Ch. 17

"I believe I will go next." said Robin, stepping forward.

"Then I am your opponent." Shino stepped forward as well.

"May I ask your name? It is only fair, since you already know mine."

"I am Aburame Shino."

"Ah. Well then, Aburame-kun, I must tell you that I expect to win. By any means necessary." Slowly, her arms rose until they crossed her chest.

"I as well. We of the Aburame clan have a way. Even if our opponent is a small bug, we will not underestimate it." His hands left their pockets as he raised his arms like a maestro preparing to conduct an orchestra.

First one, then another, then dozens and hundreds of insects exited his sleeves, swarming over his hands to take to the air when they reached his fingertips. Then he vanished. He reappeared across the canyon, only to disappear again. He kept it up, appearing and disappearing in intervals too short to be tracked easily. Robin merely stood there, eyes flickering about, trying to track Shino as he used the ninjutsu shunshin to keep out of her sight. It was far more difficult than she would have thought. He appeared just long enough to catch her eye before disappearing again. She had to be able to see something to use her Hana-Hana power on it. Suddenly, he appeared directly in front of her, and so close that she was startled. Reacting instinctively, she leaned backwards as he swung a punch at her, causing him to miss by mere millimeters.

"Seis Fleur!" she said, and six arms sprouted from her own, wrapping around him so that he could not escape again.

The arms began constricting him, squeezing tighter and tighter in an effort to suffocate him. Robin wanted him to pass out; she didn't want to kill him. But she would win, as she had said, by any means necessary. She squeezed tighter still; surprised that he hadn't yet changed expression. Suddenly something snapped, and her grip had a lot more slack than it should have. Then he dissolved in her arms, breaking up into thousands of pieces, which turned out to be bugs. Her extra arms disappeared as she tried to leap back and away, but the insects swarmed over her in a wave, covering her in a squirming mass of little bug bodies.

"WAAAAAAGH!! That's so GROSS!!" shrieked Nami and Sanji in tandem, clinging to each other.

"Yuck, I hate bugs!" said Sanji, not even caring that he was embracing Nami, though he'd remember it happily later.

"Ew, ew, EEYEW!!" agreed Nami, not even caring that she was embracing Sanji, though she'd remember it with annoyance later.

"Geez, it's not that bad." Usopp said. "It's actually kind of cool, in a creepy way."

Slowly the mass of bugs that was Robin sank to the ground, and the insects left her, swarming up into the air. They descended again when Shino stepped out from behind a large boulder. Upon reaching him, they disappeared back into his sleeves.

"Ahh! Robin-chan! Are you okay?" Sanji ran over to her and knelt by her side. "Teme … Robin-chan had better not be hurt."

"What? What-what?" Luffy stared at Shino. "How did you do that? You were a pile of bugs!"

"Mushi Bunshin no Jutsu. Bug Clone technique; it wasn't really me. She'll be fine. Kikai mushi feed on chakra, but they stopped when she passed out. She is merely unconscious." replied Shino, as calm as ever. "I believe this qualifies as a win on my part. Pick your next challenger." He turned and walked back to his companions.

Sanji stood up from where he had been kneeling next to Robin's still form. "I'll go next." he said. "I'm going to avenge Robin-chan."

"Oi, Sanji. She's not dead or anything, you know." Usopp interjected. "So it's not really avenging…"

"Shut up!" Sanji looked offended. "I'm avenging her honor when she lost! Besides, those bugs were nasty! She shouldn't have had to go through that!"

"They weren't that bad."

"So long as you've chosen the next challenger, it doesn't matter what your reasons are." Shikamaru stated casually. Shino hadn't reacted when he'd heard Sanji call his insects nasty. He knew that was what most people thought. However, his kikai mushi and ability to use the shunshin so well was why Shikamaru had chosen him to be Robin's opponent. He had told all of the shinobi who they were to fight, if it came to that, back when the pirates had first arrived.

"Yosha! I, Uzumaki Naruto, the man who will become the next Hokage, will be your opponent!!" Naruto jumped forward, raising one hand with the index finger pointed at Sanji.

Just… like… Luffy… thought Sanji. Shit, I hope he's not made of rubber…

"Naruto? Naruto? Isn't that fish-cakes? Yum! Sanji! I want some Naruto!" Luffy said with his (typical) stupid grin.

"Baka!" snapped Sanji "I'm busy you moron!"

"Heehee!" Naruto grinned. "I bet I win pretty quick!"

"Not likely." replied Sanji. "For doing that to Robin-chan… I will never forgive you guys!"

Whoa… he's pretty intense. thought Naruto.

Suddenly Sanji spun around to face his own side, aspect completely changed. His visible eye had become a pulsing red heart. "Nami-swan! Are you watching me?"

Maybe not…

"Yes, yes, I'm watching you. Now go fight him already. And you had better win!" the redheaded navigator responded with her usual attitude.

"Uh… are you ready?" Naruto asked, the look on his face unsure.

Sanji turned back around, serious once more. "Yeah. I'm ready."

"Good, 'cause I was just waiting to kick your ass!" Naruto yelled as he charged the blonde cook.

Sanji dodged his first punch easily, and then stood there casually as he lit his cigarette. Blowing out a smoke ring, he said, "Is that all you've got? I thought you were going to beat me pretty quick."

"I will." said Naruto, grinning. "After all, I've got you outnumbered."

"Baaaka. There's only one of you." said Sanji.

"Not for long. Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!" Naruto yelled, forming the necessary seal. A dozen replicas appeared, surrounding Sanji on all sides. Yelling, they charged simultaneously.

Sanji took a long drag on his cigarette, and then blew it out, sighing. "And I thought this would be challenging." Falling forward, he flipped into a handstand and began whirling, legs outstretched. "Party Table Kick Course!" Each replica disappeared as it had a foot planted firmly in its face.

Nami, watching the rest of their opponents to see their reaction, was surprised to see that none of them looked concerned. In fact, the team leader had lain down on the canyon floor and was lazily watching clouds drift by. The others sat, crouched, or stood, however they were most comfortable. They must know something we don't. He doesn't look all that competent… I mean, even with a dozen of him, Sanji beat him easily. But if they're that unconcerned, then there must be more to him than meets the eye.

The real Naruto hadn't escaped a face-kick either, and was thrown back and away by the force. Picking himself up, he wiped his chin, where blood had trickled from the corner of his mouth. "Ow." He said, grinning. "That hurt. You kick nearly as hard as Tsunade-baa-chan." Then he had to dodge as Sanji sent another kick his way.

Sanji was pissed. His kicks had been compared to an old woman's. Not only that, but the kid had said they were almost as hard as hers; meaning that the old woman had stronger kicks.

Oh, yes. Sanji was pissed.

He spun and kicked him again, slamming him into the canyon wall. Naruto spat blood. Sanji spun and kicked him the other way, into the wall on the other side of the canyon. It wasn't normally his way to beat up on kids, but this one's nakama had sucked out Robin's energy with bugs. And he himself had insulted Sanji's kicks. That allowed for some thrashing. Sanji flung himself to where Naruto was just picking himself up and slammed him into the wall again, pinning him there this time with his foot.

"Who kicks like an old woman?" he asked, as Naruto hacked and coughed up a dribble of blood.

"Heh." said Naruto.

Suddenly there was a sharp pain in Sanji's leg as the blonde ninja grabbed his ankle. Sanji winced as Naruto's nails, now claws, dug into him. His head slowly rose, and Sanji jerked back instinctively. Naruto's eyes had changed from a bright blue to a smoldering red-orange. What was more, the pupils were vertical slits of pure malice, and he had sprouted short fangs. "Sorry, I shouldn't have said that. Tsudnade-baa-chan would kill me for comparing your pathetic kicks to hers." His grip tightened, and then he flung Sanji's leg aside like it was nothing. Then he slammed a punch into Sanji's gut that sent him flying straight up into the air.

"Sanji-kun!" shrieked Nami, frightened by this sudden transformation. The other ninja had all stood up anxiously now; even their leader looked worried.

Back at the center of the maze, Watanuki suddenly doubled over, heaving as a wave of evil spirit energy washed over him. Negi, deep in his preparatory magic, didn't even notice. I hope they're all right. thought Watanuki. Please don't let whatever that evil is hurt anyone.

Naruto formed the seal for a single Kage Bunshin, and held out his left hand when it appeared. As the shadow clone used its hands to contain it, a miniature tempest of chakra formed in Naruto's palm. The glowing sphere of energy stabilized, and Naruto banished his Kage Bunshin in a small cloud of smoke. "Rasengan" he cried as he leapt towards the pirate cook, shoving the deadly blue ball in the direction of Sanji's stomach as he fell.

Suddenly the orb disappeared as he jerked to a halt and his hands snapped together in a strange gesture.

"Phew." Shikamaru said, hand together in the same strange gesture. For that matter, his whole stance was the same. "Kage Mane no Jutsu, success."

Sanji landed heavily, but safely, in front of the boy who had so recently been trying to kill him.

"Naruto," said Shikamaru sternly. "Our orders were to stop them, without killing them. If you can't control the Kyuubi, I'll have you lose by default."

"Ahahahahaha… My bad, my bad." said Naruto; awkwardly rubbing the back of his head once Shikamaru released him. Naruto was back to normal again, and everyone breathed a sigh of relief.

Back at the center of the maze, Watanuki stood up again as the evil energy disappeared. It's all right. thought Watanuki. I get the feeling that no one was hurt. What a relief.

Sanji eyed Naruto more cautiously now. While the pineapple-headed kid had said he'd win by default if Naruto went crazy again, he wasn't sure he'd be able to care that he won. He'd probably have been too busy dying to notice.

Beat him without killing him, beat him without killing him… How the hell do I do that? Rasengan could beat him, but I might kill him. He can beat my Kage Bunshin no Jutsu. He wouldn't have any problem with kunai or shuriken either, I bet… Naruto was having trouble with this as well. So how do I beat him? Shikamaru said that what Yuuko-san said about them would be important, so… Let's see… what do I know about him? Naruto thought furiously for a while, and then suddenly grinned diabolically.

"Hahahaha! I just figured out how to beat you!" he yelled, aiming one finger at Sanji in a recklessly confident gesture. "Tajuu Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!" Now not one dozen, nor even two dozen, but four dozen Kage Bunshins appeared all around them.

"This again?" said Sanji contemptuously, hiding his relief. "This won't do anything, you know. There may be more of you, but they're not strong enough to beat me."

"Heh. Maybe not how they are right now, but this is just the beginning. I'm about to show you the move that defeated every one of my teachers, and even the Third Hokage!" Naruto's diabolical grin just widened mischievously.

"He wouldn't…" said Neji with trepidation.

"He would!" replied Shikamaru. "Cover your eyes!"

All of the male ninja, even Shino, clapped their hands over their eyes as Naruto cried, "HAREM NO JUTSU!!"

Suddenly, all of Naruto's Kage Bunshins, in a puff of smoke, transformed into voluptuous blonde women. Naked voluptuous blonde women. Naked voluptuous blonde women in various seductive poses, with wisps of smoke barely covering them in key areas.

Needless to say, this caused quite the reaction. Ed turned bright red, as did Usopp, Zoro, and even Chopper. Al's armor was blushing, if that were possible, and Nami's and Tenten's jaws had dropped in disbelief.

"Sanji-sama!" cried the forty-eight visions of sensual delight as they tackle-glomped him from all directions. They lost their grip on him, however, when he got a nosebleed so explosive that he shot off like a rocket. It was remarkably similar to the reaction Ebisu-sensei had had when Naruto had done the same to him. In fact it was identical, except that Ebisu-sensei hadn't had a canyon wall to slam into head-first.

"Aah! Sanji!" Chopper ran over to him to see if he was okay. "Sanji! Wake up! Snap out of it!"

The women disappeared in puffs of smoke and left only Naruto, back in his normal shape and laughing fit to burst.

"Gyahahahahahahahahahahaha!" He laughed, doubling over and pointing at Sanji, who sprawled, completely unconscious, by the canyon wall.

He wasn't the only one. Luffy was laughing like a nutcase as well, mouth open in his infamous, insanely wide grin.

"Ero-cook didn't have a chance…" muttered Zoro, turning his face aside to hide his remaining blush as he scratched the back of his head in embarrassment.

"No kidding." Usopp agreed, shaking his head vigorously to rid his mind of the image.

"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?!" yelled Ed, Nami, and Tenten simultaneously.

"Naruto's infamous Harem no Jutsu." said Shino calmly, having uncovered his eyes. "I heard about it from Jiraiya-sama."

"Gyahahahahahahahahahahaha!" Naruto fell to his knees, beating on the ground with one fist as tears leaked from his eyes, he was laughing so hard. Luffy sat down hard on his butt, still laughing uproariously.

"I had also heard of it, when Kakashi-sensei was speaking to Gai-sensei." Neji added.

"I knew because I was in class when Naruto performed his Sexy no Jutsu on Iruka-sensei. Naruto told me of his plans to create the Harem no Jutsu." Shikamaru supplied. "I told you to cover your eyes."

"Gyahahahahahahahahahahaha!" By now Naruto had rolled over onto his back, as had Luffy; and they both kicked their heels into the air, holding their sides and gasping for breath between explosive fits of laughter.

"STOP LAUGHING ALREADY!!" yelled Tenten and Nami, simultaneously smacking their respective teammates upside their heads.

Naruto sat up, still wiping tears from his eyes. "I told you I'd win!" He grinned.