the main objective on my mind was to find Jayla. I searched a few classrooms and scurried through the hallways but I couldn't find her. Then I remembered I had a cell phone.

'hey where r u?' I texted to her.

'girls locker room' She replied back. I dropped my phone into my side bag and made way for the gym. When I arrived, I saw the door to the girl's locker room and wondered if it was really such a good idea that I enter. Although I made up my mind in roughly two seconds, it seemed like it took me ten years. I opened the door and walked inside. Luckily and strangely, Jayla was the only girl in the locker room.

"Hey, Jayla." I said. I approached her and took a seat on one of the benches and lowered my bags onto the floor.

"Hey, Carly." She was drying her hair. I guess she decided to take a shower at the school this morning instead of her house.

"Did you shower here or something?" I asked, like I didn't already know.

"Yeah. My brother wouldn't get out of the bathroom so I decided to come early and just shower here." She ruffled her hair with a towel, causing it to scrunch up a little. I thought she looked really good with her hair down, wet, and not styled.

"Bummer." I said.

"So, how'd your weekend go?" She asked me.

"You mean other than the fact that two of my supposed friends took a picture of me kissing my best friend and then forwarded it to everyone at this school to ruin my reputation and friendship with Sam… it was good." I shrugged my shoulders.

"I can't believe they did that to you." Jayla shrugged her head and wore a slightly disgusted look. She laid the towel down and began parting her long brown hair with her fingers.

"Yeah, neither can I. I knew they didn't like Sam… but why would they try and do this to me?" I knew why they did it; I don't know why I even questioned it out loud. It's common for girl's on cheerleading squads to want to be on top. Somehow, cheerleading seems to be a selfish sport. Every girl wants to be the captain. Okay, in most cases, almost every girl wants to be the captain. Usually there are cheerleaders who idolize their captain instead of trying to ruin them. I've never had anyone try and take my leadership away from me. I always treat my squad with respect and I treat them all how I want to be treated. Miranda and Autumn were always the judgmental and selfish girls on the squad. I could tell that without even knowing them.

"From what I think… I think Miranda wants to be captain and Autumn wants to be co-captain. Which isn't going to happen and they know that." She said. She was now brushing her hair and getting ready to pull it back into a ponytail.

"Why take me down though? Do I really deserve that? I mean… I want to be with Sam. She's my best friend and she's the one person in this world I can truly connect with… why would Miranda and Autumn want to take that from me?" I said. I lay my head in my hands and ran my fingers through my hair.

"Well, from the looks of it… we have a very judgmental school. Something tells me that unless a miracle happens, you're going to have to choose between your girlfriend or your reputation. And unless you want to be ridiculed by the school for the next year and a half, maybe you should pick your reputation over Sam. I hate to say it that way, though. This school will make it very difficult on yours and Sam's relationship if you guys try to have one now." She looked at me sympathetically, knowing that I didn't want to lose either of the two.

"I don't want to lose Sam." I could feel my eyes watering up and preparing for the flood. I didn't know what to do. I guess the only thing I would be able to do was talk to Sam about it when she comes over to my house after school.

--

I was sitting in my room whenever I heard Sam come in. She was greeted by Spencer. Oddly, Sam was in a great mood, which comforted me just slightly. I heard her grabbing something out of the refrigerator, then footsteps coming up the staircase. I sat with my head against my headboard and my kneels curled up against my body, held in place by my hands.

"Hey, sweetheart." Sam said when she came in, munching on a random snack food from downstairs.

"Hey." I half-smiled. I tried not to start crying. We had only been dating or three days and I already had to break things off whenever I was so sure they would work.

"What's wrong?" Sam sat down beside me and put her arm around me. I could feel a lump in my throat when I tried to swallow. My eyes slowly began to water whenever I finally spoke up to her.

"Sam…" I started. For a moment it seemed like my voice had completely disappeared. I didn't want to say what I was about to say and from the looks of it, Sam knew what I was going to say and wasn't happy about it either.

"Yes?" Her voice lowly spoke. I hated that, hearing her voice speak so softly and sensitively. It made me want to put my arms around her and say "screw you" to the rest of the world because she was the only thing that seemed to matter to me. Then to hear her just say one simple word that sounds so sad, my eyes gave up on holding back the tears and just let everything out.

"Sam, I'm sorry." I said. My eyes were slowly turning red. "I'm sorry… but we can't do this. Not together, not right now." I shook my head and looked down at the floor. I was afraid to see her reaction. I was afraid to know if she would cry.

"Carly, why?" Was all she said.

"Because they're not going to leave us alone if we try now. I don't want to lose you as a friend… I don't want to lose you again period. I can't. But I can't do this with you right now even if I want to." My face smashed into the palms of my hands and my tears ran through my fingers, I was so upset that I could barely breathe. Who would have thought that I would be like this after only three days? I guess in reality though, it's always been more than three days, I mean… I think in some sense we've always had this emotional connection, but it's only been an official "dating" sense for three days. With or without the word, Sam is mine and I'm hers. I just wonder if I can get her to understand that without getting upset.

"Do you really care what they say? I mean, is this about your reputation?" She said. She was at loss of words I could tell, but I was still afraid to look at her.

"No. I don't care what they say, but I'm afraid that if we keep things like this I will start to care and I don't want that to hurt us. I don't care about my reputation, I care about you. I need you to know that." I tried reasoning with her, but when I finally looked up at her, I couldn't tell if she was angry or sad.

"It's fine, Carly. I understand." Her voice sounded a little harsh, I can't really describe it. Her expression was mixed. Right before I could say anything else, she stood up and left my bedroom. I listened to her footsteps trail down the stairs and to the front door. I wanted to follow her so badly, but I knew that I couldn't.

I wasn't sure if I had made a mistake or the right choice. Neither one felt good at the moment. I wanted my Sam back with me. What hurt the most was… I wanted to tell her that I loved her before she left, but I think her only reaction would have been a hurtful one. If I've ever done anything right in my life… it was being with Sam. She's the missing part of me… and I just let what my school things destroy my other half. What have I done?

AN – So, hope the update was enjoyable : ) I wanted to get this written earlier, BUT my friend needed my help with some SQL crap for his WoW server… oh my god, what a freaking headache! Seriously.. I don't even play the stupid game. And I really don't understand SQL… haha. So I was thinking about this chapter like… all night and I finally got a chance to write it. I might actually have another chapter up tomorrow… mayyyybe. Reviews are nice! : )