iCan Cope

Chapter 8
iFeel Stupid

Five weeks had passed. I was so miserable. Sam wouldn't talk to me at all. I felt dead inside. I felt the way I had felt before Sam had came back to me. I felt so lonely and out of place. The world is lonely without a best friend. I told everyone around the school that what had happened between Sam and I wasn't real. It was just a joke. I shouldn't have done that, but I did. I regret it every second of the day.

I regret not having her anymore. I wish she would talk to me. I think I can understand her point of view though. She was used to not having friends and being let down by those she did manage to call friends. I was supposed to be her best friend, but I let her down instead. I let what everyone else thinks about me get the better of me. But it wasn't just me I was thinking about. I was thinking about Sam, too. I didn't want her to get hurt by them. I guess I should have let Sam decide what she wanted to do, rather than decide for her. That would have been the best friend thing to do.

I feel like such a jerk. The only thing that has managed to keep me going the last few weeks was cheerleading practice. It sucks because cheerleading is what got me into this whole mess whenever I really break it down in my head. I know that popularity and fame and so forth have their price, but it shouldn't be this. I can't stand not having Sam talk to me. She's so alone in the world. I just don't understand why things had to end up like this. I just don't get it. I wish I could understand.

I wonder how she's holding up. How did this ruin our friendship? I've got to get her back. That's all there is to it. I have to get her back and I will.

--

"Do you think the girls are ready to perform the routine at the pep rally this Friday?" Jayla asked me. We were walking to lunch together.

"Yeah. They all seemed to have picked up on the moves quickly and can do them pretty well." I tried very hard to put all of my focus onto cheerleading to keep me from having constant break downs. It was quiet between Jayla and I for a minute. Then she asked me a serious question.

"How long has it been now?" She said. She knew I was hurting inside, but she didn't know what to do or say to try and help.

"Five weeks." I said. My voice turned raspy. I had the urge to cry on that very moment, but fought the urge back.

"How are you holding up?" She knew the answer, but she thought she would ask any way to see if anything had changed.

"I miss her." Was all I could say. Suddenly, my appetite just went away completely.

"She still won't talk to you at all?" She stopped walking and so did I. She put her hand on my shoulder and gently rubbed my back. I just shook my head.

"Nothing I do works. I can't get her to say a word to me." I could feel a hot tear sliding down my right cheek. I quickly wiped it away before anyone could see it except for Jayla. "What am I going to do? I can't do this without her. Life was so difficult whenever she left. I felt so dead inside, and when she came back… I felt like I finally was able to start living."

"You love her, don't you?" She said.

"Yes. I do. Very much. I never would have figured this, but… I have loved that girl my entire life, and I have a feeling deep down inside of me that she feels the same way. That is why I am so broken up over all of this. I just want to be with her." I said.

"Well, if all of this is true, why did you tell her you couldn't be with her in the first place?" She asked.

"Because I was afraid of people tearing us apart and us losing each other completely. But I see now that I tore us apart instead of everyone else." I ran my hand through my hair. Jayla frowned. She really was trying to be my best friend as much as she could, but we both knew that she couldn't replace Sam.

"You can't blame yourself. You were only trying to do what was best for your friendship." She said comfortingly. It helped a little.

"Yeah, but I think I royally screwed up instead. Who am I to make decisions for both of us? We should have made that decision together." I had a good point and Jayla gently nodded her head before coming up with a brilliant solution.

"I think we need to get her back for you." She said after a few minutes of silence. I just looked up at her with a slightly confused look. She just smiled. Jayla had a plan, and even though I wasn't sure of what it was, I think I already liked it.

--

Jayla and I went over the plan about three million times during the week. Tomorrow is Friday, the day of the pep rally.

We went over everything that could possibly happen during the pep rally and made sure that nothing could screw this up, not even Miranda and Autumn. I was lying in my bed. It was roughly 11:00 pm. My brain was rushing with so many thoughts that I couldn't sleep. I prayed that Jayla's plan would help me get Sam back and not make her hate me more instead. I need my world back.

I knew that no matter how long I manage to lie in my bed trying to sleep that I wasn't going to be able to. I leaned over to my nightstand and pulled a picture of Sam and I out of it. It was one of those picture booth things that you get from the mall or somewhere. There were three shots of us on there. The first one Sam and I were making a really funny face. The next Sam kissed me on the cheek and I made a big bright smile. And the last was us with our arms around each other and cheeks touching while smiling so big our jaws almost broke.

I took a deep breath and placed the picture strip on my chest over my heart. I glanced at the photographs every so often for the next half hour, until I finally dozed off and drifted into sleep.

Tomorrow, I will get my Sam back, I just know it.

AN – Well, are you guys ready for the final showdown? I hope so! Reviews are welcomed with warm hugs!! : )