Ch. 20

"I'm shocked, really." Nami said. They had sat down to wait for the remaining two to arrive. No longer being enemies, the gathering was generally amicable. (Zoro was still a little irritated with Ed.)

"It really shouldn't be that surprising." Shikamaru sat facing Nami, back against the boulder Shino had hidden behind in his fight. "We came far better prepared than you, and we weren't taken by surprise as you were."

"You mentioned knowing who we were earlier, but our wanted posters just give pictures, names, and reward amounts. There's no way you could have been prepared from just that."

"When did I ever say that that was our only source?"

Nami opened her mouth to reply, and then shut it again. He hadn't said anything of the kind.

Shikamaru continued. "We aren't bounty hunters, nor do we work for your government. We were specifically sent on this mission by Yuuko-san, nothing more. As Team Leader I asked for, and received, information about you. I then prepared very carefully for our meeting. I predicted that a reasonably straightforward approach would be best, and thus we confronted you directly. Knowing that there was a very good chance that you would accept my offer of a tournament versus a melee, I assigned each of my nakama one of you to combat, based on their ability to not only defeat their opponent, but to do so without killing."

For example…" he shifted position slightly. "Ed, being an alchemist and having two metal limbs was best equipped to fight an opponent who used a blade. Despite his short temper, he is a very capable fighter, with an aversion to killing, I might add. He also has a good analytical mind and is not above using a person's weaknesses against them."

Shino's kikai mushi have the ability to drain chakra, and thus energy, from an opponent, and his 'Body Flicker' technique made it difficult for Robin-san to pinpoint him. Her hana-hana fruit power was therefore useless."

Naruto has more stamina and staying power than anyone I have ever known, and is adept at thinking on his feet. He isn't called Konoha's Number One Unpredictable Ninja for nothing. Also, as you saw, his Harem no Jutsu came in handy against Sanji-san. That was no accident."

Tenten is an excellent marksman and long-range fighter, and she has some close-range combat skills as well. It is possible that Usopp-san could have defeated her, but not without great risk of injury on both their parts. His sensible retreat prevented that, and for that, I am grateful." Shikamaru nodded to Usopp, who flushed slightly, embarrassed.

"That's the second time my retreating has been called smart instead of cowardly." He said, somewhat confused. "I'm not used to it."

Shikamaru smirked slightly. "We are ninja. Fighting is all well and good, but if our goals can be achieved without bloodshed, we prefer it." He continued his earlier explanation. "Anyway, next was the fight between the two strategists. In shogi, the one with the better position nearly always wins. I had had time to plan, and had set it up so that you had no chance to put up a fight. In straight combat, you might've won, so I got rid of that troublesome possibility."

Among all of us, Neji is the most obviously skilled fighter. I doubt, however, that he could have defeated Luffy-san without his Juuken and Byakugan. With them, it was only a matter of time until he stripped Luffy-san of his gomu-gomu powers and defeated him."

Al is virtually invulnerable to physical damage, inhabiting a suit of armor as he is. As I stated earlier, I hoped that the reaction to his lack of a body would be enough for him to win. If not, he would have had to do it the old-fashioned way, but I believe he was more than up to the task. So you see, the advantage was always ours."

"Oh…" Nami leaned back on her hands as she thought about that. He was right, and there was no shame in losing, but… "Dammit, I wanted the treasure!" she whined to herself.

"Treasure?" Al asked curiously. "What treasure?"

"What do you mean, what treasure?" Nami demanded. "The treasure you were stopping us from getting to!"

"We were ordered to stop you," Shikamaru said, "because there is a very dangerous anomaly at the center of the maze. We were never told about treasure, and I didn't see any while I was exploring the labyrinth. Maybe Neji did though?" he looked inquiringly at the Hyuuga, who shook his head.

"I explored the maze with my Byakugan. I saw nothing that could be termed 'treasure.'"

"Then, that means… there's no treasure?!" Nami exclaimed incredulously. "We went through all that for nothing?"

"It seems that way."

"Well why didn't you just say there was no treasure?! We wouldn't have had to fight at all! We just wasted a bunch of time and energy!"

"Because we didn't know you were here seeking treasure." Neji said.

"Actually, I did guess that that was the reason they were here." Shikamaru commented.

"You did?"

"Of course. Why else would pirates be so stubborn about getting to the center of a boring, lifeless maze? They could have lunch by the beach just as easily if that was why they had stopped here."

"Then why didn't you tell them there was no treasure?" Al wanted to know.

Shikamaru sighed. "It's so troublesome to have to explain this to you... do you honestly think they would have believed us?"

"Well…"

"Would you have believed me if I had said that there was no treasure?" Shikamaru asked Nami patiently.

"No." she admitted candidly, after a moment's thought. "I wouldn't have."

"That's what I thought. And even if I had ignored the possibility of treasure, you would never have bought our reason for stopping you."

"Really? It'd have to be pretty far-fetched then. Why don't you try me?"

"Sigh… alright." Shikamaru spoke in a voice that implied sarcasm. "Hi, we're here to stop you from getting to the center of this absurdly complex maze because there's a super-dimensional rift that would pull you into an alternate reality. This would cause a chain reaction which would destroy several hundred thousand other worlds and ruin billions of others including our own. Would you mind going back to your pirate ship and sailing away never to return?"

Nami just stared at him. "Are you feeling well?" she asked him with concern. "Chopper is a very good doctor. Maybe you should get your head checked."

"That's why it was too troublesome to try and explain our motives to you." Shikamaru said. "The truth is too weird to believe."

"You're telling me that was the truth?" Nami asked skeptically.

"Why not? Realty is often stranger than fiction. Fiction, after all, has to make sense."

"I suppose so…"

Just then Naruto called out, "Oi, Shikamaru! They're waking up!" Everyone looked toward where he crouched by the three formerly unconscious members of the Mugiwara no Kaizoku.

"Ah! Thanks, Naruto!" Shikamaru called back. Turning to Nami he said, "Shall we see how they're doing?"

"Yeah." They stood up and walked over.

Naruto crouched by Sanji, who sat up, wiping the remaining blood from his face. "Yo, Ero-cook, how you doing?" he asked mischievously. "Didn't hit your head too hard, did you?"

Sanji glared at him. "I'm fine, thanks. And don't call me Ero-cook!"

Naruto grin just broadened. "Then how about Sukebe-cook?" ('sukebe' means pervert, just like 'ero'.)

"Don't call me either one!" Sanji snapped as the others snorted and Luffy laughed outright.

"Nahaha! That works though, doesn't it?" he said, grinning.

"Yeah, Sanji, it's suits you!" Usopp chuckled.

"I don't know." Zoro mused thoughtfully. "I like 'Ero-cook' better…"

Sanji just glared at all of them grumpily. "Oh, shut up, shitheads." he grumbled.

"Everyone alright?" Nami asked, walking up. Sanji underwent an immediate change in attitude.

"Yes, Nami-swan! I'm so happy, you were worried about me!"

This brought forth fresh snorts of laughter from the surrounding guys, whom Sanji patently ignored.

"Who said I was worried about you?" Nami asked, annoyed, when Sanji's visible eye turned into a pulsing red heart. "I was more concerned about Robin and Chopper." She walked over to Chopper as Sanji slumped to the ground in disappointment, a black cloud hovering over his head in a way that everyone else seemed to find most amusing.

"Are you alright, Chopper?" Nami asked the ship's doctor.

"Mm-hmm." he replied. "I'm just embarrassed because I passed out is all."

"What, you passed out too?" Sanji asked. "What happened to you?"

"Oh, that was me!" Al said quickly. "See?" He lifted his head off, revealing himself as an empty suit of armor once again.

"Yeah, that's it." Chopper said, still smiling embarrassedly. "I was so startled I fainted."

"Uwaah!" Sanji freaked out, jerking back. "What are you, a ghost?!"

"I'm not a ghost!" Al wailed despairingly. "I can't help it! Big brother! Everyone's being so mean!" he cried to Ed, who put his head in his hands.

"Forget it, Al. Just forget it." he replied.

"How interesting!" Robin, too, had gotten up, and was looking at Al with curiosity. "May I?" she asked. When Al replaced his head and nodded, she ran one hand over his armor. "This armor appears to be quite old." she said. "Where did you get it?"

"It was just lying there in our house's basement. I used it because it was the first human-shaped thing I could find." Ed replied. Robin was about to ask him to tell her more when they heard a voice calling from above.

"Hellooo down there!"

Five Minutes Ago

Negi finally stopped muttering to himself and looked up, his wand glowing steadily. "Watanuki-san?" he asked. "Where's the portal?"

Watanuki had been idly drawing in the canyon floor with a stick. Now he stood up hastily and scuffed out his picture, but not before Negi got a glimpse of a girl about nineteen years old with a cute, perky smile and long, curly hair pulled up into pigtails. "It's in the same place it was before, Negi-kun." he said. "But it has grown much larger in this time." He looked a little worried. "Will you still be able to seal it?"

"Yes." replied Negi. "But as it's so big, I'll have to use a lot more power. I prepared a good amount of extra for this, just in case, but it'll be close." So saying, he twirled his staff and pointed it at the inter-dimensional rift. "Barrier Shot!" he said, and let loose a blast of power from his wand, which flashed brightly before fading to normal.

Watanuki hastily caught him as he tumbled over backwards. "Must you always pass out after that? Not that I'm not grateful or anything, but it's certainly inconvenient." He picked him up and caught hold of his wand. "Ungh... and maybe you could lay off the mutton pie..."

"Hnn!!"

"It's a valid request! Although I'm the one who cooks it, so it's partially my fault…" he began walking down the canyon with Negi in his arms. "As soon as you're recovered we should use your wand to fly, so we can tell the others we're done as soon as possible."

"Just a sec…" Negi mumbled. "I'm just woozy." After a second he said, "It's no good. I'm too dizzy to fly. But I've still got plenty of magic; if you want, I can power the wand while you fly it."

"Can I do that?" Watanuki was incredulous.

"Sure." Negi replied, still mumbling. "Just think how you want it to go, and it'll do it, so long as we're both on it."

"O-okay." Watanuki said. "How do I do this?"

"Hang on a sec." Negi caught hold of the wand. When Watanuki released it, it hovered slightly below waist level above the ground. "Here we go. Just get on now, I'm powering it."

"Um, okay…" With great difficulty Watanuki managed to sit on the wand side-saddle without dropping Negi or breaking his grip on the wand. Then he turned to face forward and slid Negi so that he was hanging with one half over each side of the wand. "Sorry if this is uncomfortable, Negi-kun." he said. "Now I just think what I want it to do?"

"Mm-hmm." Negi was half-asleep. "I'll keep it in the air, you steer."

"O-okay! Let's go!" Immediately the wand shot forward and up at a speed and angle that nearly threw Watanuki off. "Waagh! Slow down, slow down!" he yelped.

"Sorry, Watanuki-san." Negi muttered sheepishly. The wand slowed to a more reasonable pace. "That better?"

"Much!" Watanuki panted. "Now where do we go… aha!" After a few minutes of wobbling and jerking about, while he figure out how to steer a wand properly, Watanuki got headed in the right direction, and the ride smoothed out nicely. After another minute he saw his companions below and called out to them.

Notes: The reason Negi keeps getting dizzy is because he's sealing up multi-dimensional anomalies. This is a little more draining than a normal barrier shot, and it disorients the magician. This is because when he fires; he suddenly sees two worlds at once, juxtaposed. They are the world he's in, and the world on the other side of the portal. BTW, juxtaposed means "put side-by-side, or layered atop each other."

"Hellooo down there!"

Everyone looked up to see Watanuki and Negi descending on the wand. Watanuki still sat sideways, though facing generally forward, while Negi hung doubled over the wand in front of him like wash on a line.

"Negi-kun! Are you all right?" Tenten called concernedly. All of the ninjas worried that he might have over-taxed himself again, whether they showed it or not. (Naruto, for instance, definitely showed it, while Shino most certainly did not.)

Their fears were quickly allayed, however, when he raised one hand in a wave and called, "I'm okay!" without looking up.

"He's dizzy from the sealing spell, but he's just fine." Watanuki explained, hopping off the wand to stand on the ground.

"What are you, a stork?" Luffy laughed, without thinking. (like he ever thinks!) "If you turned sideways and stuck out your tongue I bet you'd look like a zipper!"

Watanuki snapped at him angrily. "I am not a stork! This is how I look, which is a result of my genetics and a gift from God!"

"Is it?" Ed asked, referring to it being a gift from God.

"Yes." Watanuki replied, not specifying which option he meant, a gift from God or genetics.

"Yes what?"

"Yes it is."

"Yes what is what?

"Umm… no..."

"No?"

"…No."

"No it is? Or no it isn't?"

"Yes."

"Look, it's a simple question! Is it or isn't it, yes or no?"

"Is what?"

"Can you just answer the question already?!"

"Certainly…" Watanuki cleared his throat indecisively. "Err… what was the question?"

"AAGH!!" Ed threw his hands up in the air before turning away. "Forget it, just forget I ever asked!" He stalked off.

Watanuki looked over at Negi, who was still draped across his wand. "I have no idea what just happened." He stated clearly.

"Neither do I, and I'm a linguist." Negi replied. "I'm not entirely sure that conversation made any sense at all."

"I don't think it did."

Everyone else was looking on, sweatdropping badly. WTF? They thought. These guys are all crazy, but they act like it's perfectly normal! Nami's thoughts continued. Then Usopp thought of something and spoke to Watanuki, who had released the wand completely and taken a step away.

"So… you're the magician, right?"

"Oh, no, not at all!" Watanuki hastened to assure him. "That would be Negi-kun there." He pointed at Negi.

"Oh, so that makes you the guy that can see dead people."

Watanuki laughed embarrassedly. "I suppose you could say that. It's not just dead people though. I can see spirits and demons of any kind."

"Really?"

"Sure. Not that I particularly want to, though. They usually follow me everywhere. And they cling, you know? It's like really annoying blobs of slime and weirdness that only I can tell are there, usually. And they make this kind of 'groosh, groosh' noise all the time, blech. It's so freaky." He shuddered in recollection.

Luffy looked over at Watanuki. "You still look like a stork."

Annoyed, Watanuki growled at him. "I do not! Why are you still bringing that up? I thought we already finished that subject!"

"Yeah, but you look like a stork."

Watanuki sighed and, turning, walked over to the side of the canyon. Reaching it, he began to slowly, carefully beat his head against the wall.

Luffy watched him curiously. "Ow." He said, as though stating something deep and profound.