Chapter 18, by Tiggeroo

Meanwhile, back at the ranch . . .

Ben, Hoss and Joe had an uneventful ride back to the Ponderosa. They were grateful to the ranch hands who had volunteered to cover their journey. All the hands were keen to support Ben and his boys as they were a good outfit to work for. Everyone for miles around knew the name Ben Cartwright and the Ponderosa and what a good boss Ben was. People also knew not to get between any of the four Cartwrights either. If Ben ever had to choose between the Ponderosa and the lives of one of his boys he wouldn't hesitate to give the ranch up as he had already proven in the past. Right now Ben would give anything to be in that position but right now they didn't even know if Adam was alive. Ben was sitting in the blue chair staring into the cold fireplace as if the answer lay in there. "If only I knew he was safe," Ben thought.

Hoss was sitting in the armchair opposite Ben; Joe was sitting on the settee, the end nearest Ben. They sat in silence. After what seemed like a very long time but in reality was only five minutes Hoss and Joe passed a brotherly glance at one another that said "Yeah, I can see Pa's worried. We might have made it home safe but Adam is definitely overdue." Joe nodded his head towards their father encouraging Hoss to go and say something to comfort him.

Hoss screwed his face up in quiet resignation to the task ahead. He knew one of them had to speak to Ben and if Adam was here right now he would approach Ben . . . but that was the problem wasn't it? He thought, "Adam ain't here right now and that makes me the oldest. God, please let this not become a permanent arrangement. Please let Adam be alive and safe. Dadburnit Joe, it ain't easy being the oldest. Here goes . . . " Hoss pushed himself up from the chair very very slowly. He wasn't sure why. Was it so that he didn't disturb his father; although it didn't look like the loudest storm would be able to break into Ben's world at this moment in time? No, it was probably because it gave him time to think of what to say to alleviate his Pa's concerns as well as his own. Hoss moved slowly and quietly and sat on the low table facing his father.

Hoss spoke very quietly as he tried to get Ben's attention. "Pa. Pa." When he was sure he had Ben's attention he continued. "We know Adam's overdue but you know ole'Adam as well as we do and . . . well you know he can look after himself and, and, well there's bound to be a simple explanation like a . . . well, like a broken axle on the wagon or maybe one of the horses took a tumble. Maybe they had a rest cos the journey was gonna be a bit rough on Adam with his leg an' all."

As Ben started to turn his gaze away from the cold fireplace to Hoss' face Joe added eagerly "Yeah Pa, Hoss is right. Anything could have happened and you can bet ole' Adam will come through that door any moment now wondering why we are all looking so glum. You know he can look after himself. It's bound to be some stupid little problem with the wagon."

The brothers looked deeply into the face of their father, the man they respected and admired, but most of all the man they loved. They were hoping for any change in his expression that told them he was moving from despair to hope. Deep down they knew Adam could be dead and lying out there somewhere but they didn't want to think about that as a possibility, because they both needed their big brother to be alive. They would face death only when it walks into their lives; they would not face it until then. Until then they would live in hope and act accordingly. But that was the problem; how were they to act? What could they do? They too hated being so helpless. Hoss and Joe look deep into their father's face in hope of the answer to their unspoken questions.

Ben turned to look at both of the faces staring at him, looking to him for reassurance but no matter how hard he tried he couldn't find the words they were looking for. But try as he might he had been here before and every time one of his boys was in trouble he knew. Was it father's instinct? Ben didn't know. What Ben did know without a shadow of a doubt was "Adam is most definitely in trouble and I feel completely useless. I can't say that to Hoss or Joe," thought Ben.

******************

Meanwhile, somewhere between the Ponderosa and the Porter place . . .

Marshal Taylor and Deputy Bentley had kept a safe distance while following the two riders that left Virginia City following a shooting. Bentley recognised one of the riders as fitting the description of the man who had done the shooting and Taylor thought Dirk Farrow was riding with him. Taylor was trying to work out what Dirk Farrow would be doing riding with a gunman when he saw where the two riders were headed . . . to a wagon that was accompanied by three riders. "Oh no," he thought "That looks just like the wagon Adam Cartwright is in." He quickly signaled to Bentley to dismount and they would get nearer on foot so that they wouldn't be seen. As they edged closer they saw the two riders they were following talking to one of the riders escorting the wagon. All of a sudden the wagon stopped. Raised voices were heard followed by gun shots. Taylor and Bentley instinctively put their hands on their guns as they prepared themselves to get involved in the action if they needed to. "We need to keep Adam alive . . . for me as well as for his father and brothers," thought Taylor.

Taylor strained to hear the conversation between Adam and the man he'd thought was Dirk Farrow but now he could see he wasn't. However, he couldn't hear enough words to make any sense or who this man was but Taylor was convinced he had something to do with Ray Farrow and the killings ten years ago. Two men who had escorted the wagon were tied up while the mysterious man was having his conversation with Adam. When the conversation was obviously over, the mysterious man and the third man who escorted the wagon rode off in the direction of Virginia City leaving Adam with the man Bentley recognised as fitting the description of the one who did the shooting in Virginia City. Taylor decided to move farther forward, but remained unseen.

The gunman was tying Adam to the wheel of the wagon. As the gunman walked away he kicked Adam in his injured leg so hard that he almost loss consciousness. As Adam battled to stay conscious he was hardly aware that his leg had started to bleed again as he tried to focus on what the gunman was saying to him.

Leaning closely into Adam's face the gun man hissed, "Well now I hope that hurts real bad! You shouldn't have shot me. That was a foolish thing to do cos your life is in my hands right now." Standing upright above Adam he told him "Yeah, I know Mister high an' mighty Byron Farrow said to kill you once he would be safely back in town where there would be plenty of witnesses to seeing him, but you see, I don't feel like waiting that long. I am also going to enjoy watching you suffer. You shouldn't have shot me and certainly not my gun arm. I will have to shoot you with my other arm now and my aim ain't so good so it might take a few bullets and then you will have to die slowly and in pain. Get it. I told you . . . you shouldn't have shot me!" He shouted.

The next thing Adam was aware of was a man leaning over him encouraging him to wake up.

"Adam, Adam can you hear me? C'mon Adam, that's it. Time to come back to us, son."

Looking through blurred eyes Adam asked "Pa?"

"No son, it's Marshal Taylor. You're okay. I've sent one of your hands to get your father. I am sure he will be here soon. I've also sent the other hand to fetch the Doc as your leg needs looking at again thanks to 'our friend' over there." Adam lifted his head only very slightly as he glanced over to where Taylor was pointing, to where Bentley had the gunman tied up.

The slight movement unfortunately caused Adam's leg to let him know how much it was hurting and he let out a pained cry. He tried to sit up and grab his leg, but Taylor pushed him back down again and started to rebind the wound immediately.

"It's okay, Adam. As soon as I've finished bandaging you up we will get you in the wagon and help you finish the journey you started. Just lie back and let us look after you."

Taylor and Bentley had hardly started their journey after getting Adam back in the wagon when in the distance ahead he saw four riders approaching them at a fair pace. Taylor called to Bentley to be on guard.

"Well, I'll be." Taylor exclaimed as he recognised the men approaching them.

Taylor called to Adam who was in the wagon trying to cope with the pain in his leg not only from the reopening of the wound but also the jarring he was receiving as the wagon bounced in the rivets and ruts on the trail.

"Hey Adam, your father sure didn't waste no time in coming to you. Don't know how he made it here so quick." "Or maybe I do." Taylor thought to himself

Taylor pulled the wagon to a halt. Adam breathed a sigh of relief as at least the pain the wagon was causing would cease for a few moments while his father convinced himself Adam would be okay. As much as Adam was a grown man just occasionally at times like these it was nice to know his father loved him so much and so he resigned himself to the 'fussing' he was now going to receive.

Ben jumped straight into the wagon to see Adam and Adam accepted the 'fatherly fussing' without complaint. When everyone was ready Hoss moved onto the wagon to drive it back to the ranch while Ben sat in the wagon with Adam's head resting on his lap. Joe rode out in front of the wagon with Bentley whilst Taylor and the ranch hand rode behind. The prisoner was tied on his horse and rode up front in between Joe and Bentley so that if he tried anything everyone would be watching him.

Once they had been travelling a few minutes Taylor, who was riding on the side of the wagon nearest Ben, asked him.

"Hey Ben. How did you get to us so quickly? I know for sure even if you rode flat out you still wouldn't have been with us for another thirty minutes at the least?

"Ah well, there is a reason but I'm not sure it's an explanation. You see I was at home and Hoss and Joe were doing their utmost to 'cheer' me up. They knew their brother was in trouble and they were looking to me to tell them what to do. Each of them hates it when one of them is in trouble and they can't do anything to help." Ben paused for a moment as Adam groaned as the wagon hit a rather deep rut.

"Sorry Adam. Won't be for much longer and I'm tryin' to be as careful as I can, but we have to get you home and let the Doc see to your leg" shouted Hoss.

"Yeah, it won't be for much longer Adam. Just hang in there." Joe joined in.

Ben smiled as the boys words reflected what he was saying to Taylor. Taylor saw the gesture and he too found himself smiling . . . smiling. "I'm smiling," he thought. "I haven't felt like smiling in a very long time. In fact it was . . . yeah. I haven't smiled since my boys were killed".

Ben continued, "The problem was I couldn't open my mouth to utter the words that were in my heart. I would have had to have said that their brother was in trouble. How did I know? I don't know, it's just a 'knowing.' Without a shadow of a doubt I knew Adam was most definitely in trouble and I felt completely useless. I couldn't say that to Hoss or Joe. What happened then I still can't explain but I'll try. You see, all of a sudden I knew Adam was okay and I jumped up and realised what we should be doing. I told Hoss and Joe to get their hats, we were going to meet Adam. Charlie, our ranch hand you'd sent back to us didn't have to come all the way back to the ranch as we were already on our way. Could it be that my 'knowing' changed at the same time as you released Adam from his potential killer?" asked Ben

When Ben received no response he looked up at Taylor, who was staring intently at father and son in the wagon. As their eyes connected it was as if Taylor was letting Ben into his deepest thoughts--thoughts and emotions that had been locked away since the death of his boys. For the first time since then Taylor had met a man who appreciated the fact that he had sons who are living; he loved them, cared for them and had such a bond with them that he instinctively knew when they were in trouble and would do anything to help them. As Taylor looked deeply into Ben's eyes he hoped Ben could read his thoughts. "I once was a man . . . no, a father like you. I loved and cared for my sons the way you do. So many fathers have sons living but don't care or love them and that hurts me to see. I feel like getting hold of them and shaking them . . . don't they see what they have? But you, Ben Cartwright, you're a man after my own heart. I thought bringing Ray Farrow to justice would bring me peace about my boys. I have just realised I was so wrong. I am so glad I was there to help your son today. I thought I was saving him for you and his brothers. While that is true, what I didn't realise was that in saving him I have also saved myself. The anger has gone. I have lost the guilt I felt about my boys as I have helped you. I am so delighted to see Adam safe with you again. Ray Farrow still has to come to justice for civilisation not me. Part of me is at peace now. Thank you Ben. Thank you Adam."

Ben was aware of the peace he could see in Taylor's eyes. A peace he had not seen before.

"I see a reflection of myself as I look at you. The only difference is my sons are living and yours are not. I am so sorry you were not able to save your sons but I thank you from the bottom of my heart for being there to save mine."

As they continued on their way back to the Ponderosa no one spoke a word. Ben and Taylor continued deep in their own thoughts. As Ben looked into his injured, but alive son's face he remembered reading a poem that Adam had found when one of Joe's young friends had died called God's Lent Child.

I'll lend you for a little while a child of mine," God said
"for you to love the while he lives, and mourn for when he's dead.
It may be six or seven years or forty two or three.
But will you, till I call him back, take care of him for me?

He'll bring his charms to gladden you and – (should his stay be brief) –
You'll have his lovely memories as a solace for your grief.

I cannot promise he will stay, since all from earth returns;
But there are lessons taught below I want this child to learn.
I've looked the whole world over in my search for teachers true
And from the things that crowd life's lane I have chosen you.

Now will you give him all your love? Not think the labor vain?
Nor hate me when I come to take this Lent Child back again?"

I fancied that I heard them say –"Dear Lord, Thy will be done
For all the joys Thy child will bring the risk of grief we'll run.
We will shelter him with tenderness, we'll love him while we may
And for the happiness we've known forever grateful stay.

But should Thy angel call for him, much sooner than we've planned,
We'll brave the bitter grief that comes and try to understand."

- Author Unknown

"I think you have started to understand Taylor. When we get back I will slip it into Taylor's jacket pocket," Ben decided.